Couples Retreat is All White Overseas

A racially insensitive decision is spiraling out of control for the U.K. release of the movie Couples Retreat. Notice the serious lack of color between the U.K. poster and the U.S poster. In response to outrage over the move, a Universal spokesman said the altered poster aimed “to simplify the poster to actors who are most [recognizable] in international markets.” Hmmm, I can see how Faizon Love and Kali Hawk are not as big names as Vince Vaughn, Jason Batemen, Kristin Davis, Malin Akerman, Kristin Bell and Jon Favreau… still, they had to know that they were going to take crap for this.

Ninja Assassin Trailer

Look. Where are all the ninjas these days? They’ve come in the American, child, robot and teenage mutant variety in recent years… but how about just play old ninjas? Enter the Wachowski Brothers, the creators of the Matrix, who will be bringing a proper ninja to the big screen with Ninja Assassin staring Korean Pop star Rain as the Ninja. Check out the trailer below…there’s black outfits, swords, throwing stars and everything

Black Dynamite Trailer

The role Michael Jai White was born to play! I ain’t talking about Spawn, I’m talking about Black Dynamite! This send up of blacksploitation films of the 70’s looks right on. Its seems to be a true parody, right down to the film stock. We’ll see if the finished product lives up to this awesome trailer. Buzz Pirates has its eyes on the potential of Black Dynamite which comes out October 16.

Vegas Baby, Vegas – Swingers Quotes

Swingers is a seminal movie for guys of a certain age and marks the emergence of Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. The movie is so jam packed with memorable quotes and scenes we may have forgotten some… let us know

[on the way to Las Vegas]
Trent: They’re gonna give daddy the Rainman suite, you dig that?
Mike: Do you think we’ll get there by midnight?
Trent: Baby, we’re going to be up five hundy by midnight!
Mike: Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh!
Trent: Vegas baby! Vegas!
Mike: Vegas!

Trent: Look at this, okay? I want you to remember this face, here. Okay? This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.

Trent: So, what’d you think of that Dorothy girl?
Mike: The whole Judy Garland thing kinda turned me on. Does that make me some kind of fag?
Trent: No, baby, you’re money.

Mike: Trent, the beautiful babies don’t work the midnight to six shift on a Wednesday. This is like the skank shift.

[Trent talks a girl into meeting them later and bringing a friend]
Mike: That was so fucking money. That was like the Jedi mind-shit.

Sue: People get carjacked.
Trent: Who’s gonna carjack your fuckin’ K-Car? He’s right Sue you don’t need to carry a gat!

Mike: How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can’t remember where we met. I’ll ask her what she looks like and then I’ll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money?

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it’s like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two’s enough not to look anxious.
Trent: Yeah, two’s enough not to look anxious. But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you…
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I’ll wait 3 weeks. How’s that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I’ll ask her where I met her. I don’t remember. What does she look like? And then I’ll asked if we fucked. Is that… would that be… T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who’s ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.

[playing NHL ’94 on Sega Genesis
Trent: I wish they still had fights in this game so I could bitch-slap Wayne.
Mike: What? They don’t have fighting anymore?
Trent: Doesn’t that suck?
Mike: Why’d they get rid of the fighting? It was the best part of the old version.
Sue: I think kids were hittin’ each other or somethin’, man.
Trent: Yeah but you know what, Mike? You can make their heads bleed in this one.
Mike: Make somebody’s head bleed.
Sue: No man, we’re in the playoffs.

Sue: Pause the game.
Trent: Wait I’m gonna do my thing with the thing.

Trent: You know what you are? You’re like a big bear with claws and with fangs…
Sue: …big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah… big fuckin’ teeth on ya’. And she’s just like this little bunny, who’s just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda… you know, you got these claws and you’re staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you’re thinking, “How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?”
Sue: And you’re poking at it, you’re poking at it…
Trent: Yeah, you’re not hurting it. You’re just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny’s scared Mike, the bunny’s scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs…
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you’re looking at your claws and you’re looking at your fangs. And you’re thinking to yourself, you don’t know what to do, man. “I don’t know how to kill the bunny.” With *this* you don’t know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You’re like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you’re not just like fucking with me?
Trent: No I’m not fucking with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.

