Monthly Archives: May 2009

Comin Up Next on the YES Network, an Interview with Mickey Mantle’s 3rd Liver

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Yankees announcer Bob Sheppard’s voiced intoned “coming up next on the YES network, an interview with Mickey Mantle’s 3rd liver.“

The special interview of The Mick’s liver was conducted by Yankees announcer Michael Kay on the YES Network’sĀ Centerstage.

For years people believed that Mantle received the liver by normal means on the donor list. Michael Kay’s interview with The Mick’s liver revealed another story. The liver was initially born in a Kenyan boy with a congenital heart defect. When he died at the age of 5, the liver was sold to a Kenyan Shaman for 6 goat hearts. The liver changed hands several times before landing in the hands of noted liver “purveyor” Chuckie “Shiny” Huggins. Shiny had met the The Mick’s business manager at the time at a cockfighting and moonshine convention. The liver was carried via Igloo cooler and united with the Mick for a cool $250,000.00.

Doctors at Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas, transplanted the liver to old Number 7 on June 8, 1995. But legends aren’t made in hospitals. On June 12, 1995 Mickey Mantle heroically made it to the Toledo Convention Center for a baseball card convention where he signed autographs for $50 a pop. A local 12 year old boy with liver disease who had been on the liver transplant waiting list for 2 years was in attendance. Ever the hero, after yelling obscenities at the boy for 20 minutes, he agreed to give the boy an autograph for a 20% discount. The boy enjoyed the Mick’s autograph for 6 months until he died.

The liver went missing for a brief period of time in 2001 that many fans don’t like to mention. It was found after two weeks with noted Yankees fan Billy Crystal. Carbon Crust dating showed that the funnyman had masturbated on the liver while wearing a Mickey Rivers signed batting glove. There is evidence that Mr. Crystal’s feverish masturbation led to chafing and crying brought on by memories of going to Yankee Stadium with his father. When confronted by former Yankees pitcher Goose Gossage about the incident, Billy Crystal simply said “you look marvelous” while tugging gently on Gossage’s trademark mustache. Goose shaved the mustache immediately. The liver told Michael Kay on Centerstage that after a 1000 showers since its time with Crystal, it will still never feel clean again.

Mickey Mantle’s liver had a lifetime B.A.C. (blood alcohol content) of 1.90. Mickey Mantle famously achieved cirrhosis of the liver with 3 different livers. Sporting News named Mickey Mantle’s three liver “Baseball’s Digestive Organs of the Century” for their truly historic and legendary achievements. These career numbers allowed Mickey Mantle to enter the Drinker’s Hall of Fame alongside Whitey Ford and Billy Martin.

The interview with Mickey Mantle’s third liver was the YES Network’s best sports star body part related interview special since the Yankeeography about Babe Ruth’s large intestine with 57 hot dogs lodged in it.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Full Length Trailer Released

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The full length trailer for G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra looks pretty wild, and reveals a little more the the Super Bowl teaser trailer. You can see plenty of urban, ski, under water and wintery action. There’s also more time spent with the characters…still no Cobra Commander images and Destro is still wearing a suit and no mask (but they show what looks to be his mask). They definitely give away a show piece special effect in the trailer as you get to see the Eiffel Tower get destroyed. There’s also a good last second ejection from a plane right before its blown away… a trade mark of the cartoon series… all those weapons and fighting and no one ever dies… anyway… check out the trailer:

Ridiculous Old School Cigarette Commercials

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Cigarette commercials have long been extinct, but in their 50′s heyday, they were ridiculous. Check out these old school cigarette commercial winners:

Did you know that more doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette?

“As cool and as clean as a breath of fresh air” – that’s how they describe “America’s most refreshing cigarette” – Kool!

