Megan Fox is the New Wonder Woman… Psyche!

Ever wonder how a web hoax is born? In a movie rumor that had fanboys drooling and pretty much every regular guy drooling too, uber-hottie Megan Fox was announced to be playing Wonder Woman. The Transformers beauty who became in instant sensation seems like the perfect fit for the role? There’s one catch though…the news is fake. Wonder-Who.com revealed that Fox would suit up as DC Comics heroine Wonder Woman in an upcoming big-budget movie.

Various studio types have been trying to get the lasso and invisible plane on the screen for years. Several other stars such as Jennifer Lopez, Sandra Bullock, Rachel Bilson, and Catherine Zeta-Jones have been rumored to be up for the role Lynda Carter was famous for. Producer Joel Silver was once on board. Buffy and Firefly Joss Whedon told Entertainment Weekly (my favorite magazine) the following in 2006 when he was attached to writing a Wonder Woman script:

“Besides [Wonder Woman's] great origin story, there’s nothing from the comics that felt right 100 percent, no iconic canon story that must be told. Batman has it made – he’s got the greatest rogues gallery ever, he’s got Gotham City. The Bat writes himself. With Wonder Woman, you’re writing from whole cloth, but trying to make it feel like you didn’t. To make it feel like it’s existed for 60 years, even though you’re making it up as you go along. But who she, and what the movie, is about, thematically, has never been a problem for me. But the steps along the way, it could be so easy for them to feel wrong. I won’t settle. She wouldn’t let me settle.”

Warner Bros. has since confirmed that the Wonder-Who.com site was “complete B.S.” By the time you read this, the site may be closed down. Still we can still “wonder” what might have been. Hell, I’d go see Wonder Woman if Megan Fox was in the lead. Although, for all the male fans that Megan Fox has, I “wonder” if she has any female fans. Most women probably view her as “that skinny bitch from that toy robot movie. That said, it is possible that someone making a big version of this movie would pick a female actress with a broader appeal. Still, maybe this rumor will put the idea of Megan Fox in the right executive’s head… at least one of them.

Update: Looks like she won’t be Wonder Woman (yet), but has signed on to play an angel opposite the Wrestler’s Mickey Rourke in director Mitch Glazer‘s drama Passion Plays. The 1950s Los Angeles-set movie finds Fox’s character, described as a slender beauty with wings who is part of a carnival, helping a down-in-the-skids trumpeter (Rourke) be redeemed.

Inner-Tube Robber uses Craigslist in His Own Bailout Heist

In what has got to be the most inventive real life bank heist I’ve ever heard of The Inner-Tube Robber struck Monroe, Washington with creativity. The robber thought way outside the box in what could be made into a Hollywood Movie.  According to King5.com the man with the plan used a Craigslist.com ad to hire a dozen unsuspecting decoys to help him make his getaway following a robbery outside a Bank of America in Monroe. He then made his escape in an inner tube down a river.

“He was wearing a dust mask, a particle mask. At first I thought it might be a surgical mask. I still didn’t think anything was wrong, just unusual. Then I noticed he had a pump sprayer,” said Mitch Ruth, who had looked out his office window and noticed the man walking into the bank.

The robber sprayed the guard with pepper spray, grabbed a bag of money the guard was carrying and ran about 100 yards to the creek that runs into the Skykomish River, shedding clothes as he ran.

The robber planned ahead with decoys. This stemmed from an ad advertising $28.50 an hour for a road maintenance project. The ad called for a specific outfit, including mask, which the robber also wore. Half a dozen people showed up ready to work.

If this guy gets caught, he’ll get rich selling his story to Hollywood.

Beaconsfield: A Musical in A-Flat Minor

Beaconsfield musical
I cannot stop slapping my knee. Talk about bad taste. When playwright Dan Ilic decided he wanted to do a musical comedy about the media circus surrounding the 2006 Beaconsfield mine disaster, he figured that he needed to come up with a catchy title. And boy did he ever.

For those that don’t recall, Wikipedia says “on Tuesday 25 April 2006, a small earthquake caused a rock fall in the Beaconsfield gold mine. Fourteen miners escaped safely, one miner, Larry Knight, was killed, and the remaining two, Todd Russell and Brant Webb, were trapped in a shaft approximately one kilometre underground. The two trapped miners were found alive five days later on Sunday 30 April. Rescue operations continued for nearly two weeks until the two miners were freed on Tuesday 9 May.”

So what did Ilic name his play? He named it Beaconsfield: A Musical in A-Flat Minor. Get it?… a FLAT MINER…as in the late Larry Knight (God rest his soul). Where’s a snare drum and high hat when you need one.

The play is scheduled to open tomorrow night at the Melbourne Fringe Festival. After learning of the family’s disgust over the title of the play, Ilic renamed it “out of respect” for the family of miner Larry Knight.

“I had no idea they’d be so offended by it,” he said.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Ahoy, matey! Turn your mast to starboard (or port) and celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate day with us at Buzz Pirates. Methinks that because of the name of this website, we be required to mention how important International Talk Like a Pirate Day be. Avast land lubber! Think you’ve got the minerals to talk like a Pirate? Then forget the parrot, peg leg, rye and eye patch and just yell our AAARRRRRRR!! So, whether ye be a fan of Blackbeard or Captain Kidd…Captain Hook or Long John Silver….Sinbad or Captain Jack Sparrow… Buzz Pirates or Butt Pirates; take a moment out of your day to prove that ye be the corniest person you know and reference this stupid made up holiday.