Trent: Um… a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it.

Trent: Baby, that was money! Tell me that wasn’t money.
Mike: That was so demeaning.
Trent: She smiled, baby.
Mike: I can’t believe what an asshole you are.
Trent: Did she, or did she not smile.
Mike: She was smiling at what an asshole you are.
Trent: She was smiling at how money I am, baby.

Trent: You’re so money and you don’t even know it!

(calling Nikki)
Mike: Hi, uh, Nikki, this is Mike. I met you at the, um, at the Dresden tonight. I just called to say that I had a great time… and you should call me tomorrow, or in two days, whatever. Anyway, my number is 213-555-4679 –
[the machine beeps]
Mike: [Mike calls back, the machine picks up]
Mike: Hi, Nikki, this is Mike again. I just called cuz it sounded like your machine might’ve cut me off when I, before I finished leaving my number. Anyway, uh, and, y’know, and also, sorry to call so late, but you were still at the Dresden when I left so I knew I’d get your machine. Anyhow, uh, my number’s 21 –
[the machine beeps]
Mike: [Mike calls back; the machine picks up again]
Mike: 213-555-4679. That’s it. I just wanna leave my number. I didn’t want you to think I was weird or desperate, or… we should just hang out and see where it goes cuz it’s nice and, y’know, no expectations. Ok? Thanks a lot. Bye bye.
[hangs up]
Mike: [Mike walks away from the phone… then walks back and calls again; once again, the machine picks up]
Mike: I just got out of a 6-year relationship, Ok? That should help explain why I’m acting so weird. I just wanted you to know that. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m sorry… This is Mike.
[hangs up]
Mike: [Mike calls back, the machine picks up again]
Mike: Hi, Nikki, this is Mike. Could you just call me when you get in? I’m gonna be up for awhile and I’d just rather speak to you in person instead of trying to fit it all into –
[the machine beeps]
Mike: Fuck!
[Mike calls back, gets the machine again]
Mike: Uh, Nikki? Mike. It’s uh, uh, it’s just, uh, this just isn’t working out. I think you’re great, but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s what I’m going through, alright? It’s uh… it’s only been 6 months …
Nikki: [picks up] Mike?
Mike: [very cheerful] Nikki? Great! Did you just walk in or were you listening all along?
Nikki: Don’t ever call me again.
[hangs up]
Mike: Wow. I guess you’re home.

Trent: All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart.

Mike: Hi, how are you ladies doing this evening?
Girl at the Party: What do you drive?

Trent: I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, Mikey. You’re a bad man, bad man.

Mike: Haven’t you seen Boyz N The Hood? Now one of us is going to get shot.

Mike: You shouldn’t be sorry, you’re a winner. I’m the fucking loser. I’m the one who should be sorry.
Trent: Baby don’t talk that way.
Mike: Can we just go, please, can we go?
Trent: Baby look at me, look at me. You’re money, and you know what else? You’re a big winner tonight.
Mike: I want to leave.
Trent: You’re a big winner. I’m gonna ask you a simple question and I want you to listen to me: who’s the big winner here tonight at the casino? Huh? Mikey, that’s who. Mikey’s the big winner. Mikey wins.

Trent: I’m gonna find me two waitresses here and I’m gonna pull me a Fredo.
Mike: Yeah, well they’re all skanks.
Trent: What are talking about? Look at all the beautiful babies here.
Mike: The beautiful babies don’t work the midnights-to-six on a Wednesday. This is the skank shift.
Trent: Look at all the beautiful honeys here.

