Monthly Archives: August 2008

The Madden Curse: Is Brett Favre the Next Victim? Now Troy Polamalu is!

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Tomorrow is the release of one of the most successful videogame franchises - Madden 2009 NFL Football. Happy Maddenoliday. The game is top notch, although with an exclusive licensing agreement with the NFL, there really is no competition.

Every year the people at EA Sports pick a player to put on the cover of their flagship franchise. This year for the 20th anniversary of the game they picked a doozy of a player to put on the cover. Brett Favre’s saga has taken up plenty of space in the Sports section and now he’s landed on the New York Jets. Hmmm, I’m sure that this is going to make the Jets a boatload of cash, still this whole situation is kind of like dating your Ex. You just know its going end badly.

In any case, only time will tell if the new Jet legend will have anything left in the tank after 16 years in Green Bay or whether he just sell alot of number 4 jerseys. You can even download a new cover for Madden 2009 featuring Favre in a Jets jersey. Will he fall under the spell of the Madden Curse is the real question. Here is a short history lesson of the subject (quick note the year of the game is generally 1 year ahead of the season – hence the game coming out tomorrow is Madden 2009):

1989 – 2000 – John Madden on the cover. “Here’s a guy who’s not afraid to put himself on the cover of his own game”

2000: Madden still on the cover, with a background picture of Barry Sanders. The Detroit Lions running back retired abruptly before the season and never played a down in 1999-2000 season. Dorsey Levens was thes substituted in a new cover for the game, but he developed knee problems and cut by the Packers at the end of the 2001 season.

2001: Eddie George, Tennessee Titans running back. Had a great season and then dropped an important pass in a Divisional Playoff loss to the Baltimore Ravens. The following season was injuried filled for him

2002: This was probably the year that the curse really started to take shape. Dante Culpepper had been tearing up the league the year before. He led the Vikings to the NFC Championship Game and was riding high. He appears on the cover then suffers a knee injury and the Vikings go 5-11 the year Culpepper is on the cover.

2003: Ok, so this curse thing can’t effect a bona fide superstar like Marshall Faulk can it? Sure can. After four straight years of rushing for over 1300 yards for the Rams, and appearing in two Super Bowls in three years his rushing total dropped under 1000 yards and St. Louis went 7-9.

2004: One day after Madden 2004 came out, Michael Vick suffered a fractured fibula and only played in 5 games. Oh, and then there was that whole dogfighting thing. Mike Vick had it all and was the exciting face of the Falcons and the NFL… he lives in jail now.

2005: Ok, Ray Lewis had to be a safe choice, right? Perhaps the greatest leader/motivator in the NFL had 6 interceptions in 2003. The year he was on the cover, he had 0 interceptions and the Ravens missed the playoffs (after making it 4 of the last 5 years). Sorry Jeff, but then in 2005 Lewis suffered a torn right in hamstring in week 6, sat out the rest of the season and Baltimore finished a disappointing 6-10.

2006: Donovan McNabb was the picture of constitency and performance for the Philadelphia Eagles. Five straight years in the playoffs and then a Super Bowl matchup against the Patriots. McNabb even joked that he didn’t believe in the curse.  But, alas, first game of the 2005 season and boom, sports hernia. He played hurt (and never gets the respect he deserves) and then sat out the final 7 games of the season.

2007: Shaun Alexander had led the Seahawks to the Super Bowl and had an amazing season. The 2005 NFL MVP was was breaking records and cementing his legacy. But in week three of the 2006 season he broke his left foot and he hasn’t been the same since.

2008: Vince Young – Tennesse Titans. Hmm, this may be the one that broke the curse. Still its worth mentioning that the young quarterback hurt his quadriceps in his right leg in week 5 of the 2007 season and missed the first game of his career…including NFL, college, high school and middle school.

Only time will tell if Brett Favre will fall victim to the Madden curse. This pirate is routing for Number 4…but alas, methinks he’s cursed.

UPDATE: In Last night’s Titan vs Steelers  “Madden 10″ cover-boy Troy Polamalu left the game with a knee injury. Looks like he’ll miss 3 – 6 weeks. Watch out Larry Fitzgerald!

These Aren’t The Droids You’re Looking For, Nice Speeder Though!

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Finally! A real life, honest-to-god, no strings attached, fully operational Landspeeder! The only thing missing are a few droids, a womp rat assassin, and an old kook with a staff. The Razorback by Axom Racing Systems is the worlds first anti-gravity RC racing vehicle. It hovers a few inches off the ground and is capable of reaching speeds up to 50 mph. It will be available in September for $250. Oh yeah…I forgot to mention its only a few inches tall. But these things can scale, right?

