The season premiere of HBO’s Entourage is rapidly approaching. Vince, Turtle, Eric, Drama and Ari are the real boys of summer and will soon return for their Sixth Season. What better time to count down the 10 Best Episodes of Entourage so far. What do you think?
10. Season 1 Episode 1: Entourage
The very first episode got us hooked, and had some great lines. In the series opener, Vince is living it up as “Head On” is about to premiere, and his boys are along for the ride. We are introduced to Vince’s agent, Ari Gold, and the love/hate relationship between Ari and E begins.
Eric: Could you get laid without Vince? That’s the question.
Turtle: Do I give a fuck? That’s the answer!
Ari Gold: I gotta know what you think, so I can get you to think what I think.
Jane: Look, it’s not like I don’t think you’re cute, but I’m just still hoping I’m going to be the one that fucks Vince.
Turtle: Sweetheart, look around. Vince is gone. So’s your sister and your best friend. Come on, just make out with me, I’ll show you where Vince eats breakfast.
9. Season 2 Episode 9: I Love You Too
The boys head to San Diego for Comic-Con to promote Aquaman. There, Vince chickens out on dinner with his co-star (and first love) Mandy Moore. Meanwhile, Johnny Drama is reliving his Viking Quest fame. With the help of comic icons “Pussy Patrol”, the boys are able to gat Aquaman rave reviews from a previously angry journalist.
Jesse Jane: Promoting my new comic book, “Pussy Patrol.”
Johnny “Drama” Chase: Nice.
Jesse Jane: It’s just me and the girls. We lick ass by day and kick ass by night.
Turtle: Aquaman’s in trouble, all right. The fate of Atlantis and all of mankind lies in your hands. It’s time to unleash the power of the pussy.
8. Season 3 Episode 10: I Wanna Be Sedated
E stumbles upon Vince’s next big project when Ari dumps an old school movie producer on him (Bob Ryan, played by Martin Landau). Ryan lures E to his house, where E is forced to listen to him ramble for hours about his Hollywood career. It’s also a big day for Turtle, who is waiting for Saigon to sign with him. But Saigon is a no show and in an effort to find their star, Drama is dangled off a balcony and Turtle lets Saigon off the hook for $40K.
Eric Murphy: Remember me?
Ari Gold: One never forgets their first love, E.
Bob Ryan: Is that something you might be interested in?
7. Season 3 Episode 11: What About Bob?
Ari and Bob have a hard time agreeing on how to pitch the Ramones script to the studios. To get rid of Bob, Ari sends him to the wrong studio. This results in both Ari and Bob selling the script…to both Universal and Warner Brothers. Drama is in a panic, as his pilot begins shooting. His “you are not a pussy” meditations are failing him, and he heads back to his trailer to try something else to calm himself down. The passion that ensued between him and his right hand are heard throughout the studio, as Johnny Drama is still mike’d.
Ari Gold: What if I were to tell you that I had a 22 inch cock, is that something you might be interested in?
6. Season 2 Episode 13: Exodus
Classic episode. Drama and Turtle stalk Mandy Moore to prove to Vince that she’s cheating. Ari is deemed a traitor by Terence and is fired from the agency, and Lloyd proves his loyalty to Ari amidst Ari’s tirade of stereotypes and racial slurs directed at any minority in his path.
Ari Gold: Lloyd, pack up all my files. Pile everything you see into a box. Everything! You see a used condom, an executioner’s mask, and a goddamn spiked paddle… don’t think, just pack that bitch. Chop suey!
Ari Gold: Ernesto. How many fucking pesos did I give you for Christmas? Huh, Ernesto? Every Christmas for the past decade. Half of Mexico is eating on my tips that I have given you. Now, bring my motherfucking car now, por favor.
Ernesto: Sorry, Mr. Gold, I can’t do it. Oh, and Mr. Gold. I’m from Guatemala, and our currency is the quetzal.
Lloyd: I’ve worked 18 hours a day to save up the money to put myself through Stanford Business School. While I was there, I cleaned the cafeteria during the hours I wasn’t studying and still graduated top of my class, only to take a job delivering mail to unappreciative overpaid little cocksuckers. Then to finally get the big promotion that would allow me to answer your phones and be both racially and sexually harassed for the next nine months. But I know the endgame… and you Ari Gold, you are it. So stop your fucking whining, and go into your gorgeous three million dollar house, with your beautiful goddess wife and figure out how you’re going to make both of our lives happen… tomorrow!
