The 20 Best Sports Movies of All Time

20. The Rookie – The best dramatic sports movies often come in the form of a true story. A Texas baseball coach played by Dennis Quaid makes the major league after agreeing to try out if his high school team made the playoffs.

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19. Any Given Sunday – Oliver Stone and an all star cast give a great peak into the world of professional football. The sound alone is an amazing achievement with the most realistic in game action ever filmed for a sports movie.

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18. Major League – The Cleveland Indians are stocked with memorable characters in the funny classic.

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17. Caddyshack – Most lists have it at the top and will argue its the greatest sports movie ever as an exclusive golf course has to deal with a brash new member and a destructive dancing gopher.

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16. Bang the Drum Slowly – An emotional and believable performance by Robert De Niro. The story of the friendship between a star pitcher, wise to the world, and a half-wit catcher, as they cope with the catcher’s terminal illness through a baseball season.

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15. Cinderella Man – The story of James Braddock, a supposedly washed up boxer who came back to become a champion and an inspiration in the 1930s.

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14. White Men Can’t Jump – Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson are basketball hustlers join forces to double their chances and crack wise.

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13. He Got Game – A basketball player’s convict father played by Denzel must try to convince him to go to a college so he can get a shorter sentence. A great performance by Ray Allen helps the Spike Lee underrated classic.

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12. Karate Kid – A handyman/martial arts master agrees to teach a bullied boy karate and shows him that there is more to the martial art than fighting in the 80’s classic.

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11. Brian’s Song – Based on the real-life relationship between teammates Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers and the bond established when Piccolo discovers that he is dying.

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Imperial Barker! Dog Dressed up as Star Wars Imperial Walker Might Be Best Dog Costume Ever

Echo station three-t-eight. We’ve spotted imperial barkers. How long do you think this dog actually allowed this costume to stay on?

Best Michael Caine Impression Ever!

Check out these amazing Michael Caine impressions from the movie The Trip with Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon.

Idiocracy Best Quotes

Idiocracy was woefully under appreciated. The movie is a hilarious satirical science fiction comedy, directed by Mike Judge (who made Office Space  and starring Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph and Dax Shepard. Here are some of the choice quotes from the movie.

Frito: Go away! ‘Batin’!


Pvt. Joe Bowers: [addressing Congress] … And there was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn’t just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again!


Costco Greeter: [Greeting every customer] Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you.


Doctor: [laughs] Right, kick ass. Well, don’t want to sound like a dick or nothin’, but, ah… it says on your chart that you’re fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit’s all retarded. What I’d do, is just like… like… you know, like, you know what I mean, like…


Officer Collins: [addressing military brass] You see, a pimp’s love is very different from that of a square.


Rita: Can you take me there?
[Points at TV where “Monday Night Rehab” is showing]
Frito: [Lifts Rita to TV]
Rita: Not here, you fucking moron – there!
[Points at TV again]


Secretary of State: I’m Secretary of State, brought to you by Carl’s Jr.


[Billboard Ad]: If you don’t smoke Tarryltons… Fuck You!


Doctor: Don’t worry, scrote. There are plenty of ‘tards out there living really kick-ass lives. My first wife was ‘tarded. She’s a pilot now.


Frito: [Acting as Joe’s public defender] It says here you robbed a hospital. Why’d you do that?
Pvt. Joe Bowers: I’m not guilty!
Frito: That’s not what the other lawyer said.


Judge Hank “The Hangman” BMW: Now prosecutor, why you think he done it?
Prosecutor: ‘Kay. Number one your honor, just look at him. And B, we’ve got all this, like, evidence, of how, like, this guy didn’t even pay at the hospital. And I heard that he doesn’t even have his tattoo.
[crowd boos]
Prosecutor: I know! And I’m all, ‘you’ve gotta be shittin’ me!’ But check this out man, judge should be like
[bangs fist on table]
Prosecutor: ‘guilty!’ Peace.


Pvt. Joe Bowers: I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine.
Frito: Oh, that’s easy. You go down by the museum and stuff… It’s like- it’s, like, by the museum… Sorta by… Actually, not really. More like on the street, you go, um… Wait, let me start over. Okay, you know where the time machine is?


Female Reporter: It started off boring and slow with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: ‘Blah blah blah. You gotta believe me!’ That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, ‘Man, whatever! The guy’s guilty as shit! We all know that.’ And he sentenced his ass to one night of rehabilitation.


Pvt. Joe Bowers: Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.


Frito: I can’t believe you like money too. We should hang out.
Share this quote


[repeated line]
Frito: I like money.


Pvt. Joe Bowers: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, y’know?
Frito: I don’t really think we have time for a handjob, Joe.


Doctor in Waiting Room: Clevon is lucky to be alive. He attempted to jump a jet ski from a lake into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. But thanks to advances in stem cell research and the fine work of Doctors Krinsky and Altschuler, he should regain full reproductive function again.
Trashy Guy: [in the background] Get your hands off my junk!


Yuppie Wife: Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack while masturbating to produce sperm for artificial insemination. But I had some eggs frozen, so just as soon as the right guy comes along…


President Camacho: Shit. I know shit’s bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.
South Carolina Representative # 1: That’s what you said last time, dipshit!
South Carolina Representative # 2: Yeah, I got a solution, you’re a dick! South Carolina, what’s up!


Pvt. Joe Bowers: [addressing Congress] There was a time when reading wasn’t just for fags. And neither was writing. People wrote books and movies. Movies with stories, that made you care about whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again!


Ow! My Balls! Guy: Comin’ up next on The Violence Channel: An all-new “Ow, My Balls!”


Frito: Yah I know this place pretty good, I went to law school here.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: In Costco?
Frito: Yah I couldn’t believe it myself, luckily my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings.


Narrator: The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes the genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources where focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections.


Doctor: Why come you got no tattoo?


Narrator: Joe decided that in order to get out of jail, he would have to use his superior diplomacy skills.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: [talking to the prison guard] Hey, uh… I’m actually supposed to be getting out of jail, not going back in…
Prison Guard #2: [hits Joe on the back of the head] You’re supposed to be in that line, dumbass!
[he points to the door]
Prison Guard #2: Hey, guys, let this dumbass out!


Narrator: [Time Masheen starts] We’re gonna take you back, to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world…
Narrator: …But then an even greater force emerged, the U.N.
[pronounced “un”]
Narrator: and the U.N. un-nazied the world – forever.


Pvt. Joe Bowers: Why me? Every time Metsler says, “Lead, follow, or get out of the way,” I get out of the way.
Sgt. Keller: Yeah, when he says that, you’re not supposed to choose “get out of the way.” It’s supposed to embarrass you into leading – or at least following.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: That doesn’t embarrass me.


President Camacho: Now I understand everyone’s shit’s emotional right now. But I’ve got a 3 point plan that’s going to fix EVERYTHING.
Congressman #1: Break it down, Camacho!
President Camacho: Number 1: We’ve got this guy Not Sure. Number 2: He’s got a higher IQ than ANY MAN ALIVE. and Number 3: He’s going to fix EVERYTHING.


Secret Service Thug: Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys were wonderin’, uh if we’d go family-style on her.


Prison Guard #3: [looks at computer after Not Sure tells him he’s not supposed to be there] uh, well… I don’t see you in here… so, you’re, uh, gonna have to stay in prison.


Officer Collins: [addressing military brass about Rita’s background] We did, however have to come to an arrangement with her pimp. A gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd. Which he spells thusly, with two D’s, as he says, “for a double dose of this pimping”.


IPPA Computer: Welcome to the Identity Processsing Program of Uhmerica! Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle!
[Joe inserts his arm]
IPPA Computer: Thank you! Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card, document G24L8!
Pvt. Joe Bowers: I’m not sure if…
IPPA Computer: You have entered the name “Not Sure.” Is this correct, Not Sure?
Pvt. Joe Bowers: No, it’s not correct…
IPPA Computer: Thank you! “Not” is correct. Is “Sure” correct?
Pvt. Joe Bowers: No, it’s not, my name is Joe…
IPPA Computer: You have already confirmed your first name is “Not.” Please confirm your last name, “Sure.”
Pvt. Joe Bowers: My last name is not “Sure!”
IPPA Computer: Thank you, Not Sure!
Pvt. Joe Bowers: No, what I mean is my name is Joe…
IPPA Computer: Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm!