How about Chesterfield’s which are “top in friendly satisfaction”

Lastly, the most infamous cigarette commercial. Fred and Barney smoke cigarettes and so should you… specifically Winstons:

Swine Flu (H1N1 Influenza) Has a Long Way to Go – The Worst 10 Pandemics in History

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The whole world is preparing for the potential pandemic of Swine Flu (now called H1N1 Influenza). Still, as we see people in surgical masks on the news this virus is still in the early stages. Hopefully a vaccine will come out soon and Swine Flu will be forgotten in a couple of years. I’m buying a case of hand sanitizer. Either way, its got a long way to go to catch up to our 10 Worst Pandemics in history.

10. Leprosy (600 BC – today):
Between 2 and 3 million are permanently disabled worldwide due to Leprosy. Leprosy is a bacterial infection that affects the skin, peripheral nerves in the hands and feet, and mucous membranes of the nose, throat, and eyes. Destruction of the nerve endings of those areas causes a loss in sensation. Deformities that are typically associated with the disease, which led to colonies and isolation of those effected with the disease.

9. Typhus (430 BC? – today):
Killed 3 million people between 1918 and 1922 alone. Group of infectious diseases transmitted by lice or fleas. Its highly contagious, and classically effected those in tight, unclean quarters like prisons or concentration camps. Today, typhus is easily cured with antibiotics.

8. Cholera (1817 – today):
8 pandemics; hundreds of thousands killed worldwide. Cholera is spread by eating food or drinking water that has been contaminated with cholera bacteria. Contamination usually occurs when human feces from a person who has the disease seeps into a community water supply. The disease is characterized by a watery diarrhea. Its pretty much been eliminated in the United States but continues to be a problem in 3rd world countries.

7. Tuberculosis (1882 – today):
Annually, 8 million people become ill with tuberculosis, and 2 million people die from the disease worldwide. Tuberculosis (TB) is a potentially fatal contagious disease that can affect almost any part of the body but is mainly an infection of the lungs. It used to be called consumption.

6. Measles (160 AD ? – today):
Estimated to have killed about 200 million people over the last 150 years. Measles is a very contagious infection that causes a rash all over the body. It is also called rubeola or red measles. It is very rare in the United States because most children get the vaccine as part of their regular childhood shots.

5. AIDS (1981 – today):

Over 2 million people worldwide die each year from AIDS and over 32 million people are currently living with HIV. Acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) is an infectious disease caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). It was first recognized in the United States in 1981. AIDS is the advanced form of infection with the HIV virus. It has caused one of the biggest health concerns of the last 100 years. HIV is transmitted through direct contact of a mucous membrane or the bloodstream with a bodily fluid containing HIV, such as blood, semen, vaginal fluid, preseminal fluid, and breast milk.

4. Malaria (1600 – today):
Kills about 2 million people per year. Malaria is a serious disease that causes a high fever and chills. You can get it from a bite by an infected mosquito. Malaria is rare in the United States, much is a major problem in Africa, South America, Central America and Central Asia. There is no vaccine, but the drugs used to treat malaria are often too expensive for people in the poor and most effected countries.

3. Black Death (bubonic plague) (1340 – 1771):
Killed 75 million people worldwide. Killing off approximately 20% of the world’s population, the Black death did worldwide damage. It is commonly believed to be an outbreak of bubonic plague that was pandemic throughout Europe and much of Asia in the 14th century. The disease was probably spread through rats, but most religious nutcases felt it was better to kill off non-Christian cultural groups believed to be responsible.

2. Spanish Flu (1918 – 1919):
Killed 50 to 100 million people worldwide in less than 2 years. The 1918 flu pandemic (commonly referred to as the Spanish flu) was an flue that spread all over the world. It was caused by an strong and deadly Influenza A virus strain of subtype H1N1 – similar to today’s Swine Flu.

1. Smallpox (430 BC? – 1979):
Killed more than 300 million people worldwide in the 20th century alone, and most of the native inhabitants of the Americas. Throughout history, smallpox has been a greatly feared disease, and the cause of great suffering and massive numbers of deaths. In the early 1980′s, the World Health Organization announced that vaccination had led to the complete eradication of the virus, with the exception of samples of stored virus in two laboratories (I’d imagine the beginning of some Tom Clancy book happens in one of those labs).