Sandra Bullock – Celebrity Profile

In Hollywood, there can be always be more then one America’s sweetheart, and Sandra Bullock certainly makes the cut. She has been able to turn her special combination of awkward, lovable and sexy into box office dollars and engages her audiences equally in romantic comedies and action films.

Her next feature film “The Proposal” hits theaters on June 19th. She and Ryan Reynolds appear to be a great match, and this film promises to take the sexy component of her appeal to the next level. Rumor has it that 44 year-old Bullock is going to appear nude in this flick, and I don’t think the producers would have done it, and certainly would not have hyped it, if she didn’t look GOOD. She confirmed the rumor in an interview with Glamour Magazine (which rocks?), and hopes the fans line up outside to see it. In fact, she said she would be offended if they didn’t.

Love Life: She was engaged to actor Tate Donovan whom she met while filming Love Potion No. 9 (they dated 4 years). She has dated Troy Aikman, Austin musician Bob Schneider (for two years) and actors Matthew McConaughey and Ryan Gosling. She’s now married to Jesse James of Monster Garage (he was married to porn star Janine Lindemuler.

Family: Born in Arlington County, Virginia, her mom is Helga D. Meyer (a German opera singer and part-time vocal coach) and her dad is John W. Bullock, (a Pentagon contractor, executive from Alabama). Because of mom she speaks German and is even duel citizen…who knew?

Awards:

  • 1994 Razzie Awards Worst Supporting Actress for Demolition Man – Nominated
  • 1995 Saturn Awards Best Actress for Speed – Won
  • 1995 Golden Apple Female Star of the Year – Won
  • 1995 Blimp Award Favorite Movie Actress for Speed – Won
  • 1995 MTV Movie Awards Best Female Performance for Speed – Won
  • 1995 MTV Movie Awards Best On-Screen Duo for Speed – Won
  • 1995 MTV Movie Awards Most Desirable Female for Speed – Won
  • 1995 MTV Movie Awards Best Kiss for Speed – Nominated
  • 1996 American Comedy Awards Funniest Actress in a Motion Picture (Leading Role) for While You Were Sleeping – Nominated
  • 1996 Golden Globe Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy/Musical for While You Were Sleeping – Nominated
  • 1996 MTV Movie Awards Best Female Performance for While You Were Sleeping – Nominated
  • 1996 MTV Movie Awards Most Desirable Female for While You Were Sleeping – Nominated
  • 1996 MTV Movie Awards Most Desirable Female for The Net -  Nominated
  • 1996 People’s Choice Awards Favorite Motion Picture Actress – Won
  • 1997 Blockbuster Entertainment Award Favorite Actress – Suspense for A Time To Kill – Won
  • 1997 MTV Movie Awards Best Female Performance for A Time To Kill – Nominated
  • 1997 People’s Choice Awards Favorite Motion Picture Actress – Won
  • 1998 Razzie Awards Worst Actress for Speed 2: Cruise Control Nominated
  • 1998 Razzie Awards Worst Screen Couple for Speed 2: Cruise Control – Nominated
  • 1999 Lone Star Film & Television Award Best Actress for Hope Floats – Won
  • 1998 People’s Choice Awards Favorite Motion Picture Actress – Won
  • 1999 Teen Choice Awards Film – Choice Hissy Fit for Forces of Nature – Won
  • 2000 Bambi Awards Film international – Won
  • 2000 Golden Globe Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy/Musical for Miss Congeniality – Nominated
  • 2001 American Comedy Awards Funniest Actress in a Motion Picture (Leading Role) for Miss Congeniality – Won
  • 2001 Satellite Awards Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy/Musical for Miss Congeniality – Nominated
  • 2001 Blockbuster Entertainment Award Favorite Actress – Comedy for Miss Congeniality – Won
  • 2001 Teen Choice Awards Film – Choice Wipeout for Miss Congeniality – Won
  • 2005 Teen Choice Awards Film – Choice Movie Actress: Comedy for Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous – Won
  • 2006 People’s Choice Awards Favorite Female Movie Star – Won
  • 2006 Black Reel Awards Best Ensemble for Crash – Won
  • 2006 Critics’ Choice Award Best Acting Ensemble for Crash – Won
  • 2006 Screen Actors Guild Awards Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture for Crash – Won

Selected Filmography:

