Washington D.C. – In a move that shocked the entire political spectrum, President Obama announced his nomination to the Supreme Court today, an aborted transsexual fetus. The fetus, officially named “medical discharge compound, serial number 2382A-09” described itself as “honored,” “in constant pain” and “slightly moist.” Where the newly nominated fetus will fall on conservative/liberal views is anyone’s guess. Beltway insiders are agree its too soon to determine whether the decision to approve the nomination will be a “shameful and lonely back alley process” or a “quick and quiet one, best swept under the rug.”
This marks the first time an aborted transsexual fetus has been nominated to the country’s highest court. Although the aborted fetus has no prior judicial experience, it is believed to be more in touch with the common man than Justice Antonin Scalia. Regardless, this is a historic day for transsexual fetus’ everywhere. Quick to call the fetus their own, Republicans and Democrats alike, rallied to meet the press.
Howard Dean (D-VT) claimed that aborted fetus’ “had vision”, despite the thick layer of mucus still covering its non-fully formed eye sockets. “This is a proud moment in our history, aborted transsexual fetus’ have long been underrepresented in our nation’s highest offices,” commented Dean. “First, Obama’s nominates the country’s first Hispanic Supreme Court justice in Judge Sonia Sotomayor and BAM follows it up with another filibuster proof nomination….yeeeeaaaaaoooowwwwww!!!!!” Dean then finished his comments with several awkward celebratory hand gestures and yelling.
“This is an outrageous,” said conservative radio host and noted Oxycontin fan Rush Limbaugh. “The Jew run liberal media is going to let some faggy pile of mush tell me what to do!” When told that the aborted fetus was pro-life, due to its countless ailments brought on by its own abortion, Limbaugh then said he was actually talking about Judge Sonia Sotomayor. “I say Huzzah! to this tiny hero of the Supreme Court.”