Maurice Sendak on Colbert Report – A Wild Man Indeed

Author of “Where the Wild Things Are” Maurice Sendak was able to keep up with Stephen Colbert in what has to be the best interview in the Colbert Report’s history. With lines like “I didn’t set out to make children happy or make life better for them or easier for them” its hard to tell if he’s being serious or joking… but its probably a little bit of both. He also calls Newt Gingrich an idiot. When Sendak tells Stephen Colbert he’s gay, in full character Colbert says, “and they let you write children’s books?” Watch the hilarious part one and then part two below:

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Grim Colberty Tales with Maurice Sendak Pt. 1
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive
The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Grim Colberty Tales with Maurice Sendak Pt. 2
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

AnnaLynne McCord – Celebrity Profile

AnnaLynn McCord is an actress on the rise since she appeared as the sexy and conniving Eden Lord on Nip/Tuck. She expanded on that role as one of the stars of the new 90210 as Naomi Clark. She’s put her fame to good use lending her time, energy and resources to several well known charities.

Selected Filmography –

2012 Officer Down Zhanna Dronov

2008-2012 90210 (TV series)  Naomi Clark

2010 Gun  Gabriella

2010 Amexica Woman

2007-2009 Nip/Tuck (TV series) Eden Lord

2009 Fired Up!  Gwyneth

2008 The Haunting of Molly Hartley  Suzie

2008 Day of the Dead  – Nina

2007 Sirens of the Caribbean  Morning/Simone

2007 American Heiress (TV series) – Loren Wakefield

2005 Transporter 2  Car Jacking Girl

2002 The Middle of Nowhere  Cassandra

 

15 Best Jack Donaghy Quotes – Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock

30 Rock might be the funniest show on television right now… ok top 5? Well, the best part about it is Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy, the Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming for General Electric and Liz Lemon’s (played by Tina Fey) friend and boss. 30 Rock’s season premiere is tonight and here are his 15 best quotes from the show so far. Are we missing any?

15. C’mon Lemon, what do we elites do when we screw up? We pretend it never happened and give ourselves a giant bonus.

14. “Donaghy saves GE… marries your mom”

13. Jack Donaghy: You have to fire ten percent of your staff.
Liz Lemon: What?
Jack Donaghy: We have to synergize backward overflow.

12. Lemon: “I’m feeling pretty drunk.”
Jack: “Well, it’s business drunk, it’s like rich drunk. Either way, it’s legal to drive.”

11.  Being in a relationship means overlooking certain flaws. I mean, somewhere right now a guy is on a J-Date with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody’s perfect.

10. Jack: Alfredo’s, 2 PM.
Liz Lemon: I’m not dressed for that.
Jack: You’re dressed for Burger King. Should we make it Burger King?

9. Jack: One minute you’re newlyweds, making love on the floor of the Concorde. Then, before you know it, your lawyers are arguing over who gets to keep the box your dog defecates in.
Liz Lemon: You taught your dog to poop in a box?
Jack: Bianca did. But, damn it, I want that box.

8. Jack Donaghy: Now let me hear you say the seven most important words in the American judicial system.
Frank Rossitano: My client has no memory of that.
Jack Donaghy: I also would have accepted ‘You can’t prove that’s the Governor’s semen’.

7. Jack: I haven’t met your boyfriend.
Liz Lemon: His name’s Floyd.
Jack: That’s unfortunate.

6. Kenneth Parcell: “Oh, uh, no, sir. I don’t vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord’s name!”
Jack: “That’s Republican. We count those.”

5. Jack: I like when a woman has ambition. It’s like seeing a dog wearing clothes.

4. [Jack is in a museum facing a painting, waiting for Liz Lemon to meet him there. Liz appears behind him without announcing her arrival]
Jack: You’ve been avoiding me, Lemon.
Liz Lemon: How do you do that, without turning around?
Jack: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but… here we are.

