Brad Pitt Celebrity Profile

Brad Pitt…ever heard of him? Well, for all of his pretty boy, tabloid love life mischief, Mr. Angelina Jolie has fashioned himself into a good actor and legitimate movie star when he’s not dodging the paparazzi. He’s the total Hollywood package. He first garnered notice in Thelma and Louise, proved he could be a big time star in Legends of the Fall, and showing his acting chops in 12 Monkeys. Several classic roles in Fight Club, Babel, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the Ocean’s movies followed…and who can forget his hilarious stoner in True Romance?  Next week he teams up with Quinton Tarantino in Inglorious Basterds.

Production Credits – Brad Pitt owns the production Plan B which currently has a deal with Paramount Pictures, Warner Bros. and 20th Century Fox. Films include Troy, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Departed, Running with Scissors, and The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and is currently making an adaption of the novel World War Z.

Biography – born in Shawnee, Oklahoma, the son of Jane Etta (née Hillhouse), a high school counselor, and William Alvin Pitt, a truck company owner. He has a brother Doug and sister Julie.

Famous Ladyfriends – Brad Pitt has had high profile relationships with Juliette Lewis, Robin Givens, Jill Schoelen, Gwyneth Paltrow and of course ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. He is married to Angelina Jolie with whom he has 6 children.

Awards/Nominations – Nominated for Oscar for Benjamin Button (best actor) and 12 Monkeys (best supporting actor); Nominated for Golden Globes for Babel, Legends of the Fall and 12 Monkeys (he won that one).

Selected Filmography

  • Inglourious Basterds (2009) Lt Aldo Raine
  • The Tree of Life (2009)
  • Burn After Reading (2008) Chad Feldheimer
  • The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) Benjamin Button
  • Ocean’s Thirteen (2007) Rusty Ryan
  • The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007) Jesse James
  • Babel (2006) Richard
  • Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005) John Smith
  • Ocean’s Twelve (2004) Rusty Ryan
  • Troy (2004) Achilles
  • Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (2003) Voice of Sinbad
  • Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002) Bachelor Brad
  • Full Frontal (2002) cameo (uncredited)
  • Ocean’s Eleven (2001) Rusty Ryan
  • Spy Game (2001) Tom Bishop
  • The Mexican (2001) Jerry Welbach
  • Snatch (2000) Mickey O Neil
  • Fight Club (1999) Tyler Durden
  • Meet Joe Black (1998) Joe Black/ Young Man in Coffee Shop
  • The Dark Side of the Sun (1998)
  • Seven Years in Tibet (1997) Heinrich Harrer
  • The Devil’s Own (1997) Rory Devaney
  • Sleepers (1996) Michael
  • 12 Monkeys (1995) Jeffrey
  • Seven (1995) David Mills
  • Interview With the Vampire (1994) Louis Pointe du Lac
  • Legends of the Fall (1994) Tristan
  • The Favor (1994) Elliott
  • Kalifornia (1993) Early Grayce
  • True Romance (1993) Floyd – Dick s Roomate
  • Cool World (1992) Frank Harris
  • Johnny Suede (1992) Johnny Suede
  • A River Runs Through It (1992) Paul Maclean
  • Across the Tracks (1991) Joe Maloney
  • Thelma & Louise (1991) J D
  • Happy Together (1990)
  • Too Young to Die (1990)
  • Cutting Class (1989) Dwight Ingalls

Douche of the Day – Melissa Catherine Smith-Means (Kid Dragging Mom)

An woman was arrested Tuesday afternoon after police say she injured her child while dragging it through a Verizon store in Rome, Alabama. Melissa Catherine Smith-Means, 37, of Gaylesville, Ala., was arrested by police around 12:30 p.m. She was charged with felony first-degree cruelty to children.

Police say she was observed by customers and employees at a store on Broad Street, dragging a small child around by a backpack leash. The child had visible marks on the neck from the dragging. Best(worst) part? The whole thing was caught on video! Alabama child dragging is part of the culture I suppose? The video is below.

