Van Halen Announces New Tour with “Kool” Opening Act

Van Halen just announced a new tour complete with David Lee Roth and a new album on the way. Sounds great! Yet, in what must be one of the weirdest yet, “Kool” pairings ever, the opening act on the tour will be none other then Kool and the Gang. Maybe this is because Kool and the Gang’s Joanna became a hit only a month or two before Van Halen’s Jump. To be honest, I think it sounds a like a fun show.Its a safe bet both bands will include these hits:

Van Halen – Jump

Kool and the Gang – Joanna

Bedroom Intruder – Antoine Dodson

Who hasn’t seen the Antoine Dodson video at this point? Dodson is a former resident of the Huntsville, Alabama, Lincoln Park housing project, whose interview on the local news became an Internet meme and resulted in an auto-tuned song with The Gregory Brothers which has appeared on the Billboard Hot 100 list. Dodson’s interview was in response to an alleged house intrusion and alleged attempted rape of his sister. The seriousness of the alleged crime and news report gets crazy the second Antoine lets his inner diva let loose to the TV cameras.

The original interview:

The Bedroom Intruder Song:

The King of Pop and the Best Honorary Titles Bestowed Upon Musicians

Honorary titles and nicknames often given to popular music artists by themselves, the media, fans, record companies and marketing teams. Some are given to legendary performers (The King – Elvis) others not so legendary (The Godson of Soul – Usher). These titles are not a testament to quality, but a testament to fun, longevity and creativity Here is a list of some of the most memorable honorific titles given to singers and bands. Are we missing anything?

Male Performers

King of Pop – Michael Jackson (Is it me, or he often seem to be wearing medals… him, maybe he earned them when he became the King of Pop.

The King – Elvis

Godfather of Soul – James Brown

Chairman of the Board – Frank Sinatra

Architect of Rock and Roll – Little Richard

Father of Rock and Roll – Ike Turner

Godfather of Funk – George Clinton

Boss – Bruce Springstein

Godfather of Grunge – Neil Young

Prince of Darkness – Ozzy Osbourne

Pope of Mope – Morrissey

God of Rock – Freddie Mercury

His Purple Majesty or His Royal Badness – Prince

King of the High C’s – Luciano Pavarotti

King of Reggae – Bob Marley

Prince of Motown – Marvin Gaye

Female Performers

Queen of Soul – Aretha Franklin

First Lady of Song/Queen of Jazz – Ella Fitzgerald

First Lady of Country – Tammy Wynette

First Lady of Dance – Lady GaGa

Empress of Soul – Gladys Knight

High Priestess of Soul  – Nina Simone

Crossover Queen – Shania Twain

White Queen of Soul – Dusty Springfield

Queen Bee – ‘Lil Kim

First Lady of Hip Hop Soul – Faith Evans

The Material Girl – Madonna (she hates this nickname)

Bands

The Greatest Band in All the World – The Beatles

The Metal Gods – Judas Priest

The Only Band That Matters – The Clash

America’s Greatest Rock and Roll Band – Aerosmith

The Greatest Rock and Roll Band in the World – Rolling Stones

England’s Loudest Band – Spinal Tap

Flo Rida – Right Round – Buzz Pirates Song of the Week

Flo Rida – Right Round is a huge hit and is our song of the week!

As a teenager, Flo Rida toured with 2 Live Crew. While he was coming up, he appeared in numerous popular rap mixtapes and studio albums, including We the Best in 2006. Flo Rida made it big with his first album Mail on Sunday and  its huge single “Low” (featuring T-Pain) was number 1 on the charts for ten weeks. Flo Rida’s current single “Right Round” (featuring Kesha), from his new album R.O.O.T.S., its currently the top digital download…
check it out on iTunes

Douche of the Day: Chris Brown Arrested for Assaulting Rhianna

Why did Chris Brown Beat Up Rhianna? Chris Brown will be asking himself that question for years if his career takes a nosedive after his arrest on Sunday. Plus, any guy who hits a girl is total scumbag – so, Chris Brown is our douche of the day.

On a night in which he was supposed to be performing at the Grammy’s, 19 year old singer Chris Brown spent the night being processed for assaulting girlfriend singer Rhianna. The incident happened in a rich Los Angeles neighborhood and the consequences are already coming down for Brown – sponsor Wrigley already dropped him.

The singer has a wholesome image that will be flushed down the toilet as news surfaces about the incident. Chris Brown has had a string of hits and his squeaky clean image was a huge asset.

Rhianna probably needed an umbrella…ella…ella as the punches rained down upon her? Too soon?

Well, in all seriousness, I hope this 20 year old hotty does a service to women who suffer assholes everywhere and dumps this guy on his ass, complete with a weepy interview that destroys his career. Any guy who hits a girl is a pussy. Therefore, Chris Brown you are a pussy, so…

smile Chris Brown you are Buzz Pirates Douche of the Day.

