In my opinion 90% of vanity plates are stupid and cheesy (and that stat might be forgiving). I saw these three in the Superior Court parking lot recently… true story. What a bunch of douches.
Proud member of the bar:
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Proud home wrecker:
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King Creativity:
This is not a fake Buzz Pirates news story…this is a live account of a pregnant waitress I saw at Hooters on 
Thursday night. I will not name the specific Hooters to protect the innocent(ish). Let’s just say its in a sinful city that you wouldn’t be surprised seeing a pregnant Hooters girl in.
Sign ‘o the times? Bad luck? I don’t know, but the 2 or 30 times I’ve been to Hooters, I was expecting a young, hot thing… not a pregnant chick! C’mon man, its depressing, uncomfortable and an awkward situation for all involved. I mean, if you are the chick, you were already working at Hooters, that’s your job, you can’t just quit because you have a bun in the oven. If you are the management at the Hooters you can’t just fire the girl…that’s not right. Still, people coming to Hooters are expecting cute little girls in cute little outfits…right? Got a bunch of pregnant chicks running around, sales will go in the toilet…and the manager is looking for a new job. Hooters is a place to eat wings and see some T&A, not somewhere to either A. feel bad for the staff or B. get off on some sort of weird fetish. A conundrum if there ever was one.
And if you are a patron, what do you do when you find out you’ve got the pregnant chick? Only the douchebagiest of guests will ask for a non preggers chick, even though 
all who enter Hooters’ hallowed doors expect, and quite frankly deserve a waitress who’s not with child.
In the guy world, here’s how it goes down at pretty much every table that this chick waits on: (for the purposes of this equation, we will assume 4 guys at the table).
Pregnant Hooters girl comes over, guys uncomfortably say hi, she takes drink order and walks away…
Guy 1: “Dude, what the fuck is up with that? A pregnant Hooters chick, what the hell?”
Guy 2: “Dude, I’d totally still hit it”
Guy 3: “Ehhh, that’s fucked, up. She’s fucking pregnant”
Guy 2: “Duuuude, whatever, she’s totally still hot, and her tits are fucking huuuge from being all preggers and shit”
Guy 3: “Guy 2, you are gross…you’d have sex with a pregnant chick? What if she’s all lactating and whatnot.”
Guy 2: “Whatever, you mean to tell me that if you were married, and your wife got pregnant, you wouldn’t have sex with her for 9 months? You’re totally full of shit”
Guy 3: “That’s 100% different”
Guy 2: “Guy 3, you are total pussy! Guy 4, you are with me, right? She’s totally still hot!”
Guy 3: “Whatever, bro, I know Guy 1 is with me…”
And so the debate would begin… much like it does every night this particular Hooters girl works. If you ask me, I’d feel gypped having gotten the pregnant Hooters girl. Still, at Buzz Pirates we don’t lie… we’d still hit it!
You read that correctly. I said it right here on the Interwebs.You probably already know that Chick-fil-A is 
delicious but is Chick-fil-A anti-Semitic?
The High Holy Days remind me of my first official “job.” I was 14 and my mom brought me to the mall to find a this first job. McDonalds was only paying minimum wage at the time ($3.25) and Chick-fil-A was able to beat it at $4.00 an hour. Big bucks… Chick-fil-A won my services.
Its important to point out that I was a bit of a momma’s boy. My mother would, let’s say, mettle in my Chick-fil-A comings and goings. She’d call the manager trying to get me more hours… she’d call the manager trying to get me time off… and so on.
So, on Rosh Hashanah my mother told me, that I’d better get off for Yom Kippur the following week because we had seats (a big deal) at temple. At the time I was what I’d refer to as a “High Holy Day J” – a Jew that only goes to temple on the High Holy Days – so it was important that I get out of work.
When I asked the manager for the day off he said, “Corey, if you don’t come in next week, then don’t bother coming back.” So, basically I was fired right there on the spot. The truth of the matter was that the policy was to ask 2 weeks in advance for days off…this was only one week. Also, my mother had been a pain in the ass… so I guess I was kind of asking for it. Still the fact remains, I was fired because I could not work on Yom Kippur…therefore, I was fired from Chick-fil-A for being Jewish.