Mike: Look, we’re gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party and you’re going to say it sucks and we’re all gonna leave and then we’re gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who’s looking around the room to see if there’s somebody else who’s more important she should be talking to. And it’s like I’m supposed to be all happy ’cause she’s wearing a backpack, you know? And half of them are just nasty skanks who wouldn’t be nothing except they’re surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. And I’m gonna tell you something . Are you listening?
Trent: Yeah, I’m listening.
Mike: I’m not gonna be one of those assholes. Alright? It just makes me sick. It’s like, some nasty skank who isn’t half the woman my girlfriend is, is gonna front me? It makes me want to fuckin’ puke!

Trent: There’s nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you’re money and that you want to party.

Trent: You take yourself out of the game, you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream and of course it’s going to end up on the friendship tip.

Charles: This place is dead anyways.

Trent: I’m gonna make Gretzky’s head bleed for super fan 99 over here.

Trent: Our baby’s all grown up.

Sue: Just because I had the balls to stand up to those guys…
Trent: Like fuckin’ House of Pain was gonna do anything?

[Mike, Trent, and Sue are hanging out and Trent and Sue are playing video hockey]
Sue: This is bullshit, such bullshit!
Mike: The Kings suck in this game you should play another team.
Sue: I took the Kings to the cup.
Trent: Yea, against the computer with the offsides off.
Sue: They are a finesse team.
Trent: LA is a fucking bitch team. OOOOHHHHHHH!
[Trent bodychecks one of sue’s players]

Trent: Y’know, it’s not so much me as Roenick; he’s good.

Trent and Sue: Is he cute? Is he a brown man?
Mike: [Mike pays the delivery guy and then tosses the bags of food at Trent and Sue] Eat, eat, you fucking jackals!

Trent: [Getting ready to play video hockey] You ready hip hop? You ready New Kids on the Block?

Trent: Score Chicago!
Sue: Fuck! Such fuckin’ bullshit!
Trent: [Trent hits the instant replay] Now that was pretty Sue…
Sue: Man, don’t do the instant replay thing…
Trent: No way, you said it was fuckin’ bullshit.
Sue: Don’t do the fucking…
Trent: Well that’s why they put the instant replay in the fucking game! So you can see if it’s bullshit!
Sue: You’re unbelieveable.
Trent: Well you know something, I am unbelievable.
Sue: [Trent shoves Sue] Don’t fucking touch me.
Trent: When I’m not here will you practice?

Trent: Hey! What’re you kicking me for? You want me to ask? All right, I’ll ask! Ma’am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?
Trent: I’m the asshole is this place, right? I’m the asshole? I’m outta here! I’m not eating here… I wouldn’t eat here… I’d never eat here anyway!

Blank

The Ballad of Porkins (the Fat Guy Pilot’s Death in Star Wars)

If you are a big Star Wars fan, you remember ill fated “Porkins.” Not only was he a fat guy saddled with the name “Porkins,” but he died, from, like nothing other then being fat when his X-Wing Fighter blew up at the very beginning of the attack of the Death Star – also known as the Battle of Yavin IV.

According to the Wookiepeedia, Porkins flew as Red Six during the Battle of Yavin, his skills at strafing aiding the Rebels early in the battle. However, when his T-65 X-wing starfighter was struck by debris, leaving him with several mechanical and computer malfunctions, Porkins was hit by enemy turbolaser fire and killed.

Jek Porkins: “I’ve got a problem here.”
Biggs Darklighter: “Eject.”
Jek Porkins: “I can hold it.”
Biggs Darklighter: “Pull up!” ”
Jek Porkins: “No, I’m all-Aaaaaaahhhhhh”

He’s not quite as cool as Admiral Ackbar’s “It’s a Trap,” but, lets remember him for his fat death.

…but maybe his proclivities are to blame…

…and the Family Guy version…

Vassup?! Bruno Quotes

Like it or not, Bruno is the number one movie in a America. Although some of its scenes seem to push the wrong buttons, its undeniable that the movie is filled with funny scenes, memorable lines and outrageous scenarios. Personally I think the movie is a one-trick pony, that reinforces stereotypes versus shattering them. Still, shocking moments in the movie will prove to be memorable for anyone who sees it. We are probably missing a bunch, but here’s some of the best quotes from Bruno. What are we missing?

