Henry Hill: [narrating] As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.
Tommy DeVito: In this day and age, what the fuck is this world coming to? I can’t believe this, prejudice against – a Jew broad – prejudice against Italians.
Morrie: Henry, you’re a good kid, I’ve been good to you, you’ve been good to me. But there’s something really unreasonable going on here. Jimmy’s being an unconsionable ball-breaker. I never agreed to 3 points on top of the vig! Am I something special? Some sort of schmuck on wheels?
Henry Hill: Morrie, please! You borrowed Jimmy’s money, pay him.
Morrie: I never agreed to 3 points on top of the vig! What am I, fuckin nuts? Come on!
Henry Hill: Are you gonna argue with Jimmy Conway? Just give him his money so we can get the fuck outta here!
Morrie: Hey! Fuck ’em! Fuck ’em in the ear! What are you talking about? Fuck ’em in the other ear, that son of a bitch! Did I ever bust his balls? Did I? Did I? I could’ve jumped the dime a million times, and I wouldn’t have to pay tip!
Henry Hill: Come on, Morrie, you’re talking crazy, stop it!
Jimmy Conway: [Grabs telephone cord and chokes Morrie with it, then his wig falls off and Henry starts laughing] You got money for that fuckin commercial. Fuckin’ commercial, you don’t got my money, you don’t got my fuckin money, huh?
Henry Hill: Jimmy, he’ll pay, he’ll pay.
Jimmy Conway: I’ll fuckin kill you, get the money, you fuckin’ cocksucker, you hear me?
Jimmy Conway: Pay me my money.
Morrie: Hello? Who’s this? He’s here.
[Gives phone to Henry]
Henry Hill: Jimmy, I’m sorry.
Jimmy Conway: Yeah? You should be sorry. Don’t fuckin do it again and give me the money. Give me the fuckin money, You hear me? You hear me, I gotta come here and you bust my balls? Give me the fuckin money.
Morrie: OK, OK, OK. I’ll pay you kid.
Spider: [hesitating] Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Tommy?
Jimmy Conway: Whoa! Can’t believe what I just heard. Hey Spider, here. This is for you.
[tosses money on the table]
Jimmy Conway: Attaboy! I got respect for this kid. He’s got a lot of fucking balls. Good for you! Don’t take no shit off nobody.
Jimmy Conway: What’s the fuckin’ matter with you? What – what is the fuckin’ matter with you? What are you, stupid or what? Tommy, Tommy, I’m kidding with you. What the fuck are you doin’? What are you, a fuckin’ sick maniac?
Tommy DeVito: How am I meant to know you’re kidding? What you mean, you’re kidding? You breaking my fuckin’ balls?
Jimmy Conway: I’m fuckin’ kidding with you! You fuckin’ shoot the guy?
Henry Hill: He’s dead.
Tommy DeVito: Good shot. What do you want from me? Good shot. Fuckin’ rat anyway. His family’s all rats. He’ll grow up to be a rat.
Jimmy Conway: You stupid bastard, I can’t fuckin’ believe you. Now, you’re gonna dig the fuckin’ thing now. You’re gonna dig the hole. You’re gonna do it. I got no fuckin’ lime. You’re gonna do it.
Tommy DeVito: Who the fuck cares? I’ll dig the fuckin’ hole. I don’t give a fuck. What is it, the first hole I dug? Not the first time I dug a hole. I’ll fuckin’ dig a hole. Where are the shovels?
Pete the Killer: [points] By the way, I took care of that thing for ya
Tommy DeVito: Sure, mom, I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I’m free the next morning.
Henry Hill: You’re a pistol, you’re really funny. You’re really funny.
Tommy DeVito: What do you mean I’m funny?
Henry Hill: It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny guy.
Tommy DeVito: What do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What?
Henry Hill: It’s just, you know. You’re just funny, it’s… funny, the way you tell the story and everything.
Tommy DeVito: [it becomes quiet] Funny how? What’s funny about it?
Anthony Stabile: Tommy no, You got it all wrong.
Tommy DeVito: Oh, oh, Anthony. He’s a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Funny how?
Henry Hill: Jus…
Tommy DeVito: What?
Henry Hill: Just… ya know… you’re funny.
Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
Henry Hill: Just… you know, how you tell the story, what?
