Monthly Archives: October 2008

Buzz Pirates Golfer of the Year: John Daly

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Tiger Who? Seems like every day we are asked who our pick for Golfer of the year is going to be. Well, I know its only October, but we are ready to announce Buzz Pirates Golfer of the year: John Daly. How did this incredible athlete win this coveted crown? Well seems as if Daly was found passed out drunk in a Hooter’s parking lot by police. Police officers were summoned to the Hooters at 120 Hanes Square Circle in Winston-Salem at 2:17am to find this incredible athlete. He spent a night in a North Carolina Jail for his actions. I’m telling you that you better watch this kid, because he’s going straight to the top!

Here on the left, Daly shows off his pre and post game rituals for excelling as a classy athlete.

Also, if you are both disgusting and shameless, dressing as John Daly could be a good last minute Halloween costume. Below, here’s our man playing a round of golf shirtless and shoeless.

So, congratulations Mr. Daly on this amazing achievement. Further proving that unless you are Tiger Woods, golf…is not a sport.

Who is the Real Socialist?

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Recently, there has been a lot of attention given to Sen. Obama being called a socialist by Gov. Palin. In addition, plenty have called supporters of the bailout (including both Obama and McCain) Socialists.

According to Wikipedia Socialism refers to a broad set of economic theories of social organization advocating state or collective ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods, and the creation of an egalitarian society. Modern socialism originated in the late nineteenth-century working class political movement. Karl Marx posited that socialism would be achieved via class struggle and a proletarian revolution which represents the transitional stage between capitalism and communism.

Lot of words there. People tend to make an evil connection between socialism and communism – and anyone who saw Rocky IV knows how scary that can be.

Well, fear not and meet the REAL socialist party ticket. His name is Brian Moore (on the right) and he is the Socialist Party Presidential Candidate. His running mate (on the left) is Stewart Alexander. Brian appeared on the Colbert Report on Tuesday and was definitely a good sport. The lead up to his appearance was basically a bunch of media pundits and Gov. Palin calling Obama a socialist… followed up with the real socialist candidate.

I think there are some Socialist ideals that are well founded, and socialism has worked well in Scandanavian countries. I believe that the way it works is that everyone is given 6 meatballs and blonde hair, and nobody has to work. Still, I think the US is too big and diverse for it to function properly. Nevertheless, I think its important that major ideas like Socialism that have good intentions get a voice. So, Brian Moore, good luck getting 0.00000000000001% of the vote… I may not vote for you, but I like you’re style.

Obama is a Long-Legged Mac Daddy!

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I love me some Obama, and I know that this video clip is dated… but I just can’t get enough of this ridiculous preacher. His name is James David Manning and he is chief pastor at the ATLAH World Missionary Church on 123rd Street in New York City. I think he’s crazy, and the way he says “OBAMA!” is distinctive enough that my man Howard Stern plays the audio clip of Manning saying “OBAMA!” every time the future President is mentioned on the show. Even though Manning has a M.A. and a PhD, he’s a complete idiot… still I can’t help but laugh as he refers to Obama Girl and then feel a little uncomfortable as he refers to Obama’s caucasian mother. My guess is that John McCain and Sarah Palin are contributors to the ATLAH World Missionary Church.

It’s a Trap!

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It’s a Trap!

Every Star Wars fan knows a little something about Admiral Ackbar. Admiral Ackbar led the Rebel ships into the Battle of Endor in Return of the Jedi. A member of the Mon Calamari species, Ackbar and his people manned the distinctive warships supplied to the Rebellion by that aquatic culture. Admiral Ackbar developed the attack strategy for the Battle of Endor, and commanded the Mon Calamari Star Cruiser Home One.

Admiral Ackbar’s distinctive look and voice has made him ripe for parody. He has been parodied in Robot Chicken and the South Park movie. I can’t get enough of trying to speak in his voice.  His most well known line “It’s a Trap” is a legitimate internet meme. There are thousands of references, images and parodies found all over the Internet.

The Original…

The Robot Chicken Admiral Ackbar Cereal Commercial:

Admiral Ackbar warns various movie characters of possible traps…

It’s a Trap!

The 12 Best Bond Girls

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Every James Bond flick has a number of key ingredients that make it, well…a James Bond flick. There is always the super evil villain with a sinister plot for world domination, tons of high tech gadgets and cool vehicles, ridiculously impossible escapes from certain death, and of course…the Bond Girls. In keeping with our James Bond theme leading up to the release of Quantum of Solace, Buzz Pirates proudly presents our list of the 12 Best Bond Girls.