Ari Gold: That was a good speech, Lloyd. Yeah if I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.
5. Season 4 Episode 9: The Young and the Stoned
E gets into a car accident with Ana Farris. He’s convinced that they shared “a moment” and so he doesn’t give up when he realizes that she gave him her wrong phone number. Turns out she’s interested…in hiring E as her manager. Turtle is devestated to learn that his favorite marijuana is now extinct. Mrs. Ari is asked to reprise her role on the Young and the Restless, and Ari does not give her the validation she was hoping for.
Ari Gold: [after Mrs. Ari asks him how she would do on her reprised role on Young and the Restless] You left the show when you were 25, and they shoot in Hi-Def now.
The boys attend Gary Busey’s art opening where they bump into aspiring agent Josh Weinstein. They leave the opening with an invitation to a hot beach party. Turtle confronts Gary Busey with weird results. When Eric lets Ari know about their disapproval, Ari leaves his kid’s birthday party to have an honest conversation with the pair.
Gary Busey: You are a gut maggot without guts.
Ari Gold: Geez, you’re gonna spin off this planet. That’s great! Keep it up!
Ari Gold: Does your boss know your using his house for a party? Cause I just put a call into him. Yeah, we went to school together. I helped cheat on his economics final or he wouldn’t have graduated so he owes me big-time.
Ari Gold: You know another class I took at Harvard? Business Ethics. I don’t steal other people’s mother fucking clients, but in your case I’m going to make an exception. I’m going to take everyone; your B-level sitcom stars, your reality-TV writers, when I’m done with you, you’re gonna be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog-Face-Bitch-Boy? Call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight pen-stealing fuckface.
Ari Gold: [tastes Josh’s drink and pours it out] That’s awful.
3. Season 2 Episode 10: The Bat Mitzvah
Vince admits to Mandy Moore that he is still in love with her (while still mike’d of course). Ari is stressing about his daughter’s Bat Mitzvah, and all the boys are on the guest list. There, E meets Sloan, Drama and Turtle find the kids buffet, and Ari theinks that Terence is trying to “steal” Vince.
Ari Gold: Smoke more weed, Turtle. Seriously, smoke more weed.
Johnny Drama: One day you’re lighting up in front of a dozen adults at a Bat Mitzvah, the next your cruisin’ down Santa Monica Boulevard offering handjobs for a crack rock.
2. Season 3 Episode 6: Three’s Company
Vince and Ari are try to make it work with the filming for both Medellin and Aquaman, but it does not work out. Meanwhile, E has been given the opportunity of a lifetime, when Sloane suggests a threesome with her friend Tori. E agrees to follow Sloane’s ground rules but freaks out when he wakes up spooning Tori.
Johnny “Drama” Chase: Sloan and Tori want E to be the meat in their girl-girl sandwich.
Turtle: I know you’re not a big porn guy, but the innovations since the DVD are pretty amazing. Remember back in the day, you’d be tugging it and they’d cut to a close-up of the guy’s face and you’d want to kill yourself. Never again… multi-angles.
Turtle: [after E announces that Sloan wants to have a threesome with him and Tori] I am so whacking off to your girlfriend tonight.
Ari Gold: It’s too late for sorries. Vince is out. Jake Gyllenhaal is in. Brokeback Motherfucking Aquaman. Take that, bitch.
1. Season 3 Episode 9: Vegas Baby, Vegas!
This episode has everything! Ari and the boys head to Vegas to blow off some steam. Turtle gets Vince a gig judging a stripper beauty contest, Ari hits the tables, E has a run in with Seth Green, who taunts him about Sloan resulting in a throw down, and Drama has a misunderstanding of sorts with his favorite male masseuse. It all ends with a rumble with Seth Green’s entourage. Classic!
Vincent Chase: So, what you’re saying is that we should go.
Eric Murphy: Have I ever said “No” to Vegas?
Turtle: Be like saying “No” to a blowjob.
Season 6 of Entourage starts July 12, 2009.
Submitted by Lauren