Baltimore Ravens cornerback Chris McAlister is apparently compensating for something. The three-time Pro Bowler showed up for training camp this week impressing ladies with the size of his…truck? This ain’t no puny unit. To put things into perspective, Chris is 6’1″ and 206 lbs. He looks like Gary Coleman standing next to his monster.
Roll over to see what I’m talkin’ about.
This post was originally published by BuzzPirates.com.
Search engine company Cuil.com launched last night. Wupeee, another search engine. Is it me, or does it seem that a new Web 2.0/Internet/Social Media company (which I am hereby coining as WISMs) pops up every single day hour? And apparently they all got the memo stating the more ridiculous the name, the more venture funding investors will throw at them. Drop a vowel…have another million. Create a brand new homonym that violates the rules of phonetics…that’s worth an easy five mil.
In order to understand what is up with these ridiculous web service names, we decided to do a little research to uncover the origin of some of these bizarre names. The truth may shock you (but we can’t promise you’ll find it here)…
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Little known fact about search engine mistress and Cuil founder Anna Patterson – she’s a blackjack junky. Hoping to cache in on a fraction of the success Google had, Anna plans to take her millions straight to the tables. Her favorite saying “See You In Las Vegas” is immortalized in the name of her company. Unfortunately, cuilv.com was taken. On weekends, Anna and co-founder Russell Power can be found in Vega under the pseudonyms, Max & Hootie McBoob. |
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Money is money and that is all that matters for Google founder’s Larry Page and Sergey Brin, who disliked each other from the get go. Their first argument – the correct spelling of Googol, which is the huge number 1 followed by 100 zeros. Their second – why the company shouldn’t be called Ten Duotrigintillion. Interestingly, Google recently announced that they’ve indexed their 1 Trillionth web url. They were all stoked until they realized that 1 Trillion is only 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000001 percent of 1 Googol. Looks like they still have a long way to go. |
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Zulu for “humanity”…or Swahili for “stupid idiots think they can make money giving away free software.” Although in business since 2004, the Linux support company, Canonical Ltd., is looking forward to the initial release of their business plan, code named “Panhandlin’ Pete“. The primary component of the plan is asking people how they should make money. |
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Twitter is the popular microblogging platform that is known for being extremely addicting, and extremely unreliable. The bizarre thing is that no one seems to care that it goes down more than a $2 hooker at a truck stop. Although the word “Twitter” is commonly mistaken as being derived from the sound of a little birdie that sits on your shoulder and tweets sweet messages in your ear, the real origin of Twitter’s name is far more technical than that. It is the sound made by the rusty hard disk spinning on the ancient 386 server running the application. |
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Canada’s answer to Twitter. This one is simple – its just another f***ed up Canadian word. Similar to words like tuque, mukluk, and canuck, Plurk is a word of Canadian origin that refers to a flying reptile indigenous to the the subartic region of Canada’s Northwest Territories. While Twitter has a little birdie that tweets sweet messages in your ear, a Plurk is more likely to chomp your ear off in one bite. Oh…and apparently Plurk was developed by the A-Team. So if you have a problem, if no one can help, you can find them in Mississauga, Ontario (I’m talking to you Twitter). |
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Flickr was accidentally founded in 2004 by husband and wife team Caterina Fake and Stuart Butterfield, while developing tools for an adult oriented online game called Licker. Realizing that the game was incredibly stupid, but users loved the photo sharing capabilities, the duo decided to append the “F” and rebrand the photo tools as Flicker. Unfortunately, the domain name was already taken by a site devoted to nose picking. Fake and Butterfield decided to drop the “e”, forming Flickr.com, starting this entire craze of messed up company names. Flickr was started in Vancouver, British Columbia. |
Summary: We blame Canada for all the messed up company names.
This post was originally published by BuzzPirates.com
Goldenest Girl Estelle Getty passed away earlier this week. In honor of her memory, and the rest of the Golden Gals, we thought it would be fun to hop into the Buzz Pirates Time Machine and check out which actresses of today will star in the Golden Girls remake 40 years from now. Buzz Pirates proudly presents Golden Girls 2048…
Introducing the adorable Jessica Simpson…
…as the ditsy bimbo Rose Nylund (originally played by Betty White)
Katie Holmes created some recent buzz as Perez Hilton discovered that her discolored hands were likely the result of the Scientology Purification Rundown, a ritual that uses vitamin “bombs” and long periods of time in a sauna to cleanse the body of toxins. With more than 142 times the toxic level of the vitamins, the regimen can cause liver damage, hair loss, brain swelling, nausea, fatal heart and respiratory failure. Or in Katie’s case, make her hands look like her chewing gum just reached the third course of blueberry pie.
