President Obama On Japan: “I Got Marquette Going to the Final Four”

Washington D.C. – In a press conference attended by 103 major news media officials, including members of the White House Press Corps, the Associated Press and ESPN, when pressed into questioning about the current crisis in Japan President Obama immediately replied “I got Marquette going to the Final Four. Yeah, I like Marquette really coming on like a Tsunami from the East.” The nation’s highest ranking basketball fan followed up with presenting his Presidential Bracket.

The President continued, “I like that Jimmy Fredette kid at BYU, so got them coming out of the Southeast. Duke is a real power house, I like them coming out of the West. Oh, and Kansas, they are a real natural disaster, am I right? They are like a tidal wave of epic destruction… on the court. Wait, so what was your question?”

President Obama later named Dick Vitale to his cabinet as the official United States Federal Secretary of Yelling.

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