Billy Mays… You, Sir Are On Notice

I don’t know what it is about this guy Billy Mays… I just don’t like him. He’s that infomercial douche-ington best known for promoting OxiClean, Mighty Putty, Orange Glo, and other scam ready products. I think this guy would tell you anything was good for a pile of nickels. He’s all yelly, what with his Just For Men beard and his big hand movements…this guy can go beat it.

This is a perfect example of what I think of this guy, he should be always associated with a toilet.

Look at all the crap this guy is peddling:
* Aquapel
* Awesome Auger, Ground Aug, Weed Auger, and Power Extender
* Bedazzler
* Big City Slider Station
* Black Swan Furniture
* Bloomin’ Onion Maker
* Buddy Putty
* Calcium Lime Rust
* Currie Motors Chrysler Credit Hotline
* Cutco Kitchenware
* Ding King automotive dent remover
* Easy Off Bam!
* Energize energy supplement
* EngraveIt
* FixIt car scratch remover
* FoneFree wireless cellphone headset
* Foodsaver
* FreeFone wireless phone holder
* Gopher reach extending tool
* Handy Switch
* Hercules Hook wall hangers
* iCan Benefit Group, LLC
* Kaboom
* Lint-B-Gone lint brush
* Liquid Diamond car waxing product
* Mantis Roto-Tiller
* Micro-Men Duster
* Mighty Mend It
* Mighty Putty
* Never-Scrub tile cleaner
* Orange Clean, Orange Glo
* OxiClean
* Quik Strip wire stripping tool
* Ragazzi’s Italian Restaurant and Pizzeria
* Samurai Shark knife sharpener
* Sandstrom OnTV
* Sealtite Tire Sealant
* Simoniz Fix It Scratch Remover
* Slider Station Burger Maker
* Steam Buddy
* Street Options Auto Accessories
* Swiffer SweeperVac
* Tommy and Rumble
* Turbo Tiger vacuum cleaner
* Vidalia Chop-it
* Vidalia Slice-it
* Vidalia Slice Wizard
* Zorbeez absorbent towels

Here’s my guy falling in a bathtub he’s cleaning…

And here’s a funny remix of Billy May’s greatest hits…

So, there you have it, one more name on the shit list. Billy Mays… you sir are on notice

Obama and Other African American Firsts

Regardless of your political affiliation last night Barack Obama made history by becoming the first African American (and first minority for that matter) to be elected to the nations highest office. We’ve shown you the best picture of Obama ever and and shown you video of some crazy preacher talking about the President Elect. Today we are going to class it up a bit…

To celebrate Barry’s historical achievement (and with a little help from www.infoplease.com, here are several other notable African American Firsts:

Government
Local elected official: John Mercer Langston, 1855, town clerk of Brownhelm Township, Ohio.
State elected official: Alexander Lucius Twilight, 1836, the Vermont legislature.
Mayor of major city: Carl Stokes, Cleveland, Ohio, 1967-1971. The first black woman to serve as a mayor of a major U.S. city was Sharon Pratt Dixon Kelly, Washington, DC, 1991-1995.
Governor (appointed): P.B.S. Pinchback served as governor of Louisiana from Dec. 9, 1872-Jan. 13, 1873, during impeachment proceedings against the elected governor.
Governor (elected): L. Douglas Wilder, Virginia, 1990-1994. The only other elected black governor has been Deval Patrick, Massachusetts, 2007-
U.S. Representative: Joseph Rainey became a Congressman from South Carolina in 1870 and was reelected four more times. The first black female U.S. Representative was Shirley Chisholm, Congresswoman from New York, 1969-1983.
U.S. Senator: Hiram Revels became Senator from Mississippi from Feb. 25, 1870, to March 4, 1871, during Reconstruction. Edward Brooke became the first African-American Senator since Reconstruction, 1966-1979. Carol Mosely Braun became the first black woman Senator serving from 1992-1998 for the state of Illinois. (There have only been a total of five black senators in U.S. history: the remaining two are Blanche K. Bruce [1875-1881] and Barack Obama (2005- ).
U.S. cabinet member: Robert C. Weaver, 1966-1968, Secretary of the Department of Housing and Urban Development under Lyndon Johnson; the first black female cabinet minister was Patricia Harris, 1977, Secretary of the Department of Housing and Urban Development under Jimmy Carter.
U.S. Secretary of State: Gen. Colin Powell, 2001-2004. The first black female Secretary of State was Condoleezza Rice, 2005-.

Law
Federal Judge: William Henry Hastie, 1946; Constance Baker Motley became the first black woman federal judge, 1966.
U.S. Supreme Court Justice: Thurgood Marshall, 1967-1991. Clarence Thomas became the second African American to serve on the Court in 1991.
African-American Firsts: Scholarship
College graduate (B.A.): Alexander Lucius Twilight, 1823, Middlebury College; first black woman to receive a B.A. degree: Mary Jane Patterson, 1862, Oberlin College.
Ph.D.: Edward A. Bouchet, 1876, received a Ph.D. from Yale University. In 1921, three individuals became the first U.S. black women to earn Ph.D.s: Georgiana Simpson, University of Chicago; Sadie Tanner Mossell Alexander, University of Pennsylvania; and Eva Beatrice Dykes, Radcliffe College.
Rhodes Scholar: Alain L. Locke, 1907.
College president: Daniel A. Payne, 1856, Wilberforce University, Ohio.
Ive League President: Ruth Simmons, 2001, Brown University.

