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This marks the first time an aborted transsexual fetus has been nominated to the country’s highest court. Although the aborted fetus has no prior judicial experience, it is believed to be more in touch with the common man than Justice Antonin Scalia. Regardless, this is a historic day for transsexual fetus’ everywhere. Quick to call the fetus their own, Republicans and Democrats alike, rallied to meet the press.

Howard Dean (D-VT) claimed that aborted fetus’ “had vision”, despite the thick layer of mucus still covering its non-fully formed eye sockets. “This is a proud moment in our history, aborted transsexual fetus’ have long been underrepresented in our nation’s highest offices,” commented Dean. “First, Obama’s nominates the country’s first Hispanic Supreme Court justice in Judge Sonia Sotomayor and BAM follows it up with another filibuster proof nomination….yeeeeaaaaaoooowwwwww!!!!!” Dean then finished his comments with several awkward celebratory hand gestures and yelling.

“This is an outrageous,” said conservative radio host and noted Oxycontin fan Rush Limbaugh. “The Jew run liberal media is going to let some faggy pile of mush tell me what to do!” When told that the aborted fetus was pro-life, due to its countless ailments brought on by its own abortion, Limbaugh then said he was actually talking about Judge Sonia Sotomayor. “I say Huzzah! to this tiny hero of the Supreme Court.”

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From the new “Tea Party” :

“In 1773, a handful of men dumped tea into the Boston Harbor. That one act set in motion a chain of events that birthed the greatest nation on earth. But today, many Americans feel helpless as they watch an imperialistic government destroy our Constitution and 237 years of liberty.

The first American Tea Party birthed a nation. The second American Tea Party could help save it!”

Started on CNBC, where someone in Chicago came up with an updated version of the Boston Tea Party to protest the Obama bailouts and stimulus plan. The protest was scheduled for today… tax day… a relatively inspired idea, right? “No taxation without representation” was the rallying cry of the original protesters, who through British tea overboard in Boston Harbor. But, my goodness, is there anyone involved with this party that never heard of the modern day use of “Tea bagging”. For that reason today the Tea Party has officially became famous for all the wrong reasons and conservative Republicans furthered their image as out of touch, old and clueless.

C’mon… who let these people go outside with those signs! I bet there’s like, 30,000 people nationwide with a Fantasy Football team or screen name of “tea bagger or tea bagging” or some such thing. There’s even a character on Prison Break named T-Bag. Do your homework people!

The Urban Dictionary must be lighting up… here are they’re definitions of tea bagging…

1. The act of putting your balls in and out of a persons mouth.
2. The act of lowering one’s balls onto someones face, or into their mouth while they are laying down. Kind of resembles dipping a tea bag into a hot cup of water.
3. When a guy lowers his junk, or balls, onto someones face, or into their mouth, while they are lying on the ground. Resembles dunking a tea bag into a hot cup of water.

Smile Tea Party… you tea bagging fools… you are Buzz Pirates Douche(s) of the Day

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Irish? Yep, apparently Barack Obama is 3.1 percent Irish

“God bless Falmouth Kearney, he married into good stock. It’s been a wonderfully pleasant surprise,” said American Ireland Fund President Kieran McLoughlin. “And now the main platform to showcase that [connection] occurs in about a week.”

What McLoughlin is no doubt referring to is St. Patrick’s Day. Its unlikely that Obama will be getting drunk on green beer… but will he take this opportunity to embrace his Irish roots. Its kind of an awkward situation for O’President, as he could offend the Irish by not acknowledging his roots…but then he could look silly if he gets to “schticky” with it. Either way, don’t be surprised if Irish Pub’s across the country try to cash in on the Obama is Irish craze.

Check out the Corrigan Brothers new song… “There’s No One as Irish as Barack O’Bama.”

You can also embrace the St. Patrick’s Day spirit and try to beat the recession by making your own beer…

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The Tits O’Plenty actress, 29, is seriously considering the move.  She is planning a listening tour throughout Louisiana in an attempt to put her finger on the issues rising in her home state.  The star of No Cuntry For Any Men reports that her three main platforms are the economy, women in business and protection of children.