Sure its only a toy…for now. But I am already putting GoodYear on my list of things that are as obsolete as Blockbuster Video. In the meantime, I know someone who is going to love this thing.

Lego Luke

[Axon via Techpin via DVICE via Gizmodo] (who wants to keep this going?)

Mr. T in Flap Over Anti-Gay Snicker’s Ad

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Mr. T is my hero, you might even say he’s my icon. I’d like to make that clear right off the bat. Still, his most recent snickers ad has brought up some controversy and is being pulled by Snickers parent company Mars. Mr. T has been in a series of ads for Snickers with the catch phrase “Get Some Nuts!” Well, Mr T. (real name Laurence Tureaud) is taking a hits like Clubber Lang instead of dishing out pain.

In all seriousness I consider myself to be a true supporter of gay rights and opponent of anti-gay messages of any type. Still, I honestly think that the commerical is just plain funny. The commerical makes fun of speedwalking, just how a previous Mr. T Snickers commerical made fun of a guy faking a soccer injury. In response to the flack, Mr. T defended himself on the O’Reilly Factor. I was hoping Mr. T would go all B.A. on O’Reilly and throw his No Spin ass through a wall for talking all this jibber jabber.

“I’ve been pitying fools for 28 years Bill and its never personal.” When he says that to O’Reilly, its classic T.

My lawyer Brian informs me that its important to remember that currently, Mr. T. pities fools of all races, ethnicities, colors, creeds and sexual orientations in a fair and egalitarian manner. No fools subject to Mr. T’s pitying have been excluded from said pitying due to any protected characteristic. Mr. T. pities fools according to the constitution and laws of the united states, including Title VII, Title IX, the equal protection clause and due process clause of the fourteenth amendment. Mr. T incorporates these laws to the states in accordance with the due process clause of the fifth amendment. Any and all fools pitied by Mr. T. that were improperly pitied are entitled to a full refund, which will be reimbursed by the pitying of fools.

Stay in school, drink milk and most importantly, be somebody or be somebody’s fool, sucka!

No Need To Slow The Bullets Anymore, Morpheus To Join CSI

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Laurence Fishburne CSICSI fans have been flipping out for weeks since they learned that they will be losing their beloved Gil Grissom, as William Peterson will be leaving the show to pursue stage acting opportunities. The search for a replacement has been a closely guarded secret that has left fans searching for clues. Well we’ve got your red pill right here. It looks like The Matrix star Laurence Fishburne will be bringing some of the Morpheus mystique to the popular prime time show.

We think Larry is a great fit for the head CSI sleuth. Hell…CSI copies most of their special effects from the Matrix anyway. We also feel confident that Laurence will have no problem filling Gil’s shoes when it comes to cheesy one liners. In fact, we realized you can pretty much take any single Morpheus quote, replace the words “Neo” with “Nick” and “The Matrix” with “Las Vegas”, and you will end up with a perfect CSI quote. Hell, most of them are perfect just as they are. Here are a few examples.

“If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain”

“The body cannot live without the mind”

“The Matrix Las Vega is a system, Neo Nick. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save.”

“I’m trying to free your mind, Neo Nick. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.”

“Death can come for us at any time in any place.”

“Welcome to the desert of the real.”

Welcome to The Matrix Las Vegas, Morpheus.

This post originally published by BuzzPirates.com

What’s The Deal with Batman’s Voice?

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Is it just me does Christian Bale go a little overboard in his Batman voice?

I know we already talked about Dark Knight a few weeks ago, but something has been bugging me about the new Batman movie a bit… What’s the deal with his voice?

Don’t get me wrong, I think the movie was amazing. Well acted, directed, and written…a major accomplishment on all fronts. All the special effects looked great. Heath Ledger gives an electrifying performance. I think they did a great job of keeping the last third of the movie out of the commercials. Harvey Dent/Two Face looked amazing. The positives are countless in what will probably be the first Superhero movie that gets so real attention at the Oscars.Still, what’s the deal with that voice? Why does he get all hoarse sounding and even worse add a lisp. There’s a confrontation between The Joker and Batman towards the end of the movie in which he really, really goes for this extreme underbite, lispy I’m scary I’m “The Batman” voice that I just can’t get on board with. I suppose with all the craziness of the Joker, Harvey Dent and the special effects, Christian Bale kind of plays the straight man so maybe he needed to kick it up a notch?

