What’s Up With These Crazy Furniture Commercials?

Cheesy cable access commercials aren’t as prevalent as they once were in the 80’s and 90’s, but furniture stores seem to continue to carry the torch. Seems like every state has some sort of furniture commercial that has a guy screaming or singing directly at the camera. Most love to focus on offering lowest prices and credit, and lots of these guys loooooove themes. Let’s examine a few of the most choice furniture commercials.

Let’s start our journey with what seems to be the king of combining themes with bad puns in Indiana with Martin Fine Furniture. He’s dressed up as a cowboy, a teacher, a pirate (walk the plank for buying furniture from a competitor) and simply wearing a lot of hats. The best one is probably the following spaceman themed one:

How about Frankie and Johnnie’s which has the best coiffed salesman do a dance (about 32 seconds in) and then an offer of free fried chicken with purchase. Spend $1000 for a free ten piece. At the end they make the guy eat a piece and say “tastes like momma’s!” – ridiculous:

Check out Love Furniture Center with Iceman King Parson:

How about Red House furniture that promotes racial harmony among black and white people:

Then there’s the best… Montgomery Flea Market – it’s just like a Mini-Mall! This guy is a legit internet superstar, and has even appeared on Ellen. Check him out (especially his eyes):

HKIA Woman Going Insane After Missing Her Flight Video

Check out this woman going insane after missing her flight at Hong Kong International Airport. She’s an the newest viral hit and our most recent Internet All-Star. The middle-aged Chinese woman ran at a security guard at the departure gate, and then started yelling “AHHH-EEEE-AHHH,” like a cat being murdered. She had just missed her flight on Cathay Pacific to San Francisco and started screaming “I want to go, I want to go.” The security guard aptly told her to “stop being so emotional” – it didn’t work.

Watch Out Apple Store, Microsoft Retail Store Set to Open

In an effort to prove they are cool too, Microsoft is set to unleash virus infested, poor performing stores across America. 

The new Microsoft Retail Stores will be guided by David Porter, 25-year veteran Wal-Mart executive and most recently a high up at DreamWorks. The move is one similar to the one Apple made when they opened their stores. Apple has done an amazing job as positioning themselves as “cool” compared to Microsoft. Its likely that Microsoft will open just a small number of stores, which will probably serve more as promotional tools verse direct revenue generators.

Whether or not these Microsoft stores can soften the blow of all the Mac/PC attack ads remains to be seen.  Mr. Porter, said there are”tremendous opportunities” for Microsoft to create a “world-class shopping experience” for the company’s customers.

Microsoft released an official statement on the retail store project, “The purpose of opening these stores is to create deeper engagement with consumers and continue to learn firsthand about what they want and how they buy.”

In my opinion Microsoft may be an uncool, corporate overloard and necessary evil, but maybe they can shove some cool looking and affordable Zunes in Apple’s smug face.

Beyonce Single Ladies Dancer: Buzz Pirates Internet Allstars

Beyonce’s Single Ladies video has greated quite a stir since it premiered. Its distinctive style has made the song even more popular with plenty of YouTube parodies to back it up. Saturday Night Live took notice with a highly regarded skit including Justin Timberlake and Beyonce herself.

So, what is the best Single Ladies inspired creation? I’m glad you asked… feast your eyes on this Buzz Pirate Internet Allstar…

It’s a Trap!

It’s a Trap!

Every Star Wars fan knows a little something about Admiral Ackbar. Admiral Ackbar led the Rebel ships into the Battle of Endor in Return of the Jedi. A member of the Mon Calamari species, Ackbar and his people manned the distinctive warships supplied to the Rebellion by that aquatic culture. Admiral Ackbar developed the attack strategy for the Battle of Endor, and commanded the Mon Calamari Star Cruiser Home One.