Bruno: Why are you so anti-Hamas? I mean, isn’t pita bread the real enemy?
Yossi Alpher (ex-Mossad chief): You’re confusing Hamas with hummus, I believe.
Ghassan Khatib (former Palestinian Minister): Do you think there is a relation between Hamas and hummus?
Bruno: Was the founder of Hamas a chef? He had created the food and then got lots of followers.
Alpher: Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas. It’s a food, OK. We eat it. They eat it.
Khatib: It’s vegetarian. It’s healthy. It’s beans.

Harrison Ford: Fuck Off!

Preacher: These lips are for praising Jesus.

Bruno: [drops his pants around his ankles] Whoops!
Ron Paul: This is ended.

Bruno: (Narrating after Ron Paul Leaves) – I couldn’t even get Ru Paul

TV Host: So what’s the baby’s name?
Bruno: I gave him like a traditional African name: O.J.
Female Audience Member: What?!

Drill Sergeant 1: Oh my gosh! You gotta be out of your mind.
Drill Sergeant 2: What kind of belt is that, candidate?
Bruno: D&G.
Drill Sergeant: What is D&G?
Bruno: Dolce & Gabbana, hello
Both Drill Sergeants: Hello?!

Look at the evil people in the world, Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Stalin what do they all have in common? Moustaches!

Do you think if we changed the Bible stories maybe you would get people more easily to relate to them? Instead of the fish story you could do it about Sushi, or instead of giving out bread you did something which had a no-carb alternative or gluten free.

The baby is a man magnet

Drill Sergeant: Your finger’s in my alley!
Bruno: Not yet.

Bruno: [to his hunting partners]: Look at the four of us. We are so like the ‘Sex and the City’ girls.
Donny: No, no, we aren’t, either.
Bruno: Which one are you, Donny?
Donny: I ain’t any one of them. I’m Donny.
Bruno: That is such a Samantha thing to say.

How do you defend yourself against a man with a dildo?  How do you defend yourself against a man with two dildos?

Bruno: How do you defend yourself from an attack by a homosexual?
Martial Arts Instructor: Well, they usually attack from behind.

Ist am going to wear a jumpsuit entirely made out of Velcro.

Your leader looks like a dirty wizard.

Stop Looking at Me Swan! Billy Madison Quotes

Adam Sandler has had several classic funny movies, but it all started with Billy Madison. The absurd humor of Billy Madison is what made it so special. After Billy Madison, came Happy Gilmore and then Adam Sandler blasted to the top with his silly comedies and silly/stupid humor. Billy Madison has a “no rules” type feel to it that makes every silly line seem surprising and unexpected… one of the keys to comedy. Here is a collection of the funniest lines from Billy Madison.

Juanita (the housekeeper): That boy is a fine piece of work… he’s a fine piece of ass though, too!

Shampoo is better, I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really. Stop looking at me, swan.

Suntan lotion is good for me. / You protect me, hee-hee-hee.

[after lighting bag of dog poop on fire and putting it on Old Man Clemens’ porch]
Billy Madison: Oh my God, Old Man Clemens hates shit.
Frank: Shh, here he comes.
Old Man Clemens: Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barbara, it’s one of those flaming bags again.
Barbara: Don’t put it out with your boots, Ted.
Old Man Clemens: Don’t tell me my business, Devil Woman. Call the fire department, this one’s outta control.
[Old Man Clemens steps on the bag, then lifts up his boot and smells]
Old Man Clemens: Eck, poop again.
Billy Madison: He called the shit “poop”.
[Billy, Jack, and Frank laugh hysterically]
Frank: This is the best night of my life.
[They continue laughing]
Old Man Clemens: I’ll get you damn kids for this. You’re all gonna die.