[cabinet has been debating putting water on the plants instead of Brawndo]
Pvt. Joe Bowers: What *are* these electrolytes? Do you even know?
Secretary of State: They’re… what they use to make Brawndo!
Pvt. Joe Bowers: But *why* do they use them to make Brawndo?
Secretary of Defense: [raises hand after a pause] Because Brawndo’s got electrolytes.


[first lines]
Narrator: As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest, the fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits. Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized and more intelligent. But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. A dumbing down. How did this happen? Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most, and left the intelligent to become an endangered species.


[last lines]
Narrator: Joe and Rita had three children, the three smartest kids in the world. Vice President Frito took 8 wives and had a total of 32 kids. Thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the Earth. OK, so maybe Joe didn’t save mankind, but he got the ball rolling, and that’s pretty good for an average guy.


Narrator: Unaware of what year it was, Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous and faggy to them.


Narrator: The #1 movie in America was called “Ass.” And that’s all it was for 90 minutes. It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay.


Rita: You think Einstein walked around thinkin’ everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
Pvt. Joe Bowers: Yeah. Hadn’t thought of that.
Rita: Now you know why he built that bomb.


Carl’s Jr. Computer: Enjoy your EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES!
Woman at Carl’s Jr.: You didn’t give me no fries, I got an empty box.
Carl’s Jr. Computer: Would you like another EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES?
Woman at Carl’s Jr.: I said I didn’t get any!
Carl’s Jr. Computer: Thank you! Your account has been charged. Your balance is zero. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase.
Woman at Carl’s Jr.: What? Oh no, NO!
[She hits the machine. An alarm goes off, and a sign appears on the computer saying “WARNING! Carl’s Jr. Frowns Upon Vandalism”]
Carl’s Jr. Computer: I’m sorry you’re having trouble. I’m sorry you’re having trouble.
Woman at Carl’s Jr.: Come on! My kids are starvin’!
Carl’s Jr. Computer: [the woman kicks the computer, and it sprays a fast-acting tranquilizer in her face] This should help you calm down. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. Your kids are starving. Carl’s Jr. believes no child should go hungry. You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl’s Jr. Carl’s Jr… “Fuck You, I’m Eating.”
[Joe approaches the computer]
Carl’s Jr. Computer: Welcome to Carl’s Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES!


Phone Computer: Welcome to AOL Time Warner Taco Bell US Government Long Distance. Please say the name of the person you wish to call.
Rita: Upgrayedd.
Phone Computer: There are 9,726 listings for “Upgrayedd”. Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection.


IPPA Computer: If you have one bucket that contains 2 gallons and another bucket that contains 7 gallons, how many buckets do you have?

OJ Simpson and Casey Anthony – Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wives!

Looks like Antoine Dodson is back to warn us all!!!

The 10 Best TV Neighbors – Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Ever wish you had a different neighbor? Well, what about a neighbor like one if these neighbors… the ten best in TV history

10. Larry Dallas – (Three’s Company) – Jack Tripper’s womanizing best friend. The best sleazy neighbor in history.

9. Richard “Boner” Stabone (Growing Pains) – Mike Seavor’s (Kirk Cameron) friend, neighbor and owner of the greatest nickname in family friendly sitcom history.

8. Barney Rubble (The Flintstones) – The diminutive blonde-haired caveman husband of Betty Rubble and father of Bamm-Bamm Rubble. He’s Fred Flinstone’s best friend and who doesn’t want to live next their best friend?

7. Urkel (Family Matters) – Steve was the epitome of a geek/nerd, with large, thick eyeglasses, “high-water” or “flood” pants held up by suspenders, multi-colored cardigan sweaters, and a high-pitched voice. He professed unrequited love for neighbor Laura Winslow, perpetually annoyed her father, Carl, and tried to befriend her brother, Eddie. He was annoying, but certainly his heart was always in the right place.

6. Wilson Wilson (Home Improvement) – Who cares if you can’t see his face…ever.  Tim’s neighbor and confidant. As a child, his parents did not allow him to speak to his neighbors, so he really likes talking to Tim and Jill. Wilson serves as an all-wise sage in the show, doling out advice to the Taylor family and seemingly knowing just what to say to solve a problem. He has traveled the globe and learned much from virtually every culture in existence. He has a Ph.D. in Cultural Studies, studying “extinct languages and forgotten cultures”.

5. Winnie Cooper (The Wonder Years) – Kevin Arnold’s main love interest. In an episode entitled “The Accident” and in the final episode, it is stated that every important event in Kevin’s life somehow involves Winnie. She lives on the same block as Kevin. She is the very definition of the “girl next door.”

4. Kramer (Seinfeld) – with his upright hairstyle and vintage wardrobe, the combination of which led to his categorization as a “hipster doofus”; his taste in fruit; his love of occasional smoking, Cuban cigars in particular; his energetic bursts through Jerry’s apartment door; frequent pratfalls and his penchant for nonsensical, percussive outbursts of noise to indicate skepticism, agreement, annoyance, and a variety of other inexplicable responses. Kramer is the best wacky neighbor in television history.

3. Ethel (I Love Lucy) – Ethel was Lucy’s landlady, and Ethel and Lucy were always scheming though Ethel generally provided the voice of reason as a counterpart to Lucy’s more hairbrained ideas. Still, she was the number one person she got in trouble with.

2. Ned Flanders (The Simpsons) – The long suffering neighbor to the Simpson family and Ned generally loathed by Homer Simpson. A devout Christian, he is amongst the friendliest and most compassionate Springfield citizens and is generally considered a pillar of the Springfield community. He may speak in an annoying rhyming pitter patter, but he’s the ultimate in turning the other cheek…especially when it comes to Homer Simpson.

1. Mr. Rogers (Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood) – Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was characterized by its quiet simplicity and gentleness. Episodes did not have a plot, and consisted of Rogers speaking directly to the viewer about various issues, taking the viewer on tours of factories, demonstrating experiments, crafts, and music, and interacting with his friends. He is the ultimate neighbor and easily the best neighbor in television history.

RIP Macho Man Randy Savage – Best Promos

Professional wrestling lost one of the greats today, as Randy “Macho Man” Savage has passed away at the age of 58. He was tragically killed when he had a heart attack, causing him to crash his Jeep Wrangler into a tree.  He had been out of the spotlight for the last few years, but his electrifying presence will never be forgot. Here are some classic promos of the superstar in action on the mic:

With Hulk Hogan as the Mega Powers:

Proving recently that he still had it:

Early on with brother Leaping Lanny Poffo (skip to 3:35 for the best part):

Slim Jim Commercial (Art thou bored?!):

Tax Day Freebies 2011!

It seems like every year now more and more companies offer free stuff on tax day. The Saturday tax day may have mixed up the offers a bit, but act fast or miss out on 2011 tax day giveaways.

  • Arby’s: On April 15 at participating locations, receive one order of Value Curly Fries for free between the hours of 11 am and 10 pm. To receive this coupon you must first “like” Arby’s Facebook page.
  • Bally Total Fitness: For current members only, sign up by April 21 for a free 30-minute personal training session at your participating Bally’s gym.
  • Chemistry: Through April 18, receive 3 free membership days and a free personality test.
  • Chili’s: On April 18 at participating locations, receive a free appetizer or dessert via this printable coupon.
  • Cinnabon: On April 18, from 6 pm until 8 pm at participating stores, get two free Cinnabon Bites.
  • H&R Block: At participating locations, receive a free tax extension.
  • HydroMassage: Through April 18, receive a free hydromassage at participating locations. Appointments are encouraged.
  • Maggie Moo’s: On April 18, from 3 pm to 6 pm at participating stores, get a free mini ice cream sundae.
  • McCormick & Schmick’s: On April 15 at participating stores, bar guests receive a free $10.40 certificate.
  • Office Depot: Through April 23, receive free downloadable tax forms, make up to 25 copies of your tax return, or shred up to 5 lbs. of paper for free via this coupon.

