Remember when celebrity trends used to be things like hair styles and clothing brands? Twelve year old girls used to run around wearing bras on the outside of their shirts to be more like Madonna. Ah…if we only knew then how innocent that would seem now. Unfortunately, today’s celebrity trends make Madonna look like Mother Theresa. The two biggest celebrity trends of late seem to be getting pregnant and making sex tapes.

Anyone who’s anyone today is either lactating on their Vera Wang at the latest award show, or is crediting their oral techniques by the glow of a night vision camera on their latest filmography. What can be said about celebrity pregnancies? Well not much other than prepare for a hoard of some really messed up kids. I see “Celebrity Therapist” as the #1 career choice in the next 10 years.

Celebrity Sex Tapes, on the other hand, are really not that new. One would think that we have Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton to thank for these wonderful influences on today’s influential tweens. Recent news is popping up lately though that this is a trend that has occurred for quite some time. Last week, the latest Buzz was surrounding Marilyn Monroe’s sex tape that shows her “performing” more than just a song for a man who may or may not be John F. Kennedy.

New news is hitting the Buzz today that two-time Pulitzer Prize winning author Norman Mailer, who pasted away last November, made a sex tape with Carole Mallory during an affair they had between 1983 and 1992. The tape was found among Mailers possessions that were donated to Harvard University after his death. Who is Carole Mallory, you might ask? Well, I really have no idea. But contact Harvard University if you want to see her having sex with this guy…

OH MY LORD! Shield my eyes! I cannot be exposed to such filth! Seriously folks…give me a frickin’ break. Is this picture of Miley Cyrus really such a big deal? It seems like everyone on earth is so quick to brand her with a scarlet “B” and consider her the next Britney Spears. Let’s not rush to conclusions. Yeah…its probably only a matter of time before she is doing lines in the bathroom of the after-party of her latest Disney movie. But until then, lets cut her some slack. What 15-year old doesn’t mess around with their camera phone?

Let’s all go back to work and get on with our lives and rest assured that for now, Miley Cyrus is still a decent kid. At least she actually wears underwear, right?

Bill Maher, host of HBO’s talk show “Real Time with Bill Maher”, is in some hot water after comments he made regarding the Pope’s recent visit to the the United States. After practically calling the Pope a Nazi (even though the Pope was once in a youth group called “Hitler Youth”), enraged Catholics from all over the country are calling for Mayer’s immediate resignation. Mayer further criticized the Pope for poorly handling the recent sexual abuse scandal that has tarnished the Catholic Church.

After a very half-assed apology from Mayer, a website was setup by a Roman Catholic group called The American Life League, that is petitioning for the firing of Bill Mayer.

Does Bill Mayer deserved to be fired? Perhaps this is a publicity stunt from the American Life League? Either way, I don’t give a shit. Bill Mayer is an asshole and I would be happy to sign the petition just so I don’t have to hear his whinny complaining voice any more.

Please join me in relieving ourselves from the misery that is Bill Mayer. The petition can be signed here.