  • All About Steve (2009) Mary Magdalene Horowitz
  • The Proposal (2009) Margaret Tate
  • Premonition (2007) Linda Hanson
  • Infamous (2006) Nelle Harper Lee
  • Loverboy (2006) Mrs. Harker
  • The Lake House (2006) Dr. Kate Forster
  • Crash (2005) Jean
  • Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005) Gracie Hart
  • Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (2002) Siddalee Walker
  • Murder By Numbers (2002) Detective Cassie Mayweather
  • Two Weeks Notice (2002) Lucy Kelson
  • 28 Days (2000) Gwen Cummings
  • Gun Shy (2000) Judy Tipp
  • Miss Congeniality (2000) Gracie Hart
  • Forces of Nature (1999) Sarah
  • Hope Floats (1998) Birdee Pruitt
  • Practical Magic (1998) Sally Owens
  • Welcome to Hollywood (1998)
  • The Prince of Egypt (1998) Voice of of Miriam
  • Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) Annie
  • Fire on the Amazon (1996)
  • In Love and War (1996) Agnes Von Kurowsky
  • Two If By Sea (1996) Roz
  • A Time to Kill (1996) Ellen Roark
  • While You Were Sleeping (1995) Lucy Moderatz
  • The Net (1995) Angela Bennett
  • Me and the Mob (1994)
  • Speed (1994) Annie
  • Who Do I Gotta Kill? (1994) Lori
  • Demolition Man (1993) Lenina Huxley
  • When the Party’s Over (1993) Amanda
  • Wrestling Ernest Hemingway (1993) Elaine
  • The Thing Called Love (1993) Linda Lue Linden
  • The Vanishing (1993) Diane
  • Love Potion #9 (1992)Diane Farrow
  • Fire on the Amazon (1991)
  • Who Shot Patakango? (1990) Devlin Moran
  • The Vanishing (1990)
  • Religion, Inc. (1989) Debby
  • A Fool and His Money (1988)
  • Hangmen (1987)

Megan Fox’s Thumbs… Deal Breaker?

So, we’ve preached to hotness of Megan Fox in the past. Sometimes when God creates such beauty, there’s bound to be something wrong… however slight… in Megan Fox’s case, its her thumbs. This morning, the topic was discussed on Howard Stern when a caller brought to Howard’s attention that uberhottie Megan Fox has weird looking thumbs. So we propose the question to you… are Megan Fox’s gross thumbs a deal breaker? As you can see she has what can best be described as “clubbed” thumbs that kinda look like toes… and she even hides them in some pictures (like the FHM one below). Still, Brian Austin Green seems happy with her… and you know what? So would we. Buzz Pirates would like to go on record as saying we’re OK with your thumbs, and would be happy to watch star wars with you whenever you like.

Megan Fox…Thumbs Up!

Picture Heather Graham – Celebrity Profile

Heather Graham is super hot Hollywood blond whose still got it. With those big eyes, its like she never ages, and she’s been around longer then you’d think. Maybe its her reported dabbling with witchcraft and spells that’s given Heather staying power. Heather Graham made a huge splash baring all as Rollergirl in Boogie Nights, but has been wowing male audiences for over 20 years all the way back to License to Drive. She proved her acting chops early in Drugstore Cowboys and has done well in comedies like Bowfinger and Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. She’s got model looks and still making good in comedies by playing an escort in the upcoming (Buzz Pirates endorsed) movie The Hangover.

Famous Relationships: artist Chris Doyle, musicians Jason Falkner and Adam Ant, and actors James Woods (met on set of Diggstown), Kyle MacLachlan, Elias Koteas, Heath Ledger, Elijah Blue, and Edward Burns.

Bio: The oldest of two children, her younger sister, Aimee Graham, is also an actress and writer. Their mother, Joan, is a teacher and noted author of children’s books, and father, James Graham, a retired FBI agent. Born January 29, 1970…find me a hotter 39 year old.

Got the Performance Bug Early: In 1986, she appeared on a special “Teen Week” episode of the NBC-TV game show Scrabble. Her parents were not big fans of her career choice but were supportive driving her to early auditions for 80′s TV show Growing Pains.

Selected Filmography:

  • Baby on Board (2009) Angela
  • Ex-terminators (2009)Alex
  • The Hangover (2009)Jade
  • Mary (2008) Elizabeth Younger
  • Miss Conception (2008) Georgina Scott
  • Adrift in Manhattan (2007) Rose Phipps
  • Broken (2007) Hope
  • Gray Matters (2007)Gray Baldwin
  • A West Texas Children s Story (2007) Cassie s Aunt
  • Bobby (2006) Angela
  • The Oh in Ohio (2006) Justine
  • Cake (2005)
  • Blessed (2004)
  • Anger Management (2003)
  • Killing Me Softly (2002)
  • Hope Springs (2003) Mandy
  • The Guru (2003) Sharrona
  • From Hell (2001) Mary Kelly
  • Say It Isn t So (2001)Josephine Wingfield
  • Sidewalks of New York (2001) Annie
  • Committed (2000) Joline
  • Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) Felicity Shagwell
  • Bowfinger (1999) Daisy
  • Alien Love Triangle (1998) Elizabeth
  • Lost in Space (1998) Judy Robinson
  • Two Girls and A Guy (1998) Carla
  • Boogie Nights (1997) Rollergirl
  • Nowhere (1997) Lilith
  • Scream 2 (1997) Casey in Stab
  • Entertaining Angels: The Dorothy Day Story (1996) Maggie
  • Swingers (1996) Lorraine
  • Desert Winds (1995) Jackie
  • Run For Cover (1995)
  • Toughguy (1995) Olive
  • Don’t Do It (1994) Suzanna
  • Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1994) Cowgirl Heather
  • Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle (1994) Mary Kennedy Taylor
  • Six Degrees of Separation (1993) Elizabeth
  • The Ballad of Little Jo (1993) Mary Addie
  • Diggstown (1992) Emily Forrester
  • Guilty as Charged (1992) Kimberly
  • Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992) Annie Blackburn
  • Shout (1991) Sara Benedict
  • I Love You to Death (1990) Bridget
  • Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Nadine
  • License to Drive (1988) Mercedes

Picture Zach Galifianakis – Celebrity Profile

Buzz Pirates is expecting big hilarious things out of the movie The Hangover, which comes out soon. The movie stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Heather Graham and even has a Mike Tyson cameo. Still, in the trailer it looks like the break out star/ scene stealer may be comedian Zach Galifiankis. The North Carolina comedian has made a name for himself with stand up specials, a short lived role talk show on VH1 and role on the show Tru Calling. He has done many celebrity interviews on his show and in various Web projects. His interview style involves regular  interview questions, weird  non sequiturs and inappropriate and sometimes sexual questions and comments. See below where he interviews Michael Cera between two ferns…literally.

Other Famous Family: His cousin Nicholas Galifianakis is a cartoonist, and his uncle Nick Galifianakis is a former Democratic U.S. Congressman who lost a race for an open Senate seat in 1972 against Jesse Helms.

Selected Filmography:

  • G-Force (2009) Ben
  • Gigantic (2009) Homeless Guy
  • Youth in Revolt (2009) Jerry
  • The Hangover (2009) Alan
  • Largo (2008)
  • What Happens in Vegas (2008) Dave the Bear
  • Into the Wild (2007) Kevin
  • Visioneers (2006) George
  • The Comedians of Comedy (2005) Himself
  • Below (2002) Weird Wally
  • Corky Romano (2001) Dexter
  • Heartbreakers (2001) Bill
  • Out Cold (2001) Luke
  • The Bubble Boy (2001) Bus Stop Man

Pregnant Hooters Girl Will Soon Deliver Chicken Wings, Baby

This is not a fake Buzz Pirates news story…this is a live account of a pregnant waitress I saw at  Hooters on Thursday night. I will not name the specific Hooters to protect the innocent(ish). Let’s just say its in a sinful city that you wouldn’t be surprised seeing a pregnant Hooters girl in.

Sign ‘o the times? Bad luck? I don’t know, but the 2 or 30 times I’ve been to Hooters, I was expecting a young, hot thing… not a pregnant chick! C’mon man, its depressing, uncomfortable and an awkward situation for all involved. I mean, if you are the chick, you were already working at Hooters, that’s your job, you can’t just quit because you have a bun in the oven. If you are the management at the Hooters you can’t just fire the girl…that’s not right. Still, people coming to Hooters are expecting cute little girls in cute little outfits…right? Got a bunch of pregnant chicks running around, sales will go in the toilet…and the manager is looking for a new job. Hooters is a place to eat wings and see some T&A, not somewhere to either A. feel bad for the staff or B. get off on some sort of weird fetish. A conundrum if there ever was one.

And if you are a patron, what do you do when you find out you’ve got the pregnant chick? Only the douchebagiest of guests will ask for a non preggers chick, even though all who enter Hooters’ hallowed doors expect, and quite frankly deserve a waitress who’s not with child.

In the guy world, here’s how it goes down at pretty much every table that this chick waits on: (for the purposes of this equation, we will assume 4 guys at the table).

Pregnant Hooters girl comes over, guys uncomfortably say hi, she takes drink order and walks away…

Guy 1: “Dude, what the fuck is up with that? A pregnant Hooters chick, what the hell?”

Guy 2: “Dude, I’d totally still hit it”

Guy 3: “Ehhh, that’s fucked, up. She’s fucking pregnant”

Guy 2: “Duuuude, whatever, she’s totally still hot, and her tits are fucking huuuge from being all preggers and shit”

Guy 3: “Guy 2, you are gross…you’d have sex with a pregnant chick? What if she’s all lactating and whatnot.”

Guy 2: “Whatever, you mean to tell me that if you were married, and your wife got pregnant, you wouldn’t have sex with her for 9 months? You’re totally full of shit”

Guy 3: “That’s 100% different”

Guy 2: “Guy 3, you are total pussy! Guy 4, you are with me, right? She’s totally still hot!”

Guy 3: “Whatever, bro, I know Guy 1 is with me…”

And so the debate would begin… much like it does every night this particular Hooters girl works. If you ask me, I’d feel gypped having gotten the pregnant Hooters girl. Still, at Buzz Pirates we don’t lie… we’d still hit it!

Picture Anton Yelchin – Celebrity Profile

Have you heard of Anton Yelchin? You will soon as he is in two buzzed about Hollywood blockbusters two weeks in a row. Both roles are of well known sci-fi characters. This week, he stars as Chekov in the new Star Trek movie and next week he’ll be playing the important role of John Connor’s father Kyle Reese in Terminator Salvation. Check out the side by side pictures of Yelchin with the older version of the character (Walter Koenig and Michael Biehn). Most people who recognize this rising star will remember him for his starring role (and hot threeway) in Alpha Dog as the ill fated Zack Muzursky (based on the true story of Nicholas Markowitz). Recently he starred in the well reviewed Charlie Bartlett… we’ll see if roles in back to back Hollywood tent pole movies brings the 20 year old Russian- born actor’s profile into elite status.

Personal Life

  • Born in Leningrad, USSR (now Saint Petersburg, Russian Federation)
  • Parents -  Irina Korina and Viktor Yelchin, figure skaters who were national celebrities as stars of the Leningrad Ice Ballet.  Both qualified for the 1972 Winter Olympics, but since they were Jewish, were not permitted to participate by the Soviet authorities.
  • Moved to the USA in September of 1989, receiving status as refugees from political and religious oppression.
  • Irina works as a figure skating choreographer and Viktor works as a figure skating coach (was Sasha Cohen’s first trainer).

Selected Filmography

  • New York, I Love You (2009)
  • Star Trek (2009) – Pavel Checkov
  • Terminator Salvation (2009) – Kyle Reese
  • Charlie Bartlett (2008) Charlie Bartlett
  • Middle of Nowhere (2008) Dorian
  • Alpha Dog (2007) Zack Mazursky
  • Fierce People (2007) Finn Earl
  • You and I (2007) Edvard Nikitin
  • Delivering Milo (2005)
  • House of D (2005) Tommy
  • A Time for Dancing (2002) Jackson
  • 15 Minutes (2001) Boy in Burning Building
  • Along Came A Spider (2001) Dimitri Starodubov
  • Delivering Milo (2001) Milo
  • Hearts in Atlantis (2001) Bobby Garfield

Disney Pulls Plug on Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Somali Sunshine

Burbank, CA – Robert Iger, President and CEO of The Walt Disney Company addressed the media on Thursday with depthe announcement that production will shut down on Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Somali Sunshine. “In the wake of the Somali pirates hostage situation and the standoff with the  U.S. navy and all, we thought we might hurt the delicate sensitivities of our investors.” He continued, “we’re in the business of making the community of our investors happy, and in the wake of the actions of a certain person, we feel like the ‘Pirates‘ franchise is no longer profitable.”

Industry insiders agree that Disney’s decision was clearly based on an earlier press conference.