Discounts

  • Bally Total Fitness: For non-members only, sign up for a 2-Year Premier National Access membership for $418 (a savings of $61).
  • Bruegger’s: Through April 18, get a Big Bagel Bundle for just $10.40 when you “like” Bruegger’s Facebook page.
  • California Tortilla: On April 18, receive a free order of chips and cheese or chips and salsa with any purchase.
  • Hooters: On April 18 at participating locations, buy 10 boneless or traditional wings and get 10 additional wings for free.
  • IHOP: Through April 30 at participating locations, children 12 and under eat free from 4 pm to 10 pm with the purchase of one adult entreé.
  • McCormick & Schmick’s: On April 18 at participating stores, enjoy $10.40 entreés.
  • P.F. Chang’s: On April 18 at participating locations, receive 15% off all dine-in and take-out orders.
  • The Children’s Place: Through April 17, take 20% off in-store or online purchases via coupon code “TAX11”.

Mortal Kombat Legacy – Episode 1

The highly anticipated new Mortal Kombat video game comes out next week. In connection with the game, Mortal Kombat: Legacy the web series was created by Kevin Tancharoen. It was originally conceived after a “pitch” video entitled Mortal Kombat: Rebirth was released about a year ago. The first episode premiered today on Machinma.com’s YouTube.

It stars Michael Jai White (Spawn) as Jackson Briggs/Jax, Jeri Ryan (Star Trek Enterprise) as Sonya Blade, Darren Shahlavi (BloodRayne) as Kano and Tahmoh Penikett (Battlestar Galactica) as Kurtis Stryker. More characters are expected to be in future episodes. Enjoy the premiere episode below.

Get Him to the Greek Quotes

With Arthur coming out this weekend, this is as good a time as any to revisit the Russell Brand/Jonah Hill comedy Get Him to the Greek. The best quotes from Get Him to the Greek.

Aldous Snow: This is it, Aaron. This is rock n’ roll. Did you enjoy the party?

Aldous Snow: When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall.

Sergio Roma: You can’t outrun me! I’m black!

Sergio Roma: Go home. Movie’s over. Get the fuck out of here.

Aldous Snow: [as he is watching TV] Didn’t I have sex with her once?

[Aldous sees Sarah Marshall on TV]

Aldous Snow: Yeah, I did.

Daphne Binks: I can’t wait to sit around for 4 days and watch “Gossip Girl.”

Daphne Binks: I want to have a threesome.

Sergio Roma: If he tells you to stick the drugs in your ass, you stick them in your ass.

Aaron Green: [has just been injected with adrenaline] I’m alive!

Aaron Green: I feel like I’m in “2 Fast 2 Furious.”

Aldous Snow: We’re gonna fuck these two girls.

Aaron Green: I just got out of a relationship.

Aldous Snow: Was your ex a blonde or brunette?

Aaron Green: Brunette.

Aldous Snow: Blonde it is.

Sergio Roma: You tell him that you loved “African Child.”

Matty: Man, that opening party was incredible. Check out the pictures on Myspace. There’s one of me eating cheese off some girl’s titties.

Aaron Green: Please just lie to me and say I didn’t miss another awesome party.

Matty: You missed an awesome party. I woke up with glitter on my dick.

Sergio Roma: Shut up. Don’t speak.

Jonathan Snow: That’s the best part about the Jeffrey. It goes away and then it comes back.

Sergio Roma: Go get your Destiny.

Sergio Roma: [in Aaron’s dream] Look. I’m eating my own head.

Aldous Snow: What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there’s a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it’s peppered with hate. Hateful respect.

Aldous Snow: Your brain is full of lollipops, rainbows, and cheese.

Limousine Driver in London: Would you like me to take the Chiswick roundabout through Hounslow and Staines?

Aaron Green: What is this, fucking Middle Earth? Just take us to the airport, okay.

Sergio Roma: You’ve been mind-fucked before?

Aaron Green: I don’t think so.

Sergio Roma: I’m mind-fucking you right now.

Aaron Green: You are?

Sergio Roma: Can’t you feel my dick fucking your mind?

Aaron Green: No, I can’t really feel anything.

Sergio Roma: See? That’s it. That’s the art of it. I’m mind-fucking the shit out of you.

Aaron Green: Well I hope you’re wearing a condom cause I have a dirt mind.

Sergio Roma: [intense] Time to get our mind-fuck on.

