Jeff Peckman Alien Video

Posted on May 30, 2008 by Jeff

UFO buff nut job, Jeff Peckman, has a video that he says is undeniable proof that space aliens exists. He plans to show this video to the media today in an attempt to increase support for the creation of an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission in Denver, whose purpose would be to welcome our cosmic neighbors after their long intergalactic journey. Why he thinks Denver would be the first stop for the space voyagers is beyond me.

Unfortunately, the general public will not be able to view the video because it has exclusive rights for use in an upcoming documentary by Stan Romanek. However, it has turned Denver into another Roswell-like media circus attracting the attention of news shows like the CBS Early Show and the London Evening Mail.

We do have some inside scoop that is exclusive to Buzz Pirate readers. The video is not of some wacko whistling at himself in the mirror, as the image above might suggest. According the Peckman, the video shows an extraterrestrial’s head popping up outside of a window at night that’s visible through an infrared camera. Apparently, an instructor at the Colorado Film School in Denver scrutinized the video “very carefully” and determined it was authentic.

My guess is that further analysis will conclude that it is just another video of Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton Night Vision

[Gizmodo]

Comcast.net Succumbs to Hackers

Posted on May 29, 2008 by Jeff

Comcast Gets RoXed Way to go Comcast! Your website may be back up after being down all night but your users are still without email. Haven’t you piss off enough people already? Why not add hmm…..how about every single customer to that group!

Apparently hackers hijacked the Comcast.net domain name last night from domain registrar Network Solutions. The website went down shortly before 11pm last night and was replaced with a page that said they had been “RoXed”, which is a slang term adopted by the gamer community to make them sound more like hackers. Derived from “Rocks”, anyone who is RoxoRz is awesome and if you’ve been RoXed by them, they own you.

You couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you Comcast? Clearly this is retaliation for your recent throttling of P2P traffic which left hackers without their free copies of Grand Theft Auto and other priceless warez.

No P2P Bandwidth Makes Hackerz Angry Boyz…

An Open Letter to Steven Tyler

Posted on May 25, 2008 by Jeff

Dear Steven, steven tyler

I heard from TMZ that you checked in to rebad recently. On behalf of all music fans everywhere, I ask…no…I beg…why…Steven why?!

You are in your sixties. You have clearly proven that you can survive the rock star lifestyle. So I ask you to please take a note from the journal of SIR (in my opinion) Keith Richards, and throw caution to the wind. Party it up.

Please don’t go to rehab. We cannot stand to hear another sober rendition of Amazing, Crazy, Lying, Crying or whatever corny, repetitive ballad that rolls out of your seltzer drinkin’ monster lips. Have a drink. Do some lines. Hell…shoot up for all I care. Its been more than 30 years and we are still waiting for another Sweet Emotion, Dream On, or Walk This Way (with or without a kick ass rap group).

We want you to stop selling out and start making music like you used to….from your heart and completely fucked up out of your mind.

Thank you,

Jeff Buzz

American Idol Voting is Flawed

Posted on May 20, 2008 by Jeff

David Cook vs David Archuleta

Tonight is the final night of competition for this season of American Idol. Finally! Who will be the winner? Will it be David Cook, the 25 year old bartender from Blue Springs, MO? Or will it be David Archuleta, the barely 17 year old Mormon from Murray, UT. The singer that deserves to win is clear to most people. Unfortunately, because of American Idol’s ridiculous voting policy, that person probably won’t be crowned the next American Idol.

Clearly David Cook is the more marketable contestant and one that could actually make it as a popular recording artist. His rendition of the Who’s Baba O’Reilly (you know…the Teenage Wasteland song) gave you goose bumps, while his daring version of Billie Jean rivaled the original remake by Chris Cornell. If you don’t know who Chris Cornell is, then you have no business judging music. If you do, you will know that matching anything he does vocally is an amazing feat. David Cook is a rocker who’s face can be on the cover of albums.

David Archuletta, on the other hand, belongs in the little boys choir for the Church of Latter Day Saints. Every song he sings sounds exactly alike, with a voice that sounds like he’s barely hit puberty. Ballad after ballad of Jesus songs that sound like they came straight out of a evangelistic revival circus tent have somehow put him in the final. I just don’t get it.

Well…actually I do get it. The little girls like him. And thanks to the f&%#ed up voting policies of American Idol that has every single 10 year girl in the country sending daddy’s cell phone bill through the roof by sending text after text of votes for David Archuleta, we are once again going to see a flop of an American Idol.

