The Hangover Movie Quotes – Funniest Lines

We knew that The Hangover was going to be a comic masterpiece. The best quotes from The Hangover are hard to put in order. The movie was more then a few funny lines like a Will Ferrell movie, it was nonstop insane funny from start to finish. That said, the movie was filled with awesome quotes and funny lines. We already talked about Heather Graham and Zach Galifiankis leading up to the movie’s release. Here’s a collection of some of the best quotes, feel free to correct my mistakes or add your own favorite quotes.

Stu: “She is wearing my grandmother’s Holocaust ring.”
Alan: “I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.”

“We’re not going to leave a baby in the room. There’s a fucking tiger in the bathroom.”

“Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.”

“Rainman took over a casino and he was a retard”

Sid (Jeffrey Tambor): “Remember what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit’ll come back with you.”

Male Officer: Handsome your next (Talking about Phil)  (Alan walks forward)
Male Officer: Not you fat Jesus

“Doug is probably dead, face down in a ditch and getting butt fucked by a meth addict”

“Whose baby is that?”
“Check its collar or something.”

Stu: “Am I missing a tooth?

“In the face! IN THE FACE!”

“Tracy (Sasha Barrese): “We’re getting married in five hours.”
Phil: “Yeah … that’s not gonna happen.”

Alan (to hotel clerk): Is this hotel beeper friendly? I’m not getting a signal. Where is your bank of pay phones?”

Dr. Valsh (Matt Walsh): “It’s on the corner of ‘get a map’ and ‘fuckoff.’”

Alan: “Next week’s no good for me. The Jonas Brothers are in town.”

“Paging Dr. Faggot!”

Alan: I’m sure you get this a lot, but is this really Ceasar’s Palace?
Hotel Clerk: What do you mean?
Alan: Did Ceasar really live here?
Hotel Clerk: No
Alan: Didn’t think so

Stu: “Why can’t we remember a goddamn thing from last night?”"Yeah ... that's not gonna happen."
Phil: “Because we obviously had a great fucking time.”

Stu: “Everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he’s kind of a sweetheart.”
Alan: “I think he’s mean.”

Alan: “I shouldn’t be here. I’m not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school. Or a Chuck E. Cheese.”

Alan: “Hey! There were skittles in there!”

(After Mr. Chow jumps out of the trunk, attacks them and runs away)
Stu: “Who was that?!”
Phil: “Why was he so Mean?!”

And of course…. Doug’s Song:

What do tigers dream of
When they take a little tiger snooze?
Do they dream of mauling zebras
Or Halle Berry in her cat women suit.
Well don’t you worry your pretty stripped head
Were going to get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed.
And then were going to find our best friend Doug,
And then were going to give him a best friend hug.
Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Dougy, Dougy, Doug, Doug.
But if he’s been murder by crystal meth tweekers,
Well then were shit out of luck.

48 thoughts on “The Hangover Movie Quotes – Funniest Lines

  1. Hello. How bout that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it Sin City… ha ha ha. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one man wolf pack. Though when my sister brought Doug home I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So where there two of, there was two of us in the wolf pack.. I was alone first in the pack and then doug joined in later. And six months ago when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, “Wait a second could it be?”. And now I know for sure.. I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas; looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!

  2. what’s the quote stu says about doug’s corpse being butt fucked when they’re getting the car back?

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  4. cvb…. its “Our friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch with a meth head butt fucking his corpse”

  5. I’d like to know the conversations that Stu has with Melissa when he is acting like hes not at vegas but at some wine tasting, that stuff is so funny! All I remember in the one convo “Start the tractor!” lol

  6. Anyone remember Phil’s voicemail? Something along the lines of: “Leave a message, but don’t text…” can’t remember the whole thing.

  7. And what was the name of the drink they were drinking on the roof before the “real thing”
    haha
    i guess its Yegar Master…!! don knw man plzz help!!

  8. kelli…ur answer!!

    “Hey this is Phil, leave me a message, or don’t – but do me a favor, don’t text me, it’s gay.”
    i love this one…!!! hehe

  9. Alan (to hotel clerk): Is this hotel beeper friendly? I’m not getting a signal. Where is your bank of pay phones?”
    is that how it goes?????