Prior to his rescue the family of Captain Richard Phillips held a press conference in Vermont pleading for the swift return of the their patriarch. In a show of great caring and philanthropy, offbeat actor Johnny Depp scheduled an appearance at the event. Reporters on hand expressed the magnitude of the normally recalcitrant Depp as his highly anticipated appearance at the press conference drew nearer. The Phillips family greatly appreciated the willingness of the critically acclaimed actor taking time out to draw awareness to the high seas drama effecting them so deeply.

The admiration of the press turned to bewilderment as Johnny Depp took the stage in his full Jack Sparrow costume, complete with makeup, full in character swagger and accent and possibly drunk. “I be the Captain Jack Sparrow [hiccup], and all I see is a bunch of scalawags and vermin among ye,” said Depp before a shocked crowd.

Depp then reached into left pocket and pulled out what appeared to be a Jack Sparrow action figure and in a thick pirate brogue said, “Me action figures be available for $29.95 on Disney’s website…savvy?”  Then Depp reached into his right pocket and pulled out what appeared to be a Cheerios-like cereal, and yelled “and coming soon be Jack Sparrow’s Pirate Crunch.” Depp then threw the handful of cereal at Associated Press journalist Justin Pritchard. Depp then yelled “ARRRRRRRR!!!!” as Pritchard wiped the cereal off his suit.

Depp then looked over at Captain Phillips’ family, realized why he was at the new conference and came out of character. Depp took a serious, long gaze at the worried family and began. “Many of you know me as the actor who takes chances, picks roles that reflect the fact that I continuously try to distinguish myself from the average actor. The truth is, after years in this business, and meeting the Phillips family here today…I now have one question for the community at large today.”

Depp then took a deep breath, with an expressive look on his face that pierced through his pirate makeup and asked, “So, why aren’t we making this new Pirates movie? I mean, the thing has made me, like, a zillion dollars. I mean, look at these people, they’ve got a family member that’s been literally attacked by pirates. We’re sitting on a goldmine of free publicity here. And while we’re on the topic…this isn’t going to affect my royalties, right? I heard some sort of bullshit about donating proceeds from DVD sales to this Phillips guy’s family. C’mon now, we’re not talking about Edward Scissorhands money here, this is a whole sweet as fuck, franchise, baby. The time is now to get this fuckin’ shit spinnin Disney… The Depper is on board. Call that Orlando Poon guy, you know he ain’t doing anything.”

Reporters on hand were shocked and appalled, as Andrea Phillips, wife of the hijacked sea captain, cried at witnessing the normally calm Depp’s outrageous behavior.

“Ok, look,” Depp continued, “there must be some retards out there that could use a few of the left over Captain Jack Sparrow lunchboxes with the broken handles we’ve got in that Duluth storage facility, right? If community relations is the game… I just showed you how to win kiddies.”

Depp sensing the disapproving Vermont press conference crowd then became downright belligerent, “C’mon, they’re retards, they don’t need the handles… its not like they’re making their own lunch anyway? They’d probably just keep it on a shelf in the bathroom or something…I don’t know. Anyway, my point is, I just met these Phillips’ people and I don’t like them… bunch of syrupy Ben and Jerry’s eating fairies. Fuck ‘em.” Depp, then chugged from a bottle of Captain Morgan’s and stormed off the stage.

Currently Disney is standing by their decision to cancel production on Pirates of the Carribbean 4, although insiders say they may be waivering as they signed actual Somali Pirate Abduhl Wal-i-Musi to a development deal. The Wal-i-Musi deal may just keep him as a mousekateer until he’s old enough to be a pirate in the movie. Disney also announced they will continue as scheduled with the Robin Williams vehicle Aladdin: Baghdad Meshuggah.

Picture Patrick Swayze – Celebrity Profile

Patrick Swayze’s health concerns due to stage 4 pancreatic cancer have brought him back into the spotlight. His unfortunate struggle should not overshadow a long and diverse career for the well coiffed star of stage, screen and song. A talented dancer, who was able to segway into movies was in plenty of classics from the 80′s and 90′s like Ghost, Point Break, Red Dawn, Dirty DancingThe Outsiders and the classic small town bar bouncer tale Road House (which I’ll watch on cable and Saturday morning you ask me to). He always has come off as a pretty decent guy with a good sense of humor…remember his SNL Chippendales skit with Chris Farley? His most recent project is and FBI set show on A&E The Beast.

