Elvis on the 2008 Presidential Election

Now alright mama before we get this whole humdinger a shakin, the King is gonna need a few things. Hey, Colonel, could you have them mix me up a peanut butter and banana sandwich with Demerol…and… baby toes. C’mon now, I’m the King! Love me tender, love me sweet…never let me goooooo.

Alright now, so this election…hey Colonel, get me my stuffed giraffe Neckers that Ann Marget gave me outta my yellow Cadillac. What? What do you mean I ain’t got no yellow Cadillac. Ain’t that a kick in the King’s keister! I gots me 4 Cadillacs, but no yellow one! Mmmm, this here sandwich is the tops. Hey Pop, go pick me up a new yellow Cadillac. C’mon now, I’m the King! We can’t go on together, with suspicious miiiiiiiiinds.

Now, you know I’ve done push ups with JFK… karate with Nixon… and I may have even rode one of them unicorns with LBJ, so the King knows a thing or two about these elections, Jack. Hey Trish, can you wipe my brow, I’m sweatin’ on my sandwich now. Thanks Dish, now you go upstairs and wait for me in my velvet bed, the King will be up in a few. Hey Colonel, have them make me another sandwich, this one I want peanut butter, chocolate, a chopped up G.I. Joe, the May ’67 issue of Time Magazine…and baby toes. C’mon now, I’m the King! Oh let me be… your teddddddy beeeaaaaar.

So wait, what’s this? There’s a chocolate cat running for president? Obama what? Hey man, ain’t that a hot pepper! I’m all for it! Whoa, whoa, whoa…slow down the groove for a minute here, what’s with this lady Palin? What, she like that crazy lookin’ old guy’s daughter or something? Now, that is a fox, I tell you what, Jack. If I saw her I’d be all like… Take my hand, take my whooooollllle life too, for I, can’t help fallin’ in love with youuuuuuuu.

Alright, so now I think the secret to this here election is…hey wait, Colonel, can you get me some more pills, you know how the King gets when his head gets all to thinking. And have them mix up the King another sandwich, I’m hungrier than Jackie Gleason was right before he ate Perry Como. Now get it right this time, I want peanut butter, a crushed up moon rock, barbiturates, a two dollar bill…and baby toes. I don’t care if this sandwich is illegal, Jack! So help me God, I will kill all of you with my magic sequin karate!!! Ok, then daddio, make with the sandwich. C’mon now, I’m the King! Im just a hunk, a hunk of burning love
Just a hunk, a hunk of burning loooooooooove.

Elvis is a Buzz Pirates Correspondent

Who is the Real Socialist?

Recently, there has been a lot of attention given to Sen. Obama being called a socialist by Gov. Palin. In addition, plenty have called supporters of the bailout (including both Obama and McCain) Socialists.

According to Wikipedia Socialism refers to a broad set of economic theories of social organization advocating state or collective ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods, and the creation of an egalitarian society. Modern socialism originated in the late nineteenth-century working class political movement. Karl Marx posited that socialism would be achieved via class struggle and a proletarian revolution which represents the transitional stage between capitalism and communism.

Lot of words there. People tend to make an evil connection between socialism and communism – and anyone who saw Rocky IV knows how scary that can be.

Well, fear not and meet the REAL socialist party ticket. His name is Brian Moore (on the right) and he is the Socialist Party Presidential Candidate. His running mate (on the left) is Stewart Alexander. Brian appeared on the Colbert Report on Tuesday and was definitely a good sport. The lead up to his appearance was basically a bunch of media pundits and Gov. Palin calling Obama a socialist… followed up with the real socialist candidate.

I think there are some Socialist ideals that are well founded, and socialism has worked well in Scandanavian countries. I believe that the way it works is that everyone is given 6 meatballs and blonde hair, and nobody has to work. Still, I think the US is too big and diverse for it to function properly. Nevertheless, I think its important that major ideas like Socialism that have good intentions get a voice. So, Brian Moore, good luck getting 0.00000000000001% of the vote… I may not vote for you, but I like you’re style.

Obama is a Long-Legged Mac Daddy!

I love me some Obama, and I know that this video clip is dated… but I just can’t get enough of this ridiculous preacher. His name is James David Manning and he is chief pastor at the ATLAH World Missionary Church on 123rd Street in New York City. I think he’s crazy, and the way he says “OBAMA!” is distinctive enough that my man Howard Stern plays the audio clip of Manning saying “OBAMA!” every time the future President is mentioned on the show. Even though Manning has a M.A. and a PhD, he’s a complete idiot… still I can’t help but laugh as he refers to Obama Girl and then feel a little uncomfortable as he refers to Obama’s caucasian mother. My guess is that John McCain and Sarah Palin are contributors to the ATLAH World Missionary Church.

Top 20 Stupidest Quotes by President George W. Bush

With the 3rd debate between John McCain and Barack Obama tonight, it is important to note that we are only a few short months away of ridding the country of George Bush forever. In addition, Oliver Stone’s “W” comes out this week in which Josh Brolin will be doing his best Bush imitation in what is sure to be a provocative movie from one of Hollywood’s most talented directors. If you still think Bush has done a good job, maybe you should open a newspaper or turn on a television… still don’t believe me? Well, then why not take a peak at his 20 best quotes…. There will be no “four score and seven years ago,” no “what can my country do for you”, not even a “read my lips” or at least a “I did not have sexual relations.” Enjoy!

20. “I’m going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I’m smart on the subject.” -, answering a question about a possible flu pandemic, Cleveland, July 10, 2007

19. “We’ve got a lot of relations with countries in our neighborhood.” – Kranj, Slovenia, June 10, 2008

18. “Should the Iranian regime-do they have the sovereign right to have civilian nuclear power? So, like, if I were you, that’s what I’d ask me. And the answer is, yes, they do.” -talking to reporters in Washington, D.C., July 2, 2008

17. “I think it was in the Rose Garden where I issued this brilliant statement: If I had a magic wand — but the president doesn’t have a magic wand. You just can’t say, ‘low gas.'” – Washington D.C., July 15, 2008

16. “Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people.” -Charlottesville, Va., July 4, 2008

15. “There’s no question about it. Wall Street got drunk — that’s one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras — it got drunk and now it’s got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments.” – speaking at a private fundraiser, Houston, Texas, July 18, 2008

14. “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” -LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

13. “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” -Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

12. “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.” -second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

11. “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” -Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

10. “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” -to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

9. “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” -Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

8. “They misunderestimated me.” -Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

7. “So long as I’m the president, my measure of success is victory — and success.” – on Iraq, Washington, D.C., April 17, 2008

6. “The question is, who ought to make that decision? The Congress or the commanders? And as you know, my position is clear — I’m a commander guy.” -Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007

5. “I’ll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.” – Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

4. “More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way.” – Martinsburg, W. Va., July 4, 2007

3. “Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?” -Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2. “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” -Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once, shame on – shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.” -Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002