Hot off Jim Parsons’ Emmy win for his portrayal of Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory, the bang gang is coming back soon for the new season. In celebration, we give you the best quotes of resident genius (and socially awkward) Sheldon Cooper. Hottie Kaley Cuoco will miss a few episodes due to injury but will return soon. In the meantime enjoy our selection for the best Sheldon quotes!
Sheldon: (knocking) Penny! (knocking) Penny! (knocking) Penny!
Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don’t want tea.
Sheldon: I didn’t make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It’s a conversation starter.
Leonard: That’s a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.
Sheldon: A little misunderstanding? Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding.
Sheldon: Leonard, you may be right. It appears that Penny secretly wants you in her life in a very intimate and carnal fashion.
Leonard: You really think so?
Sheldon: Of course not. Even in my sleep-deprived state, I’ve managed to pull off another one of my classic pranks. BAZINGA!
Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.
Leonard: For God’s sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon (intrigued): You have a sarcasm sign?
Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
Sheldon: Hello Penny. I realize you are currently in the mercy if your primitive biological urges. But, as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?
Sheldon: Are you upset about something?
Leonard: What was your first clue?
Sheldon: Well there was a number of things. First the late hour, then you demeanors seems very low energy plus your irritability…
Leonard: Yes I’m upset!
Sheldon: Oh… I don’t usually pick up on those things. Good for me.
Leonard: Yeah good for you.
Sheldon: (walks away and then turns back) Oh, wait. Did you want to talk about what’s bothering you?
Leonard: I don’t know… maybe.
Sheldon: Wow! I’m on fire tonight.
Sheldon: You can’t make a half sandwich. If it’s not half of a whole sandwich, it’s just a small sandwich.
Sheldon: Oh, Ubuntu. You’re my favorite Linux-based operating system.
Sheldon: Howard, you know me to be a very smart man. Don’t you think that if I were wrong, I’d know it?
Sheldon: This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement.
Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: No, you don’t screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.
Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen, supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account.
Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here.
Penny: Oh, you’re welcome sweetie.
Sheldon: Okay, I’m sleepy now get out.
Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies “for you, no charge”.
Sheldon: She calls me moon-pie because I’m nummy-nummy and she could eat me up!
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Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler. I’m sorry to inform you that you’ve been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey upon the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I am being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
Amy: If that was slang, I’m unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery.