Vegas Baby, Vegas – Swingers Quotes

Swingers is a seminal movie for guys of a certain age and marks the emergence of Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. The movie is so jam packed with memorable quotes and scenes we may have forgotten some… let us know

[on the way to Las Vegas]
Trent: They’re gonna give daddy the Rainman suite, you dig that?
Mike: Do you think we’ll get there by midnight?
Trent: Baby, we’re going to be up five hundy by midnight!
Mike: Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh!
Trent: Vegas baby! Vegas!
Mike: Vegas!

Trent: Look at this, okay? I want you to remember this face, here. Okay? This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.

Trent: So, what’d you think of that Dorothy girl?
Mike: The whole Judy Garland thing kinda turned me on. Does that make me some kind of fag?
Trent: No, baby, you’re money.

Mike: Trent, the beautiful babies don’t work the midnight to six shift on a Wednesday. This is like the skank shift.

[Trent talks a girl into meeting them later and bringing a friend]
Mike: That was so fucking money. That was like the Jedi mind-shit.

Sue: People get carjacked.
Trent: Who’s gonna carjack your fuckin’ K-Car? He’s right Sue you don’t need to carry a gat!

Mike: How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can’t remember where we met. I’ll ask her what she looks like and then I’ll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money?

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it’s like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two’s enough not to look anxious.
Trent: Yeah, two’s enough not to look anxious. But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you…
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I’ll wait 3 weeks. How’s that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I’ll ask her where I met her. I don’t remember. What does she look like? And then I’ll asked if we fucked. Is that… would that be… T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who’s ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.

[playing NHL ’94 on Sega Genesis
Trent: I wish they still had fights in this game so I could bitch-slap Wayne.
Mike: What? They don’t have fighting anymore?
Trent: Doesn’t that suck?
Mike: Why’d they get rid of the fighting? It was the best part of the old version.
Sue: I think kids were hittin’ each other or somethin’, man.
Trent: Yeah but you know what, Mike? You can make their heads bleed in this one.
Mike: Make somebody’s head bleed.
Sue: No man, we’re in the playoffs.

Sue: Pause the game.
Trent: Wait I’m gonna do my thing with the thing.

Trent: You know what you are? You’re like a big bear with claws and with fangs…
Sue: …big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah… big fuckin’ teeth on ya’. And she’s just like this little bunny, who’s just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda… you know, you got these claws and you’re staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you’re thinking, “How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?”
Sue: And you’re poking at it, you’re poking at it…
Trent: Yeah, you’re not hurting it. You’re just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny’s scared Mike, the bunny’s scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs…
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you’re looking at your claws and you’re looking at your fangs. And you’re thinking to yourself, you don’t know what to do, man. “I don’t know how to kill the bunny.” With *this* you don’t know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You’re like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you’re not just like fucking with me?
Trent: No I’m not fucking with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.

Trent: Um… a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it.

Trent: Baby, that was money! Tell me that wasn’t money.
Mike: That was so demeaning.
Trent: She smiled, baby.
Mike: I can’t believe what an asshole you are.
Trent: Did she, or did she not smile.
Mike: She was smiling at what an asshole you are.
Trent: She was smiling at how money I am, baby.

Trent: You’re so money and you don’t even know it!

(calling Nikki)
Mike: Hi, uh, Nikki, this is Mike. I met you at the, um, at the Dresden tonight. I just called to say that I had a great time… and you should call me tomorrow, or in two days, whatever. Anyway, my number is 213-555-4679 –
[the machine beeps]
Mike: [Mike calls back, the machine picks up]
Mike: Hi, Nikki, this is Mike again. I just called cuz it sounded like your machine might’ve cut me off when I, before I finished leaving my number. Anyway, uh, and, y’know, and also, sorry to call so late, but you were still at the Dresden when I left so I knew I’d get your machine. Anyhow, uh, my number’s 21 –
[the machine beeps]
Mike: [Mike calls back; the machine picks up again]
Mike: 213-555-4679. That’s it. I just wanna leave my number. I didn’t want you to think I was weird or desperate, or… we should just hang out and see where it goes cuz it’s nice and, y’know, no expectations. Ok? Thanks a lot. Bye bye.
[hangs up]
Mike: [Mike walks away from the phone… then walks back and calls again; once again, the machine picks up]
Mike: I just got out of a 6-year relationship, Ok? That should help explain why I’m acting so weird. I just wanted you to know that. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m sorry… This is Mike.
[hangs up]
Mike: [Mike calls back, the machine picks up again]
Mike: Hi, Nikki, this is Mike. Could you just call me when you get in? I’m gonna be up for awhile and I’d just rather speak to you in person instead of trying to fit it all into –
[the machine beeps]
Mike: Fuck!
[Mike calls back, gets the machine again]
Mike: Uh, Nikki? Mike. It’s uh, uh, it’s just, uh, this just isn’t working out. I think you’re great, but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s what I’m going through, alright? It’s uh… it’s only been 6 months …
Nikki: [picks up] Mike?
Mike: [very cheerful] Nikki? Great! Did you just walk in or were you listening all along?
Nikki: Don’t ever call me again.
[hangs up]
Mike: Wow. I guess you’re home.

Trent: All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart.

Mike: Hi, how are you ladies doing this evening?
Girl at the Party: What do you drive?

Trent: I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, Mikey. You’re a bad man, bad man.

Mike: Haven’t you seen Boyz N The Hood? Now one of us is going to get shot.

Mike: You shouldn’t be sorry, you’re a winner. I’m the fucking loser. I’m the one who should be sorry.
Trent: Baby don’t talk that way.
Mike: Can we just go, please, can we go?
Trent: Baby look at me, look at me. You’re money, and you know what else? You’re a big winner tonight.
Mike: I want to leave.
Trent: You’re a big winner. I’m gonna ask you a simple question and I want you to listen to me: who’s the big winner here tonight at the casino? Huh? Mikey, that’s who. Mikey’s the big winner. Mikey wins.

Trent: I’m gonna find me two waitresses here and I’m gonna pull me a Fredo.
Mike: Yeah, well they’re all skanks.
Trent: What are talking about? Look at all the beautiful babies here.
Mike: The beautiful babies don’t work the midnights-to-six on a Wednesday. This is the skank shift.
Trent: Look at all the beautiful honeys here.

Mike: Look, we’re gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party and you’re going to say it sucks and we’re all gonna leave and then we’re gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who’s looking around the room to see if there’s somebody else who’s more important she should be talking to. And it’s like I’m supposed to be all happy ’cause she’s wearing a backpack, you know? And half of them are just nasty skanks who wouldn’t be nothing except they’re surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. And I’m gonna tell you something . Are you listening?
Trent: Yeah, I’m listening.
Mike: I’m not gonna be one of those assholes. Alright? It just makes me sick. It’s like, some nasty skank who isn’t half the woman my girlfriend is, is gonna front me? It makes me want to fuckin’ puke!

Trent: There’s nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you’re money and that you want to party.

Trent: You take yourself out of the game, you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream and of course it’s going to end up on the friendship tip.

Charles: This place is dead anyways.

Trent: I’m gonna make Gretzky’s head bleed for super fan 99 over here.

Trent: Our baby’s all grown up.

Sue: Just because I had the balls to stand up to those guys…
Trent: Like fuckin’ House of Pain was gonna do anything?

[Mike, Trent, and Sue are hanging out and Trent and Sue are playing video hockey]
Sue: This is bullshit, such bullshit!
Mike: The Kings suck in this game you should play another team.
Sue: I took the Kings to the cup.
Trent: Yea, against the computer with the offsides off.
Sue: They are a finesse team.
Trent: LA is a fucking bitch team. OOOOHHHHHHH!
[Trent bodychecks one of sue’s players]

Trent: Y’know, it’s not so much me as Roenick; he’s good.

Trent and Sue: Is he cute? Is he a brown man?
Mike: [Mike pays the delivery guy and then tosses the bags of food at Trent and Sue] Eat, eat, you fucking jackals!

Trent: [Getting ready to play video hockey] You ready hip hop? You ready New Kids on the Block?

Trent: Score Chicago!
Sue: Fuck! Such fuckin’ bullshit!
Trent: [Trent hits the instant replay] Now that was pretty Sue…
Sue: Man, don’t do the instant replay thing…
Trent: No way, you said it was fuckin’ bullshit.
Sue: Don’t do the fucking…
Trent: Well that’s why they put the instant replay in the fucking game! So you can see if it’s bullshit!
Sue: You’re unbelieveable.
Trent: Well you know something, I am unbelievable.
Sue: [Trent shoves Sue] Don’t fucking touch me.
Trent: When I’m not here will you practice?

Trent: Hey! What’re you kicking me for? You want me to ask? All right, I’ll ask! Ma’am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?
Trent: I’m the asshole is this place, right? I’m the asshole? I’m outta here! I’m not eating here… I wouldn’t eat here… I’d never eat here anyway!

Blank

The Top 10 Entourage Episodes… Drama, Turtle, Ari and More!

The season premiere of HBO’s Entourage is rapidly approaching. Vince, Turtle, Eric, Drama and Ari are the real boys of summer and will soon return for their Sixth Season. What better time to count down the 10 Best Episodes of Entourage so far. What do you think?

10. Season 1 Episode 1: Entourage
The very first episode got us hooked, and had some great lines. In the series opener, Vince is living it up as “Head On” is about to premiere, and his boys are along for the ride. We are introduced to Vince’s agent, Ari Gold, and the love/hate relationship between Ari and E begins.

Episode Quotes:
Eric: Could you get laid without Vince? That’s the question.
Turtle: Do I give a fuck? That’s the answer!
Ari Gold: I gotta know what you think, so I can get you to think what I think.

Jane: Look, it’s not like I don’t think you’re cute, but I’m just still hoping I’m going to be the one that fucks Vince.
Turtle: Sweetheart, look around. Vince is gone. So’s your sister and your best friend. Come on, just make out with me, I’ll show you where Vince eats breakfast.
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9. Season 2 Episode 9: I Love You Too
The boys head to San Diego for Comic-Con to promote Aquaman. There, Vince chickens out on dinner with his co-star (and first love) Mandy Moore. Meanwhile, Johnny Drama is reliving his Viking Quest fame. With the help of comic icons “Pussy Patrol”, the boys are able to gat Aquaman rave reviews from a previously angry journalist.

Episode Quotes:
Jesse Jane: Promoting my new comic book, “Pussy Patrol.”
Johnny “Drama” Chase: Nice.
Jesse Jane: It’s just me and the girls. We lick ass by day and kick ass by night.

Turtle: Aquaman’s in trouble, all right. The fate of Atlantis and all of mankind lies in your hands. It’s time to unleash the power of the pussy.
——————————————————————————————

8. Season 3 Episode 10: I Wanna Be Sedated
E stumbles upon Vince’s next big project when Ari dumps an old school movie producer on him (Bob Ryan, played by Martin Landau). Ryan lures E to his house, where E is forced to listen to him ramble for hours about his Hollywood career. It’s also a big day for Turtle, who is waiting for Saigon to sign with him. But Saigon is a no show and in an effort to find their star, Drama is dangled off a balcony and Turtle lets Saigon off the hook for $40K.

Episode Quotes:
Eric Murphy: Remember me?
Ari Gold: One never forgets their first love, E.

Bob Ryan: Is that something you might be interested in?
——————————————————————————————
7. Season 3 Episode 11: What About Bob?
Ari and Bob have a hard time agreeing on how to pitch the Ramones script to the studios. To get rid of Bob, Ari sends him to the wrong studio. This results in both Ari and Bob selling the script…to both Universal and Warner Brothers. Drama is in a panic, as his pilot begins shooting. His “you are not a pussy” meditations are failing him, and he heads back to his trailer to try something else to calm himself down. The passion that ensued between him and his right hand are heard throughout the studio, as Johnny Drama is still mike’d.

Episode Quotes:
Ari Gold: What if I were to tell you that I had a 22 inch cock, is that something you might be interested in?

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6. Season 2 Episode 13: Exodus
Classic episode. Drama and Turtle stalk Mandy Moore to prove to Vince that she’s cheating. Ari is deemed a traitor by Terence and is fired from the agency, and Lloyd proves his loyalty to Ari amidst Ari’s tirade of stereotypes and racial slurs directed at any minority in his path.

Episode Quotes:
Ari Gold: Lloyd, pack up all my files. Pile everything you see into a box. Everything! You see a used condom, an executioner’s mask, and a goddamn spiked paddle… don’t think, just pack that bitch. Chop suey!

Ari Gold: Ernesto. How many fucking pesos did I give you for Christmas? Huh, Ernesto? Every Christmas for the past decade. Half of Mexico is eating on my tips that I have given you. Now, bring my motherfucking car now, por favor.
Ernesto: Sorry, Mr. Gold, I can’t do it. Oh, and Mr. Gold. I’m from Guatemala, and our currency is the quetzal.