Smile Melissa Catherine Smith-Means, you are Buzz Pirates Douche of the Day.

Douche of the Day – Richard Jefferson

NBA Player Richard Jefferson changed his mind about 11 hours before his wedding to his gorgeous fiancé, dancer Kesha Ni’Cole Nichols. Not only did he say peace out to his fiancé, he also failed to let friends and family know; and as they arrived for the ceremony, they were informed that nuptials were canceled.

It’s one thing to cancel on your bride before the wedding. Still, letting all of your guests show up to what will turn out to be the most embarrassing day of Kesha’s life is terrible. Kesha’s call us, we’ll be your shoulder.

Smile Richard Jefferson – you are our douche of the day…unless she was, like, a pain in the ass or something – then you are off the hook.

Death By Chocolate! A Gruesome and Delicious Death in Camden, NJ!

A 29 year old temporary worker has died after falling into a vat of melted chocolate in a New Jersey processing plant. The terrifying and delicious death sounds like fudge frenzy nightmare.

The Cocoa Services Inc. plant worker fell after a blade used to mix raw chocolate hit him. The man’s name has not been released, but he might as well be Augustus Gloop (the fat kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).

The accident happened today as the worker was loading raw chocolate into the vat where it’s melted and mixed and then shipped elsewhere to be made into candy products. Prosecutor’s spokesman Jason Laughlin said a co-worker tried to shut off the machine and two others tried to pull the man out of the 8-foot deep vat. Cocoa Services hires a second company — Lyons and Sons — to do the mixing.

Douche of the Day – Dorothy Richards – The Bambi Killing, Shovel Swinging Septuagenarian

Dorothy Richards of Euclid, Ohio is our oldest Douche of the Day so far… she earns the title for beating a baby deer to death with a shovel. Richards was arrested when three of her neighbors told police that she had beat the fawn to death. The old lady beat Bambi to death after finding it messing with her flower garden.

The city’s cruelty charge is a first-degree misdemeanor punishable by up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. The state charge (if pursued) is punishable by a maximum 90 days in jail and $750 fine. Unfortunately for Richards, the story is picking up steam nationwide. This means that the community will be under pressure to throw the book at the Bambi hating, shovel swinging, septuagenarian. Looks like Dorothy Richard’s might be soon be wearing Michael Vick’s other jersey… an orange jumpsuit.

Here’s hoping the state scores one for the fawn… smile Dorothy Richards, you are Buzz Pirates’ Douche of the Day!

The Hangover Movie Quotes – Funniest Lines

We knew that The Hangover was going to be a comic masterpiece. The best quotes from The Hangover are hard to put in order. The movie was more then a few funny lines like a Will Ferrell movie, it was nonstop insane funny from start to finish. That said, the movie was filled with awesome quotes and funny lines. We already talked about Heather Graham and Zach Galifiankis leading up to the movie’s release. Here’s a collection of some of the best quotes, feel free to correct my mistakes or add your own favorite quotes.

Stu: “She is wearing my grandmother’s Holocaust ring.”
Alan: “I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.”

“We’re not going to leave a baby in the room. There’s a fucking tiger in the bathroom.”

“Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.”

“Rainman took over a casino and he was a retard”

Sid (Jeffrey Tambor): “Remember what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit’ll come back with you.”

Male Officer: Handsome your next (Talking about Phil)  (Alan walks forward)
Male Officer: Not you fat Jesus

“Doug is probably dead, face down in a ditch and getting butt fucked by a meth addict”

“Whose baby is that?”
“Check its collar or something.”

Stu: “Am I missing a tooth?

“In the face! IN THE FACE!”

“Tracy (Sasha Barrese): “We’re getting married in five hours.”
Phil: “Yeah … that’s not gonna happen.”

Alan (to hotel clerk): Is this hotel beeper friendly? I’m not getting a signal. Where is your bank of pay phones?”

Dr. Valsh (Matt Walsh): “It’s on the corner of ‘get a map’ and ‘fuckoff.'”

