Vassup?! Bruno Quotes

Like it or not, Bruno is the number one movie in a America. Although some of its scenes seem to push the wrong buttons, its undeniable that the movie is filled with funny scenes, memorable lines and outrageous scenarios. Personally I think the movie is a one-trick pony, that reinforces stereotypes versus shattering them. Still, shocking moments in the movie will prove to be memorable for anyone who sees it. We are probably missing a bunch, but here’s some of the best quotes from Bruno. What are we missing?

Bruno: Why are you so anti-Hamas? I mean, isn’t pita bread the real enemy?
Yossi Alpher (ex-Mossad chief): You’re confusing Hamas with hummus, I believe.
Ghassan Khatib (former Palestinian Minister): Do you think there is a relation between Hamas and hummus?
Bruno: Was the founder of Hamas a chef? He had created the food and then got lots of followers.
Alpher: Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas. It’s a food, OK. We eat it. They eat it.
Khatib: It’s vegetarian. It’s healthy. It’s beans.

Harrison Ford: Fuck Off!

Preacher: These lips are for praising Jesus.

Bruno: [drops his pants around his ankles] Whoops!
Ron Paul: This is ended.

Bruno: (Narrating after Ron Paul Leaves) – I couldn’t even get Ru Paul

TV Host: So what’s the baby’s name?
Bruno: I gave him like a traditional African name: O.J.
Female Audience Member: What?!

Drill Sergeant 1: Oh my gosh! You gotta be out of your mind.
Drill Sergeant 2: What kind of belt is that, candidate?
Bruno: D&G.
Drill Sergeant: What is D&G?
Bruno: Dolce & Gabbana, hello
Both Drill Sergeants: Hello?!

Look at the evil people in the world, Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Stalin what do they all have in common? Moustaches!

Do you think if we changed the Bible stories maybe you would get people more easily to relate to them? Instead of the fish story you could do it about Sushi, or instead of giving out bread you did something which had a no-carb alternative or gluten free.

The baby is a man magnet

Drill Sergeant: Your finger’s in my alley!
Bruno: Not yet.

Bruno: [to his hunting partners]: Look at the four of us. We are so like the ‘Sex and the City’ girls.
Donny: No, no, we aren’t, either.
Bruno: Which one are you, Donny?
Donny: I ain’t any one of them. I’m Donny.
Bruno: That is such a Samantha thing to say.

How do you defend yourself against a man with a dildo?  How do you defend yourself against a man with two dildos?

Bruno: How do you defend yourself from an attack by a homosexual?
Martial Arts Instructor: Well, they usually attack from behind.

Ist am going to wear a jumpsuit entirely made out of Velcro.

Your leader looks like a dirty wizard.

Best Borat Quotes – Jagshemash!

With Bruno ready to hit theaters this week, what better time to look back at Sasha Baron Cohen’s other masterpiece of shock/reality comedy. There are tons of classic lines in Borat. The full name of the movie – Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is a mouthful. Here are the best quotes from Borat, we’ll see if Bruno can top Borat in funny lines as well as box office success.

Home in Kazakhstan:

Although Kazakhstan a glorious country, it have a problem, too: economic, social, and Jew.

He is my neighbor Nushuktan Tulyiagby. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success!

Go, kids! Smash the Jew chick before he hatches!

There lives Nursultan Tulyakbay. He’s still asshole. I get iPod, he only get iPod Mini. Everybody know it for girls!

This is my mother. She oldest woman in village. She 43!

This is Natalya. (Kisses her). She is my sister. She is number-four prostitute in whole of Kazakhstan. Niice!

Sometime my sister, she show her vazhïn to my brother Bilo and say “You will never get this you will never get it la la la la la la.” He behind his cage. He cries, he cries and everybody laughs. She goes “You never get this.” But one time he break cage and he “get this” and then we all laugh. High five!
Kickin’ it in Atlanta:

Atlanta Kid: What kinda music you listen to?
Borat: I uh like a very much Korki Buchek you know Korki Buchek? Bing-Bang-Bing-Bang-Bing-dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click* *click-click* Bing-Bang-Bing-Bang-Bing-dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click*

What’s up with it, Vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat just parked our slab outside. We’re looking for somewhere to post up our Black asses for the night. So, uh, bang bang, skeet skeet, nigga. Just a couple of pimps, no hos.

Dealing with Gypsy:

Gypsy, who is this woman you have shrunk?

I will look on your treasures, gypsy. Is this understood?