12. Tracy Draco in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (Played by Diana Rigg)

Tracy Draco Diana Rigg

Hotness: 6
Ass Kicking Ability: 5
Name Creativity: 2
Total Score: 13

11. Domino Petacchi in Never Say Never Again (played by Kim Bassinger)

Domino Petacchi Kim Bassinger

Hotness: 9
Ass Kicking Ability: 3
Name Creativity: 2
Total Score: 14

10. Jill Masterson in Goldfinger (played by Shirley Eaton)

Jill Masterson Shirley Eaton

Hotness: 7 (especially if you’re into body paint)
Ass Kicking Ability: 3
Name Creativity: 4
Total Score: 14

9. Christmas Jones in The World is Not Enough (Played by Denise Richards)

Christmas Jones Denise Richards

Hotness: 8
Ass Kicking Ability: 4
Name Creativity: 6 – entirely because of the line “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.”
Total Score: 18

8. Plenty O’Toole in Diamonds are Forever – (played by Lana Wood)

Plenty O'Toole Lana Wood

Hotness: 8
Ass Kicking Ability: 3
Name Creativity: 8 (see clip below)
Total Score: 19

7. Aki in You Only Live Twice (played by Akiko Wakabayashi) – killed by a ninja

Aki Akiko Wakabayashi

Hotness: 7
Ass Kicking Ability: 8
Name Creativity: 4
Total Score: 19

6. Mayday in View to a Kill – (played by Grace Jones)

Grace Jones Mayday

Hotness: 6 (if you want to be her bitch)
Ass Kicking Ability: 10
Name Creativity: 4
Total Score: 20

5. Jinx in Die Another Day (played by Halle Berry)

Halle Berry Jinx

Hotness: 9 (it would be a 10 if she had a repeat performance of Swordfish.)
Ass Kicking Ability: 7
Name Creativity: 5
Total Score: 21

4. Holly Goodhead in Moonraker (played by Lois Chiles)

Holly Goodhead Lois Chiles

Hotness: 8
Ass Kicking Ability: 5
Name Creativity: 9
Total Score: 22

3. Honey Ryder in Dr. No (played by Ursula Andress – she also played Vesper Lynd in the original Casino Royale)

Ursula Andress Honey Ryder

Hotness: 9
Ass Kicking Ability: 6
Name Creativity: 7
Total Score: 22

2. Pussy Galore in Goldfinger (played by Honor Blackman)

Pussy Galore Honor Blackman

Hotness: 6
Ass Kicking Ability: 7
Name Creativity: 10
Total Score: 23

1. Octopussy in Octopussy (played by Maud Adams)

Maud Adams Octopussy

Hotness: 9
Ass Kicking Ability: 4
Name Creativity: 10
Total Score: 23

9 Reasons Daniel Craig is the Worst James Bond Ever

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Quantum of Solace, the newest James Bond movie staring Daniel Craig, is set to open next Friday and I can’t say I am very excited about it. After countless hours devoted James Bond Marathons on TNT instead of studying for final exams, I have grown quite fond of 007. I have loved every movie from the original Dr. No with the grandaddy of spies, Sean Connery to Die Another Day with the slick Pierce Brosnan. However, Daniel Craig as James Bond just doesn’t do it for me. Daniel Craig is a very good actor, and the movie is probably very good. I’d probably love it if it was called “Bob Smith the Angry Spy”. Daniel Craig just does not fit the 007 mold. Here are 9 reasons why Daniel Craig is the Worst James Bond Ever.

9. James Bond is awesome. Everyone knows the martini shaking, bullet dodging, womanizing ways of 007. Even when Timothy Dalton played the title character, James Bond was still awesome. Yet Daniel Craig feels the need to “redefine the character”. He tells Playboy magazine, “I wanted to play around with the flaws in his character. It was much more interesting than having him be perfect and polished.” Hey Danny boy, why mess with perfection? If we wanted to see a different spy, we’d go watch Jason Bourne.

Superman Returns Sucks
8. To Daniel Craig’s credit, its not just his fault. Its really the writers and the directors. They decided to take James Bond in “another direction” and reinvent the character. I ask…no, I beg them…WHY?!!!! We liked James Bond the way he was. Why did you feel the need to do the same thing every Superhero movie has done in the last two years and remake a classic awesome movie with a shitty movie with lots of references to the original awesome movie (eh hem….Superman Returns [gag]).

7. James Bond should rival Chuck Norris is in his Awesomeness. Daniel Craig, on the other hand gets his heart broken by a chick. Quantum of Solace focuses on Bond’s revenge over the betrayal of the woman he loved. Does that sound like James Bond to you? Ian must be Flemming in his grave! See the difference for yourself…check out the comparison between this Quantum of Solace clip and the Die Another Day trailer (featuring one of the best 007′s ever – Pierce Brosnan).