3. Liz Lemon: Hey Jack, do you treat me any differently because I’m a woman?
Jack Donaghy: Well, I pay you a little less, yes.

2. Jack: “The Italians have a saying, Lemon: ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.’ And, although they’ve never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct.”

1. Lemon: “Why are you wearing a tux?”
Jack: “It’s after 6. What am I, a farmer?”

Van Halen Announces New Tour with “Kool” Opening Act

Van Halen just announced a new tour complete with David Lee Roth and a new album on the way. Sounds great! Yet, in what must be one of the weirdest yet, “Kool” pairings ever, the opening act on the tour will be none other then Kool and the Gang. Maybe this is because Kool and the Gang’s Joanna became a hit only a month or two before Van Halen’s Jump. To be honest, I think it sounds a like a fun show.Its a safe bet both bands will include these hits:

Van Halen – Jump

Kool and the Gang – Joanna

The 20 Best Sports Movies of All Time

20. The Rookie – The best dramatic sports movies often come in the form of a true story. A Texas baseball coach played by Dennis Quaid makes the major league after agreeing to try out if his high school team made the playoffs.

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19. Any Given Sunday – Oliver Stone and an all star cast give a great peak into the world of professional football. The sound alone is an amazing achievement with the most realistic in game action ever filmed for a sports movie.

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18. Major League – The Cleveland Indians are stocked with memorable characters in the funny classic.

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17. Caddyshack – Most lists have it at the top and will argue its the greatest sports movie ever as an exclusive golf course has to deal with a brash new member and a destructive dancing gopher.

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16. Bang the Drum Slowly – An emotional and believable performance by Robert De Niro. The story of the friendship between a star pitcher, wise to the world, and a half-wit catcher, as they cope with the catcher’s terminal illness through a baseball season.

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15. Cinderella Man – The story of James Braddock, a supposedly washed up boxer who came back to become a champion and an inspiration in the 1930s.

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14. White Men Can’t Jump – Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson are basketball hustlers join forces to double their chances and crack wise.

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13. He Got Game – A basketball player’s convict father played by Denzel must try to convince him to go to a college so he can get a shorter sentence. A great performance by Ray Allen helps the Spike Lee underrated classic.

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12. Karate Kid – A handyman/martial arts master agrees to teach a bullied boy karate and shows him that there is more to the martial art than fighting in the 80’s classic.

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11. Brian’s Song – Based on the real-life relationship between teammates Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers and the bond established when Piccolo discovers that he is dying.

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Idiocracy Best Quotes

Idiocracy was woefully under appreciated. The movie is a hilarious satirical science fiction comedy, directed by Mike Judge (who made Office Space  and starring Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph and Dax Shepard. Here are some of the choice quotes from the movie.

Frito: Go away! ‘Batin’!


Pvt. Joe Bowers: [addressing Congress] … And there was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn’t just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again!


Costco Greeter: [Greeting every customer] Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you.


Doctor: [laughs] Right, kick ass. Well, don’t want to sound like a dick or nothin’, but, ah… it says on your chart that you’re fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit’s all retarded. What I’d do, is just like… like… you know, like, you know what I mean, like…


Officer Collins: [addressing military brass] You see, a pimp’s love is very different from that of a square.


Rita: Can you take me there?
[Points at TV where “Monday Night Rehab” is showing]
Frito: [Lifts Rita to TV]
Rita: Not here, you fucking moron – there!
[Points at TV again]


Secretary of State: I’m Secretary of State, brought to you by Carl’s Jr.


[Billboard Ad]: If you don’t smoke Tarryltons… Fuck You!


Doctor: Don’t worry, scrote. There are plenty of ‘tards out there living really kick-ass lives. My first wife was ‘tarded. She’s a pilot now.


Frito: [Acting as Joe’s public defender] It says here you robbed a hospital. Why’d you do that?
Pvt. Joe Bowers: I’m not guilty!
Frito: That’s not what the other lawyer said.