Buying a Car:

Borat  What kind of car can I buy that attract woman with shaved vazhïn?
Car Dealership owner: That would be a Corvette. Or a Hummer.
Borat: I want to have a car that attract a woman with shave down below.
Car Dealership owner: Well that would be a Corvette. Or a Hummer.
Car Dealership owner: We’ll try to help you out here.
Borat: A man yesterday, tell me if I buy a car I must buy one with a pussy magnet.
Car Dealership owner: He means a car that women like.
Borat: Yes, but where do you keep this magnet?
Car Dealership owner: [interrupts] No. There’s no magnet he just means the vehicle. Women love the Hummers.
Borat: Do this have a pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: No. The vehicle itself would be a magnet.
Borat: If I give you good price, will you please put in pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: Yeah but there’s no-there’s no such thing in this country as a-as a magnet.
Borat: If this car drive into a group of gypsies, will there be any damage to the car?
Car Dealership owner: It depends on how hard you hit them and all that.
Borat: *Hard*
Car Dealership owner: You might-if somebody rolls on the windshield, they could crack your windshield.
Borat: How fast do I need to go to guarantee I kill them?
Car Dealership owner: Uh-let me tell you something with this vehicle here probably doing 35-45 miles per hour will do it.
Borat: Great! When I uh, buy my wife, at the start she was uh, cook good, her vazhïn work well, and she strong on plow. But after three years when she was fifteen, then she become weak, her voice become deep: BORAT BORAT, eh, she receive hair on chest, and vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard.
Car Dealership owner: Huh-Jesus…
Borat: How do I know that this will not happen with the car?
Car Dealership owner: Chevrolette guarantees you that with a warranty.
Borat: I like-a very much buy this Hummers, how much is it?
Car Dealership owner: Fifty-two thousand.
Borat: I am looking for something between um, six-hundred to uh… six-hundred and fifty dollars.
Car Dealership owner: We don’t have any cars for six-fifty that you can buy. I might be able to sell you a wholesale car, a car with a lot of miles for seven-hundred with no warranty.

Driving Lesson:

Borat:Look, there is a woman in a car! Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy time with her?
Driving Instructor: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Borat: A-why not?
Driving Instructor: Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with.
Borat: WHAT…? You joke?
Driving Instructor: It must be consensual. How ’bout that?
Borat: [turns to Instructor, pauses] Ahahahahaha!
Driving Instructor: That’s good, huh?
Borat: [pause] Is not good for me.

Borat: Who is this car that follow us? I wish it didn’t follow us anymore.
Driving Instructor: Oh, I don’t know.
Borat: Maybe we lose them.
Driving Instructor: No, we better not lose them.
Borat: [yelling at the passing car] Hey, don’t look at me. Eat my tits!
Driving Instructor: All right. We’ll make a right turn up here.
Borat: Don’t look at me like that! I will eat your shit.
Driving Instructor: Hey, don’t do that.
Borat: You fuck my mother.
Driving Instructor: Hey, hey. You can’t do that.
Borat: No, he do before. He look on me.
Driving Instructor: You can’t do that, okay? They’re gonna throw us in jail, me with you. You can’t…
Borat: Why in jail? He look on me- la-la-la behind.
Driving Instructor: You can’t say that.

Borat: I like you, do you like me?
Driving Instructor: Of course I like you.
Borat: You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: You’re a nice young man and, yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You will be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I won’t be your boyfriend.
Borat: Why not?
Driving Instructor: Okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.

At Rodeo:

My name i’ Borat, I come a-from Kazakhstan. Can I say a-first, we support your war of terror.
May we show our support for our boys in Iraq.
May U.S. and they a-kill every single terrorist.
May a-George Bush a-drink the blood of every single man, woman, and child of Iraq.
May you destroy their country so that for the next thousand years not even a single lizard will survive in their desert.

May George Bush drink the blood of every man, woman, and child in Iraq!

Learning About the United States:

You telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual?

He insist we not fly in case the Jews repeated their attack of 9/11.

I arrived in America’s airport with clothing, US dollars, and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.

I feel like American movie star Dirty Harold…Go ahead, make my day, Jew…

This suit is NOT BLACK!

Loving Pam Anderson:

The only thing keeping me going was my dream of one day holding Pamela in my arms and making romance explosion on her stomach.

This C.J. was like no Kazakh woman I have ever seen. She had golden hairs, teeth as white as pearls, and the asshole of a seven-year-old. For the first time in my lifes, I was in love.

Sadly, I cannot go after Pamela or else my wife will snap off my cock.

Pamela, I am no longer attracted to you… NOT!

Bruno Red Band Trailer Released! Sacha Baron Cohen’s Next Movie!

Watch the trailer for Brüno here! After 2006’s Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen became a household name. His movie was rough around the edges, shocking and absolutely hilarious. A case can be made that half of the excitement was the shock value of the ridiculous situations and stunts in the Borat movie… but the first time I saw that movie, I thought it was fantastic. Word on the street is that the first cut of this movie got a NC-17 rating… anyway, I’m going to be there on the first day this movie comes out… this is definitely an event movie that you don’t want anyone ruining for you by telling you all the crazy parts. The trailer is a red band trailer – meaning its actually not suitable for all audiences. Check out the baby he has in the trailer…awesome!

“How do you defend yourself against a man with two dildos?”