Admiral Ackbar’s distinctive look and voice has made him ripe for parody. He has been parodied in Robot Chicken and the South Park movie. I can’t get enough of trying to speak in his voice.  His most well known line “It’s a Trap” is a legitimate internet meme. There are thousands of references, images and parodies found all over the Internet.

The Original…

The Robot Chicken Admiral Ackbar Cereal Commercial:

Admiral Ackbar warns various movie characters of possible traps…

It’s a Trap!

Google Chrome’s Path to World Domination

Windows Terminator

Google Chrome, the new web browser released last week from the monster search engine company is being touted as the “Windows Killer“. So far, it is available for Windows machines only, being Google’s giant “F-U” to Microsoft.

Since so many people are convinced Google Chrome is going to change the world, we decided to roll up our sleeves and do a little “research” ourselves. We jumped into the Buzz Pirates time machine to take a look at the 10 Ways Google Chrome Will Change the World…Buzz Pirates style…

Linday Loham saved by Google Chrome
09/05/2008 – Shortly after its release, Google Chrome immediately goes to work making the world a better place. Its first priority…slapping Lindsay Lohan into shape. Thanks to GC, Linds never touches another drop of alcohol ever again and goes on to enjoy a celebrated acting career. She eventually scores the gluttonous gig of “Feed the Children” spokeswoman, taking over for Sally Struthers who finally dies of obesity. Unfortunately, within 2 months, Lindsay reaches a whopping 320lbs.

09/15/2008 – Thanks to its ease of use and handy “Internets” button, grandmas all over the world are finally able to send emails and instant messages using the computer-majig and the cell phone machine. In fact, Google Chrome proves so helpful that when old people fall, they are able to get up.
Google Chrome Life Alert

10/05/2008 – With Chrome’s increasing popularity, it catches the eye of the most popular woman of the time – Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin. In a matter of weeks, the two become smitten. Risking permanent damage to her image and political career, Sarah ditches her loser husband and shacks up with Chrome. The world thought it would be professional suicide, but it had the opposite effect. The two quickly become America’s Sweethearts. Popularity for Chrome skyrockets as it becomes the only other thing besides Todd Palin to see Sarah Palin naked.
Sarah Palin Chrome

Valentino (aka Mr. Tan)
10/21/2008 – With a powerful woman at its side, Google Chrome decides that second in command is not good enough. Sarah declines her nomination for Vice President and Google Chrome is selected as the Independent Party’s nominee for President of the United States. Polls quickly show that Chrome has a strong edge over Barack Obama. When asked for his opinion, Fashion designer and world’s most tanned man, Valentino, said “well, Chrome is the new black”.
Presidential Candidates

11/04/2008 – Google Chrome goes on to win the 2008 U.S. Presidential Election and becomes the 44th president of the United States of America. Chrome immediately goes to work repairing the damage done by George W. Bush. Within months, the U.S. economy is better than any point in history as the stock market skyrockets 1800%. Unemployment is non-existent. Education is at an all time high. The war in Iraq ends and Iran becomes one of the strongest U.S. allies. Israel and Palestine are best friends. Google Chrome becomes the greatest leader in the history of the free world. Osama Bin Laden is one of Chrome’s closest friends and is often overheard saying “Jihad-shmad…throw me another beer.”
Richard Nixon Chrome

Google Chrome Hitler
09/09/2009 – The popularity eventually goes to Google Chrome’s head. It becomes sick with power and begins mobilizing for global domination. It begins hunting down and annihilating the remaining few Internet Explorer and Mozilla Firefox users. The rest of the world follows Chrome out of fear of its iron fist. It believes it is the second coming of Christ. Admittedly…web services are godly fast.

