Death By Chocolate! A Gruesome and Delicious Death in Camden, NJ!

A 29 year old temporary worker has died after falling into a vat of melted chocolate in a New Jersey processing plant. The terrifying and delicious death sounds like fudge frenzy nightmare.

The Cocoa Services Inc. plant worker fell after a blade used to mix raw chocolate hit him. The man’s name has not been released, but he might as well be Augustus Gloop (the fat kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).

The accident happened today as the worker was loading raw chocolate into the vat where it’s melted and mixed and then shipped elsewhere to be made into candy products. Prosecutor’s spokesman Jason Laughlin said a co-worker tried to shut off the machine and two others tried to pull the man out of the 8-foot deep vat. Cocoa Services hires a second company — Lyons and Sons — to do the mixing.

Picture Heather Graham – Celebrity Profile

Heather Graham is super hot Hollywood blond whose still got it. With those big eyes, its like she never ages, and she’s been around longer then you’d think. Maybe its her reported dabbling with witchcraft and spells that’s given Heather staying power. Heather Graham made a huge splash baring all as Rollergirl in Boogie Nights, but has been wowing male audiences for over 20 years all the way back to License to Drive. She proved her acting chops early in Drugstore Cowboys and has done well in comedies like Bowfinger and Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. She’s got model looks and still making good in comedies by playing an escort in the upcoming (Buzz Pirates endorsed) movie The Hangover.

Famous Relationships: artist Chris Doyle, musicians Jason Falkner and Adam Ant, and actors James Woods (met on set of Diggstown), Kyle MacLachlan, Elias Koteas, Heath Ledger, Elijah Blue, and Edward Burns.

Bio: The oldest of two children, her younger sister, Aimee Graham, is also an actress and writer. Their mother, Joan, is a teacher and noted author of children’s books, and father, James Graham, a retired FBI agent. Born January 29, 1970…find me a hotter 39 year old.

Got the Performance Bug Early: In 1986, she appeared on a special “Teen Week” episode of the NBC-TV game show Scrabble. Her parents were not big fans of her career choice but were supportive driving her to early auditions for 80’s TV show Growing Pains.

Selected Filmography:

  • Baby on Board (2009) Angela
  • Ex-terminators (2009)Alex
  • The Hangover (2009)Jade
  • Mary (2008) Elizabeth Younger
  • Miss Conception (2008) Georgina Scott
  • Adrift in Manhattan (2007) Rose Phipps
  • Broken (2007) Hope
  • Gray Matters (2007)Gray Baldwin
  • A West Texas Children s Story (2007) Cassie s Aunt
  • Bobby (2006) Angela
  • The Oh in Ohio (2006) Justine
  • Cake (2005)
  • Blessed (2004)
  • Anger Management (2003)
  • Killing Me Softly (2002)
  • Hope Springs (2003) Mandy
  • The Guru (2003) Sharrona
  • From Hell (2001) Mary Kelly
  • Say It Isn t So (2001)Josephine Wingfield
  • Sidewalks of New York (2001) Annie
  • Committed (2000) Joline
  • Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) Felicity Shagwell
  • Bowfinger (1999) Daisy
  • Alien Love Triangle (1998) Elizabeth
  • Lost in Space (1998) Judy Robinson
  • Two Girls and A Guy (1998) Carla
  • Boogie Nights (1997) Rollergirl
  • Nowhere (1997) Lilith
  • Scream 2 (1997) Casey in Stab
  • Entertaining Angels: The Dorothy Day Story (1996) Maggie
  • Swingers (1996) Lorraine
  • Desert Winds (1995) Jackie
  • Run For Cover (1995)
  • Toughguy (1995) Olive
  • Don’t Do It (1994) Suzanna
  • Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1994) Cowgirl Heather
  • Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle (1994) Mary Kennedy Taylor
  • Six Degrees of Separation (1993) Elizabeth
  • The Ballad of Little Jo (1993) Mary Addie
  • Diggstown (1992) Emily Forrester
  • Guilty as Charged (1992) Kimberly
  • Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992) Annie Blackburn
  • Shout (1991) Sara Benedict
  • I Love You to Death (1990) Bridget
  • Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Nadine
  • License to Drive (1988) Mercedes

