Randy Bailey – Buzz Pirates’ Douche of the Day

doucheWhen Randy Bailey, the 49 year-old wedding videographer from Eagle Rock, Missouri, became the eleventh person voted out SURVIVOR: GABON a few weeks ago, we were a little disappointed. Not because we like Randy, mind you, but because we felt like it was a missed opportunity for us to dish out a little character pillaging Buzz Pirates’ style. But lo and behold, Randy comes through for us once again by appearing in last night’s tribal council in what was, no doubt, a drunken mishap with a pair of clippers. Randy Bailey – for your ridiculous mohawk and non stop arrogant prickiness all season long – YOU are Buzz Pirates’ Douche of the Day.

Randy Mohawk Douche

There are many theories out there about why he decided to shave his head into a mohawk. Did he want to show Crystal he wasn’t a bigot by donning the Mr. T. look? Perhaps he lost a bet to Charlie about whether Marcus is really gay or not. These are distinct possibilities, but our guess is it went some down something like this….

Upon leaving tribal council after being voted off of Survivor: Gabon, Randy was ushered into the medical tent where he immediately tackled the doctor for medical supplies and began chugging rubbing alcohol. Relieved to have a small buzz, Randy prepared to enjoy the easy life of Survivor Ponderosa, and began to drink Africa dry of its supply of Heineken. Anxious to have another boy in the group, Charlie and Marcus where happy to cook breakfast for Randy and exercized half naked while Randy slammed beers. After his 15th beer, Randy busted into the bedroom, and interrupted Charlie and Marcus shaving each others backs, grabbed the clippers and yelled “See…I like gays you stupid bitches” and proceeded to shave the sides of his head.

Video clips of these events can be seen here. Obviously, they have been editted for television. However, two things are blantantly clear…Randy is loving his Heineken, and is happy to have his boy toys. What a douche.

randy beer gay

Top 10 Mondegreens

douche commercialMonde-what??? Merriam-Webster dictionary recently added about 100 new words to their collegiate dictionary of the English language. One of them was mondegreen, which refers to a word or phrase that results from a mishearing of something said or sung.

The word comes from an old Scottish ballad in which the lyric “laid him on the green” has been confused over time with “Lady Mondegreen.” Misquoted song lyrics happen all the time in popular music. To honor this, we are happy to present Buzz Pirates’s Top 10 list of Mondegreens of Popular Music.

“Lucy in the sky with Linus” – The Beatles, Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds
[actual lyric: “Lucy in the sky with diamonds”]
“It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not” – Bon Jovi, Living On A Prayer
[actual lyric: “It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not”]
“I’ll never leave your pizza burning.” – Rolling Stones, Beast of Burden
[actual lyric: “I’ll never be your beast of burden”]
“Hold me closer Tony Danza” – Elton John, Tiny Dancer
[actual lyric: “Hold me closer Tiny Dancer”]
“Got my first real sex dream. Thought I was 5 at the time.” – Bryan Adams, Summer of ’69
[actual lyric: “Got my first real six string. Bought it at the five and dime.”]
“Here we are now, in containers” – Nirvana, Smells Like Teen Spirit
[actual lyric: “Here we are now, entertain us”]
“All of those tunas covered with oil” – Jimmy Buffet, Margaritaville
[actual lyric: “All of the tourists covered with oil”]
“Excuse me while I kiss this guy” – Jimmy Hendrix, Purple Haze
[actual lyric: “Excuse me while I kiss the sky”]
“There’s a bathroom on the right” – Credence Clearwater Revival, Bad Moon Rising
[actual lyric: “There’s a bad moon on the rise.”]

And the winner is….

“Revved up like a douche, another runner in the night.” – Manfred Mann, Blinded By the Light (written by Bruce Springsteen)
[actual lyric: “Revved up like a deuce another runner in the night”]

Special thanks to KissThisGuy.com for some of these ideas.