Brian Madison: You remember that spelling bee you won in the 1st grade?
Billy Madison: Oh no, you didn’t.
Brian Madison: Rock? “r-o-k”?
Billy Madison: Yea, so what’s your point?
Brian Madison: r-o-C-k!
Billy Madison: Ohh! The “C” is silent.
Brian Madison: You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes…
Billy Madison: Actually I, uh, stole this shirt from Frank.
[Lifts his shirt to show “FRANK” written on the inside]
Brian Madison: Yea, well whatever, it’s all my fault. I made a mistake.
[Looks up to see Billy lifting his shirt]
Brian Madison: What? Are you some damned moron?

No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.

Juanita: Ooh that boy’s a fine piece of work all right. He’s a fine piece of ass though, too.

Lunch Lady: Have some more sloppy joes. I made ’em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like ’em sloppy.
Billy Madison: Lady, you’re scaring us.

If peeing your pants is cool, then consider me Miles Davis.

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: Okay, a simple “wrong” would’ve done just fine.

Billy Madison: I swear to God I’m sick. I can’t go to school.
Juanita: If you’re gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
Billy Madison: Oh my God. I’ll go to school.
Veronica Vaughn: So what’s it like, being back in school?
Billy Madison: I don’t know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Carl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Carl: I’m sorry.
Eric: Well, “sorry” doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Carl?

Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think ‘You got a pet. You got a responsibility.’ If your dog gets lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.

O’Doyle rules!

Bus Driver (Chris Farley): I’ll turn this damn bus around! That’ll end your precious field trip pretty damn quick huh! Little shit!
[makes crazy face while face gets red]

How ’bout you Sideburns? You want some of this milk?

T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR!

Oh, gross… did you see that guys balls? Yeah… they were weird looking.

Eric: Is he going to have a stupid party every time he passes a grade?
Carl: You know, everyone’s having a good time but you.
[a little  girl trying to reach into Eric’s suit jacket]
Eric: [pushing her away] Spoiled snot. Get outta here!

Chlorophyll? More like BOREophyll.

Scotty Logan: Mom, that’s Billy. He’s in my class. I heard he’s retarded or something.

Veronica Vaughn: Good morning, class.
Third Grade Class: Good morning, Miss Vaughan.
Veronica Vaughn: We’re going to start today by reading together a short story entitled “My Sister Fanny”.
[the class laughs]
Veronica Vaughn: Quiet. So let’s all open our “Reading Is Fun” books to page sixty nine.
Billy Madison: Sixty nine!
[laughs]

Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass, I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean.
Billy Madison: No, you don’t.
Bus Driver: Well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her *got it on*. Wooo-eee!
Billy Madison: No, they didn’t.
Bus Driver: No, no, no they didn’t. But you could imagine what it’d be like if they did, right…? Everybody on, good, great, grand, wonderful.
[shouts]
Bus Driver: No yelling on the bus!

Best Borat Quotes – Jagshemash!

With Bruno ready to hit theaters this week, what better time to look back at Sasha Baron Cohen’s other masterpiece of shock/reality comedy. There are tons of classic lines in Borat. The full name of the movie – Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is a mouthful. Here are the best quotes from Borat, we’ll see if Bruno can top Borat in funny lines as well as box office success.

Home in Kazakhstan:

Although Kazakhstan a glorious country, it have a problem, too: economic, social, and Jew.

He is my neighbor Nushuktan Tulyiagby. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success!

Go, kids! Smash the Jew chick before he hatches!

There lives Nursultan Tulyakbay. He’s still asshole. I get iPod, he only get iPod Mini. Everybody know it for girls!

This is my mother. She oldest woman in village. She 43!

This is Natalya. (Kisses her). She is my sister. She is number-four prostitute in whole of Kazakhstan. Niice!

Sometime my sister, she show her vazhïn to my brother Bilo and say “You will never get this you will never get it la la la la la la.” He behind his cage. He cries, he cries and everybody laughs. She goes “You never get this.” But one time he break cage and he “get this” and then we all laugh. High five!
Kickin’ it in Atlanta:

Atlanta Kid: What kinda music you listen to?
Borat: I uh like a very much Korki Buchek you know Korki Buchek? Bing-Bang-Bing-Bang-Bing-dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click* *click-click* Bing-Bang-Bing-Bang-Bing-dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click*

What’s up with it, Vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat just parked our slab outside. We’re looking for somewhere to post up our Black asses for the night. So, uh, bang bang, skeet skeet, nigga. Just a couple of pimps, no hos.

