Douche of the Day : Pilot Marcus Schrenker of Heritage Wealth Management

So, what happens when you and your company are about to be sued ala Marcus Schrenker of Heritage Wealth Management? Well, you get into your plane, fly from Indiana to Florida, report that your windshield has imploded, set the plane on Autopilot and parachute to safety in an obvious attempt to fake your own death. For Marcus Schrenker this was the most sensible solution.

After the plane crash, police said the plane’s wreckage showed no signs of the emergency reported by Marcus Schrenker, 38. A man using his Schrenker’s Indiana driver’s license checked into an Alabama motel after telling police he’d been in a canoe accident, then went MIA before authorities could talk to him him.

The single-engine Piper Malibu crashed Sunday night in a swampy area of Santa Rosa County in north Florida. It had left Anderson, Ind., en route to the Florida Panhandle city of Destin. The plane crashed within 50 to 75 yards of houses, according to Scott Haines, a spokesman for the county sheriff’s department.  That part of the story is not funny at all. Regardless…

Smile Marcus Schrenker, you are Buzz Pirates Douche of the Day

Buzz Pirates Douche(s) of the Day: Heath and Deborah Campbell

So, it finally happened. Decades of inbred, white trash insanity has led to someone naming their kid Adolf Hitler… actually the little pecker’s name is Adolf Hitler Campbell. Are you kidding me with these parents? C’mon man? Heath and Deborah Campbell…you should be ashamed of your lack of class and for saddling your kid with such a horrible name. Although, one look at the happy family pictured on the right, and you can’t help but not be all that surprised.

The beginning of what will surely be a happy childhood became national news today when a local ShopRite refused to print a birthday cake with the child’s full name on it. Fortunately the redoubtable Wal-Mart was willing to make the sale with the full name on it.

The real surprise here is that the family lives in Hunterdon County, New Jersey right on the Pennsylvania border. I guess this is a victory for the South?

The Campbells’ other two children also have screwed up names: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because “no one else in the world would have that name.” Heath Campbell goes on to make it sound like he isn’t a racist piece of shit…but the real crime is that the government hasn’t stepped in and neutered these people. Either way, Mr. White Power can take his neck tat, his fugly wife and horribly named kids and go crawl back in his trailer and watch Judge Judy and America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Smile Heath and Deborah Campbell: you are Buzz Pirates Douche(s) of the Day.

Randy Bailey – Buzz Pirates’ Douche of the Day

doucheWhen Randy Bailey, the 49 year-old wedding videographer from Eagle Rock, Missouri, became the eleventh person voted out SURVIVOR: GABON a few weeks ago, we were a little disappointed. Not because we like Randy, mind you, but because we felt like it was a missed opportunity for us to dish out a little character pillaging Buzz Pirates’ style. But lo and behold, Randy comes through for us once again by appearing in last night’s tribal council in what was, no doubt, a drunken mishap with a pair of clippers. Randy Bailey – for your ridiculous mohawk and non stop arrogant prickiness all season long – YOU are Buzz Pirates’ Douche of the Day.

Randy Mohawk Douche

There are many theories out there about why he decided to shave his head into a mohawk. Did he want to show Crystal he wasn’t a bigot by donning the Mr. T. look? Perhaps he lost a bet to Charlie about whether Marcus is really gay or not. These are distinct possibilities, but our guess is it went some down something like this….

Upon leaving tribal council after being voted off of Survivor: Gabon, Randy was ushered into the medical tent where he immediately tackled the doctor for medical supplies and began chugging rubbing alcohol. Relieved to have a small buzz, Randy prepared to enjoy the easy life of Survivor Ponderosa, and began to drink Africa dry of its supply of Heineken. Anxious to have another boy in the group, Charlie and Marcus where happy to cook breakfast for Randy and exercized half naked while Randy slammed beers. After his 15th beer, Randy busted into the bedroom, and interrupted Charlie and Marcus shaving each others backs, grabbed the clippers and yelled “See…I like gays you stupid bitches” and proceeded to shave the sides of his head.

Video clips of these events can be seen here. Obviously, they have been editted for television. However, two things are blantantly clear…Randy is loving his Heineken, and is happy to have his boy toys. What a douche.

randy beer gay

Buzz Pirates’ Douche of the Day… Gov. Rod Blagojevich

C’mon man? Are you kidding me Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich? What kind of name is Rod anyway. I’ll tell you what kind…the kind belonging to Buzz Pirates’ Douche of the Day: Rod Blagojevich.

Douchey McGee was arrested by federal law enforcement agents today. The FBI alleged that the governor solicited significant contributions from candidates for payment to fill President-elect Barack Obama’s vacant US Senate seat. There are charges against him including conspiracy to commit mail fraud and wire fraud as well as solicitation of bribery.

Blagojevich also allegedly threatened to withhold state assistance to Tribune Co., the owner of the Chicago Tribune, in the sale of Wrigley Field. He’s going to drag the Cubs into this mess too? I know Obama is a White Sox fan… but this is too far. In return for state assistance, Blagojevich allegedly wanted members of the paper’s editorial board who had been critical of him fired. So, now he’s trying to restrict freedom of speech too? What a cockstain.

Prez Elect Obama better distance himself from this guy as quickly as possible, throw him under the bus like right now. Hopefully Barry will call a press conference and say that he agrees with us that…

Gov. Rod Blagojevich… smile, you are Buzz Pirates’ Douche of the Day.