Quantum of Solace, the newest James Bond movie staring Daniel Craig, is set to open next Friday and I can’t say I am very excited about it. After countless hours devoted James Bond Marathons on TNT instead of studying for final exams, I have grown quite fond of 007. I have loved every movie from the original Dr. No with the grandaddy of spies, Sean Connery to Die Another Day with the slick Pierce Brosnan. However, Daniel Craig as James Bond just doesn’t do it for me. Daniel Craig is a very good actor, and the movie is probably very good. I’d probably love it if it was called “Bob Smith the Angry Spy”. Daniel Craig just does not fit the 007 mold. Here are 9 reasons why Daniel Craig is the Worst James Bond Ever.
9. James Bond is awesome. Everyone knows the martini shaking, bullet dodging, womanizing ways of 007. Even when Timothy Dalton played the title character, James Bond was still awesome. Yet Daniel Craig feels the need to “redefine the character”. He tells Playboy magazine, “I wanted to play around with the flaws in his character. It was much more interesting than having him be perfect and polished.” Hey Danny boy, why mess with perfection? If we wanted to see a different spy, we’d go watch Jason Bourne.
8. To Daniel Craig’s credit, its not just his fault. Its really the writers and the directors. They decided to take James Bond in “another direction” and reinvent the character. I ask…no, I beg them…WHY?!!!! We liked James Bond the way he was. Why did you feel the need to do the same thing every Superhero movie has done in the last two years and remake a classic awesome movie with a shitty movie with lots of references to the original awesome movie (eh hem….Superman Returns [gag]).
7. James Bond should rival Chuck Norris is in his Awesomeness. Daniel Craig, on the other hand gets his heart broken by a chick. Quantum of Solace focuses on Bond’s revenge over the betrayal of the woman he loved. Does that sound like James Bond to you? Ian must be Flemming in his grave! See the difference for yourself…check out the comparison between this Quantum of Solace clip and the Die Another Day trailer (featuring one of the best 007’s ever – Pierce Brosnan).
6. Don’t listen to what they tell you kids – smoking is cool…if you’re James Bond. Daniel Craig thinks James Bond should quit. Wus.
5. Daniel Craig doesn’t look like he can handle a Martini. He looks more like a Budweiser guy. Although in the clip above, he does drink white wine.
4. Complex plans of world domination are replaced by 45 minute chase scenes. Explosions are cool and all, but where’s the story, the dialog, and the character development? The UK Guardian writes in their early review of the film “I was disappointed there was so little dialogue, flirtation and characterization in this Bond: Forster and his writers Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade clearly thought this sort of sissy nonsense has to be cut out in favor of explosions.”
3. Where’s the cheesy spy music? Just because Dark Knight didn’t have the “Na na na na na Batman!” song, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hear “doo doo, dooo doo” when James Bond stumbles upon a naked chick while sneaking around the enemy’s lair.
2. He wants to quit. Daniel Craig does not want to do the next Bond movie. Yeah…you know you’re not 007 material, don’t you Daniel? Interestingly enough, Quantum of Solace director Marc Foster, also recently announced that he is passing on the next Bond film. Hopefully Quantum of Solace and the most recent Casino Royale will end up being mere hiccups in the celebrated history of awesome bond films.
1. He doesn’t even say “Bond…James Bond” !!!! WTF? The line has been cut from the film. This is an outright travesty. For this reason alone, how can they justify this as an “Ian Fleming’s 007” movie? Perhaps a more fitting title would be “James Bond…Returns?”