Washington D.C. – Troubled Hollywood Hunk and noted anti-Semite Mel Gibson extended his hand, and his wallet as he made a donation of for bags of pennies to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum today. The move raised eyebrows as the donation, although welcome, came off as being actually offensive in nature.
Mel Gibson called for the press conference announcing his donation this past Friday evening, completely disregarding the Sabbath. After much debate museum curator and American University Jewish Studies Professor Dr. Murray Wallach and Holocaust Museum President Rabbi Eli Lipstein allowed the Sabbath press conference assuming it would be a positive for the museum. Lipstein and Wallach also figured that it would be less humid in the evening, and that the museum would save approximately $34.00 on the added PSE&G bill with the nighttime expenditures.
Mel Gibson began, “I know how much you hook nose bastards love money, so, I figured, why the hell not. You covetous, money lending Jews enjoy these four bags of copper money.” A gasp went up over the Hebrew and Non-Hebrew media.
Gibson continued, “Why is everybody seem so Jew-ed up? Let’s face it, its not like the museum is celebrating an actual historical event. Despite the fact that I’m standing inside this museum with evidence of these supposed horrors, I’d deny this place exists at all. My dad was totally right, about you kikes, what with your hats and weird scarves. Ok, questions?” (pointing at the assembled members of the press).
“Ok, you, cream tits,” (pointing at Associated Press reporter Margret Stevenson).
Stevenson, “Mr. Gibson, is this donation in response to the recent terrifying shooting inside the museum by white supremacist James von Brunn.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, let’s not rush to judgment on this American Brunn,” Gibson answered. “There’s no actual proof he did anything wrong.”
Stevenson responded with a stern, “what!” to which Gibson simply furrowed his brow. “Next question. Umm… you, weird hat guy” (pointing at Jewish Journal reporter and Orthodox yarmulke wearing Morty Yinklestein).
Yinklestein, “Mr. Gibson, don’t you feel as if your gesture and comments here are offensive to the Jewish community? This museum is a testament to one of the world’s most hellish atrocities, so that we never forget…”
Gibson interrupted, “Sweet hot cock water, enough wining already…jeez. You people have nonstop diarrhea of the complaining. I need a drink…fucking Jews.” With that Gibson stumbled of the stage and immediately left… he returned 10 minutes later with a full beard and made several offensive remarks about Jews having big noses, the Star of David and Barbara Streisand, and then left again.
Not to be outdone, Gibson returned to the microphone and shouted “Take it!” But not before his last obnoxious offering. “Here, enjoy these pennies Hebrews.” At that point Gibson tossed the four bags of pennies all over the floor of the Holocaust Museum’s event room.
Rabbi Lipstein rushed to the microphone to appologize for the crazed ranting of the Jew hating Lethal Weapon star. “This is an outrage against Jews everywhere! We shall not accept Gibson or his donation.” At that moment Dr. Murray Wallach rushed to Lipstein’s side and said, “well, whoa, whoa, let’s not rush to judgment too quickly here.” Cooler heads prevailed as Lipstein said, “yeah, I guess you’re right.” The two men then hussled to the event room floor to collect, count and enjoy the pennies donated by the psychotic star of Mad Max.