In an effort to understand what is happening to our poor young Katie, we decided to do a little research here at Buzz Pirates to get to the bottom of this whole Scientology thing. We have deconstructed Scientology to a number simple to understand points that sheds some light on how this ruthless organization sucks people in. Below each point is a translation for sane people.
Disclaimer: “research” for us doesn’t mean much so don’t take this article as a reliable resource. If you want to debate the merits of Scientology, go somewhere else. If you want a quick chuckle as we explain how WE think Scientology works, then please enjoy.
1. Scientology assumes that spirituality and thought is an energy called Theta, that exists in its own universe, separate and distinct from the physical universe.
Ok, so they call your “spirit” Theta, BFD.
2. A Thetan is an individual “thought unit” which interacts with the physical world through a vehicle, such as the human body. It is the core of personality or essence of oneself, distinct and separate from the physical body or the brain. As an immortal entity, the spirit/thetan lives on after body death and is born into a new physical body, again and again, lifetime after lifetime, in an endless cycle of birth and death.
So when you die, your spirit moves on. We’ve seen this before (heaven, hell, a grasshopper, Graceland are common destinations). Still nothing new…sorta.
3. All Thetans are immortal, all knowing, and possess God-like abilities.
We’ve all heard the afterlife is supposed to be cool. The bible says Heaven rocks. The Koran promises 70 Virgins. Apparently Scientologists get super God-like powers.
4. As a result of traumatic incidents extending back from the present life through a long series of “past lifetimes” hidden from conscious memory, the spirit/thetan has become trapped in the physical body and the physical universe.
So THAT’S why I can’t control space and time. Thank you for explaining that Scientology!
5. One traumatic experience shared by all earthlings is due to Xenu, the Dictator of the Galactic Confederacy (an extraterrestrial political unit consisting of 26 stars and 76 planets), who 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth and stacked them around volcanoes and killed them with hydrogen bombs.
WHAT?!?! Galactic Confederacy, as in aliens? Ok…I think we just took a left turn onto crazy street.
6. Through the practice of “Auditing”, with the assistance of an E-Meter, Scientologist can overcome these hidden traumas and be restored to the native state called “Operating Thetan” where one is free of attachments to the body and can consciously control matter, energy, space, time, thought, and life.
Telekinesis, time travel, immortality, energy sourcing. “You can be your very own super hero, just sign the dotted line…”
7. The path through all of the levels of auditing to reach these god-like abilities is the primary goal of a Scientologist. The process is called “The Bridge to Total Freedom.”
The total cost in fees and services for “the Bridge” is about $300,000 to $500,000. …and the con is revealed
8. Scientology has mastered the practice of brainwashing. They believe free thetans were brainwashed trillions of years ago, the consequences of which are still prevelant today in such things as the idea of Heaven. Ironically, it was the Church of Scientology that printed and distributed an actual manual for brainwashing for many years beginning in 1955. Those familiar with the early history of Scientology believe that founder L. Ron Hubbard actively sanctioned a brainwashing program for his followers, and was most likely the author of the manual.
Scientologists are brainwashed into thinking the rest of the world was brainwashed into thinking that we are mere mortals.
9. Scientology has grown into a powerful organization protected by a labyrinth of shell corporations and legal entities that controls hundreds of millions in property and assets.
Their legions of lawyers bring litigation against hordes infidels that cannot be brainwashed.
10. Their founder, L. Ron Hubbard, was a self confessed drug abusing author of science fiction fantasy.
“I’m going to invent a religion that’s going to make me a fortune. I’m tired of writing for a penny a word.” – L. Ron Hubbard, according to The Visual Encyclopedia of Science Fiction, ed. Brian Ash, Harmony Books, 1977.
Oh Katie, can’t you see that this is just a con to get your money? We expect this from Tom, but thought you were smarter than that. Please open your eyes!
Sources:
http://www.clambake.org/
http://web.uni-marburg.de/religionswissenschaft/journal/mjr/beit.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology
http://www.xenu-directory.net/
http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Library/Shelf/kent/religion.html
http://www.xenu.net/archive/infopack/6.htm
This article was originally published by Buzz Pirates.
I believe that it was either Shakespeare or R. Kelly who said:
“There goes my hero, watch him as he goes
there goes my hero, he’s ordinary”
(actually it was the Foo Fighters)
This quote works for Batman, because he’s an ordinary hero who makes himself extraordinary. The latest Chris Nolan created Batman series truly sticks to this principal where Christian Bale as Batman exists in a (potentially) real world. The dark and believable nature of Batman is why more people dig him now over Superman. The Dark Knight is probably the most eagerly anticipated film of the summer, in huge part because of the death of Heath Ledger (as the Joker), but also because Batman is one of the most relatable super heroes. Is Batman realistic enough that it could be possible to become batman? Dr. E. Paul Zehr suggests this in his recent book Becoming Batman: The Possibility of a Superhero
So who is the most realistic superhero?
