Just as I was complaining that there was no funny news happening today, the media Gods go ahead and serve this nugget up on a golden (brown) platter. Fox News is reporting today that political activists are starting to shit their pants over the idea of literally shitting their pants through the use of a new crowd control weapon called The Crap Cannon. I couldn’t make this up folks.

Also called “Brown Note“, the weapon is believed to use ultrasonic frequencies to disrupt a person’s bowels, debilitating them by causing them to defecate involuntarily. It is rumored that the weapon may be used on political activists planning to protest at the upcoming Democratic National Convention in Denver.

Whether or not this weapon truly exists is up for debate. Glenn Spangnuolo, a member of activist group Re-create 68, said he has no doubt that Brown Note exists. He says that it may not cause you to crap in your pants, but it does make a person feel disoriented by losing their equilibrium while feeling nauseous. Some other experts disagree. Our friends at the popular Discovery Channel show MythBusters have tested this one out with a variety of audible and sub-audible frequencies and were not able to cause any crappage. According to them, the myth is busted.

So who knows if the Crap Cannon really exist. After all, it was reported by Fox News. Let’s just be glad that the Democratic Convention is in the mile high city, because it if the weapon does exists, Denver is gonna be one stinky town.