Although conventional wisdom indicates that a hefty margin of Louisiana voters would unquestionably vote for the actress, who was cast in Legs Benedict, supporters of Senator Vitter are not so sure. In an attempt to gain legitimacy in the upcoming race, Vitters has been reminding voters that he was one of the Senators that was “caught up in that whole D.C. madam thing” and that he too is familiar with the “sex for money” dynamic.

While the The Slutty Professor lead admits that she is a bit green in the political arena, she is reportedly up for the challenge. Her only reservation thus far: that the Senate pays a lot less than Wicked Pictures.

We here at Buzz Pirates fully support Ms. Daniels’ historic run. We also support her past endeavors, including: Sleeping Booty, Asshole Casserole and If These Balls Could Talk.

Check out Stormy Daniels being interviewed by CNN’s Rick Sanchez:

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Check out this CNN video about Barry’s pre-election ritual of playing basketball with friends. Check Obama get the steal, go behind the back, lead the fast break and then dish out the assist. Say What!

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To celebrate Barry’s historical achievement (and with a little help from www.infoplease.com, here are several other notable African American Firsts:

Government
• Local elected official: John Mercer Langston, 1855, town clerk of Brownhelm Township, Ohio.
• State elected official: Alexander Lucius Twilight, 1836, the Vermont legislature.
• Mayor of major city: Carl Stokes, Cleveland, Ohio, 1967-1971. The first black woman to serve as a mayor of a major U.S. city was Sharon Pratt Dixon Kelly, Washington, DC, 1991-1995.
• Governor (appointed): P.B.S. Pinchback served as governor of Louisiana from Dec. 9, 1872-Jan. 13, 1873, during impeachment proceedings against the elected governor.
• Governor (elected): L. Douglas Wilder, Virginia, 1990-1994. The only other elected black governor has been Deval Patrick, Massachusetts, 2007-
• U.S. Representative: Joseph Rainey became a Congressman from South Carolina in 1870 and was reelected four more times. The first black female U.S. Representative was Shirley Chisholm, Congresswoman from New York, 1969-1983.
• U.S. Senator: Hiram Revels became Senator from Mississippi from Feb. 25, 1870, to March 4, 1871, during Reconstruction. Edward Brooke became the first African-American Senator since Reconstruction, 1966-1979. Carol Mosely Braun became the first black woman Senator serving from 1992-1998 for the state of Illinois. (There have only been a total of five black senators in U.S. history: the remaining two are Blanche K. Bruce [1875-1881] and Barack Obama (2005- ).
• U.S. cabinet member: Robert C. Weaver, 1966-1968, Secretary of the Department of Housing and Urban Development under Lyndon Johnson; the first black female cabinet minister was Patricia Harris, 1977, Secretary of the Department of Housing and Urban Development under Jimmy Carter.
• U.S. Secretary of State: Gen. Colin Powell, 2001-2004. The first black female Secretary of State was Condoleezza Rice, 2005-.

Law
• Federal Judge: William Henry Hastie, 1946; Constance Baker Motley became the first black woman federal judge, 1966.
• U.S. Supreme Court Justice: Thurgood Marshall, 1967-1991. Clarence Thomas became the second African American to serve on the Court in 1991.
African-American Firsts: Scholarship
• College graduate (B.A.): Alexander Lucius Twilight, 1823, Middlebury College; first black woman to receive a B.A. degree: Mary Jane Patterson, 1862, Oberlin College.
• Ph.D.: Edward A. Bouchet, 1876, received a Ph.D. from Yale University. In 1921, three individuals became the first U.S. black women to earn Ph.D.s: Georgiana Simpson, University of Chicago; Sadie Tanner Mossell Alexander, University of Pennsylvania; and Eva Beatrice Dykes, Radcliffe College.
• Rhodes Scholar: Alain L. Locke, 1907.
• College president: Daniel A. Payne, 1856, Wilberforce University, Ohio.
• Ive League President: Ruth Simmons, 2001, Brown University.