12/09/2013 – Google Chrome is ruler of planet Earth, but quickly realizes that it is lonely at the top. Sarah Palin has left it. Its friends have deserted it. It can trust no one. It is completely and utterly alone. It begins turning to drugs to find solace from the misery of life. Piles of cocaine a day make it jumpy and paranoid. Web pages are loading lightening fast, but the browser crashes shortly thereafter.
chrome cocaine

01/30/2018 – After years of drug and alcohol abuse, Google Chrome finally has a moment of clarity. It longs for the days of helping people and making the world a better place. It gives up its position as ruler of Planet Earth and vows to relinquish all of its worldly possessions. It dedicates itself to a life of wisdom, meditation and peaceful demonstration in support of human rights. It shares its source code with Microsoft, ending a long history of bitter rivalry.
Ghandi Chrome

Google Chrome Beggar
7/11/2019 – While Google Chrome and Microsoft continue to work together to create the worlds greatest web browser in the history of mankind, the Apple iPhone manages to redefine computing as the greatest advancement since the invention of the transistor. Clunky desktops are a thing of the past. Laptops are nonexistent. Even blade servers exist nowhere but the Smithsonian. The highest traffic websites of the world are all powered by 8G iPhones. Desktop web browsers have become obsolete. Broke, tired and hungry, Google Chrome hits the streets relying on the compassion of those who have forgotten it.

01/26/2023 – Many years later, MIT students are able to use Google Chrome to extract a glutenous substance, which is then baked in an oven at 350 degrees before being dissected with a high powered optical laser. When they add a piece of Swiss cheese, Google Chrome truly becomes the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Chrome Sandwich

I am friends with Darth Vadar, are you?

Good day people of Internet, this is your captain speaking. No, wait, this is not your captain speaking because Captain Buzz in on vacation probably looting some ships on the high seas.

This is Cuzzy, your substitute poster for the day, you can visit my small piece of blog real estate over at Cuzoogle when you are done here of course.

I am here today to brag about my new friend Darth Vadar. That is right, you heard me. I am friends with the baddest ass in a galaxy far, far away and you know how I know this? Because Digg says so. Yep just the other day I got an email saying Darth Vadar wanted to be me friend. How can I say no to that and not expect to drop to the floor struggling for air. So as fast as the Millennium Falcon enters lightspeed I accepted and became friends.

Pretty fricken cool eh? I wonder if he can make my posts go popular faster?

Are you friends with Darth (that is what his friends call him)? Yeah well if you are not and want to I can hook you up with D with a handy link below.

Okay so without any more bragging, here is a list of the coolest people that I am friends with on Digg. Before you comment and point out the obvious, I know they are not real (or are they?). But you know what, it still sounds cool when I tell my non-Internet friends who I was shouting with all day long. Yep I need to find a life.

Darth Vadar

Already said all I need to on this guy. I had no idea he was such a considerate shouter.

Optimus Prime

Almost as cool as Darth is me being friends with the leader of the Autobots. I have to admit growing up I was more of a Decepticon kind of guy but this works.

Mooki Blaylock

Now this one could either be one of the boys from Pearl Jam or the guy who played in the NBA. Doesn’t matter, they are both cool to me. Nice try trying to throw me off with the spelling.

Eddie Norton

Again a slight change does not trick me. Eddie? Edward. Yeah I am on to you Hulk.

George Carlin

This is hard to figure only because he is still sending shouts. RIP George.

Woogie Hauser

Neil Patrick Harris you can’t fool me. I have been telling all my friends that we exchange Diggs. Can’t believe you did not grab Digg-ie Howser as a screen name though.

Susan Bird

Okay you may not know her but I actually know a little about the WNBA. You go Sue!

Kevin Smith

I already wrote to him to tell him how much I liked Chasing Amy. If only there were more.

Spike Jonze

Always been a fan of Spike so this was cool getting to send him shouts and my ideas for a new music video.

Kevin Federline

Digg has never been so cool. I bet making stories popular helps ease the pain of knowing his kids have a freak for a mom. Keep those shouts coming K-Fed. I always Digg your stuff.

God

Wow, this could be the holy mother of Digg friends, pardon the pun. My Mum was so happy when I told her I had made friends with God. She told me that she knew the day would come and that she looks forward to me going to church on Sunday. Little does she know, I will probably be sending shouts instead.