Career Highlights:

  • To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995) Vida – Golden Globe nomination for best actor
  • Ghost (1990) – Golden Globe nomination for best actor
  • “She’s Like the Wind” (1987)- song from Dirty Dancing Soundtrack – reached #3 on Billboard Hot 100 and #1 on Adult Contemporary, and was worldwide hit. The soundtrack album was #1 for 19 weeks.
  • Dirty Dancing (1987) – Golden Globe nomination for best actor
  • 2003 Appeared on Broadway as  Billy Flynn in the Tony Award winning Chicago
  • 1975 Broadway debut as dancer in Goodtime Charley
  • 1991 People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive

Personal Life:

  • Married to Lisa Niemi since June 12, 1975 (pretty impressive for a Hollywood hunk). Niemi’s mother was Patrick’s dance instructor.

Selected Filmography:

  • Christmas in Wonderland (2007) Wayne Saunders
  • Jump (2007) Richard Pressburger
  • Keeping Mum (2006) Lance
  • Road House 2 (2006) James Dalton
  • The Fox and the Hound 2 (2006) Voice of Cash
  • One Last Dance (2005) Travis
  • Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004) Dance Class Instructor
  • One Last Dance (2003)
  • Green Dragon (2002) Staff Sergeant Jim Lance
  • Waking Up in Reno (2002) Roy Kirkendall
  • Donnie Darko (2001) Jim Cunningham
  • Along for the Ride (2000)
  • Get Bruce (1999) Himself
  • Letters from a Killer (1999)
  • Black Dog (1998) Jack Crews
  • Tall Tale: The Unbelievable Adventures of Pecos Bill (1995) Pecos Bill
  • Three Wishes (1995) Jack
  • To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995) Vida
  • Father Hood (1993) Jack Charles
  • City of Joy (1992) Max Lowe
  • Point Break (1991) Bodhi
  • Dance (1990)
  • Ghost (1990) Sam Wheat
  • Next of Kin (1989) Truman Gates
  • Road House (1989) Dalton
  • Tiger Warsaw (1988) Chuck Tiger Warsaw
  • Dirty Dancing (1987) Johnny Castle
  • Steel Dawn (1987) Nomad
  • Youngblood (1986) Derek Sutton
  • Grandview, U.S.A. (1984) Ernie Slam Webster
  • Red Dawn (1984) Jed Eckert
  • Uncommon Valor (1983) Scott
  • The Outsiders (1983) Darrel Curtis
  • Skatetown, USA (1979) Ace

April Fools! Our Version of CBS’s “I Get That a Lot”

“I Get That a Lot” is a new prank show from CBS premiering on April Fools Day. Celebrities (Jessica Simpson, Heidi Klum, Jeff Probst, etc.) pretend to be normal people and say “I get that a lot” when stopped by normal folk. Hahaha, get it… Jessica Simpson working a cash register…that’s crazy! C’mon, CBS, grow a set!

If the Buzz Pirates were in charge, here’s the celebrities we would have used and the situations we would have put them in:

Paris Hilton – Astrophysicist – “Hey, Dr. Hilton, did you know the core of the Sun is considered to extend from the center to about 0.2 solar radii. It has a density of up to 150,000 kg/m3 (150 times the density of water on Earth) and a temperature of close to 13,600,000 kelvins (by contrast, the surface of the Sun is around 5,800 kelvins).” Paris Hilton – “It’s Hot.” – Exactly!

Michael Vick – Professional Dog Walker – Apparently in a bankruptcy hearing the former scramblingist quarterback ever stated in his paperwork that he expects to make ten million a year… yeah, i don’t think so. In any case, he could make extra scratch post-jail as a dog walker. And by that I mean people who love their significant others but hate their pets could hire Mr. Vick for his special caring hand, and then suggest a goldfish instead of another yappy Chihuahua.

Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsay and every other sassy British douchebags – Life Coach – A life coach helps their client determine and achieve personal goals. This is done through, among other things, constructive criticism… and no one gives uplifting advise to people who need it better then condescending, cursing douchebags Brits from reality shows…can you feel the love?

Lizzie Grubman – Tank Driver – Hey, don’t forget this lovely young lady proudly drove her Mercedes SUV in a crowd of people after being asked to move out of a fire lane. Ms. Grubman injured 16 people outside of a Hampton nightclub. She also yelled white trash at the crowd (in the Hamptons?) before backing into them. She was facing 8 years in prison and did hard time… 37 days in prison. So, since she can successfully driving into a pile of people, why not enlist her in the army and give her the keys to a real expensive utility vehicle.