Music, TV and Film
• Male Grammy Award winner: Count Basie, 1958.
• Female Grammy Award winner: Ella Fitzgerald, 1958.
• First Oscar: Hattie McDaniel, 1940, supporting actress, Gone with the Wind.
• Oscar, Best Actor/Actress: Sidney Poitier, 1963, Lilies of the Field; Halle Berry, 2001, Monster’s Ball.
• Oscar, Best Actress Nominee: Dorothy Dandridge, 1954, Carmen Jones.
• Network television show host: Nat King Cole, 1956, “The Nat King Cole Show”; Oprah Winfrey became the first black woman television host in 1986, “The Oprah Winfrey Show.”
• Star of a network television show: Bill Cosby, 1965, “I Spy”.

Sports
• Major league baseball player: Jackie Robinson, 1947, Brooklyn Dodgers.
• Elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame: Jackie Robinson, 1962.
• NFL quarterback: Willie Thrower, 1953.
• NFL football coach: Fritz Pollard, 1922-1937.
• Golf champion: Tiger Woods, 1997, won the Masters golf tournament.
• NHL hockey player: Willie O’Ree, 1958, Boston Bruins.1
• Heavyweight boxing champion: Jack Johnson, 1908.

Other African-American Firsts
• Licensed Pilot: Bessie Coleman, 1921.
• Millionaire: Madame C. J. Walker.
• Billionaire: Robert Johnson, 2001, owner of Black Entertainment Television; Oprah Winfrey, 2003.
• Portrayal on a postage stamp: Booker T. Washington, 1940 (and also 1956).
• Miss America: Vanessa Williams, 1984, representing New York. When controversial photos surfaced and Williams resigned, Suzette Charles, the runner-up and also an African American, assumed the title. She represented New Jersey. Three additional African Americans have been Miss Americas: Debbye Turner (1990), Marjorie Vincent (1991), and Kimberly Aiken (1994).
• Explorer, North Pole: Matthew A. Henson, 1909, accompanied Robert E. Peary on the first successful U.S. expedition to the North Pole.
• Explorer, South Pole: George Gibbs, 1939-1941 accompanied Richard Byrd.
• Flight around the world: Barrington Irving, 2007, from Miami Gardens, Florida, flew a Columbia 400 plane named Inspiration around the world in 96 days, 150 hours (March 23-June 27).
• First astronaut: Robert H. Lawrence, Jr., 1967, was the first black astronaut, but he died in a plane crash during a training flight and never made it into space. Guion Bluford, 1983, became the first black astronaut to travel in space; Mae Jemison, 1992, became the first black female astronaut. Frederick D. Gregory, 1998, was the first African-American shuttle commander.

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In addition Mark Walhberg showed up in the same sketch as the Alaskan Gov. in a week that followed his anti-SNL comments. Josh Brolin, hot off Oliver Stone’s “W” hosted the show.

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20. “I’m going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I’m smart on the subject.” -, answering a question about a possible flu pandemic, Cleveland, July 10, 2007

19. “We’ve got a lot of relations with countries in our neighborhood.” – Kranj, Slovenia, June 10, 2008

18. “Should the Iranian regime-do they have the sovereign right to have civilian nuclear power? So, like, if I were you, that’s what I’d ask me. And the answer is, yes, they do.” -talking to reporters in Washington, D.C., July 2, 2008

17. “I think it was in the Rose Garden where I issued this brilliant statement: If I had a magic wand — but the president doesn’t have a magic wand. You just can’t say, ‘low gas.’” – Washington D.C., July 15, 2008

16. “Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people.” -Charlottesville, Va., July 4, 2008

15. “There’s no question about it. Wall Street got drunk — that’s one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras — it got drunk and now it’s got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments.” – speaking at a private fundraiser, Houston, Texas, July 18, 2008

14. “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” -LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

13. “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” -Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

12. “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.” -second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

11. “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” -Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

10. “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” -to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

9. “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” -Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

8. “They misunderestimated me.” -Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

7. “So long as I’m the president, my measure of success is victory — and success.” – on Iraq, Washington, D.C., April 17, 2008

6. “The question is, who ought to make that decision? The Congress or the commanders? And as you know, my position is clear — I’m a commander guy.” -Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007

5. “I’ll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.” – Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

4. “More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way.” – Martinsburg, W. Va., July 4, 2007

3. “Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?” -Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2. “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” -Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once, shame on – shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.” -Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

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