Buzz Pirates Golfer of the Year: John Daly

Tiger Who? Seems like every day we are asked who our pick for Golfer of the year is going to be. Well, I know its only October, but we are ready to announce Buzz Pirates Golfer of the year: John Daly. How did this incredible athlete win this coveted crown? Well seems as if Daly was found passed out drunk in a Hooter’s parking lot by police. Police officers were summoned to the Hooters at 120 Hanes Square Circle in Winston-Salem at 2:17am to find this incredible athlete. He spent a night in a North Carolina Jail for his actions. I’m telling you that you better watch this kid, because he’s going straight to the top!

Here on the left, Daly shows off his pre and post game rituals for excelling as a classy athlete.

Also, if you are both disgusting and shameless, dressing as John Daly could be a good last minute Halloween costume. Below, here’s our man playing a round of golf shirtless and shoeless.

So, congratulations Mr. Daly on this amazing achievement. Further proving that unless you are Tiger Woods, golf…is not a sport.

Weekly Booty – Drunk Robots, Chalkboard Fatality & a Hung Weatherman

weekly bootyWelcome to the Weekly Booty, a Friday feature at Buzz Pirates where we recap some of the best loot we’ve dugg up on the net in the past week. Check out some of these treasures matey…

  • Gizmodo – Funny…it seems that all of our favorite gadgets are always related to booze. But when you can combine booze and Star Wars…what’s not to love? Behold Bar2-D2, you’re very own drink serving robot.
  • Yep Yep – Who said we couldn’t have Mortal Combat powers? All you need is a chalkboard. FATALITY!
  • Things are looking “up” for the weather this weekend.

    Hung Weatherman

  • BannedInHollywood.com – Check out this awesome headline BannedInHollywood found on ESPN. I can’t wait to see the headline when the Oregon State Beavers play the South Carolina Game COCKS – “Cocks Pound Beavers”.

    beavers trap trojans
    Cocks rock

  • In keeping with this week’s phallic theme, check out the way Rachael Ray can work a shaft.

Heather Locklear and Buzz Pirates Best Celebrity Mug Shots

Heather Locklear was arrested over the weekend on suspicion of driving while under the influence of prescription drugs. Police found the TV star parked on the side of a road blocking traffic. She was booked into the Santa Barbara County Jail and was let go on $5,000 bail. She still looks great, even in her mug shot. She’s like the female Dick Clark…sort of. Still there is a hint of crazy eyes going on in this picture…maybe more then a hint. Anyway, Heather has inspired our first look at celebrity mug shots. (You can click on the pictures to get a closer look).

Heather Locklear Mug Shot

Paris Hilton – Arrested 2007, in Los Angeles for driving on suspended. Hot.
Paris Hilton Mug Shot

Lindsay Lohan - Arrested 2007, in Los Angeles for drunk driving and cocaine possession. Can’t these people afford limos or taxis or servants?
Lindsay Lohan Mug Shot

Nicole Ritchie – 2007, Los Angeles, Drunk Driving
Nicole Ritchie Mug Shot

George Carlin – 1972, Wisconsin for violating obscenity laws with his “Seven words you can never say on television” routine. Charges were later dismissed by judge. He will be missed.
George Carlin Mug Shot

James Brown – 2004, domestic violence. My personal favorite mug shot ever.
James Brown Mug Shot

Rosa Parks – 1956 arrest in Montgomery bus boycotts. She was 43 at the time. Including this photo doesn’t exactly fit the mold of funny celebrity mug shots, but I think its an interesting bit of history. The photo was discovered in July 2004 in a storage room.

Frank Sinatra – 1938, Bergen County New Jersey for carrying on with a married woman.
Frank Sinatra Mug Shot

Nic Nolte – 2002, California, drunk driving. "The Mother of All Mug Shots."
Nic Nolte Mug Shot

Mel Gibson – 2006 Los Angeles drunk driving. The Anti-Semitic lowlife scumbag looks pretty handsome in his mug shot. F@&$ you Mel Gibson.
Mel Gibson Mug Shot

Deion Sanders – 1996 – Lee County Florida. In probably the weakest football player crime ever. Primetime was caught trespassing when he was fishing on private property. That smile is always dy-no-mite!
Deion Sanders Mug Shot

Weekly Booty – Sarah Palin Corn Maze, Video Game Bar & Jenna’s Vaj

weekly bootyWelcome to the Weekly Booty, a Friday feature at Buzz Pirates where we recap some of the best loot we’ve dugg up on the net in the past week. Check out some of these treasures matey…

  • Gizmodo – Video Game Bar Tackles Two Life-Hindering Addictions at Once. We gotta have one now!
  • PerezHilton – Jenna Jameson is pregnant with twins! Damn…hasn’t her vagina had enough by now?
  • The UK Sun – Zeppelin baby Zeppelin! ROCK legends LED ZEPPELIN are set for a reunion tour after singer ROBERT PLANT finally caved in and agreed to join them.
  • We love Sarah Palin. Mostly because she gives us lots of stupid shit to write about. But we don’t love her as much as those crazy red blooded Ohioans. Check out the portrait they did of her…in a corn field!