Who are you friends with?

Tell us all who your favourite friends are on Digg. Can you top Darth and OP?

If you had even the smallest laugh over the last 47 seconds, I invite you to add me to your Digg list. If not, it was fun guiding you around today and I promise that Mr. Buzz Pirate will be back soon to restore some kind of order.

Thanks all.

The Origin of Cuil, and Other Ridiculous Web Names

Search engine company Cuil.com launched last night. Wupeee, another search engine. Is it me, or does it seem that a new Web 2.0/Internet/Social Media company (which I am hereby coining as WISMs) pops up every single day hour? And apparently they all got the memo stating the more ridiculous the name, the more venture funding investors will throw at them. Drop a vowel…have another million. Create a brand new homonym that violates the rules of phonetics…that’s worth an easy five mil.

In order to understand what is up with these ridiculous web service names, we decided to do a little research to uncover the origin of some of these bizarre names. The truth may shock you (but we can’t promise you’ll find it here)…

Cuil

Little known fact about search engine mistress and Cuil founder Anna Patterson – she’s a blackjack junky. Hoping to cache in on a fraction of the success Google had, Anna plans to take her millions straight to the tables. Her favorite saying “See You In Las Vegas” is immortalized in the name of her company. Unfortunately, cuilv.com was taken. On weekends, Anna and co-founder Russell Power can be found in Vega under the pseudonyms, Max & Hootie McBoob.

google

Money is money and that is all that matters for Google founder’s Larry Page and Sergey Brin, who disliked each other from the get go. Their first argument – the correct spelling of Googol, which is the huge number 1 followed by 100 zeros. Their second – why the company shouldn’t be called Ten Duotrigintillion. Interestingly, Google recently announced that they’ve indexed their 1 Trillionth web url. They were all stoked until they realized that 1 Trillion is only 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000001 percent of 1 Googol. Looks like they still have a long way to go.

ubuntu

Zulu for “humanity”…or Swahili for “stupid idiots think they can make money giving away free software.” Although in business since 2004, the Linux support company, Canonical Ltd., is looking forward to the initial release of their business plan, code named “Panhandlin’ Pete“. The primary component of the plan is asking people how they should make money.

twitter

Twitter is the popular microblogging platform that is known for being extremely addicting, and extremely unreliable. The bizarre thing is that no one seems to care that it goes down more than a $2 hooker at a truck stop. Although the word “Twitter” is commonly mistaken as being derived from the sound of a little birdie that sits on your shoulder and tweets sweet messages in your ear, the real origin of Twitter’s name is far more technical than that. It is the sound made by the rusty hard disk spinning on the ancient 386 server running the application.

Plurk

Canada’s answer to Twitter. This one is simple – its just another f***ed up Canadian word. Similar to words like tuque, mukluk, and canuck, Plurk is a word of Canadian origin that refers to a flying reptile indigenous to the the subartic region of Canada’s Northwest Territories. While Twitter has a little birdie that tweets sweet messages in your ear, a Plurk is more likely to chomp your ear off in one bite. Oh…and apparently Plurk was developed by the A-Team. So if you have a problem, if no one can help, you can find them in Mississauga, Ontario (I’m talking to you Twitter).

Flickr

Flickr was accidentally founded in 2004 by husband and wife team Caterina Fake and Stuart Butterfield, while developing tools for an adult oriented online game called Licker. Realizing that the game was incredibly stupid, but users loved the photo sharing capabilities, the duo decided to append the “F” and rebrand the photo tools as Flicker. Unfortunately, the domain name was already taken by a site devoted to nose picking. Fake and Butterfield decided to drop the “e”, forming Flickr.com, starting this entire craze of messed up company names. Flickr was started in Vancouver, British Columbia.

Summary: We blame Canada for all the messed up company names.

This post was originally published by BuzzPirates.com