Dealing with Gypsy:

Gypsy, who is this woman you have shrunk?

I will look on your treasures, gypsy. Is this understood?

Buying a Car:

Borat  What kind of car can I buy that attract woman with shaved vazhïn?
Car Dealership owner: That would be a Corvette. Or a Hummer.
Borat: I want to have a car that attract a woman with shave down below.
Car Dealership owner: Well that would be a Corvette. Or a Hummer.
Car Dealership owner: We’ll try to help you out here.
Borat: A man yesterday, tell me if I buy a car I must buy one with a pussy magnet.
Car Dealership owner: He means a car that women like.
Borat: Yes, but where do you keep this magnet?
Car Dealership owner: [interrupts] No. There’s no magnet he just means the vehicle. Women love the Hummers.
Borat: Do this have a pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: No. The vehicle itself would be a magnet.
Borat: If I give you good price, will you please put in pussy magnet?
Car Dealership owner: Yeah but there’s no-there’s no such thing in this country as a-as a magnet.
Borat: If this car drive into a group of gypsies, will there be any damage to the car?
Car Dealership owner: It depends on how hard you hit them and all that.
Borat: *Hard*
Car Dealership owner: You might-if somebody rolls on the windshield, they could crack your windshield.
Borat: How fast do I need to go to guarantee I kill them?
Car Dealership owner: Uh-let me tell you something with this vehicle here probably doing 35-45 miles per hour will do it.
Borat: Great! When I uh, buy my wife, at the start she was uh, cook good, her vazhïn work well, and she strong on plow. But after three years when she was fifteen, then she become weak, her voice become deep: BORAT BORAT, eh, she receive hair on chest, and vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard.
Car Dealership owner: Huh-Jesus…
Borat: How do I know that this will not happen with the car?
Car Dealership owner: Chevrolette guarantees you that with a warranty.
Borat: I like-a very much buy this Hummers, how much is it?
Car Dealership owner: Fifty-two thousand.
Borat: I am looking for something between um, six-hundred to uh… six-hundred and fifty dollars.
Car Dealership owner: We don’t have any cars for six-fifty that you can buy. I might be able to sell you a wholesale car, a car with a lot of miles for seven-hundred with no warranty.

Driving Lesson:

Borat:Look, there is a woman in a car! Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy time with her?
Driving Instructor: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Borat: A-why not?
Driving Instructor: Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with.
Borat: WHAT…? You joke?
Driving Instructor: It must be consensual. How ’bout that?
Borat: [turns to Instructor, pauses] Ahahahahaha!
Driving Instructor: That’s good, huh?
Borat: [pause] Is not good for me.

Borat: Who is this car that follow us? I wish it didn’t follow us anymore.
Driving Instructor: Oh, I don’t know.
Borat: Maybe we lose them.
Driving Instructor: No, we better not lose them.
Borat: [yelling at the passing car] Hey, don’t look at me. Eat my tits!
Driving Instructor: All right. We’ll make a right turn up here.
Borat: Don’t look at me like that! I will eat your shit.
Driving Instructor: Hey, don’t do that.
Borat: You fuck my mother.
Driving Instructor: Hey, hey. You can’t do that.
Borat: No, he do before. He look on me.
Driving Instructor: You can’t do that, okay? They’re gonna throw us in jail, me with you. You can’t…
Borat: Why in jail? He look on me- la-la-la behind.
Driving Instructor: You can’t say that.

Borat: I like you, do you like me?
Driving Instructor: Of course I like you.
Borat: You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: You’re a nice young man and, yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You will be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I won’t be your boyfriend.
Borat: Why not?
Driving Instructor: Okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.