Alan: “Next week’s no good for me. The Jonas Brothers are in town.”

“Paging Dr. Faggot!”

Alan: I’m sure you get this a lot, but is this really Ceasar’s Palace?
Hotel Clerk: What do you mean?
Alan: Did Ceasar really live here?
Hotel Clerk: No
Alan: Didn’t think so

Stu: “Why can’t we remember a goddamn thing from last night?”"Yeah ... that's not gonna happen."
Phil: “Because we obviously had a great fucking time.”

Stu: “Everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he’s kind of a sweetheart.”
Alan: “I think he’s mean.”

Alan: “I shouldn’t be here. I’m not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school. Or a Chuck E. Cheese.”

Alan: “Hey! There were skittles in there!”

(After Mr. Chow jumps out of the trunk, attacks them and runs away)
Stu: “Who was that?!”
Phil: “Why was he so Mean?!”

And of course…. Doug’s Song:

What do tigers dream of
When they take a little tiger snooze?
Do they dream of mauling zebras
Or Halle Berry in her cat women suit.
Well don’t you worry your pretty stripped head
Were going to get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed.
And then were going to find our best friend Doug,
And then were going to give him a best friend hug.
Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Dougy, Dougy, Doug, Doug.
But if he’s been murder by crystal meth tweekers,
Well then were shit out of luck.

Artie Lange on Joe Buck Live

If you haven’t heard it by now, The Howard Stern Show’s Artie Lange had a legendary appearance on Joe Buck Live. Buck’s new show is on HBO and Artie took full advantage. He comes off a little too strong at times, to say the least, but the entire segment is one of the funniest things you’ve ever seen on a talk show. SNL’s Jason Sudeikis and Paul Rudd were also on the show, but those two just tried to stay out of the way. Michael Irvin was in the audience and jumps in at. It was uncomfortable, cringe worthy and absolutely hilarious. Enjoy (the sound doesn’t exactly match the picture). Artie Lange will never have a stand up special on HBO after this appearance.

Douche of the Day – German Shoe Thief Fox

That’s right you heard me. Turns out a German fox stole 100 shoes in the small western German town of Foehren.

A forest ranger found some shoes near the fox’s den and came upon a smorgasbord of footwear down the foxhole which had recently been stolen from outside locals’ front doors. I guess German’s leave their shoes outside?

“There was everything from ladies’ shoes to trainers,” said a Foehren policeman. “We’ve found between 110 and 120 so far. It seems a vixen stole them for her cubs to play with.”

Although many were missing laces, the shoes were in good condition and their owners were delighted to reclaim them, said the police spokesmen, adding that revenge wasn’t planned against the lil’ rascal. I’m surprised that the people wanted their shoes back after it had weird German fox diseases all over them.

Either way Ms. Fox, get your own damn shoes… not you Megan, you can grab our Buster Browns any time, you lil’ vixen you. Ooh, and the band Vixen you can polish our Bostonians at your leisure… and Foxy Knoxy, Amanda Knox you scare us, but please feel free to peruse our loafers and try to not to sex murder us.

Smile German Shoe nabbing fox, you are Buzz Pirates Douche of the Day.

Megan Fox’s Thumbs… Deal Breaker?

So, we’ve preached to hotness of Megan Fox in the past. Sometimes when God creates such beauty, there’s bound to be something wrong… however slight… in Megan Fox’s case, its her thumbs. This morning, the topic was discussed on Howard Stern when a caller brought to Howard’s attention that uberhottie Megan Fox has weird looking thumbs. So we propose the question to you… are Megan Fox’s gross thumbs a deal breaker? As you can see she has what can best be described as “clubbed” thumbs that kinda look like toes… and she even hides them in some pictures (like the FHM one below). Still, Brian Austin Green seems happy with her… and you know what? So would we. Buzz Pirates would like to go on record as saying we’re OK with your thumbs, and would be happy to watch star wars with you whenever you like.

Megan Fox…Thumbs Up!