Monthly Archives: February 2009

Octomom Porn? Nadya Suleman Offered $1 Million by Vivid Video for Movie

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Nadya “Octomom” Suleman has become infamous for what came out of her… now she may gain more notoriety for what is going to be going in her. Fox News reports that respected porn purveyor Vivid Video has offered noted lunatic and collagen fan Nadya “Octomom” Suleman $1 million to be featured in her own movie. Even better, Vivid wants the fertile Suleman, who gave birth to octuplets last month, to have eight different sex scenes with eight different men. The Angelina Jolie superfan, who certainly has the DSL’s to pull it off with the pros has yet to respond to the generous offer.

Vivid CEO and humanitarian Steve Hirsch stated “She’s struggling financially and this is a woman who wants to provide for her kids.” He continued, “this way she can hold her head high and not be using taxpayers money to support her family.” (Steve Hirsch should be rewarded for such a ridiculous statement – then again, he is the CEO of Vivid Video).

Suleman’s possible new film can join such classic Vivid titles such as Rip Me a New Asshole, Count Spermula, Gee I Hardly Blew You, In ‘Er Circle, Top Shelf Tits, Assport and Wow, What a Rimjob!

This Nadya Suleman is a hot mess if we’ve ever seen one. I’m mean, with all these kids and those lips that look like two hot dogs are her face, we at Buzz Pirates expect great things from this “celebrity.”


Is America Ready for the Pizza Cone?

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Is pizza fast food? Well, whether it is, or it isn’t, pizza is getting a makeover with the introduction of the pizza cone.pizza_cone Take some pizza dough,  shape it like an ice cream cone, through some cheese, sauce and toppings in that cone… and bam! Pizza cone. Its the spill free alternative to…ummm…. pizza? It seems like a good idea for the mall crowd… but will it take?

It’s already a hit in some European countries as well as Japan and Korea. Will the US go cone crazy or is this just some sort of Dippin’ Dots fake out.

Remember the names Crispy Cones and Konopizza, as these are the two restaurants that are setting out to reinvent the way we eat pizza. Wisely, both restaurants will feature more then just pizza cone. There will be several other menu options. Here is the Crispy Cone menu that they are fixin’ up:cone_2

Pizza Cones:

  • Margharita pizzacone
  • Pepperoni pizzacone
  • Supreme pizzacone

BBQ Chicone (Chicken)
Chicone Teriyaki
Chicone Curry
Porcone (Pork)
Chicone Quesadilla
Veggiecone
Pestocone
Delicone
Meatballscone

Egg cones:

  • Ham & Eggs
  • Bacon & Eggs
  • Western Eggs
  • Huevos Rancheros
  • Eggs & Cheese

Sweet Cones :

  • Apple cone
  • Smorescone

Salads

  • Classic Caesar Salad
  • Asian Chicken Salad
  • House Salad

Classic Video Game Spotlight: Berzerk

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“Intruder alert! Intruder alert!” “Got the Humanoid, got the intruder” Berzerk is the latest entry into our classic video game spotlight. One of the first games to heavily feature speech synthesis, Berzerk is truly an landmark video game. It was released by Stern in arcades, but was also featured on the Atari 2600.

In Berzerk you control a stick figure – called a humanoid – through a simple maze with multiple exits. You can direct your character in the 8 basic directions and use a fire button to shoot. Standing in your way are robots, in the beginning they are slow and can’t shoot, in later rounds they are faster and can shoot back. You must navigate your way through the maze to one of the exits as quickly as possible. Your character loses a life if it comes in contact with a robot, a wall or a laser shot. The robots are stupid and will walk into walls and shot each other… basically killing themselves. In addition, if you take too long on any maze a bouncing smiley face named “Evil Otto” will come after you. He cannot be shot (in the arcade version of the game) and will bounce right into you, through walls and kill you by touch.

The most important/memorable thing about Berzerk is its speech synthesis. Berzerk’s (very expensive at the time) voice synthesizer generated speech for the robots and the game in general including:

“Coins detected in pocket”:  while showing the high score list when game not active.
“Intruder alert! Intruder alert!”
“The humanoid must not escape”: after you escape when killing every robot.
“Chicken, fight like a robot!”: when you escape room without killing every robot.
“Got the Humanoid, got the intruder”: Plays when you die. (“Got the intruder” higher pitch than the “Got the humanoid” part)

Berzerk is a killer! Berzerk is the first video game in history which someone died from playing. In January 1981, Jeff  Dailey(19 yrs old) died of a heart attack soon after scoring 16,660 points.In October 1982, Peter Burkowski (18 yrs old) made the Berzerk top-ten list twice in fifteen minutes, and then a few seconds later dropped dead. True story…freaky.