In a review for MSNBC, Alonso Duralde wrote in “Batman Begins” Bale “sounded absurdly deep, like a 10-year-old putting on an `adult’ voice to make prank phone calls. This time, Bale affects an eerie rasp, somewhat akin to Brenda Vaccaro doing a Miles Davis impression.” I think this review is a little highfalutin for a Batman movie…especially for those of us who have no idea who Brenda Vaccaro is.

It could have been been based on Kevin Conroy and his respected version of Batman’s voice. Apparently the director and sound editor had something to do with the voice sounding weird, but for the most part its just pure Bale.

Batman has a long history of talking ridiculously serious…

So, the Dark Knight…great movie…terrible voice.

One more thing, is it just me or was Maggie Gyllenhaal not really hot enough to be the only girl in the movie?

“Porno – That’s Not Love!” – A True Story

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HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CAUGHT WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY…FUNNY, I HAVE!

So, here’s a tale from this Buzzpirate’s youth… and its 100% true! Some names have been changed to protect the embarrassed~~ Enjoy the first tale told from Corey’s Corner.

Do you remember the first time you saw a pornographic movie? I do… maybe a little too well.

When I was 13 years old, my friend Gary had this great idea for us to watch a porno after school at my house before my parents got home. As it turned out, our other friend Drake had stolen a 80′s porn from his father’s secret collection…and was (in retrospect), dumb enough to lend it to us. So, Gary with porn in hand came to my house directly after school. We had 2 hours before my mom would be getting home. So we popped that bad boy in the VCR and our education had begun.

I can’t remember much about this pornographic work of art other then it involved unbelievable amounts of hair in unsightly places. Still, at the time, the whole thing was pretty amazing. I started to get nervous, and told Gary we should probably shut it off before someone gets home. He used his amazing powers of peer pressure and we continued to watch. Five minutes later the front door busts open (99 out of 100 times my mother would come through the garage)…

Cooler heads would have realized that my mother never knew how to work the VCR, and we could have simply hit the stop button and nothing would have happened. Nevertheless, nerves and hormones set off a ridiculous chain of events.

The second the door opened the two of us made for the VCR and feverishly started pounding on the “eject” button. But, alas, this was a 1986 VCR, and the tape must have taken a full minute to eject. Gary and I were acting like we were doing crack or worse. My mother ran in to see what the commotion was about just as I was throwing the tape to Gary in the other room. With a shreik she shouted…”what the hell is going on here.” Gary offered a feeble explanation…she didn’t buy it…and at that moment I did the stand up good guy thing… I sold everyone out on the spot. “Mom its a porno, Gary got it from Drake who stole it from his father.” My mother regained her composure and told us to wait outside.

We waited nervously outside, what a horrible situation. My mother came outside and told Gary that he must go home immediately and tell his mother what happened here. My punishment was handed out quickly… no one over the house when her or my father weren’t home…not too bad…yet.

I went to my room to hide my shame. Within 1 hour Gary’s mother had called mine, they started kibbitzing and eventually came up with a horrendous brainstorm. Gary parents would come over my house that very same night, and along with my parents they would watch the video together… “so they could better understand what Gary and I saw.” Did I mention that my parents were supposed to go out for their anniversary that night? (you can’t make this up).

So, with me hiding my shame upstairs in my room, downstairs my parents and Gary’s parents watched the video…or at least part of it. Then, they called up Drake’s father to come pick the offensive adult feature up in person (yes…his own movie!). Drake probably still has trouble sitting from the ass kicking he must have gotten.

When everyone had left my mother came upstairs… she was crying… balling… totally upset at what her innocent little son had seen, and with a bellowing cry she let out… “Corey, that’s not love!!!! That’s not love!!!”

No one ever wants to see their mother cry…but eventually, it turned out to be one of the funniest punchlines to a story ever. Gary’s mother cried and said the same thing.

EPILOGUE… Gary and I were on the same basketball team and a week later our fathers were driving us to the game… my father turns to us in the back seat, and with a sly grin says… “You guy’s see any good movies lately?“

American Idol Pop Tarts, Brilliant or Worst Promotion Ever?

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Happy Friday everyone. You know the day is going to be a good one when you wake up and check your email, and the first thing you see is a hilarious gem like this. The image below came in one of those automated emails from TicketMaster announcing the availability of the American Idols 2008 Tour, sponsored by…wait for it…Pop Tarts.

I did not photoshop this one at all folks. This is the real deal, even though it looks like it could be the winner of a Gizmodo PhotoShop contest. I don’t know, maybe I am the only one who sees the humor in this. However, for me the damage is done. I will forever think of these wannabe pop stars as a bunch of “tarts”.


American Idol Pop Tarts