At Rodeo:

My name i’ Borat, I come a-from Kazakhstan. Can I say a-first, we support your war of terror.
May we show our support for our boys in Iraq.
May U.S. and they a-kill every single terrorist.
May a-George Bush a-drink the blood of every single man, woman, and child of Iraq.
May you destroy their country so that for the next thousand years not even a single lizard will survive in their desert.

May George Bush drink the blood of every man, woman, and child in Iraq!

Learning About the United States:

You telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual?

He insist we not fly in case the Jews repeated their attack of 9/11.

I arrived in America’s airport with clothing, US dollars, and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.

I feel like American movie star Dirty Harold…Go ahead, make my day, Jew…

This suit is NOT BLACK!

Loving Pam Anderson:

The only thing keeping me going was my dream of one day holding Pamela in my arms and making romance explosion on her stomach.

This C.J. was like no Kazakh woman I have ever seen. She had golden hairs, teeth as white as pearls, and the asshole of a seven-year-old. For the first time in my lifes, I was in love.

Sadly, I cannot go after Pamela or else my wife will snap off my cock.

Pamela, I am no longer attracted to you… NOT!

Gov. Jesse “The Body” Ventura’s Workout Video

Check out former Governor Jesse “The Body” Ventura in the movie The Running Man (starring Arnold Schwarzenegger). Anyway, as Captain Freedom, here is a commercial for his workout video. The end is my favorite as I think its funny that there’ would be a workout video in which he simply flexes, points and laughs.

The 13 Best Quotes by the Joker in The Dark Night – Heath Ledger Lives On

With many so-so sequels and prequels hitting theaters this summer, its a good time to remember the mother of all superhero/action sequels The Dark Knight. Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker will live on forever as one of the greatest characters in cinema history. Below is a collection of the 13 best quotes (or in some cases memorable dialogue) by The Joker in The Dark Knight. I doubt we are missing much, but feel free to offer your two cents on the ranking.

13. I believe whatever doesn’t kill you, simply makes you…stranger.

12. All right. So, listen. Why don’t you give me a call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here’s my card.

11. Joker: Oh, you. You just couldn’t let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible, aren’t you? Huh? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because you’re just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.

10 . Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can’t savor all the… little emotions. In… you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?

9. Batman: Then why do you want to kill me?
Joker: I don’t want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You… you… complete me.
Batman: You’re garbage who kills for money.
Joker: Don’t talk like one of them. You’re not! Even if you’d like to be. To them, you’re just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don’t, they’ll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it’s a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They’re only as good as the world allows them to be. I’ll show you. When the chips are down, these… these civilized people, they’ll eat each other. See, I’m not a monster. I’m just ahead of the curve.

8. This city deserves a better class of criminal. And I’m gonna give it to them.

7. Joker: If you’re good at something, never do it for free.

6. Batman: Let her go!
Joker: [holding Rachel out of a window] Very poor choice of words…

5. Joker: [to Gambol’s thugs, being held helpless by his own] Now, our operation is small, but there’s a lot of potential for “aggressive” expansion. So, which one of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh, there’s only one spot open right now, so we’re gonna have…Tryouts. Make it fast.

4. How about a magic trick? I’m gonna make this pencil disappear. Ta-daa! It’s… it’s gone.

3. Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just… do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon’s got plans. You know, they’re schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I’m not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So, when I say… Ah, come here.
When I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know that I’m telling the truth. It’s the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans, and look where that got you. I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know… You know what I’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it’s all “part of the plan.” But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!
Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It’s fair!

2. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight’s entertainment! Well, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got ’em? Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks… Look at me! One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can’t take it. I just want to see her smile again, hm? I just want her to know that I don’t care about the scars. So… I stick a razor in my mouth and do this…to myself. And you know what? She can’t stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I’m always smiling! A little fight in you. I like that. Batman: Then you’re going to love me.

1. [holding a knife inside Gambol’s mouth] Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was… a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn’t like that. Not-one-bit. So – me watching – he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it! Turns to me, and he says, “why so serious, son?” Comes at me with the knife… “Why so serious?” He sticks the blade in my mouth… “Let’s put a smile on that face!” And…Why so serious?