Elvis On the Economy

Now alright mama before we get this whole humdinger a shakin, the King is gonna need a few things. Hey, Pops, could you have them in the back shake me up a peanut butter and banana sandwich with some of the King’s special pep pills…and… baby toes. C’mon now, I’m the King! She wrote upon it, Return to Sender…address unknown, no such person…no such so.

Alright, so now the King’s feelin’ the pinch of this here economy, Jack. I had to sell my midget to some Chinese guy in Koreatown. It was worse then the time I woke up in Hank Williams’ bathtub wearing a table cloth with ketchup stains on it… hmmm… ketchup. Hey, Colonel, can you have them mix me up a sandwich with cherry apples, cow tongue, a minced Al Kaline rookie card….and…baby toes. C’mon now, I’m the King! Every body in the whole cell block, was dancing to the jailhouse rock.

Now before the economy became such a huckleberry, the the King used to wear velvet underpants every place he went. But, now I only wear velvetine underpants…with tassels. Hey, turtledove, you think you can come over hear rub the King’s neck flap, the rhinestones are itchy…ah, yeah…whooo weeee. You makin’ the King be all like….Her lips are like a volcano that’s hot, I’m proud to say shes my buttercup, I’m in love… I’m all shook up… mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!

Alright…alright…the economy. You see, Priscilla don’t  really like it when I talk about aliens… but I’ve got something to say about that. It’s these here aliens that keep stealing the King’s fucking sandwich! HOT POTATO COLONEL, WHERE IS MY SANDWICH! Look, here’s what I need, have ’em do it up: one sandwich, alright now, with sardines, peanut butter, the Metro section of the last Tuesday’s Cleveland Plain Dealer, a question mark…and baby toes AND you Colonel, if you want to keep your 60% publishing rights you will get in that fucking sandwich and get in my stomach…now! Because I’m evil, my middle name is misery. Well I’m evil, so don’t you mess around with me.

Elvis is a Buzz Pirates Correspondent

Elvis on the 2008 Presidential Election

Now alright mama before we get this whole humdinger a shakin, the King is gonna need a few things. Hey, Colonel, could you have them mix me up a peanut butter and banana sandwich with Demerol…and… baby toes. C’mon now, I’m the King! Love me tender, love me sweet…never let me goooooo.

Alright now, so this election…hey Colonel, get me my stuffed giraffe Neckers that Ann Marget gave me outta my yellow Cadillac. What? What do you mean I ain’t got no yellow Cadillac. Ain’t that a kick in the King’s keister! I gots me 4 Cadillacs, but no yellow one! Mmmm, this here sandwich is the tops. Hey Pop, go pick me up a new yellow Cadillac. C’mon now, I’m the King! We can’t go on together, with suspicious miiiiiiiiinds.

Now, you know I’ve done push ups with JFK… karate with Nixon… and I may have even rode one of them unicorns with LBJ, so the King knows a thing or two about these elections, Jack. Hey Trish, can you wipe my brow, I’m sweatin’ on my sandwich now. Thanks Dish, now you go upstairs and wait for me in my velvet bed, the King will be up in a few. Hey Colonel, have them make me another sandwich, this one I want peanut butter, chocolate, a chopped up G.I. Joe, the May ’67 issue of Time Magazine…and baby toes. C’mon now, I’m the King! Oh let me be… your teddddddy beeeaaaaar.

So wait, what’s this? There’s a chocolate cat running for president? Obama what? Hey man, ain’t that a hot pepper! I’m all for it! Whoa, whoa, whoa…slow down the groove for a minute here, what’s with this lady Palin? What, she like that crazy lookin’ old guy’s daughter or something? Now, that is a fox, I tell you what, Jack. If I saw her I’d be all like… Take my hand, take my whooooollllle life too, for I, can’t help fallin’ in love with youuuuuuuu.

Alright, so now I think the secret to this here election is…hey wait, Colonel, can you get me some more pills, you know how the King gets when his head gets all to thinking. And have them mix up the King another sandwich, I’m hungrier than Jackie Gleason was right before he ate Perry Como. Now get it right this time, I want peanut butter, a crushed up moon rock, barbiturates, a two dollar bill…and baby toes. I don’t care if this sandwich is illegal, Jack! So help me God, I will kill all of you with my magic sequin karate!!! Ok, then daddio, make with the sandwich. C’mon now, I’m the King! Im just a hunk, a hunk of burning love
Just a hunk, a hunk of burning loooooooooove.

Elvis is a Buzz Pirates Correspondent