Instead of seeing some actual “star caliber” contestants like Michael Johns and Carlie Smithson, we are left with a competition that no one cares about. Yet Fox continues to wonder why ratings for American Idol are declining. To me the answer is obvious – the voting policy sucks. Their target demographic should be the ones who actually make money and spend it purchasing songs and records – people 16 to 35 years old. Yet these are not the people doing all the voting. Sure they might vote once or twice for their favorite artist. But how does this compete with the 10 year tween that votes hundreds of times for David Archuleta? It doesn’t. As a result, the contestants that appeal to the older crowd get eliminated and Fox pisses off their target demographic. Dumb asses.

To me the solution is obvious. Let each household or cell phone vote once. In the event that a whole family wants to vote, they can even let a single household 5 times. But they need to cap it somehow. I just don’t understand why they wouldn’t. Do they really need to rack up 45 million votes?

Of course they do!…its in their contract with AT&T. How else can AT&T claim to be such a popular wireless service other than to handle American Idol voting. The more the better. I bet it even improves AT&T’s usage statistics. At the end of the day, its all about business. Those greedy bastards.

Jevic Transportation Can’t Afford the Gas

Posted on May 19, 2008 by Jeff

After 27 years, New Jersey based trucking company Jevic Transportation is ceasing operations due to unbearable diesel fuel costs, rising insurance premiums, and increased economic downturn. The 1,900 employee company, based out of Delanco, NJ, gave very little warning to the vast majority of their employees. The company said that, for most Jevic employees, today would be the last day of employment with the company but that a limited number of employees would stay on at the firm during the wind-down period.

What the company failed to disclose was the true reason for shutting the company down. Apparently, the NJ mob started realizing the gas was more valuable than the freight.

truck hijack

Executive management had better start watchin’ their backs, Capisca. (that’s pronounced cap-eesh, for those that don’t speak New Jersey).

Preakness Is Here, Let Your Red Necks Shine

Posted on May 16, 2008 by Jeff

preakness infielders The people of Maryland are known to have a bit of an identity crisis. Geographically, the state is located below the Mason-Dixon Line, but in reality Maryland is hardly considered a Southern state. However, on the third Saturday in May all that seems to change for an entire day. The bandannas come out, the tee-shirt sleeves get rolled up, and the beer gets shot-gunned faster ‘n you can say tater salad. It can only mean one thing, its time for Preakness again.

Yes, Preakness is a very prestigious horse race that is part of the illustrious Triple Crown. But what most people don’t realize is that it is also a day for thousands of wannabe rednecks to crowd the Preakness Infield and party like they were in the deep south. Doctors, lawyers, even politicians (as well as actual red necks, hicks, and poor white trash), line up outside the gates of Pimlico Race Track as early as 6am to get the best spot on the infield grass. The local news covers the event all day long and interviews people sitting on their coolers waiting to get in. Last year I kid you not, the very first person in line was my attorney, SHIT HOUSED by 7am. It probably would have bothered me if I wasn’t shot gunning a beer with him later that day.

For such a prestigious race, the track itself is surprisingly located in one of the roughest neighborhoods of Baltimore. If you’ve ever seen The Wire, you’d know to avoid this area on any other day of the year. But on this Saturday, the local corner kids realize that the crack is not the party favor of choice for infield patrons. So to make up for lost profits they wheel coolers of beer through the hood in stolen shopping carts for five bucks from drunk and lazy crackers. It is ethnic diversity at its finest.

As the day wears on, the sun gets hotter, people get drunker, and party get wilder. Bodies are glowing red with sunburn. People are puking on the grass. Port-a-poties are filled to disgusting capacity. Dudes no longer go IN the portable johns, but start pissing directly ON them. And then the chicks get crazy. I don’t know what it is about thousands of guys chanting “show your tits! show your tits!” that actually makes a girls show her tits, but it seems to work. The whole place makes Mardi Gras look like Disneyland.

Finally, around 6pm horse-mounted police start herding drunk bodies off the infield and out through the gates. Again, the news cameras are waiting to interview people as the day winds to an end. “What did you think of the race?” is a common question from the local news reporter. Half naked, red as a tomato, and stumbling through the gate, the slurred response always seems to be “What race?”.

Check out more pictures of last year’s Preakness. …And you thought I was kidding about the shoppings carts (check out slide 13).

