Tag Archives: inauguration

A Little Too Much Obama Inauguration for Diane Sawyer? Is She Drunk? – Either Way She is the New Anchor of ABC World News

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What’s up with Good Morning America’s Diane Sawyer? A long time on the air or too many cocktails? The producers should have known better then to keep sticking her on the air without letter her sleep. She may have attended a few too many Inaugural Balls without being afforded the opportunity to sleep it off. She’s got game though and probably the ability to “boot and rally.” Either way, you be the judge… and tell us if you think Diane Sawyer is drunk on the air…

UPDATE: 9/2/09 – Diane Sawyer has been named as the new anchor of ABC World News, replacing a retiring Charles Gibson.

Work Begins on George W. Bush Memorial Magazine Stand

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Houston, Texas – With the inauguration of President-Elect Barack Obama quickly approaching, work began Monday on the George W. Bush Memorial Magazine Stand. As per the President’s special request, lead designer Monte LeCriff has been charged with the task of creating a magazine stand which will be both colorful and highlight pictures of dinosaurs reading magazines. LeCriff commented by saying that he “will build a stand that epitomizes the intellectual prowess and borderline literacy” of the 43rd President of the United States.

Initially the idea of having monkeys reading magazines was suggested, but the President dismissed the idea by insisting that “monkeys are stupid” and then ran out of the room with his Nintendo DS.

LeCriff, who famously designed the Stallone Mouth Museum, Paris Hilton Choch Cleanliness Clinic as well as the Andy Dick Snorting Cocaine Off a Flaming Twink War Memorial is excited about his most recent project. “We have secured a very prestigous placement in a Radio Shack fronted stripmall. This stripmall, is probably one of the top 17 stripmalls in the tri-county area. We are very excited about this opportunity to truly honor the President in a way that fits him.”

“The President is a reader, I mean he has subscriptions, to like 4 magazines,” said White House maid Olivia Sanchez. “As a matter of fact I think he has the magazines directly delivered to the Oval Office bathroom.”

“Oh, my Poopsie, he always has been a marvelous reader while on the toilet” added Laura Bush. “I remember him telling me about reading an entire issue of Highlights magazine in one sitting on the toilet. Both his legs had fallen asleep, but he stuck it out for 50 full minutes trying to find everything in the Hidden Picture Playground. He’s a real go-getter…well, when it comes to reading magazines on the toilet he is.”

United States Secretary of Education, Margaret Spellings suggested that maybe President Bush should go the “classic route” of having a Presidential Library and that perhaps a magazine stand would be “trashy” and “send the wrong message.” When approached with the idea, President Bush stared puzzled at Spellings for a full five minutes before answering, “well, but this is gonna have dinosaurs reading magazines on it…”