Will Smith Awarded 2024 Oscar for “The Barack Obama Story”

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GoogleFacebook Arena, Hollywood, CA - In a future ceremony broadcast live on over 5 million Apple HD Cellular iGlasses, Will Smith took home the 2024 Best Actor Oscar for his performance in “The Barack Obama Story.” Smith, present with 3rd wife Hillary Duff Pitt Smith accepted the much anticipated award.

Smith’s performance was described by many critics as “inevitable,” “agreeable” and “obvious.” Robot Roger Ebert said: “My host model predicted this 25 years ago.”

The movie covers all 12 years of President Obama’s historic presidency. From his curing of HIV and cancer, through leading the United States in World War III, to his appointing the first transgendered Supreme Court Justice, to the addition of the 51st State of Iceland ; Will Smith delivered his trademark cocksure attitude and reliable bankability as a movie star to bring home the gold.

Smith accepted the award as a memorable scene from the movie played in the background. In the scene President Obama saves the American economic crisis as he discovers the secret to a renewable energy source. The discovery of the energy source leads to every American citizen being awarded a share in American Energy Corporation, which created the nation of millionaires all American’s are now accustomed to.

The movie opened on the 14th of July, Will Smith’s trademark movie opening date of New Independence Day. “Big Willie Style owns New Independence Day” said Smith. “I always knew I’d get this role someday and it would be career defining. I mean c’mon, you knew, like, 15 years ago I’d be winning this Oscar.”

Will Smith blew away the competition, including fellow best actor nominee Gordon Joesph Levitt for his role as “Baltic Avenue” in Monopoly: The Movie.

Eastbound and Down: My New Favorite Show…Maybe

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Last Sunday the new comedy Eastbound and Down premiered on HBO and it was hysterical. The show follows the exploits of former major league pitcher Kenny Powers played by Danny McBride (Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express). Kenny enjoyed some success in the majors, but years of acting like an asshole left him with nothing after he loses his pitching ability. The show begins with a brief recount of his rise and fall in the majors. Now he’s stuck living with his brother’s family, struggling to adjust to normal life and possibly becoming a gym teacher.

McBride has been making a splash in movies recently since fans Will Ferrell and Adam McKay made McBride’s cult comedy The Foot Fist Way an underground comedy hit. With Ferrell and McKay’s creative hand in the mix, Eastbound and Down has a great pedigree, including Will Ferrell as a car dealer in upcoming episodes. In Eastbound and Down, McBride does an amazing job of portraying funny white trashdom – even giving a hipster cool vibe to it – if that’s even possible. He’s grandstanding, crude and so far has he’s got no good heart at the center. His insecurities are obvious, but lets hope that the writers don’t take a turn towards redemption and keep the funny coming. The show is peppered with a nice balance of people who either see through Kenny’s bullshit, are shockingly starstruck and play don’t care. Below is a clip of the first three minutes of the show, which sets a ridiculous standard for what will hopefully be HBO’s best original show in years. Buzz Pirates strongly urges you set your DVR accordingly

Apple iTunes

“I’ll Be Back!” Top 15 Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes

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Everyone has their favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movie lines. Before he was the Governator, Arnold dished out the greatest puns, one liners and bon mots in movie history. Everyone loooooves doing his voice… including me. This list of Arnold’s best quotes mixes some familiar and personal favorites. Think we left something out? Disagree with the choices? Let us know. Enjoy…

15. “It’s not a tumor” – Kindergarten Cop – If you watch him say it, he doesn’t say it as crazy as you remember.

14. Arnold yelling - various movies (Total Recall “you blew my cover” scene below – find me a better screaming, yelling actor… you cannot. If there was an Oscar for yelling, he’d have ten of them.

13. “Consider that a divorce” - Total Recall – the first of several Total Recall lines on this list. Sharon Stone was a nobody…she appeared in this movie and then became someone. That’s the power of Arnold.

12. “I’ll be back” – Terminator 1 and 2 – the classic Arnold line… you know you’ve said it before.

11. “Dillion! You Son of a Bitch!” – Predator – The arm wrestling handshake between Carl Weathers and Arnold is what makes this truly special.

10. “Hasta la vista, baby” – Terminator 2: Judgment Day

9. “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of  their women!” – Conan the Barbarian – Conan, what is best?

8. Every single line in Batman and Robin - Mr. Freeze – his entire role in the movie feels ironic

7. “Your clothes, give them to me, now!” – Terminator – blink and you’ll miss Bill Paxton in this scene

6. “Do it!” – Predator (and various other movies) – Cmon! Do it now!