Sergio Roma: [in a text] Where the fuck are you? I am gonna kill you. Smiley face.

Sergio Roma: Where are you? Why haven’t you called? I’m calling you right now and I just got hit by a motherfucking car.

Jonathan Snow: I’m responsible for your talent, son. I wrote all your songs off the tip of my cock.

Aldous Snow: Yeah, I just don’t get how talent can be contained in one’s spunk.

Aaron Green: I think I just got raped.

Aldous Snow: [handing him a joint] Only one thing to do.

Aaron Green: [taking a hit] Uh, guys? What is this stuff? My heart’s going really fast.

Aldous Snow: Oh, it’s a bit of this, a bit of that. It’s called a Jeffrey. It’s mostly weed, with a bit of opium as well… ground-up E’s… heroin… Clorox…

Aaron Green: I think I’m having a heart attack.

Aldous Snow: Aaron, look at what you’re wearing. Do you think that now you live in Seattle, you’re grunge or something? You look like a lesbian.

Aaron Green: Play the song, man.

Aaron Green: [Aaron has a balloon full of heroin up his ass] Oh, no.

Aldous Snow: What?

Aaron Green: I have to sneeze… and I’m afraid that if I do… my bowels will evacuate…

Aldous Snow: [Lars Ulrich enters scene] Oh, Enter Sandman.

Aaron Green: [as Sergio is chasing after them in a hotel lobby] This is the longest hallway of all time!

Aldous Snow: It’s Kubrickian!

Aldous Snow: This is not an appropriate time to say “namaste”.

Aldous Snow: When you hear about someone and then you meet them… That’s happening now.

Destiny: Wanna sing hairy-oke?

Sergio Roma: This is what old pussy used to look like in the 70’s.

Daphne Binks: I’m fuckin’ psyched.

Aaron Green: I’m not sucking his dick, that’s like 100%.

Sergio Roma: Stop smiling like that. You look like an 8 year old who just discovered his first boner.

Aaron Green: …Well I don’t have one so…

Sergio Roma: I’ve got six fuckin’ kids! Do you know how many Air Jordans six black kids wear?

Pharrell Williams: How do I look?

Sergio Roma: Man, lose the pink. It’s not gangster.

Pharrell Williams: That’s your problem. Everything is gangster with you.

Sergio Roma: The name of the song is “I’m Gangsta!”

Aaron Green: Are you Paul Krugman?

Paul Krugman: Uh, yes.

Aaron Green: My dad loves your shit.

Aaron Green: Do you know the lyrics to “African Child”?

Smiling African Drummer: I don’t know the lyrics. I just bang the drum and do the African face.

[He shows Aaron his version of playing the African drum]

Aaron Green: Across the mystic desert, is a desert that is mystic.

Aldous Snow: I was watching the news one day and I saw footage about, uh, war, and I think it was in Darfur, or Rwanda, or Zimbabwe, or one of ’em, and I thought, ‘this isn’t right, is it?’ And I made some phone calls and it turns out, it isn’t.

Aaron Green: Don’t be a bitch dude, Let me get my smoke on.

Pharrell Williams: You’re five zippers away from “Thriller”.

Sergio Roma: Oh, and you’re one shirt away from Carlton, muthafucka.

Aaron Green: [Dildo violently rubbed against his face] When’s the last time you Purelled that thing?

Aaron Green: Nothing you say makes any sense, I understand that now, you’re just a fucking junkie and you’re smart so you make your insanity sound, good but its bullshit.

Aldous Snow: I labored under the myth of monogamy for sever years with Jackie and it was pointless.

Aaron Green: So you only slept with Jackie?

Aldous Snow: No, I slept with other people but I always told her about it. Monogamy.

Aaron Green: [at a club] What’s up man?

Tom Felton: Hey.

Aaron Green: I’m here with Aldous Snow, so we have a table in the back.

Tom Felton: [not interested] Great.

Aaron Green: Feel free to bring Professor Snape. Come by, we’ll play some late night Quidditch.

Tom Felton: Just leave it, you…

[walks away]

Aaron Green: Right. Not everyone cares.

Aldous Snow: How’s the weather down there?

Jackie Q: Wet.