Batman (Bruce Wayne) –
Abilities – Intelligence, martial arts expert, detective abilties, extreme conditioning, high tech gadgets, unlimited financial resourses.
Verdict – With some major money and discpline, maybe.
Robin (Dick Grayson) – No love for Robin in the new series yet, but, its a good bet he’ll show up eventually.
Abilities – martial arts expert, high tech gadgets, acrobat, ability to make a crazy rich friend.
Verdict – With great physical abilities and a well established hero friend, it could be possible.
Daredevil – Ben Affleck killed this guy a few years ago.
Abilities – martial arts expert, acrobat, fine tuned senses and echolocation (ability to sense environment through echos)
Verdict – Its not totally impossible, but some of Daredevils sensing abilties are a way over the top.
Green Hornet/Kato – The Green Hornet will be getting some attention soon as a movie version with Seth Rogen in the title role is set to come out in 2010. Bruce Lee played Kato in the 60′s.
Abilities – Detective skills, martial arts expert, gadget filled car, simple to purchase eye mask.
Verdict – Possibly the most realistic Superheros ever, although they’ve been fighting a battle with being relevant for 40+ years – there’s a good chance you’ve never heard of them. Also, Kato is the Green Hornet’s “Asian Manservant,” that’s not exactly Super.
Punisher (Frank Castle) – There’s a new Punisher movie coming out soon with the guy from the HBO Rome Miniseries. He’s no Ivan Drago.
Abilities – tactical and demolitions expert, extreme tolerance to pain, ability to create craptastic movie with B level actors (Dolph Lundgren, Tom Jane, Ray Stevenson)
Verdict – Realistic, but, you might stick out walking around with a skull on your chest.
Iron Man (Tony Stark) – Summer 2008′s Superhero Box Office Champ (for a few more hours)
Abilities – Millionaire monies, a badass yellow and red weaponized suit
Verdict – Robert Downey Jr. is the man in the movie, but in real life you’ll have a better chance being a plain old alcoholic drug addict, verses an superhero alcoholic drug addict.
Dad
Abilities – poor fashion sense, truly amazing use of puns, pays for stuff, ability to have “catch”.
Verdict – Although my dad is my hero, theres got to be higher qualification for superhero then getting someone knocked up.
Conclusion – Better start beefing up now if you want to be a Superhero, learn some karate and get some serious cash…oh yeah, and start knitting a rad costume.
Epilogue – Of course, in our humble opinion there is only one real superhero…
Mr. T!
Abilities – Fool pitying, extreme distain for Jibber Jabber, uncanny accessorizing, he’s even got his own cereal! Truly a Superhero.
This article was originally published by BuzzPirates.com.
The nominations for the 2007-2008 Primetime Emmy Awards were announced this morning at 5:35am PT by none other than Doogie Houser himself, Neil Patrick Harris. Rumors were flying that, since he was unveiling the nominations, Doogie Neil was not going to be nominated himself for his amazing role as Barney in How I Met Your Mother. Rest assured folks…not only is he nominated, but we predict he is a lock on the category. Here are a few more of our predictions (if we included them all, this post would be longer than the Emmy show itself!).
Buzz Pirates Pick: Robot Chicken
Reason: This was a tough one. We have been Simpsons die-hards since day one (I remember the Tracy Ulman show). However, it just not the same anymore. And…Adult Swim rawks.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Swear Jar – Bud Light
Reason: Just watch the f***ing commercial and you’ll see.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Jimmy Kimmel Live – Song: “I’m F***ing Matt Damon”
Reason: We feel bad for Jimmy Kimmel after his break up with Sara Silverman. Maybe she really was F***ing Matt Damon? The song is also hilarious. Check it out.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Alec Baldwin
Reason: The older Alec gets, the funnier he becomes.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Michael C. Hall
Reason: Who ever thought a sicko could act so normal? We give props to the actor who acts like a sicko acting normal.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Reason: This was a tough one because we love Weeds. We had to go with Elaine though. The older Julia gets, the hotter she becomes. And she’s still funny as hell.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Glenn Close
Reason: Who could ever play a reviled and revered lawyer than psycho-bitch Glen Close? Good thing they don’t let rabbits into the courtroom.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Neil Patrick Harris
Reason: Inventor of the Bro Code, Barney is…wait for it…freakin’ awesome. I want to buy more suits.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Ted Danson
Reason: How do you pick between Sam Malone and Caption Kirk? The Shat has had his moment in the spotlight plenty. We give Ted props for having so much hair suddenly.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Kristin Chenoweth
Reason: We don’t know how she does it, but somehow Kristin has been able to make her mousy character Olive incredibly sexy. Oh yeah…and she can sing too.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Chandra Wilson
Reason: We give the award to Chandra for playing the only so-so looking female doctor (Bailey) who has yet to bang a super studly male doctor.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Entourage
Reason: We picked Entourage because we want to be Vincent Chase.