I’d like to point out a couple of things about Chick-fil-A just to stir the pot…
Chick-fil-A founder S. Truett Cathy is a devout Southern Baptist who has taught Sunday School for over 44 years and whose religious beliefs permeate the company to this day. The company’s official statement of corporate purpose says that the business exists “to glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and to have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A.” Cathy’s beliefs are also responsible for one of the chain’s distinctive features: All Chick-fil-A locations (company-owned and franchised, whether in a mall or freestanding) are closed on Sundays.
In all honesty, this S. Truett Cathy character sounds like a stand up guy who practices what he preaches. Recently, two young girls caused $30,000 worth of damage to his home and he worked out a deal with the girls’ parents to not press charges.
In any case, worry not Chick-fil-A… I won’t be suing you (besides the statute of limitations ran out a long time ago). The honest truth is that Chick-fil-A…. is fantastic. It is easily the best tasting fast food restaurant…and it might actually be the healthiest. I go there (specifically the one I was fired from) more often then any other fast food restaurant.
So, if you are going to support one anti-Semitic fast food chain…why not make it Chick-fil-A? I believe you can get “The Holocaust is a Hoax” value meal. It includes the “Greedy Money-Lending Nuggets,” “Jew Run Media Fries” and you can wash it down with a “Barbra Streisand Sucks Large Size Cola.”
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CAUGHT WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY…FUNNY, I HAVE!
So, here’s a tale from this Buzzpirate’s youth… and its 100% true! Some names have been changed to protect the embarrassed~~ Enjoy the first tale told from Corey’s Corner.
Do you remember the first time you saw a pornographic movie? I do… maybe a little too well.
When I was 13 years old, my friend Gary had this great idea for us to watch a porno after school at my house before my parents got home. As it turned out, our other friend Drake had stolen a 80′s porn from his father’s secret collection…and was (in retrospect), dumb enough to lend it to us. So, Gary with porn in hand came to my house directly after school. We had 2 hours before my mom would be getting home. So we popped that bad boy in the VCR and our education had begun.
I can’t remember much about this pornographic work of art other then it involved unbelievable amounts of hair in unsightly places. Still, at the time, the whole thing was pretty amazing. I started to get nervous, and told Gary we should probably shut it off before someone gets home. He used his amazing powers of peer pressure and we continued to watch. Five minutes later the front door busts open (99 out of 100 times my mother would come through the garage)…
Cooler heads would have realized that my mother never knew how to work the VCR, and we could have simply hit the stop button and nothing would have happened. Nevertheless, nerves and hormones set off a ridiculous chain of events.
The second the door opened the two of us made for the VCR and feverishly started pounding on the “eject” button. But, alas, this was a 1986 VCR, and the tape must have taken a full minute to eject. Gary and I were acting like we were doing crack or worse. My mother ran in to see what the commotion was about just as I was throwing the tape to Gary in the other room. With a shreik she shouted…”what the hell is going on here.” Gary offered a feeble explanation…she didn’t buy it…and at that moment I did the stand up good guy thing… I sold everyone out on the spot. “Mom its a porno, Gary got it from Drake who stole it from his father.” My mother regained her composure and told us to wait outside.
We waited nervously outside, what a horrible situation. My mother came outside and told Gary that he must go home immediately and tell his mother what happened here. My punishment was handed out quickly… no one over the house when her or my father weren’t home…not too bad…yet.
I went to my room to hide my shame. Within 1 hour Gary’s mother had called mine, they started kibbitzing and eventually came up with a horrendous brainstorm. Gary parents would come over my house that very 
same night, and along with my parents they would watch the video together… “so they could better understand what Gary and I saw.” Did I mention that my parents were supposed to go out for their anniversary that night? (you can’t make this up).
So, with me hiding my shame upstairs in my room, downstairs my parents and Gary’s parents watched the video…or at least part of it. Then, they called up Drake’s father to come pick the offensive adult feature up in person (yes…his own movie!). Drake probably still has trouble sitting from the ass kicking he must have gotten.
When everyone had left my mother came upstairs… she was crying… balling… totally upset at what her innocent little son had seen, and with a bellowing cry she let out… “Corey, that’s not love!!!! That’s not love!!!”
No one ever wants to see their mother cry…but eventually, it turned out to be one of the funniest punchlines to a story ever. Gary’s mother cried and said the same thing.
EPILOGUE… Gary and I were on the same basketball team and a week later our fathers were driving us to the game… my father turns to us in the back seat, and with a sly grin says… “You guy’s see any good movies lately?“