Washington D.C. - In a move that shocked the entire political spectrum, President Obama announced his nomination to the Supreme Court today, an aborted transsexual fetus. The fetus, offici
ally named “medical discharge compound, serial number 2382A-09” described itself as “honored,” “in constant pain” and “slightly moist.” Where the newly nominated fetus will fall on conservative/liberal views is anyone’s guess. Beltway insiders are agree its too soon to determine whether the decision to approve the nomination will be a “shameful and lonely back alley process” or a “quick and quiet one, best swept under the rug.”
This marks the first time an aborted transsexual fetus has been nominated to the country’s highest court. Although the aborted fetus has no prior judicial experience, it is believed to be more in touch with the common man than Justice Antonin Scalia. Regardless, this is a historic day for transsexual fetus’ everywhere. Quick to call the fetus their own, Republicans and Democrats alike, rallied to meet the press.
Howard Dean (D-VT) claimed that aborted fetus’ “had vision”, despite the thick layer of mucus still covering its
non-fully formed eye sockets. “This is a proud moment in our history, aborted transsexual fetus’ have long been underrepresented in our nation’s highest offices,” commented Dean. “First, Obama’s nominates the country’s first Hispanic Supreme Court justice in Judge Sonia Sotomayor and BAM follows it up with another filibuster proof nomination….yeeeeaaaaaoooowwwwww!!!!!” Dean then finished his comments with several awkward celebratory hand gestures and yelling.
“This is an outrageous,” said conservative radio host and noted Oxycontin fan Rush Limbaugh. “The Jew run liberal media is going to let some faggy pile of mush tell me what to do!” When told that the aborted fetus was pro-life, due to its countless ailments brought on by its own abortion, Limbaugh then said he was actually talking about Judge Sonia Sotomayor. “I say Huzzah! to this tiny hero of the Supreme Court.”
ges, and she’s been around longer then you’d think. Maybe its her reported dabbling with witchcraft and spells that’s given Heather staying power. Heather Graham made a huge splash baring all as Rollergirl in Boogie Nights, but has been wowing male audiences for over 20 years all the way back to License to Drive. She proved her acting chops early in Drugstore Cowboys and has done well in comedies like Bowfinger and Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. She’s got model looks and still making good in comedies by playing an escort in the upcoming (Buzz Pirates endorsed) movie The Hangover.
BC-TV game show Scrabble. Her parents were not big fans of her career choice but were supportive driving her to early auditions for 80′s TV show Growing Pains.
Thursday night. I will not name the specific Hooters to protect the innocent(ish). Let’s just say its in a sinful city that you wouldn’t be surprised seeing a pregnant Hooters girl in.
all who enter Hooters’ hallowed doors expect, and quite frankly deserve a waitress who’s not with child.
people in surgical masks on the news this virus is still in the early stages. Hopefully a vaccine will come out soon and Swine Flu will be forgotten in a couple of years. I’m buying a case of hand sanitizer. Either way, its got a long way to go to catch up to our 10 Worst Pandemics in history.
causes a rash all over the body. It is also called rubeola or red measles. It is very rare in the United States because most children get the vaccine as part of their regular childhood shots.
Spanish flu) was an flue that spread all over the world. It was caused by an strong and deadly Influenza A virus strain of subtype H1N1 – similar to today’s Swine Flu.
bathroom in public can be a stressful experience, beset with difficulty locating a clean and accessible toilet. Obviously there is no place like home (or at least a place you know and trust). When you are out in public, though, we all know how disgusting rest stops, gas stations, restaurants, sporting events, movie theatres(the wooooorst), malls and countless other public bathrooms can be. This is where Buzz Pirates’ Practical Survival Guide comes in. We look at the places that we think are the best for you to go when you are on the go. Some of the choices are obvious, but some are bathroom choices you may not have realized were simple and available. Happy pooping!
ium or smaller in size to minimize dealing with employees. Stress – 6; Access – 2; Cleanliness – 6. SCORE – 14
theprivate room bathrooms, and they are less likely to be used for anything too intimate or anything bound to create a mess. The larger the hotel the better. Hopefully you aren’t immediately confronted upon entry by a front desk, bellhop or other staff member, but if you are chances are they will bend over backwards to help you out. Any hotel lobby or main floor should have a bathroom, plus hotels are easy to find everywhere. Play your cards right and you might even get a bathroom attendant – which I hate in restaurants and bars, but in a hotel it can be sorta classy – and you get free stuff! You might be slightly nervous walking into a hotel that you have no business in and it might help to be dressed nice, but have confidence and you will see why a Hotel is our number 1 place to use a bathroom in public. Stress – 7; Access – 9; Cleanliness – 10. SCORE – 26
Today is 4/20. Remove the slash and you’ve got a term more important to stoners than any other combination of characters in the english language. For those of you who are pot-illiterate, “420″ is a term used to describe the consumption (or should I say inhalation) of marijuana.
There are many rumors surrounding the origins of 420. Some people claim it is the police code in many cities for crimes related to marijuana. Others state that back in the late seventies, the 
ke, 30,000 people nationwide with a Fantasy Football team or screen name of “tea bagger or tea bagging” or some such thing. There’s even a character on Prison Break named T-Bag. Do your homework people!
Obama is 3.1 percent Irish. Irish Americans are waiting for Barack Obama to embrace his heritage: his great-great-great-grandfather Falmouth Kearney. Kearney was an Irish immigrant who came to America in 1850, from Moneygall, a small Irish village west of Dublin.
Take some pizza dough, shape it like an ice cream cone, through some cheese, sauce and toppings in that cone… and bam! Pizza cone. Its the spill free alternative to…ummm…. pizza? It seems like a good idea for the mall crowd… but will it take?