Buzz Pirates Pick: Damages
Reason: Its new and exciting and from FX – who has a the magic formula for Emmy Awards – shows that are too racy for broadcast television.
Visit the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences for a complete list of the nominations.
This article was originally published by BuzzPirates.com.
Famously Famous Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s various nannies and servants were just given more children to raise and care for in the way of twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline – (Maybe Knox its better then Shilouh).
Of course, the proud parents want their children to have a “normal” life, and what better way to start then with weird names. Nevertheless, these names are far from the stupidest. The top twelve stupidest baby names then?
12. Apple: Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow
11. Jermajesty: Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza (in classic Jackson weirdness…Alejandra was previously married to Jermaine’s brother Randy)
10. Moon Unit: Frank Zappa (Don’t forget the other acid trips Dweezil and Diva Muffin)
9. Ocean: Forest Whitaker (also father to Sonnet and True)
8. Seven Sirius: Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu (I’m sorry Ms. Jackson)
7. Spec Wildhorse: John Cougar Mellencamp (Why not Jack or Diane?)
6. Suri: Tom Cruise and brainwashed bride Katie Holmes (Maybe the real father is an alien, well, another alien)
5. Tallulah: Bruce Willis and Demi Moore (They also trot out Scout and Rumer)
4. Audio Science: Shannyn Sossamon (Is that a name or a made up major?)
3. Moxie CrimeFighter: Penn Jillette (also father to Zolten – Maybe Teller’s the normal one)
2. Kal-El Coppola: Nicholas Cage (Kal-El is Superman’s original birth name…cool)
1. Pilot Inspektor: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf (My Name is Pilot Inspektor)
Update (8/21/08): Gwen Stefani gave birth to another boy yesterday. She and husband Gavin really came up with a doosy of name for this poor kid – Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Not sure what number it should be, but it definitely belongs on this list!
That would be Dutch for “King of Beers”. After many attempts, Belgian-Brazilian brewer InBev has finally been able to woo Anheuser-Busch board members who agreed to sell the company for $70 a share. The $52 billion dollar takeover makes InBev the largest brewer in the world.
I can’t help but to think a classic piece of Americana has been sold off from under our noses. Gone are the days of NASCAR, double-wides, and ice cold Buds. Get used to the new motif: Chocolate, Waffles, and luke warm Budweiser. Poor residents of St. Louis, Missouri. They must feel like the citizens of Springfield when Mr. Burns sold the Nuclear Power Plant to the Germans.
Meanwhile, InBev continues its quest for global domination one beer at a time. In addition to all Anheuser-Busch products, they are also the owners of Beck’s, Stella Artois, Bass Ale, St. Pauli Girl, Labatt, Löwenbräu, and about 295 others. Check out the entire list of beers owned by InBev. Something definitely doesn’t add up here. Most of these beers don’t suck. Maybe this is good for Budweiser after all.
Below is a map of InBev global occupation. Watch out Greenland Brewhouse! InBev is coming for you!
Smmmmmmokin! Next time you are at the beach, take a closer look at the chicks sunbathing around you. You never know…one of them just might be Carrie Underwood.
TMZ has some smokin’ hot pictures of the country music star sunbathing in a skimpy bikini at a very crowded beach. (and no…its not the little girl with the shovel…sickos).
So I was checking my Google Trends this morning and I noticed a very bizarre and frightening symbol on the list of most searched topics at Google. A swastika! WTF? We all know that Google is mobilizing for global domination and annihilates internet competition by the thousands, but this is just a little insane!
In actuality, the symbol has a much deeper meaning than what most people associate it with today. The swastika is considered extremely holy and auspicious by all Hindus, and is regularly used to decorate items related to Hindu culture. The symbol is also significant in Buddhism and Jainism cultures and can be seen on religious artifacts throughout India, China, and Japan. The swastika’s Indian name comes the Sanskrit word svasti, meaning good fortune, luck and well being. In China and Japan, the Buddhist swastika was seen as a symbol of plurality, eternity, abundance, prosperity and long life.
It is a real shame that some psychopath with a flavor savor and delusions of grandeur had to ruin this symbol of prosperity and auspiciousness for the rest of the world. What an asshole.
In case anyone was wondering, the symbol shown on the Google Trends is actually The Tibetan swastika known as nor bu bzhi -khyil, or quadruple body symbol, defined by the Unicode character U+0FCC. It is a symbol of the Tibetan character set. Why everyone was searching for it is beyond me.
