Suited and Awesome – The Top Ten Barney Stinson Quotes

How I Met Your Mother is filled with funny quotes, most of them coming from Neil Patrick Harris‘ character Barney Stinson. Armed with a suit, no conscious and awesomeness, Barney Stinson is a player with an insatiable appetite for the ladies. He loves imparting his twisted wisdom to the other guys and we love him for it. Doogie Howser who? Neil Patrick Harris is Leg-end-dary and has singlehandedly made CBS cool. I have a feeling people are going to be angry with what we left off the following top ten list… feel free to leave your favorite Barney Stinson quotes in the comments section.

The Top Ten Barney Stinson Quotes

10. (Season 1) Yelling at Ted for waiting to have sex with a woman: “The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she’s 17 years, 11 months old.”

9. (Season 2): [after Marshal thinks his professor is tough on her grades because she needs to get laid]
Barney Stinson: Marshall, I’ve thought it over and I accept your challenge.

Marshall Eriksen: I didn’t challenge you to have sex with…
Barney Stinson: Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins.
[after Barney points Marshal to his professor’s low-cut shirt]
Barney Stinson: The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. You’re watching them bounce, she’s about to pounce.

8. (Season 1): Explaining his strategy for Halloween parties: “Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way, I have a second chance to make a first impression.”

7. (Season 3): Barney: There’s no way she’s above the line on the ‘hot/crazy’ scale.
Ted: She’s not even on the ‘hot/crazy’ scale; she’s just hot.
Robin Scherbatsky: Wait, ‘hot/crazy’ scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate!
[draws diagram]
Barney: A girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she’s “this” crazy, she has to be “this” hot. You want the girl to be above this line. Also known as the ‘Vickie Mendoza Diagonal’. This girl I dated. She played jump rope with that line. She’d shave her head, then lose 10 pounds. She’d stab me with a fork, then get a boob job.
[pauses]
Barney: I should give her a call.

[and then later on – Barney Stinson: Let’s see how Blah Blah’s doing on the hot/crazy scale. She started the night here, but as the night progressed, she has gotten crazier, but she hasn’t gotten any hotter, and she has drifted past the Vicky Mendoza diagonal and getting dangerously close to the Shelly Galezby area. Another girl I dated. She gained ten pounds and tried to kill me with a brick.]

6. (Season 1):I henceforth declare the following- From this moment on, there shall exists in the world of dating and mating a Lemon Law, which for copyright purposes shall be dubbed “The Barney Law.”

It shall operate on the following conditions: all persons involved in a mutually decided upon date have exactly 5 minutes from the moment of meeting to decide if the date will proceed for the rest of the night or not. Within the first five minutes of coming together (high five!) either party can call the date off for any reason.

5. (Season 4): Getting defensive about his potential love for Robin: “You know who is confused? Bimbos. They’re easily confused. It’s one of the thousand little things I love about them. I love their vacant, trusting stares; their sluggish, unencumbered minds; their unresolved daddy issues. I love them Lily, and they love me. Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin-mostly thin. B-man don’t do thick crust, what up!”

4. (Season 3): Reminiscing about his first sexual experience: “That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome.”

3. (Season 3): Explaining to Marshall about his qualities: “Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I’m awesome. I’m your bro—I’m Broda!”

2. (Season 4): [At Stuart’s alcoholism intervention, Barney brings a bottle of liquor]
Barney Stinson: Come on, Stuart, time to unleash the big, green monster.
Stuart: No!
Barney Stinson: People don’t want to see Bruce Banner, they want to see the Hulk. Hulk! Hulk! Hulk! Hulk!
[Robin whispers into Barney’s ear]
Barney Stinson: What? That’s what I get for skimming the Evite.

1. (Season 4): “The point is, marriage is stupid. Every day new 22-year olds go into bars, and call me glass-half-full, but I think they’re getting dumber.