Boy George Sentenced to 15 Months In Prison

From his Culture Club Days...Boy George was recently sentenced to fifteen months in jail for imprisoning Norwegian male escort Auden Carlsen. Apparently, in a drug-fueled fit of sex-play, Mr. Boy George (real name: George O’Dowd) handcuffed Mr. Carlsen to a wall hook. In an effort to refute the charges, the singer claimed that his computer had been tampered with, and he needed to handcuff the prostitute to evaluate his involvement in the crime. The Norwegian counters that the homosexual icon swung a chain at him as he ran naked from a photo shoot.
I think the facts of this case are pretty straight forward. An aging Boy George hires a Norwegian prostitute for some fun, photos and lots and lots of man sex, and it gets out of hand. This happens to everyone at some point or another, right?

The punishment imposed, however, defies logic. Sending Boy George to jail for handcuffing a prostitute is like sentencing a convicted kid-toucher to fifteen months in kindergarten. Unless prisons in the U.K. are the exact opposite of prisons in the U.S., Boy George just got sentenced to the greatest fifteen month period of his lifIn his male-hooker restraint erae! He gets to go to a place where both restraining devices and men are everywhere! In jail, the former Culture Club front man will have a veritable buffet of strapping young men to handcuff and whip. This is punishment?

I’ll be the first to admit that I know very little about England’s criminal justice system. Do they send people convicted of marijuana possession to Jamaica?

It seems like Boy George did pretty well for himself. I guess I’m kind of jealous. The last time I handcuffed a hooker to a wall, I didn’t get a free trip to Amsterdam’s Red Light District. All I got was gonorrhea.

Submitted by Guest Writer Brian

Douche of the Day : Pilot Marcus Schrenker of Heritage Wealth Management

So, what happens when you and your company are about to be sued ala Marcus Schrenker of Heritage Wealth Management? Well, you get into your plane, fly from Indiana to Florida, report that your windshield has imploded, set the plane on Autopilot and parachute to safety in an obvious attempt to fake your own death. For Marcus Schrenker this was the most sensible solution.

After the plane crash, police said the plane’s wreckage showed no signs of the emergency reported by Marcus Schrenker, 38. A man using his Schrenker’s Indiana driver’s license checked into an Alabama motel after telling police he’d been in a canoe accident, then went MIA before authorities could talk to him him.

The single-engine Piper Malibu crashed Sunday night in a swampy area of Santa Rosa County in north Florida. It had left Anderson, Ind., en route to the Florida Panhandle city of Destin. The plane crashed within 50 to 75 yards of houses, according to Scott Haines, a spokesman for the county sheriff’s department.  That part of the story is not funny at all. Regardless…

Smile Marcus Schrenker, you are Buzz Pirates Douche of the Day

Pantless Skier Dangles in Vail (In More Ways Then One)

Vail, Colorado, the epicenter of rich person skiing in America… just became home to the funniest skiing accident ever! Somehow a man became tangled up, partially fell out of the chair lift, got one of his skis caught, and was left dangling and PANTLESS for 15 minutes before being rescued. Scary… yes? Funny… hell yeah! Imagine seeing something like that? Its so ridiculous it wouldn’t be funny if it was made up.

Smoking Gun posted the photos… which are truly hysterical.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The World Superhero Registry

Are you a Superhero that has failed to register yourself properly? Now there is a poorly designed website for you!

Check out this interview from Fox News with real-life superhero razorhawk…

The World Superhero Registry is a place where real life superheros come together… they are making a bit of a name for themselves as some of there members have been carrying out vigilante patrols in their neighborhoods. To be fair, it seems like some of these people have their heart in the right place and even make a positive impact on their community outside of crime fighting. Still, its a little weird having people parading as superheros out their. I guess no one saw the opening scene in the Dark Knight. Many of these heroes have websites. The picture to the right is of “The Eye” – I think he might be my favorite… and he’s got a great myspace page. There’s also “Geist,”Green Scorpion” (picture below) and of course “Insignis.”