Judge Hank “The Hangman” BMW: Now prosecutor, why you think he done it?
Prosecutor: ‘Kay. Number one your honor, just look at him. And B, we’ve got all this, like, evidence, of how, like, this guy didn’t even pay at the hospital. And I heard that he doesn’t even have his tattoo.
[crowd boos]
Prosecutor: I know! And I’m all, ‘you’ve gotta be shittin’ me!’ But check this out man, judge should be like
[bangs fist on table]
Prosecutor: ‘guilty!’ Peace.


Pvt. Joe Bowers: I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine.
Frito: Oh, that’s easy. You go down by the museum and stuff… It’s like- it’s, like, by the museum… Sorta by… Actually, not really. More like on the street, you go, um… Wait, let me start over. Okay, you know where the time machine is?


Female Reporter: It started off boring and slow with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: ‘Blah blah blah. You gotta believe me!’ That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, ‘Man, whatever! The guy’s guilty as shit! We all know that.’ And he sentenced his ass to one night of rehabilitation.


Pvt. Joe Bowers: Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.


Frito: I can’t believe you like money too. We should hang out.
Share this quote


[repeated line]
Frito: I like money.


Pvt. Joe Bowers: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, y’know?
Frito: I don’t really think we have time for a handjob, Joe.


Doctor in Waiting Room: Clevon is lucky to be alive. He attempted to jump a jet ski from a lake into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. But thanks to advances in stem cell research and the fine work of Doctors Krinsky and Altschuler, he should regain full reproductive function again.
Trashy Guy: [in the background] Get your hands off my junk!


Yuppie Wife: Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack while masturbating to produce sperm for artificial insemination. But I had some eggs frozen, so just as soon as the right guy comes along…


President Camacho: Shit. I know shit’s bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.
South Carolina Representative # 1: That’s what you said last time, dipshit!
South Carolina Representative # 2: Yeah, I got a solution, you’re a dick! South Carolina, what’s up!


Pvt. Joe Bowers: [addressing Congress] There was a time when reading wasn’t just for fags. And neither was writing. People wrote books and movies. Movies with stories, that made you care about whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again!


Ow! My Balls! Guy: Comin’ up next on The Violence Channel: An all-new “Ow, My Balls!”


Frito: Yah I know this place pretty good, I went to law school here.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: In Costco?
Frito: Yah I couldn’t believe it myself, luckily my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings.


Narrator: The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes the genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources where focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections.


Doctor: Why come you got no tattoo?


Narrator: Joe decided that in order to get out of jail, he would have to use his superior diplomacy skills.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: [talking to the prison guard] Hey, uh… I’m actually supposed to be getting out of jail, not going back in…
Prison Guard #2: [hits Joe on the back of the head] You’re supposed to be in that line, dumbass!
[he points to the door]
Prison Guard #2: Hey, guys, let this dumbass out!


Narrator: [Time Masheen starts] We’re gonna take you back, to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world…
Narrator: …But then an even greater force emerged, the U.N.
[pronounced “un”]
Narrator: and the U.N. un-nazied the world – forever.


Pvt. Joe Bowers: Why me? Every time Metsler says, “Lead, follow, or get out of the way,” I get out of the way.
Sgt. Keller: Yeah, when he says that, you’re not supposed to choose “get out of the way.” It’s supposed to embarrass you into leading – or at least following.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: That doesn’t embarrass me.


President Camacho: Now I understand everyone’s shit’s emotional right now. But I’ve got a 3 point plan that’s going to fix EVERYTHING.
Congressman #1: Break it down, Camacho!
President Camacho: Number 1: We’ve got this guy Not Sure. Number 2: He’s got a higher IQ than ANY MAN ALIVE. and Number 3: He’s going to fix EVERYTHING.


Secret Service Thug: Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys were wonderin’, uh if we’d go family-style on her.