  10. Lol I love the “We’re the 3 best friends that anybody can have and we’ll never ever ever ever ever ever leave eachother.!” And, Shawn, one of STu’s “Wine Tasting” converstaions were when the baby started crying.
    GF: Is that a baby?
    STU: What? Of course it’s not a baby, we’re wine- tasting, it’s a…sheep!
    GF: A sheep?

  11. Shawn,
    When Stu is talking to his bitch girlfriend, he tells her that they met the Proprietor of the Winery, and she asked his name, and Stu says “Caesar Pallazee” hahahhah didn’t catch that one, until I watched it for the third time..

    and yes that drink is JAGERMEISTER!!! THE BEST ARE THE JAGER BOMBS!! and the red headed sluts

  12. nd were the 3 best friends tht any1 could have nd were the 3 best friends tht any1 could have nd were the 3 best friends tht any1 could have

  13. on the part were allan says memory loss is on of the sideaffects of…. does he say ruffies or ruffalin?????

  14. he says ruffies i think and then stu tells hims he is litterally to stupid to insult and he thanks him lol priceless..

  15. what is the conversation with black Doug when he talks about how the name of roofies should be changed and how you always end up on the floor instead of the roof.

  16. what is the quote by phil to alan like, “awwww your extacy drug dealer isn’t a stand up guy?” it was a lot funnier than just that but i can’t remember it all!

  17. “Remember what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit’ll come back with you.”

  18. you guys ready?
    ready for what?
    to let the dogs out, you know like..who let the dogs out, whowhowho

  19. “And would you put some fucking pants on man. I find it a little weird I have to ask ya twice”

  20. “Why cant we remember a goddamn thing from last night”?

    “Because we obviously had a great fuckin time”

  21. Alan: You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack… it grew by one. So there… there were two of us in the wolf pack… I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, “Wait a second, could it be?” And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!

  22. “Oh I look like a nerdy hillbilly!”
    “Hey if we’re bunkin, I’m bunking with Phil, You cool with that?”
    “I will hit an old man in public”
    “Counting cards isn’t illegal, it’s just frowned upon like masterbating on an airplane”
    “Ya maybe after 9/11 when everyone got so sensitive, thanks a lot bin laden”

    I love this movie!

  23. HEY THERES A BABY ON BOARD!!

    And when mike Tyson tells Alan to leave and he can’t find the door LOL!

    And what about,”hey guys when’s the next Haleys comet?”

    Alan: (to church guy) was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings?

    Alan: it would be so cool if I could breast feed ya know

  24. Alan: This isn’t your fault! I hate Godzilla I hate him too!
    Leslie Chow: You gonna fuck on me?!
    Alan: Nobodys gonna fuck on you! This isn’t your fault! I’ll get you some pants.

  25. I always wanted to, hah haha ha haha hahahaha , say that, hahah haha ahahahah ahahahahaaa, that your blog is really awesome, hahahaahaha.

  26. Allen- Does my hair look cool like Phil’s?
    Stu- It’s classic Phil… lol

    Allen- I was thinking about getting my bar-tending license…
    Stu’s girlfriend- Suck my dick.
    Allen- No thank you. hahahaha

  27. Counting cards? Its not illegal, its just frowned upon-like masterbating on an airplane

  28. “Remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit’ll come back with you.”

  29. When the chinese guy stomps on alans ” satchel” he says ” Hey, theres skittles in there” hahaahahaah lovvve it.

  30. alan-”is tthis hotel beeper friendly”
    hotel clerk-”what do you mean”
    alan-”im not gettin a sig on my beeper. is there a payphone bank-for business?”

  31. Maybe you should tell that to Rainmain. He practically bankrupt a casino and he was a ra-tard.

  32. Alan: Ive just been really lonely since I lost my grandad. Stu: when was it? Alan: wwII. Stu: Im sorry did he die in battle? Alan: No skiing accident hahaha

  33. The part where they get the black Doug “there u go with that word ruphalin,ruphalin what the hell is a ruphalin? ” epic loved it. And where Doug hits the babys head on the cop car.haha

  34. alan: is this the real caesar’s palace?..
    lady– what do you mean?
    alan: ..umm.. Did Caesar live here?
    lady.. no :)
    hahahahah!

  35. why hasn’t anyone mentioned alan saying “not at the table Carlos.” why?

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