According to the Superhero Registry website… A Real-Life Superhero must meet the following minimum criteria to be considered for the registry:

  • Costume: The purpose of a costume is not simply to protect the identity of the Real-Life Superhero from criminals that might seek revenge, but to make a statement both to the evil-doers that you fight against and to the world at large: you are not simply someone who happened upon crime or injustice and made an impulsive decision to intervene. You have vowed to actively fight for the betterment of humankind and to serve as an example for others. The costume of a Real-Life Superhero must be of sufficient quality to show some care went into it’s creation.
  • Heroic Deeds: The purpose behind becoming a Real-Life Superhero must be for the benefit of mankind, and the Heroic Deeds must be of sufficient degree as to exceed normal everyday behavior. If proof of Heroic Deeds is not present, a listing may still be added to the Registry, however, it may be marked as “inactive” or “unconfirmed” in the description.
  • Personal Motivation: A Real-Life Superhero cannot be a paid representative of an organization, not even a benevolent one. The motivation to become a Real-Life Superhero must come from the individual: not an advertising gimmick or a public relations campaign.

Buzz Pirates Douche(s) of the Day: Heath and Deborah Campbell

So, it finally happened. Decades of inbred, white trash insanity has led to someone naming their kid Adolf Hitler… actually the little pecker’s name is Adolf Hitler Campbell. Are you kidding me with these parents? C’mon man? Heath and Deborah Campbell…you should be ashamed of your lack of class and for saddling your kid with such a horrible name. Although, one look at the happy family pictured on the right, and you can’t help but not be all that surprised.

The beginning of what will surely be a happy childhood became national news today when a local ShopRite refused to print a birthday cake with the child’s full name on it. Fortunately the redoubtable Wal-Mart was willing to make the sale with the full name on it.

The real surprise here is that the family lives in Hunterdon County, New Jersey right on the Pennsylvania border. I guess this is a victory for the South?

The Campbells’ other two children also have screwed up names: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because “no one else in the world would have that name.” Heath Campbell goes on to make it sound like he isn’t a racist piece of shit…but the real crime is that the government hasn’t stepped in and neutered these people. Either way, Mr. White Power can take his neck tat, his fugly wife and horribly named kids and go crawl back in his trailer and watch Judge Judy and America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Smile Heath and Deborah Campbell: you are Buzz Pirates Douche(s) of the Day.

Greatest Craigslist Ad Ever Written

Craigslist Peace
The following is an actual ad written on Craiglist on July 22, 2008. It is the best ad we’ve ever seen so we thought we’d share it with the world.

Manly Bike for Sale

What kind of bike? I don’t know, I’m not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you’re way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan’s mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying “FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME”.

The bike says Giant on the side because it’s referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that’s bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you’re going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you’re probably a dickless lizard who doesn’t like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you’re going to love this thing because it doesn’t try to penetrate your ass or anything.

I’ve topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you’re just a regular man you’ll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 – Sissy Gear
Gear 2 – Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 – Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 – Boy Gear
Gear 5 – Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 – Manly Gear
Gear 7 – Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull’s testicles and tells people you don’t fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves “Hey asshole, touch this bike and I’ll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four”.

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don’t give me no panzy prices)

Inner-Tube Robber uses Craigslist in His Own Bailout Heist

In what has got to be the most inventive real life bank heist I’ve ever heard of The Inner-Tube Robber struck Monroe, Washington with creativity. The robber thought way outside the box in what could be made into a Hollywood Movie.  According to King5.com the man with the plan used a Craigslist.com ad to hire a dozen unsuspecting decoys to help him make his getaway following a robbery outside a Bank of America in Monroe. He then made his escape in an inner tube down a river.

“He was wearing a dust mask, a particle mask. At first I thought it might be a surgical mask. I still didn’t think anything was wrong, just unusual. Then I noticed he had a pump sprayer,” said Mitch Ruth, who had looked out his office window and noticed the man walking into the bank.

The robber sprayed the guard with pepper spray, grabbed a bag of money the guard was carrying and ran about 100 yards to the creek that runs into the Skykomish River, shedding clothes as he ran.

The robber planned ahead with decoys. This stemmed from an ad advertising $28.50 an hour for a road maintenance project. The ad called for a specific outfit, including mask, which the robber also wore. Half a dozen people showed up ready to work.

If this guy gets caught, he’ll get rich selling his story to Hollywood.