The Ballad of Porkins (the Fat Guy Pilot’s Death in Star Wars)

If you are a big Star Wars fan, you remember ill fated “Porkins.” Not only was he a fat guy saddled with the name “Porkins,” but he died, from, like nothing other then being fat when his X-Wing Fighter blew up at the very beginning of the attack of the Death Star – also known as the Battle of Yavin IV.

According to the Wookiepeedia, Porkins flew as Red Six during the Battle of Yavin, his skills at strafing aiding the Rebels early in the battle. However, when his T-65 X-wing starfighter was struck by debris, leaving him with several mechanical and computer malfunctions, Porkins was hit by enemy turbolaser fire and killed.

Jek Porkins: “I’ve got a problem here.”
Biggs Darklighter: “Eject.”
Jek Porkins: “I can hold it.”
Biggs Darklighter: “Pull up!” ”
Jek Porkins: “No, I’m all-Aaaaaaahhhhhh”

He’s not quite as cool as Admiral Ackbar’s “It’s a Trap,” but, lets remember him for his fat death.

…but maybe his proclivities are to blame…

…and the Family Guy version…

It’s a Trap!

It’s a Trap!

Every Star Wars fan knows a little something about Admiral Ackbar. Admiral Ackbar led the Rebel ships into the Battle of Endor in Return of the Jedi. A member of the Mon Calamari species, Ackbar and his people manned the distinctive warships supplied to the Rebellion by that aquatic culture. Admiral Ackbar developed the attack strategy for the Battle of Endor, and commanded the Mon Calamari Star Cruiser Home One.

Admiral Ackbar’s distinctive look and voice has made him ripe for parody. He has been parodied in Robot Chicken and the South Park movie. I can’t get enough of trying to speak in his voice.  His most well known line “It’s a Trap” is a legitimate internet meme. There are thousands of references, images and parodies found all over the Internet.

The Original…

The Robot Chicken Admiral Ackbar Cereal Commercial:

Admiral Ackbar warns various movie characters of possible traps…

It’s a Trap!

I am friends with Darth Vadar, are you?

Good day people of Internet, this is your captain speaking. No, wait, this is not your captain speaking because Captain Buzz in on vacation probably looting some ships on the high seas.

This is Cuzzy, your substitute poster for the day, you can visit my small piece of blog real estate over at Cuzoogle when you are done here of course.

I am here today to brag about my new friend Darth Vadar. That is right, you heard me. I am friends with the baddest ass in a galaxy far, far away and you know how I know this? Because Digg says so. Yep just the other day I got an email saying Darth Vadar wanted to be me friend. How can I say no to that and not expect to drop to the floor struggling for air. So as fast as the Millennium Falcon enters lightspeed I accepted and became friends.

Pretty fricken cool eh? I wonder if he can make my posts go popular faster?

Are you friends with Darth (that is what his friends call him)? Yeah well if you are not and want to I can hook you up with D with a handy link below.

Okay so without any more bragging, here is a list of the coolest people that I am friends with on Digg. Before you comment and point out the obvious, I know they are not real (or are they?). But you know what, it still sounds cool when I tell my non-Internet friends who I was shouting with all day long. Yep I need to find a life.

Darth Vadar

Already said all I need to on this guy. I had no idea he was such a considerate shouter.

Optimus Prime

Almost as cool as Darth is me being friends with the leader of the Autobots. I have to admit growing up I was more of a Decepticon kind of guy but this works.

Mooki Blaylock

Now this one could either be one of the boys from Pearl Jam or the guy who played in the NBA. Doesn’t matter, they are both cool to me. Nice try trying to throw me off with the spelling.

Eddie Norton

Again a slight change does not trick me. Eddie? Edward. Yeah I am on to you Hulk.

George Carlin

This is hard to figure only because he is still sending shouts. RIP George.

Woogie Hauser

Neil Patrick Harris you can’t fool me. I have been telling all my friends that we exchange Diggs. Can’t believe you did not grab Digg-ie Howser as a screen name though.

Susan Bird

Okay you may not know her but I actually know a little about the WNBA. You go Sue!

Kevin Smith

I already wrote to him to tell him how much I liked Chasing Amy. If only there were more.

Spike Jonze

Always been a fan of Spike so this was cool getting to send him shouts and my ideas for a new music video.

Kevin Federline

Digg has never been so cool. I bet making stories popular helps ease the pain of knowing his kids have a freak for a mom. Keep those shouts coming K-Fed. I always Digg your stuff.


Wow, this could be the holy mother of Digg friends, pardon the pun. My Mum was so happy when I told her I had made friends with God. She told me that she knew the day would come and that she looks forward to me going to church on Sunday. Little does she know, I will probably be sending shouts instead.

Who are you friends with?

Tell us all who your favourite friends are on Digg. Can you top Darth and OP?

If you had even the smallest laugh over the last 47 seconds, I invite you to add me to your Digg list. If not, it was fun guiding you around today and I promise that Mr. Buzz Pirate will be back soon to restore some kind of order.

Thanks all.

These Aren’t The Droids You’re Looking For, Nice Speeder Though!

Finally! A real life, honest-to-god, no strings attached, fully operational Landspeeder! The only thing missing are a few droids, a womp rat assassin, and an old kook with a staff. The Razorback by Axom Racing Systems is the worlds first anti-gravity RC racing vehicle. It hovers a few inches off the ground and is capable of reaching speeds up to 50 mph. It will be available in September for $250. Oh yeah…I forgot to mention its only a few inches tall. But these things can scale, right?

Sure its only a toy…for now. But I am already putting GoodYear on my list of things that are as obsolete as Blockbuster Video. In the meantime, I know someone who is going to love this thing.

Lego Luke

[Axon via Techpin via DVICE via Gizmodo] (who wants to keep this going?)