5. “Remember when I said I’d kill you last… I lied!” – Commando – As Matrix, Arnold says this line right before killing Sully. There’s also a follow up line where Matrix is asked “what did you do with Sully” – Matrix’s response – “I let him go”

4. “I live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine!” - Running Man – Arnold is pissed at Richard Dawson in this scene – I love this line because its way over the top.

3. “Stick around” - Predator – simple. perfection.

2. “Let off some steam, Bennett” – Commando – This line pretty much sets the standard for all Arnold puns.

and the winner is…

1. “See you at the party Richter!” - Total Recall – I love this line, because instead of going for a stupid pun, Arnold just says something ridiculous. It relates back to a former scene where Richter said he’d see Arnold at a party (after his memory had been restored to his evil counterpart). As far as I’m concerned, Total Recall is the best Arnold movie…period. It’s a great story, with great action and the most ridiculous lines of any Arnold movie ever. It’s his Godfather. We could do an entire post dedicated to Total Recall lines…hmmmm.

HKIA Woman Going Insane After Missing Her Flight Video

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Check out this woman going insane after missing her flight at Hong Kong International Airport. She’s an the newest viral hit and our most recent Internet All-Star. The middle-aged Chinese woman ran at a security guard at the departure gate, and then started yelling “AHHH-EEEE-AHHH,” like a cat being murdered. She had just missed her flight on Cathay Pacific to San Francisco and started screaming “I want to go, I want to go.” The security guard aptly told her to “stop being so emotional” – it didn’t work.

Watch Out Apple Store, Microsoft Retail Store Set to Open

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In an effort to prove they are cool too, Microsoft is set to unleash virus infested, poor performing stores across America. 

The new Microsoft Retail Stores will be guided by David Porter, 25-year veteran Wal-Mart executive and most recently a high up at DreamWorks. The move is one similar to the one Apple made when they opened their stores. Apple has done an amazing job as positioning themselves as “cool” compared to Microsoft. Its likely that Microsoft will open just a small number of stores, which will probably serve more as promotional tools verse direct revenue generators.

Whether or not these Microsoft stores can soften the blow of all the Mac/PC attack ads remains to be seen.  Mr. Porter, said there are”tremendous opportunities” for Microsoft to create a “world-class shopping experience” for the company’s customers.

Microsoft released an official statement on the retail store project, “The purpose of opening these stores is to create deeper engagement with consumers and continue to learn firsthand about what they want and how they buy.”

In my opinion Microsoft may be an uncool, corporate overloard and necessary evil, but maybe they can shove some cool looking and affordable Zunes in Apple’s smug face.

Picture Eliza Dushku: Celebrity Profile

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Eliza Dushku is a beautiful and talented movie and TV actress who may be ready to break through to the next level of Hollywood stardom. With memorable rolls in Bring It On and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dushku will star in a new Joss Whedon series Dollhouse, which premieres tonight. This is her second shot at a staring roll in a series after her last time around with Tru Calling.

According to the FOX site, Eliza Dushku stars as “ECHO,” an “Active,” a member of a highly illegal and underground group of individuals who have had their personalities wiped clean so they can be imprinted with any number of new personas. Hired by the wealthy, powerful and connected, the Actives don’t just perform their hired roles, they wholly become — with mind, personality and physiology — whomever the client wants or needs them to be. Whether imprinted to be a lover, an assassin, a corporate negotiator or a best friend, the Actives know no other life than the specific engagements they are in at that time.

Dushku appeared on Howard Stern this week, and came of as playful, intelligent and with a good sense of humor. She was raised Mormon and once said people “have a better chance of seeing God then seeing me naked,” so don’t expect to see her nude on screen any time soon.

Career Highlights

  • Nominated for a Teen Choice Award at the Teen Choice Awards for Choice Breakout Star – Female for Tru Calling (2003)
  • Nominated for a Saturn Award by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films at the 30th Saturn Awards for Best Actress in a Television Series for Tru Calling (2003).

Selected Filmography

  • Open Graves (2009) Erica
  • Bottle Shock (2008) Joe
  • Nobel Son (2008) – City Hall
  • On Broadway (2008) Lena Wilson
  • The Alphabet Killer (2008) Megan Paige
  • Sex and Breakfast (2007) Renee
  • Wrong Turn (2003) Jessie Burlingame
  • The Kiss (2003)
  • City by the Sea (2002) Gina
  • The New Guy (2002) Danielle
  • Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) Sissy
  • Soul Survivors (2001) Annabel
  • Bring It On (2000) Missy Pantone
  • Race the Sun (1996) Cindy Johnson
  • Bye, Bye Love (1995) Emma
  • Journey (1995)
  • True Lies (1994) Dana Tasker
  • That Night (1993) Alice Bloom
  • This Boy’s Life (1993) Pearl