Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey: A chilling scene left the crowd of 14,317 disgusted Monday as the New Jersey Devil’s new pregame ritual went too far. With attendance sagging in NHL venues all over the country, the league has encouraged teams to amp up their pregame theatrics. Still, even with a directive from the commissioner’s office, many religious groups, parental groups and even animal rights groups have complained about the Devils pregame ritual.

A bleeding from the eyes, shrunken skull necklace wearing voodoo priest led the Devils starters onto the ice. When the chanting shaman reached center ice he wildly waved what appeared to be a burned and moldy hockey stick until the house lights at the Prudential Center went dark. The arena was then filled with a blood curdling scream sending a chill down the sides of everyone in attendance. When the house lights came back on, the voodoo priest was seen slicing the neck of a goat while standing on a pentagram. The priest then took a rusty, silver goblet and placed it by the violently convulsing goat’s neck so as to catch its blood in the goblet. The priest raised the goblet before the shocked crowd, drank a healthy amount and then spit goat blood towards the New York Rangers. The priest then handed his followers the goat so they could drink from it, and then he danced his way off the ice.

The announcement of goaltender Martin Brodeur was filled with background music and sound of eerie laughing, flashes of Nazi and serial killer voices and screaming as the projected images of demons with blood dripping from their unhinged mouths were flashed on the ice. A coffin was dragged on to the ice by what appeared to be a hunchbacked, albino leper. The coffin was lit on fire and Brodeur emerged from the casket to take his place in goal.

On the scoreboard an anamorphic devil with a rusty, knife-like phallus raped a teenager wearing a New York Rangers jersey who in turn regurgitated the digitized starting lineups.

Local pastor Robinson Kincaid was in attendance with his family. “The pregame stuff was an outrage, I would never expect this type of horrible display at a family event.” When asked how he enjoyed the game Johnston replied, “oh, it was a great game, especially when [Devils' forward, David] Clarkson, fought that pussy on the Rangers in the second period. I think he drew blood…it was awesome! Go Devils!”

Devils General Manager Lou Lamirello has gone on record to defend the pregame ritual. “For years I’ve tried to provide the citizens with a quality product. We are a 3 time Stanley Cup Champion, we make the playoffs every year, we have quite possibly the best goaltender of all time in Martin Brodeur, a brand new arena… for Pete’s sake, we’re in first place this year…again!” He continued, “but, if the people need a dog and pony show before the game to get them in the seats… well, let them enjoy this Wiccan shit sandwich I’ve concocted.”

The Devils are not the only NHL team under fire for pregame ceremonies implementing spirited literal interpretation of the team name. The Devils overzealous pregame ritual was nothing compared to the Colorado Avalanche and Tampa Bay Lightning pregame extravaganzas that led to the death of over 10,000 fans in attendance , not to mention the team’s staff, arena workers and of course the destruction of both arenas. Oddly, the Montreal Canadians pregame program has led to no commotion whatsoever.