Lloyd: I’ve worked 18 hours a day to save up the money to put myself through Stanford Business School. While I was there, I cleaned the cafeteria during the hours I wasn’t studying and still graduated top of my class, only to take a job delivering mail to unappreciative overpaid little cocksuckers. Then to finally get the big promotion that would allow me to answer your phones and be both racially and sexually harassed for the next nine months. But I know the endgame… and you Ari Gold, you are it. So stop your fucking whining, and go into your gorgeous three million dollar house, with your beautiful goddess wife and figure out how you’re going to make both of our lives happen… tomorrow!
Ari Gold: That was a good speech, Lloyd. Yeah if I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.

——————————————————————————————
5. Season 4 Episode 9: The Young and the Stoned
E gets into a car accident with Ana Farris. He’s convinced that they shared “a moment” and so he doesn’t give up when he realizes that she gave him her wrong phone number. Turns out she’s interested…in hiring E as her manager. Turtle is devestated to learn that his favorite marijuana is now extinct. Mrs. Ari is asked to reprise her role on the Young and the Restless, and Ari does not give her the validation she was hoping for.

Episode Quotes:
Ari Gold: [after Mrs. Ari asks him how she would do on her reprised role on Young and the Restless] You left the show when you were 25, and they shoot in Hi-Def now.

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4. Season 1, Episode 6: Busey and the Beach

The boys attend Gary Busey’s art opening where they bump into aspiring agent Josh Weinstein. They leave the opening with an invitation to a hot beach party. Turtle confronts Gary Busey with weird results. When Eric lets Ari know about their disapproval, Ari leaves his kid’s birthday party to have an honest conversation with the pair.

Episode Quotes:

Gary Busey: You are a gut maggot without guts.
Ari Gold: Geez, you’re gonna spin off this planet. That’s great! Keep it up!

Ari Gold: Does your boss know your using his house for a party? Cause I just put a call into him. Yeah, we went to school together. I helped cheat on his economics final or he wouldn’t have graduated so he owes me big-time.
Ari Gold: You know another class I took at Harvard? Business Ethics. I don’t steal other people’s mother fucking clients, but in your case I’m going to make an exception. I’m going to take everyone; your B-level sitcom stars, your reality-TV writers, when I’m done with you, you’re gonna be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog-Face-Bitch-Boy? Call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight pen-stealing fuckface.
Ari Gold: [tastes Josh’s drink and pours it out] That’s awful.

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3. Season 2 Episode 10: The Bat Mitzvah
Vince admits to Mandy Moore that he is still in love with her (while still mike’d of course). Ari is stressing about his daughter’s Bat Mitzvah, and all the boys are on the guest list. There, E meets Sloan, Drama and Turtle find the kids buffet, and Ari theinks that Terence is trying to “steal” Vince.

Episode Quotes:
Ari Gold: Smoke more weed, Turtle. Seriously, smoke more weed.

Johnny Drama: One day you’re lighting up in front of a dozen adults at a Bat Mitzvah, the next your cruisin’ down Santa Monica Boulevard offering handjobs for a crack rock.


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2. Season 3 Episode 6: Three’s Company
Vince and Ari are try to make it work with the filming for both Medellin and Aquaman, but it does not work out. Meanwhile, E has been given the opportunity of a lifetime, when Sloane suggests a threesome with her friend Tori. E agrees to follow Sloane’s ground rules but freaks out when he wakes up spooning Tori.

Episode Quotes:
Johnny “Drama” Chase: Sloan and Tori want E to be the meat in their girl-girl sandwich.

Turtle: I know you’re not a big porn guy, but the innovations since the DVD are pretty amazing. Remember back in the day, you’d be tugging it and they’d cut to a close-up of the guy’s face and you’d want to kill yourself. Never again… multi-angles.

Turtle: [after E announces that Sloan wants to have a threesome with him and Tori] I am so whacking off to your girlfriend tonight.

Ari Gold: It’s too late for sorries. Vince is out. Jake Gyllenhaal is in. Brokeback Motherfucking Aquaman. Take that, bitch.
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1. Season 3 Episode 9: Vegas Baby, Vegas!
This episode has everything! Ari and the boys head to Vegas to blow off some steam. Turtle gets Vince a gig judging a stripper beauty contest, Ari hits the tables, E has a run in with Seth Green, who taunts him about Sloan resulting in a throw down, and Drama has a misunderstanding of sorts with his favorite male masseuse. It all ends with a rumble with Seth Green’s entourage. Classic!

Episode Quotes:
Vincent Chase: So, what you’re saying is that we should go.
Eric Murphy: Have I ever said “No” to Vegas?
Turtle: Be like saying “No” to a blowjob.


Season 6 of Entourage starts July 12, 2009.

Submitted by Lauren