The holiday was invented by in 1995 by John Baur (Ol’ Chumbucket) and Mark Summers (Cap’n Slappy) who decided that everyone should talk like a pirate on September 19 every year. You can check out a pirate translator if you need help. So spread the word and talk like a pirate. Oh, and just in case you were curious, Sinbad…he’s hilarious.

Kite Surfer Proves Hurricanes Are Good for Society

That’s right, I said it. Hurricanes are good for society because they weed out the idiotic, leaving the intelligent to survive and procreate. It is Darwinism at its finest. Just take a look at this Dodo bird who decided to go Kite Surfing in the middle of Tropical Storm Fay. Kevin Kearney remains in critical condition after winds up to 70 mph picked him up like a rag doll and slammed him face first into a building down the street.

Seriously, what was this genius thinking? What did he expect 70 mile per hour winds to do with his meek little body? Ironically, Kevin’s calendar for next weekend shows another thrill seeking adventure – standing up to a Mac truck barreling down Route 95 at 60 miles per hour. “No problem”, thought Kevin, “its 10 mph slower”.

The Buzz Pirates are not entirely heartless. We hope he makes a quick recovery. Well…everywhere except his reproductive system.

Update: Looks like WFOR-TV, the CBS affiliate from Miami, pulled the video from YouTube. You can see the original here. Enjoy the Fox News version below (even better).

Google and the Swastika (卐)

So I was checking my Google Trends this morning and I noticed a very bizarre and frightening symbol on the list of most searched topics at Google. A swastika! WTF? We all know that Google is mobilizing for global domination and annihilates internet competition by the thousands, but this is just a little insane!

Google Nazi

In actuality, the symbol has a much deeper meaning than what most people associate it with today. The swastika is considered extremely holy and auspicious by all Hindus, and is regularly used to decorate items related to Hindu culture. The symbol is also significant in Buddhism and Jainism cultures and can be seen on religious artifacts throughout India, China, and Japan. The swastika’s Indian name comes the Sanskrit word svasti, meaning good fortune, luck and well being. In China and Japan, the Buddhist swastika was seen as a symbol of plurality, eternity, abundance, prosperity and long life.

It is a real shame that some psychopath with a flavor savor and delusions of grandeur had to ruin this symbol of prosperity and auspiciousness for the rest of the world. What an asshole.

In case anyone was wondering, the symbol shown on the Google Trends is actually The Tibetan swastika known as nor bu bzhi -khyil, or quadruple body symbol, defined by the Unicode character U+0FCC. It is a symbol of the Tibetan character set. Why everyone was searching for it is beyond me.

The Crap Cannon: I Shit You Not

Crap CannonJust as I was complaining that there was no funny news happening today, the media Gods go ahead and serve this nugget up on a golden (brown) platter. Fox News is reporting today that political activists are starting to shit their pants over the idea of literally shitting their pants through the use of a new crowd control weapon called The Crap Cannon. I couldn’t make this up folks.

Also called “Brown Note“, the weapon is believed to use ultrasonic frequencies to disrupt a person’s bowels, debilitating them by causing them to defecate involuntarily. It is rumored that the weapon may be used on political activists planning to protest at the upcoming Democratic National Convention in Denver.

Whether or not this weapon truly exists is up for debate. Glenn Spangnuolo, a member of activist group Re-create 68, said he has no doubt that Brown Note exists. He says that it may not cause you to crap in your pants, but it does make a person feel disoriented by losing their equilibrium while feeling nauseous. Some other experts disagree. Our friends at the popular Discovery Channel show MythBusters have tested this one out with a variety of audible and sub-audible frequencies and were not able to cause any crappage. According to them, the myth is busted.

So who knows if the Crap Cannon really exist. After all, it was reported by Fox News. Let’s just be glad that the Democratic Convention is in the mile high city, because it if the weapon does exists, Denver is gonna be one stinky town.

Jeff Peckman Alien Video

Jeff PeckmanUFO buff nut job, Jeff Peckman, has a video that he says is undeniable proof that space aliens exists. He plans to show this video to the media today in an attempt to increase support for the creation of an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission in Denver, whose purpose would be to welcome our cosmic neighbors after their long intergalactic journey. Why he thinks Denver would be the first stop for the space voyagers is beyond me.

Unfortunately, the general public will not be able to view the video because it has exclusive rights for use in an upcoming documentary by Stan Romanek. However, it has turned Denver into another Roswell-like media circus attracting the attention of news shows like the CBS Early Show and the London Evening Mail.

We do have some inside scoop that is exclusive to Buzz Pirate readers. The video is not of some wacko whistling at himself in the mirror, as the image above might suggest. According the Peckman, the video shows an extraterrestrial’s head popping up outside of a window at night that’s visible through an infrared camera. Apparently, an instructor at the Colorado Film School in Denver scrutinized the video “very carefully” and determined it was authentic.

My guess is that further analysis will conclude that it is just another video of Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton Night Vision

[Gizmodo]

Texas Sinkhole – The World Really IS Falling Apart

Texas Sink HoleWhy does it seem that everything crazy always happens in Texas? Whether it is a God fearing Cult, a dude with 21 wives, or a Cult of dudes with 21 wives, whenever something bizarre happens, its a good bet that its happening in Texas.

Here is another perfect example. The town of Daisette, Texas is falling apart – literally. Officials are monitoring a sink hole that is the size of two football fields. No one knows why its happening or what caused it. But…I’m pretty sure its only a matter of time before we see news reports of yet another cult claiming that it is a sign of the Apocalypse and the beginning of God’s wrath on the entire planet. Freaks.

Check out this other picture of the “Kings of the Hole”. I swear, I did not alter this photo. You can actually see the reflection of the guy’s belt buckle. That guy has gotta be named Hank.

King of the Hole