Sue Simmons Proves She Just Another New Yorker

Posted on May 13, 2008 by Jeff

Those of you not from the New York area might not know who Sue Simmons is. She has been the co-anchor of NBC’s Evening News for almost 30 years now (since 1980). Growing up just outside of New York, she was a staple in my house. Not because I watched the news as a kid (the NY news would undoubtedly leave any kid emotionally scarred). I knew her because she always had the last 5 seconds of commercials during reruns of the Brady Bunch, Gilligan’s Island, Diff’rent Strokes, or whatever else happened to be in syndication at the time. As a kid, I always wondered how come the New York news anchors never sounded like they were from New York.

FINALLY! After twenty years, my question has finally been answered. Thank you Sue!

Texas Sinkhole – The World Really IS Falling Apart

Posted on May 8, 2008 by Jeff

Texas Sink Hole Why does it seem that everything crazy always happens in Texas? Whether it is a God fearing Cult, a dude with 21 wives, or a Cult of dudes with 21 wives, whenever something bizarre happens, its a good bet that its happening in Texas.

Here is another perfect example. The town of Daisette, Texas is falling apart – literally. Officials are monitoring a sink hole that is the size of two football fields. No one knows why its happening or what caused it. But…I’m pretty sure its only a matter of time before we see news reports of yet another cult claiming that it is a sign of the Apocalypse and the beginning of God’s wrath on the entire planet. Freaks.

Check out this other picture of the “Kings of the Hole”. I swear, I did not alter this photo. You can actually see the reflection of the guy’s belt buckle. That guy has gotta be named Hank.

King of the Hole

Cinco De Mayo – Tequila Shots for All!

Posted on May 5, 2008 by Jeff

Break out the tequila everyone, its Cinco De Mayo! Time to celebrate the long tradition of the important cultural significance of…ummm…hmmm…being May fifth?

Like St. Patrick’s day, Cinco De Mayo has turned into another “cultural holiday” where Americans suddenly feel inspired to celebrate their cultural tolerance by whipping out the margaritas and getting shit faced. In a time when people are arguing for stricter boarder control and a crack down on illegal immigration the other 365* days of the year, Cinco De Mayo shows that all you need is a simple excuse to get hammered on a random Monday in May in order for people to forget these important issues.

Here is the hilarious part…contrary to what you will hear in any American bar this evening, Cinco De Mayo is NOT the date that Mexico celebrates its independence. That date is September 16th, a day that is a very important national and patriotic holiday for Mexico. May 5th, on the other hand, is not even a Federal Mexican holiday. In fact, its barely even celebrated in Mexico. It is only celebrated in one particular state in honor of the Mexican Army’s victory over the French at Puebla. A year later, the French took over all of Mexico.

So Drink Up America! You deserve it! Or at least you can tell your boss that tomorrow when you roll in two hours late with bloodshot eyes and reeking of tequila. At least you showed your pride in Mexican culture.

* its a leap year, remember?

Paulette Dean Daly the Latest Rocket Woman

Posted on May 1, 2008 by Jeff

Three days after creating HUGE media buzz about having a 10-year affair with country music star train wreck, Mindy McCready, Roger Clemens is back on the front page again today. This time the NY Daily News is reporting that Roger had an affair with Paulette Dean Daly, the ex wife of pro golfer John Daly.

This latest news is another headline that appears to be aimed at tarnishing Roger Clemens’ reputation and ruining his “family man” image. Interestingly enough, the article we wrote about Roger and Mindy McCready only three days ago also received its source from the NY Daily News. Makes you wonder if the newspaper has something against The Rocket, doesn’t it? Perhaps they just miss bashing him while he was in pinstripes.

I have no inside information here, but this my guess as to what is going on. Roger Clemens is currently in the middle of suing former trainer Brian McNamee for defamation after the trainer accused Clemens of using performance enhancing drugs. In order to have a successful defamation suit, one needs to prove that their undamaged reputation has been harmed. So what better way for McNamee’s lawyers to defend the case than to show that Clemens doesn’t REALLY have a good reputation! If there is not a good reputation, then nothing could be harmed, case dismissed!

Roger and his “slicker n’ deer guts on a door nob” attorney Rusty Hardin, had better get crackin’. Right now the score is Brian McNamee’s laywers 2, Hardin ZERO!

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Monthly Archives: May 2008