Music, TV and Film
Male Grammy Award winner: Count Basie, 1958.
Female Grammy Award winner: Ella Fitzgerald, 1958.
First Oscar: Hattie McDaniel, 1940, supporting actress, Gone with the Wind.
Oscar, Best Actor/Actress: Sidney Poitier, 1963, Lilies of the Field; Halle Berry, 2001, Monster’s Ball.
Oscar, Best Actress Nominee: Dorothy Dandridge, 1954, Carmen Jones.
Network television show host: Nat King Cole, 1956, “The Nat King Cole Show”; Oprah Winfrey became the first black woman television host in 1986, “The Oprah Winfrey Show.”
Star of a network television show: Bill Cosby, 1965, “I Spy”.

Sports
Major league baseball player: Jackie Robinson, 1947, Brooklyn Dodgers.
Elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame: Jackie Robinson, 1962.
NFL quarterback: Willie Thrower, 1953.
NFL football coach: Fritz Pollard, 1922-1937.
Golf champion: Tiger Woods, 1997, won the Masters golf tournament.
NHL hockey player: Willie O’Ree, 1958, Boston Bruins.1
Heavyweight boxing champion: Jack Johnson, 1908.

Other African-American Firsts
Licensed Pilot: Bessie Coleman, 1921.
Millionaire: Madame C. J. Walker.
Billionaire: Robert Johnson, 2001, owner of Black Entertainment Television; Oprah Winfrey, 2003.
Portrayal on a postage stamp: Booker T. Washington, 1940 (and also 1956).
Miss America: Vanessa Williams, 1984, representing New York. When controversial photos surfaced and Williams resigned, Suzette Charles, the runner-up and also an African American, assumed the title. She represented New Jersey. Three additional African Americans have been Miss Americas: Debbye Turner (1990), Marjorie Vincent (1991), and Kimberly Aiken (1994).
Explorer, North Pole: Matthew A. Henson, 1909, accompanied Robert E. Peary on the first successful U.S. expedition to the North Pole.
Explorer, South Pole: George Gibbs, 1939-1941 accompanied Richard Byrd.
Flight around the world: Barrington Irving, 2007, from Miami Gardens, Florida, flew a Columbia 400 plane named Inspiration around the world in 96 days, 150 hours (March 23-June 27).
First astronaut: Robert H. Lawrence, Jr., 1967, was the first black astronaut, but he died in a plane crash during a training flight and never made it into space. Guion Bluford, 1983, became the first black astronaut to travel in space; Mae Jemison, 1992, became the first black female astronaut. Frederick D. Gregory, 1998, was the first African-American shuttle commander.

Elvis on the 2008 Presidential Election

Now alright mama before we get this whole humdinger a shakin, the King is gonna need a few things. Hey, Colonel, could you have them mix me up a peanut butter and banana sandwich with Demerol…and… baby toes. C’mon now, I’m the King! Love me tender, love me sweet…never let me goooooo.

Alright now, so this election…hey Colonel, get me my stuffed giraffe Neckers that Ann Marget gave me outta my yellow Cadillac. What? What do you mean I ain’t got no yellow Cadillac. Ain’t that a kick in the King’s keister! I gots me 4 Cadillacs, but no yellow one! Mmmm, this here sandwich is the tops. Hey Pop, go pick me up a new yellow Cadillac. C’mon now, I’m the King! We can’t go on together, with suspicious miiiiiiiiinds.

Now, you know I’ve done push ups with JFK… karate with Nixon… and I may have even rode one of them unicorns with LBJ, so the King knows a thing or two about these elections, Jack. Hey Trish, can you wipe my brow, I’m sweatin’ on my sandwich now. Thanks Dish, now you go upstairs and wait for me in my velvet bed, the King will be up in a few. Hey Colonel, have them make me another sandwich, this one I want peanut butter, chocolate, a chopped up G.I. Joe, the May ’67 issue of Time Magazine…and baby toes. C’mon now, I’m the King! Oh let me be… your teddddddy beeeaaaaar.

So wait, what’s this? There’s a chocolate cat running for president? Obama what? Hey man, ain’t that a hot pepper! I’m all for it! Whoa, whoa, whoa…slow down the groove for a minute here, what’s with this lady Palin? What, she like that crazy lookin’ old guy’s daughter or something? Now, that is a fox, I tell you what, Jack. If I saw her I’d be all like… Take my hand, take my whooooollllle life too, for I, can’t help fallin’ in love with youuuuuuuu.

Alright, so now I think the secret to this here election is…hey wait, Colonel, can you get me some more pills, you know how the King gets when his head gets all to thinking. And have them mix up the King another sandwich, I’m hungrier than Jackie Gleason was right before he ate Perry Como. Now get it right this time, I want peanut butter, a crushed up moon rock, barbiturates, a two dollar bill…and baby toes. I don’t care if this sandwich is illegal, Jack! So help me God, I will kill all of you with my magic sequin karate!!! Ok, then daddio, make with the sandwich. C’mon now, I’m the King! Im just a hunk, a hunk of burning love
Just a hunk, a hunk of burning loooooooooove.

Elvis is a Buzz Pirates Correspondent