6. Don’t listen to what they tell you kids – smoking is cool…if you’re James Bond. Daniel Craig thinks James Bond should quit. Wus.

5. Daniel Craig doesn’t look like he can handle a Martini. He looks more like a Budweiser guy. Although in the clip above, he does drink white wine.

4. Complex plans of world domination are replaced by 45 minute chase scenes. Explosions are cool and all, but where’s the story, the dialog, and the character development? The UK Guardian writes in their early review of the film “I was disappointed there was so little dialogue, flirtation and characterization in this Bond: Forster and his writers Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade clearly thought this sort of sissy nonsense has to be cut out in favor of explosions.”

3. Where’s the cheesy spy music? Just because Dark Knight didn’t have the “Na na na na na Batman!” song, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hear “doo doo, dooo doo” when James Bond stumbles upon a naked chick while sneaking around the enemy’s lair.

2. He wants to quit. Daniel Craig does not want to do the next Bond movie. Yeah…you know you’re not 007 material, don’t you Daniel? Interestingly enough, Quantum of Solace director Marc Foster, also recently announced that he is passing on the next Bond film. Hopefully Quantum of Solace and the most recent Casino Royale will end up being mere hiccups in the celebrated history of awesome bond films.

1. He doesn’t even say “Bond…James Bond” !!!! WTF? The line has been cut from the film. This is an outright travesty. For this reason alone, how can they justify this as an “Ian Fleming’s 007″ movie? Perhaps a more fitting title would be “James Bond…Returns?”

See for your self…check out Quantum of Solace on iTunes.
Apple iTunes

Sarah Palin Faces Tina Fey on SNL

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Sarah Palin showed up on Saturday Night Live this weekend. The MILF’s guest spot to open the show was heavily hyped all week. I’ve always liked or at least liked complaining about how good or bad SNL has been for the last several years. Like it or not, its a show that I hope stays on the air forever. Still, I’ve got to be honest and say that I believe they are relying on this Sarah Palin impression by Tina Fey way too much… they should focus more on the show as a whole… generate their own buzz so to speak.

In addition Mark Walhberg showed up in the same sketch as the Alaskan Gov. in a week that followed his anti-SNL comments. Josh Brolin, hot off Oliver Stone’s “W” hosted the show.

Weekly Booty – Awesome Places to Have Sex, More Sarah Palin Porn, & the Desecration of Lord Stanley

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weekly bootyWelcome to the Weekly Booty, a Friday feature at Buzz Pirates where we recap some of the best loot we’ve dugg up on the net in the past week. Check out some of these treasures matey…

(yes – this is a mix of last week and this week, thanks to Corey’s awesome post about Barbra Streisand. That, or we were just lazy last week. )

  • Cracked.com – 9 Awesome Places to have Sex (and the horrific consequences). Nuff said.
  • Cuzoolge.com – Cuzzy racks NBA teams the greatest way possible – using a scale of hot girls.
  • GrandmasterB.com – Say hello to Karissa and Kristina Shannon, Heff’s new playthings. GrandmasterB has some nice eye candy. What he doesn’t show you is how feisty these little firecrackers are. Apparently the Shannon Twins have a habit of getting arrested for battery.
    Karissa Kristina Shannon mug shot
  • BannedInHollywood.com – Awesomely ironic pictures. Go ahead…jump into that tunnel. Just do it!
  • Blog of Hilarity – Looks like we were not the only ones with the idea to put Sarah Palin in Porn. As Blog of Hilarity reports, a new adult film is in the works starring Lisa Ann. Its called “Nailin’ Palin“. Awesome.
  • Holy Taco – Remember Garbage Pail Kids? Well Holy Taco sure does. Check out their post that shows Sarah Palin as a Garbage Pail Kid – Sarah CUDA.
  • Tasty Booze – Shower Sex just got a whole lot easier with “Shower Power”, which gives you something to hold to when getting dirty while getting clean. Its about time. My soap dish has been replaced enough times already.
  • The new NHL season is under way (go Devils!), but Def Leppard’s lead singer Joe Elliot needs to learn Stanley Cup 101. Look at him take Lord Stanley’s Cup and place it upside down!