    Sarah Palin Corn Maze

  • WELT Online – This is not another stupid Superhero movie. Yes…I swear this is a real person in a real suit. Swiss pilot Yves ‘FusionMan’ Rossy, the first man in the world to fly under a jet-fitted wing, successfully flew over the English Channel today.

    real life rocket man

  • NothingToxic.com – Got a craving for some porn, but stuck at work? Not to fear…check out these Safe For Work [SFW] Porn videos from NothingToxic.com.

    Safe For Work Porn Videos
    I love watching a two girls play the harmonica at the same time.

What Happens when You Fall Asleep at a Mets Game?

As a Mets fan, i can see how getting drunk at the game is an important part of dealing with the stress. With such a tight race for the NL East, and last year’s disaster still lingering… the fans need to blow off some steam. So what happens when you are drunk and sleeping at the game? You get beer cups stacked on your head, much to the delight of the Shea faithful…

10 Classic NORM! Quotes from Cheers

NORM!
Remember the good old days of television, when sitcoms didn’t suck? When sexual harassment in the workplace was ok, drinking beer at noon was acceptable, and lawyers and doctors hung out with mailmen? When you could go to a place to take a break from all your worries – a place where everyone knew your name? As I was flicking around the TV last night, unable to find a single thing to enjoy, I realized how much I missed one of the best sitcoms ever – Cheers. So I threw together these 10 Classic NORM! Quotes from Cheers. Enjoy.

Sam: What’s new, Normie?
Norm: Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach. They’re demanding beer.

Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: Still pouring, Norm?
Norm: That’s funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

Coach: “What’ll it be, Normie?”
Norm: “Just the usual Coach. I’ll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.”

Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn’t it Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.

Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one waiting for you.
Norm: I know, and if she calls, I’m not here.

Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
Norm: Yep, now let’s get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?

Woody: “What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?”
Norm: “A flashing sign in my gut that says, ‘Insert beer here.’”

Sam: “What’s the story, Norm?”
Norm: “Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.”

Woody: “Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?”
Norm: “Alright, but stop me at one….make that one-thirty.”

Sam: “How’s life treating you Norm?”
Norm: “Like it caught me sleeping with its wife.”

Budweiser: Koning van Bieren

Budweiser: Belgium For BeerThat would be Dutch for “King of Beers”. After many attempts, Belgian-Brazilian brewer InBev has finally been able to woo Anheuser-Busch board members who agreed to sell the company for $70 a share. The $52 billion dollar takeover makes InBev the largest brewer in the world.

I can’t help but to think a classic piece of Americana has been sold off from under our noses. Gone are the days of NASCAR, double-wides, and ice cold Buds. Get used to the new motif: Chocolate, Waffles, and luke warm Budweiser. Poor residents of St. Louis, Missouri. They must feel like the citizens of Springfield when Mr. Burns sold the Nuclear Power Plant to the Germans.

Meanwhile, InBev continues its quest for global domination one beer at a time. In addition to all Anheuser-Busch products, they are also the owners of Beck’s, Stella Artois, Bass Ale, St. Pauli Girl, Labatt, Löwenbräu, and about 295 others. Check out the entire list of beers owned by InBev. Something definitely doesn’t add up here. Most of these beers don’t suck. Maybe this is good for Budweiser after all.

Below is a map of InBev global occupation. Watch out Greenland Brewhouse! InBev is coming for you!

InBev Beers

Wii Beer Pong

Ohhhh Yeahhh…Your days of searching under the refrigerator for the last good ping-pong ball just so you can play a little Beer Pong (or Beruit, as I like to call it) are over! No more desperately trying to reshape the ball by microwaving it in a cup of water after the drunk bastard on the losing team accidentally steps on it. No more duck taping balls or using your dad’s practice golf balls made out of plastic.

You can now play Beer Pong on Wii. Check…it…out…

I don’t know…call me old fashioned, but I still prefer to drink out of cups with tons of shit in the bottom of them. I guess this is still a good backup!

Jeff

An Open Letter to Steven Tyler

Dear Steven,steven tyler

I heard from TMZ that you checked in to rebad recently. On behalf of all music fans everywhere, I ask…no…I beg…why…Steven why?!

You are in your sixties. You have clearly proven that you can survive the rock star lifestyle. So I ask you to please take a note from the journal of SIR (in my opinion) Keith Richards, and throw caution to the wind. Party it up.

Please don’t go to rehab. We cannot stand to hear another sober rendition of Amazing, Crazy, Lying, Crying or whatever corny, repetitive ballad that rolls out of your seltzer drinkin’ monster lips. Have a drink. Do some lines. Hell…shoot up for all I care. Its been more than 30 years and we are still waiting for another Sweet Emotion, Dream On, or Walk This Way (with or without a kick ass rap group).

We want you to stop selling out and start making music like you used to….from your heart and completely fucked up out of your mind.

Thank you,

Jeff Buzz