Samuel L. Jackson – Librarian - He’ll be extra yelly, have trouble keeping quiet and in “Fiction” say something like…

“The path of the dewey decimel system is beset by numbers,
By the inequities of the microfiche and the tyranny of misplaced books.
Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will,
Shepards home the books he hath taken out on time,
For he is truly the checker out and owner of a library card
And I will shhh! those who talk loudly in here with vengeance and furious anger,
And those who attempt to run up large late fees
And you will know my name is the Librarian when I lay my vengeance upon you.”

Zac Efron – A heterosexual man – yep, I said it. April Fools!

Picture Julia Roberts: Celebrity Profile

Julia Roberts is the Pretty Woman with the 25 million dollar smile. America’s sweetheart returned this week in Duplicity with Clive Owen. She is the all time most successful actress with $2,204,631,930 earned at the box office in only 31 films. With a seemingly flawless record at the box office, Roberts was able to step aside and start a family in a seemingly healthy way.

In Duplicity two corporate spies (Owen and Roberts) team up to manipulate a corporate race to corner the market on a medical innovation that will reap riches and enable them to lead an extravagant lifestyle together.

We’ll see if this new movie gets her back into more mainstream movies, or she’ll continue to be a full time family-woman and part time actress.

Career Highlights

  • Oscars – Won 2000 Best Actress Erin Brockovich. Nominated for 1990 Best Actress Pretty Woman and 1989 Best Supporting Actress Steel Magnolias
  • Golden Globes Best Actress – 2000 Drama Erin Brockovich Win; 1999 Best Actress – Comedy/Musical Notting Hill Nominated; 1997 Best Actress – Musical or Comedy Picture My Best Friend’s Wedding Nominated; 1990 Best Actress – Musical or Comedy Pretty Woman Win; 1989 Best Supporting Actress Steel Magnolias Win

Family

  • Husband: Danny Moder -Roberts and Moder married July 4, 2002 in Taos, New Mexico.
  • Brother: Eric Roberts (he made his mark on Hollywood before Julia
  • Daughter: Hazel Patricia Moder. Born Nov. 28, 2004; Sons: Henry Daniel Moder. Born June 18, 2007; Phinnaeus Walter Moder. Born Nov. 28, 2004; twin of Hazel Patricia
  • Niece: Emma Roberts. Daughter of actor Eric Roberts and up and coming actress

Partial Filmography

  • Duplicity (2009) Claire Stenwick
  • Fireflies in the Garden (2009) Lisa Waechter
  • Charlie Wilson’s War  (2007)Joanne Herring
  • Charlotte s Web (2006)Voice of Voice of Charlotte the Spider
  • The Ant Bully (2006) Voice of Hova
  • Tell Them Who You Are (2005) Herself
  • Closer (2004) Anna
  • Grand Champion (2004)
  • Ocean’s Twelve (2004) Tess Ocean
  • Mona Lisa Smile (2003) Katherine Ann Watson
  • Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002) Patricia Watson
  • Full Frontal (2002) Francesca/ Catherine
  • America’s Sweethearts (2001) Kiki Harrison
  • Ocean’s Eleven (2001) Tess Ocean
  • The Mexican (2001) Samantha Barzel
  • Erin Brockovich (2000) Erin Brockovich
  • Notting Hill (1999) Anna Scott
  • Runaway Bride (1999) Maggie Carpenter
  • Stepmom (1998) Isabel Kelly
  • Conspiracy Theory (1997) Alice Sutton
  • My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) Julianne Potter
  • Everyone Says I Love You (1996) Von
  • Mary Reilly (1996) Mary Reilly
  • Michael Collins (1996) Kitty Kiernan
  • Something to Talk About (1995) Grace
  • I Love Trouble (1994) Sabrina Peterson
  • Ready to Wear (1994) Anne Eisenhower– Houston Chronicle Reporter
  • The Pelican Brief (1993) Darby Shaw
  • The Player (1992) Herself
  • Dying Young (1991) Hillary O Neil
  • Hook (1991) Tinkerbell
  • Sleeping With the Enemy (1991) Laura Burney/ Sara Waters
  • Flatliners (1990) Rachel Kinberg
  • Pretty Woman (1990) Vivian Ward
  • Blood Red (1989) Marisa Collogero
  • Steel Magnolias (1989) Shelby Eatenton Latcherie
  • Baja Oklahoma (1988)
  • Mystic Pizza (1988) Daisy Araujo
  • Satisfaction (1988) Daryle Shane