Top 20 Stupidest Quotes by President George W. Bush

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With the 3rd debate between John McCain and Barack Obama tonight, it is important to note that we are only a few short months away of ridding the country of George Bush forever. In addition, Oliver Stone’s “W” comes out this week in which Josh Brolin will be doing his best Bush imitation in what is sure to be a provocative movie from one of Hollywood’s most talented directors. If you still think Bush has done a good job, maybe you should open a newspaper or turn on a television… still don’t believe me? Well, then why not take a peak at his 20 best quotes…. There will be no “four score and seven years ago,” no “what can my country do for you”, not even a “read my lips” or at least a “I did not have sexual relations.” Enjoy!

20. “I’m going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I’m smart on the subject.” -, answering a question about a possible flu pandemic, Cleveland, July 10, 2007

19. “We’ve got a lot of relations with countries in our neighborhood.” – Kranj, Slovenia, June 10, 2008

18. “Should the Iranian regime-do they have the sovereign right to have civilian nuclear power? So, like, if I were you, that’s what I’d ask me. And the answer is, yes, they do.” -talking to reporters in Washington, D.C., July 2, 2008

17. “I think it was in the Rose Garden where I issued this brilliant statement: If I had a magic wand — but the president doesn’t have a magic wand. You just can’t say, ‘low gas.’” – Washington D.C., July 15, 2008

16. “Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people.” -Charlottesville, Va., July 4, 2008

15. “There’s no question about it. Wall Street got drunk — that’s one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras — it got drunk and now it’s got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments.” – speaking at a private fundraiser, Houston, Texas, July 18, 2008

14. “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” -LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

13. “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” -Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

12. “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.” -second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

11. “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” -Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

10. “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” -to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

9. “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” -Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

8. “They misunderestimated me.” -Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

7. “So long as I’m the president, my measure of success is victory — and success.” – on Iraq, Washington, D.C., April 17, 2008

6. “The question is, who ought to make that decision? The Congress or the commanders? And as you know, my position is clear — I’m a commander guy.” -Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007

5. “I’ll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.” – Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

4. “More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way.” – Martinsburg, W. Va., July 4, 2007

3. “Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?” -Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2. “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” -Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once, shame on – shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.” -Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Denies the Existence of Barbra Streisand

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Tehran, Iran: In a shocking announcement Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad blasted Jews worldwide Thursday by denying the existence of Barbra Streisand. Ahmadinejadt addressed the single member of the Iranian press, Chancellor of Media, Grazza Mazzoud with a metered and aggressive rhetoric sidestepping clear historic documentation and logic in the process. The statement  mirrored his now infamous comments denying the Holocaust in which millions of Jews were exterminated.

“The existence of Barbra Streisand, is just one theory, there is no clear proof that she exists” Ahmadinejad said. “The horned infidels [Jews] want the world to believe the existence of this mythical singing/acting big-nosed “Babs.” Don’t believe the head of the serpent, “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” is a call for the slaughtering of all Muslim women and children.”

Iranian scholar Razmaza Khomeini, in an interview with state run Channel 1 News, pointed to the fact that he had seen Streisand in the movie Meet the Fockers on a plane traveling from Dubai to Tehran. He delicately suggested that President Ahmadinejad might have been misled by the cursed Hebrew god on this issue. Khomeini, his wife Asal, son Mansoor and cat Sprinkles were all immediately hung for treason.

Republican Presidential candidate John McCain was quick to respond. “I have a solid record of believing in the birth, existence and historical significance of Barbara Streisand. I have had several conversations with General Petraeus on this matter and if elected president I will deploy 500,000 troops directly to Barbara Streisand.” McCain also took the opportunity to slam Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama. “If elected president, Obama will gay marry Ahmadinejad in a Nazi ceremony while standing on a burning American flag. Mr. Obama… the American people will not stand for this! When I am President of the United States I immediately will bomb, bomb, bomb Iran while simultaneously watching Yentl on a continuous loop.”

On the home front American Jews have been outraged by the denial of Streisand’s existence. “Oy! What is this fercockt President talking about?” said Long Island, New York resident Ethel Berkowitz. “Barbara is a national treasure. This Ahmad-wah-wah whatever his name, is a messhuggina. He should see Babs in Prince of Tides…he’ll need a whole box of Kleenex just like my [husband] Harvey did. He should come over; we’ll get a nosh from Schlesinger’s [deli] and make an afternoon out of it.”

Not all Americans are outraged. Noted Hollywood anti-Semite Mel Gibson told Variety that he has been working on a documentary with his father dispelling the “Streisand Myth” for four years. Gibson also  mumbled “Damn Jews” under his breath 17 times in the interview.

After denying the existence of Streisand, matzo ball soup, Tufts University and pennies, President Ahmadinejadt signed into a law a bill compelling all Iranian citizens to eat at Chick-fil-a at least twice week.