50 Cent Announces Long Island Grandmother as Newest Member of G-Unit

Baldwin, Long Island, New York – In a move some are saying is brilliant, if not some sort of basic error, 50 Cent unveiled the newest member of the hip hop collective “G-Unit,” Thursday, 73 year old Gertrude “Gertie” Schwartzfarb. The self described cat-lover and homemaker replaces former member Young Buck and joins convicted felon and admitted drug dealer Tony Yayo as well as platinum recording rap artist Lloyd Banks as a member of G Unit. Schwartzfarb was announced as the newest member at a press conference at MTV studios in Manhattan.

The news has already sent shock waves through the rap community. Stunned former G-Unit member The Game had this to say. “I’m a stab that fuckin’ bitch in the heart yo. I’m a kill that bitch faster then a myocardial infarction. She sent me a card on my birthday with $5 in it, that’s a mutha fuckin’ insult.”

At the introductory press conference and celebratory bingo game, 50 Cent made reference to Schwartzfarb’s killing prowess. “Yo, this bitch is a cold hearted killer so she know what up. Wait a second, did they just say B4? Awww yeah! Bingo mutha fuckas. Pay me my money bitches!”

Banks had this to say, “Gertie is mad hard yo. We was at a party gettin’ high as fuck, and this bitch whips out, like 30 different pills. She knows how to get down.” A recent call to Mrs. Schwartzfarb’s doctor showed that she currently has prescriptions for blood pressure medication: diovan, levatol, as well as several other beta blockers.

An American hip hop group originating from New York City, G-Unit emerged on the New York scene by independently releasing several mixtapes. The name of the group is short for “Guerrilla Unit” as well as “Gangsta Unit”. “Shit, more like Geriatric-Unit now, if you ask me,” added The Game.

spinning necklaceGertrude had this to say, “I don’t know why all these colored gentleman are so interested in me. I’m just so glad to have company and I love the spinning medallion they gave me. I just wish they’d stop cursing and yelling so much. And would it kill them to take their sneakers off when they come over the house?”

Industry insiders are saying that 50 Cent actually meant to announce Queens based rapper Gertie Kill-Dat-Ho as the actual new member of G-Unit and that he is simply too embarrassed to admit his mistake. Still others believe that a 1973 car accident in which Mrs. Schwartzfarb accidentally killed five people may have somehow led 50 to believe the Long Island Grandmother would raise the street cred of the group. Regardless, many believe this is the most inappropriate addition to a rap group since The Fat Boys accidentally named 134 lbs Ethiopian rapper “40 Ounce” to their lineup in 1986.

Megan Fox is the New Wonder Woman… Psyche!

Ever wonder how a web hoax is born? In a movie rumor that had fanboys drooling and pretty much every regular guy drooling too, uber-hottie Megan Fox was announced to be playing Wonder Woman. The Transformers beauty who became in instant sensation seems like the perfect fit for the role? There’s one catch though…the news is fake. Wonder-Who.com revealed that Fox would suit up as DC Comics heroine Wonder Woman in an upcoming big-budget movie.

Various studio types have been trying to get the lasso and invisible plane on the screen for years. Several other stars such as Jennifer Lopez, Sandra Bullock, Rachel Bilson, and Catherine Zeta-Jones have been rumored to be up for the role Lynda Carter was famous for. Producer Joel Silver was once on board. Buffy and Firefly Joss Whedon told Entertainment Weekly (my favorite magazine) the following in 2006 when he was attached to writing a Wonder Woman script:

“Besides [Wonder Woman's] great origin story, there’s nothing from the comics that felt right 100 percent, no iconic canon story that must be told. Batman has it made – he’s got the greatest rogues gallery ever, he’s got Gotham City. The Bat writes himself. With Wonder Woman, you’re writing from whole cloth, but trying to make it feel like you didn’t. To make it feel like it’s existed for 60 years, even though you’re making it up as you go along. But who she, and what the movie, is about, thematically, has never been a problem for me. But the steps along the way, it could be so easy for them to feel wrong. I won’t settle. She wouldn’t let me settle.”

Warner Bros. has since confirmed that the Wonder-Who.com site was “complete B.S.” By the time you read this, the site may be closed down. Still we can still “wonder” what might have been. Hell, I’d go see Wonder Woman if Megan Fox was in the lead. Although, for all the male fans that Megan Fox has, I “wonder” if she has any female fans. Most women probably view her as “that skinny bitch from that toy robot movie. That said, it is possible that someone making a big version of this movie would pick a female actress with a broader appeal. Still, maybe this rumor will put the idea of Megan Fox in the right executive’s head… at least one of them.

Update: Looks like she won’t be Wonder Woman (yet), but has signed on to play an angel opposite the Wrestler’s Mickey Rourke in director Mitch Glazer‘s drama Passion Plays. The 1950s Los Angeles-set movie finds Fox’s character, described as a slender beauty with wings who is part of a carnival, helping a down-in-the-skids trumpeter (Rourke) be redeemed.