Tommy DeVito: No, no, I don’t know, you said it. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny!
Henry Hill: [long pause] Get the fuck out of here, Tommy!
Tommy DeVito: [everyone laughs] Ya motherfucker! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering prick ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.
Tommy DeVito: You know Spider, you’re a fuckin’ mumbling stuttering little fuck. You know that?
Spider: I thought you said I was alright Spider?
Tommy DeVito: No more shines, Billy.
Billy Batts: What?
Tommy DeVito: I said, no more shines. Maybe you didn’t hear about it, you’ve been away a long time. They didn’t go up there and tell you. I don’t shine shoes anymore.
Billy Batts: Relax, will ya? Ya flip right out, what’s got into you? I’m breaking your balls a little bit, that’s all. I’m only kidding with ya…
Tommy DeVito: Sometimes you don’t sound like you’re kidding, you know, there’s a lotta people around…
Billy Batts: I’m only kidding with you, we’re having a party, I just came home and I haven’t seen you in a long time and I’m breaking your balls, and you’re getting fucking fresh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.
Tommy DeVito: I’m sorry too. It’s okay. No problem.
Billy Batts: Okay, salute.
Billy Batts: [takes a drink] Now go home and get your fuckin’ shinebox.
Tommy DeVito: Mother fuckin’ mutt! You, you fucking piece of shit!
Billy Batts: [taunting] Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, come on, come on!
Tommy DeVito: Motherfucking… He bought his fucking button! That fake old tough guy! You bought your fucking button!
Tommy DeVito: You mother fuck… Fuck! Keep that motherfucker here, keep him here!
Henry Hill: [narrating] And when the cops, when they assigned a whole army to stop Jimmy, what’d he do? He made ’em partners.
Henry Hill: Jimmy was the kind of guy that rooted for bad guys in the movies.
Henry Hill: [narrating] Whenever we needed money, we’d rob the airport. To us, it was better than Citibank.
Henry Hill: [narrating] Thirty-two hundred dollars he gave me. Thirty-two hundred dollars for a lifetime. It wasn’t even enough to pay for the coffin.
Tommy DeVito: What the fuck are you doing? You’re hanging around my fuckin’ neck like a vulture, like impending danger.
Tommy DeVito: Hey, Spider, that fuckin’ bandage on your foot is bigger than your fuckin’ head.
Morrie: Don’t buy wigs that come off at the wrong time.
Paul Cicero: You know anything about this fucking restaurant business?
[Talking to Henry]
Sonny Bunz: He knows everything about it. I mean he’s in the joint 24 hours a day. I mean another fucking few minutes he could be a stool that’s how often he’s in there.
Henry Hill: [narrating] Now the guy’s got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the bill? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy’s gotta come up with Paulie’s money every week no matter what. Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. Place got hit by lightning huh? Fuck you, pay me.”
Henry Hill: [narrating] When they found Carbone in the meat truck, he was frozen so stiff it took them three days to thaw him out for the autopsy.
Tommy DeVito: What do you want to tell me now, tough guy? I said, “Bing, what are you doing here? I thought I told you to go fuck your mother!”
Tommy DeVito: I thought he was gonna shit!
Jimmy Conway: I’m not mad, I’m proud of you. You took your first pinch like a man and you learn two great things in your life. Look at me, never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut.
Henry Hill: I swear to my fucking mother, if you touch her again, YOU’RE DEAD.
Tommy DeVito: Oh, I like this one… One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this guy’s sayin’, “Whadda ya want from me?’ Guy’s got a nice head of white hair, it’s beautiful.
Jimmy Conway: Looks like someone we know.
Tommy DeVito: Oh, my… no, without the beard? Oh, shhhhhh…!
Henry Hill: [narrating] It was revenge for Billy Batts, and a lot of other things. And there was nothing that we could do about it. Batts was a made man, and Tommy wasn’t. And we had to sit still and take it. It was among the Italians. It was real greaseball shit. They even shot Tommy in the face so his mother couldn’t give him an open coffin at the funeral.
Tommy DeVito: What the fuck you looking at? Come on. Make that coffee to go. Let’s go.
Frankie Carbone: [Mumbles something and goes to the door with the coffee pot in his hand]
Tommy DeVito: What the fuck are you doing? It’s a joke! A joke! Put the fucking pot down!
2…2 small onions