Eastbound and Down Quotes – Kenny Powers Unleashed

With the season finale of Eastbound and Down on Sunday, we figured it was a good time to revisit some of our favorite quotes from our favorite show. I know we are forgetting plenty of great lines, feel free to add them to the comments. I’d also like to say that the principal has become my second favorite character in the show… he was ridiculous in the episode where they had the BBQ.

Here are some of our favorite Kenny Powers Quotes…

(When principal says that he does triathlons) “I play real sports…not trying to be the best at exercising.”

“Why is there blue shit on your face Cleg? What, did you just blow Robocop?”

“There is one vision that gives me constant happiness, your two enormous breasts.”

Principal: “And who is this lovely lady you have here with you?” Kenny: “Lovely? Her?”

“What did I tell you, put something nice on. You look like a busted Daytona stripper.”

“I’m a bulletproof tiger man!”

“Fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless”

“You’re fucking out!” (and the title of Kenny’s audio book “You’re Fucking Out, I’m Fucking In”)

“You named your daughter after fucking Titanic? Haha, what’s this one’s name…Shrek?…guess not”eastbound-down6

“What’s up, Deshauna?”

(when asked by his gym class if he was in rehab because he hurt himself) “Yeah I hurt myself….My nose” (and winks)

(After hugging April) – “Yeah girl, I’m going to have to change my pants. I’m just kidding… I didn’t cum myself”

“I’m not going to stop yelling because that would mean, I lost the fight!”

Interviewer: “So Kenny, how do you like playing in New York?” Kenny: “You mean Jew York…its fucking great.”

“I thought the blacks in Baltimore were bad, shit, they’re nothing compared to these fags you got here in San Francisco…haha”

East Bound and Down Shirt - Eastbound & Down "You Suck" T-Shirt East Bound and Down Shirt - Eastbound & Down "You're Fuc*ing Out" T-Shirt

145 thoughts on “Eastbound and Down Quotes – Kenny Powers Unleashed

  1. Who the hell cares if the quotes aren’t exactly right? If an incorrect quote gets you so pissed off, you really need to get some excitement in your life.

  2. i got an arm like a fuckin’ cannon, a mind like a fuckin’ scientist, and a cock like a buramese python. haha

  3. “Atlanta, your fucking out… lets go to the bar and get shitfaced… get me paid bitch”

    “new york? more like jew york”

    not completely accurate but stil hahahahahah best show ever

  4. My personal favorite: I took a shotgun and a bottle of tanqueray and showed those poeple the time of their fuckin’ lives.

  5. I’ve been blessed with many things in this life. An arm like a damn rocket, a dick like a burmese python and the mind of a fucking scientist.

  6. I broke that birdbath for you ’cause I knew how much you hated it ’cause we’re the same. I hate that fuckin’ thing too… A stork wrapped around a tree branch, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen before. You know how the plague started back in the day, was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone’s backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.

  7. Yea I know all there is to know about relationships. Just ask my second wife Tina. Yea, she was a stripper. And if Montel Williams wants to talk some more shit he can go fuck himelf cause those charges were dropped.

  8. I think the reason people are nitpicky when it comes to quotes is probably because they are called quotes, and therefore by definition supposed to be exact.

  9. Stevie: “You look like you could use a friend”
    Kenny: “What did you say to me?”
    Stevie: “I said you look like you could use a ride.”

  10. Why should we care at all about this fuck-head. He is nothing more than a dog turd under a Bus. The big problem is that redneck assholes actually watch this dumb fuck.

  11. A question I get asked a lot is “Have you ever payed for sex?” And the answer is, yes I have. And it’s actually kind of cool. You can negotiate, and sometimes you can just do something you didn’t agree on and it goes over without much incident.

    I’m about to have a fucking panic attack! I need two Xanaxs and four Miller Lights!

    No, yeah, that’s good. Yeah. I like CDs.

  12. “you’re fucking up my siding..” “man fuck your siding. god is taking a dump on my face”

  13. “Other than getting shot in the head can anyone tell me what else Abraham Lincoln was good at?”———Probably not 100% accurate but close

  14. you know when your dealing with deep depression and sad shit its cool to pretend that nothings wrong, that sometimes works, but eventually you gotta call a god damn spade a spade and be like you i gotta make a change.

  15. To his Mexican girlfriend’s son: “Did you come out of her vagina? ’cause I was all up in that shit last night.”

  16. ——–
    (kenny asks the class in ep. 1 if anyone has questions for him)

    fat kid – “are we gonna have to run the mile?”
    KP – “im talking about me. these are questions about me personally as a superstar…yuh know you got this moment in time here with an american icon and you’re gonna waste it asking a question about the fuckin mile?”

    little girl – “is it true you were in jail?”
    KP – “nah babe rehab…nah i didnt hurt myself…ooooh okay yeah i hurt myself…i hurt my nose!”


    little kid – “my daddy said you ruined baseball”
    KP – “you know what i can already tell that i dont like you. and im probably not gonna like youno matter how many push ups or pull ups you do. if anyone wants to pick on anybody in class aim for him cause i ain’t watchin.”

  17. (from April to Stevie) Those “mother fuckers” are from the Wednesday night church fellowship group.

  18. Except for the fact that your quotes are wrong… the jist of them is right, but it’s not actually what they said… most of them are wrong, way to go fucking dumbass.

  19. My all time favorite Kenny Powers line is when he tells the stripper he had a personal stylist, and she shoplifted her clothes from the Fashion Bug!

  20. oh my fucking god this shit is even funnier out of context. and for all you nerds out there hating on people for inaccurate kenny powers quotes- get a life.

  21. I thought you were a whore with a golden heart! Instead your just a whore with a regular whores heart!!

  22. Tool, you dumb fuck, why don’t you go wash you mouth out with buckshot. I mean seriously, does your mom know that you on her laptop while she’s getting a money shot on her muffin top?

    Don’t respond, just slit you wrist and depart from us…..

  23. “This arm, use to sign fucking checks! This dick WHOOOOOOOAAAAAA!!!! (while doing the suck it move)

  24. Listen here you beautiful bitch I’m about to beat the fuck out of you with the truth

  25. “Smashing a brick through a dude’s window is nothing compared to the things I’ve done. I’ve killed people.”

  26. “Besides getting shot in the back of the head, do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school. I’m not making that up.”

  27. “Too hot for hugs, here. I’ve been battling the war on swamp ass since I been down here.”

  28. “Just a man with a mind for victory and an arm like a f*cking canon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm.”

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