Prison Guard #3: [looks at computer after Not Sure tells him he’s not supposed to be there] uh, well… I don’t see you in here… so, you’re, uh, gonna have to stay in prison.


Officer Collins: [addressing military brass about Rita’s background] We did, however have to come to an arrangement with her pimp. A gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd. Which he spells thusly, with two D’s, as he says, “for a double dose of this pimping”.


IPPA Computer: Welcome to the Identity Processsing Program of Uhmerica! Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle!
[Joe inserts his arm]
IPPA Computer: Thank you! Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card, document G24L8!
Pvt. Joe Bowers: I’m not sure if…
IPPA Computer: You have entered the name “Not Sure.” Is this correct, Not Sure?
Pvt. Joe Bowers: No, it’s not correct…
IPPA Computer: Thank you! “Not” is correct. Is “Sure” correct?
Pvt. Joe Bowers: No, it’s not, my name is Joe…
IPPA Computer: You have already confirmed your first name is “Not.” Please confirm your last name, “Sure.”
Pvt. Joe Bowers: My last name is not “Sure!”
IPPA Computer: Thank you, Not Sure!
Pvt. Joe Bowers: No, what I mean is my name is Joe…
IPPA Computer: Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm!


[cabinet has been debating putting water on the plants instead of Brawndo]
Pvt. Joe Bowers: What *are* these electrolytes? Do you even know?
Secretary of State: They’re… what they use to make Brawndo!
Pvt. Joe Bowers: But *why* do they use them to make Brawndo?
Secretary of Defense: [raises hand after a pause] Because Brawndo’s got electrolytes.


[first lines]
Narrator: As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest, the fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits. Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized and more intelligent. But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. A dumbing down. How did this happen? Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most, and left the intelligent to become an endangered species.


[last lines]
Narrator: Joe and Rita had three children, the three smartest kids in the world. Vice President Frito took 8 wives and had a total of 32 kids. Thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the Earth. OK, so maybe Joe didn’t save mankind, but he got the ball rolling, and that’s pretty good for an average guy.


Narrator: Unaware of what year it was, Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous and faggy to them.


Narrator: The #1 movie in America was called “Ass.” And that’s all it was for 90 minutes. It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay.


Rita: You think Einstein walked around thinkin’ everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
Pvt. Joe Bowers: Yeah. Hadn’t thought of that.
Rita: Now you know why he built that bomb.


Carl’s Jr. Computer: Enjoy your EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES!
Woman at Carl’s Jr.: You didn’t give me no fries, I got an empty box.
Carl’s Jr. Computer: Would you like another EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES?
Woman at Carl’s Jr.: I said I didn’t get any!
Carl’s Jr. Computer: Thank you! Your account has been charged. Your balance is zero. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase.
Woman at Carl’s Jr.: What? Oh no, NO!
[She hits the machine. An alarm goes off, and a sign appears on the computer saying “WARNING! Carl’s Jr. Frowns Upon Vandalism”]
Carl’s Jr. Computer: I’m sorry you’re having trouble. I’m sorry you’re having trouble.
Woman at Carl’s Jr.: Come on! My kids are starvin’!
Carl’s Jr. Computer: [the woman kicks the computer, and it sprays a fast-acting tranquilizer in her face] This should help you calm down. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. Your kids are starving. Carl’s Jr. believes no child should go hungry. You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl’s Jr. Carl’s Jr… “Fuck You, I’m Eating.”
[Joe approaches the computer]
Carl’s Jr. Computer: Welcome to Carl’s Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES!


Phone Computer: Welcome to AOL Time Warner Taco Bell US Government Long Distance. Please say the name of the person you wish to call.
Rita: Upgrayedd.
Phone Computer: There are 9,726 listings for “Upgrayedd”. Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection.


IPPA Computer: If you have one bucket that contains 2 gallons and another bucket that contains 7 gallons, how many buckets do you have?