The Chicago Tribune Lays the Smackdown on Chris Pronger
June 9, 2010 – 4:17 pm by Corey
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Tim James – Says Speak English or Get Off My Lawn
June 1, 2010 – 5:34 pm by Corey
Tim James is running for governor of Alabama. I guess there must not be a lot going on down there as his entire platform in this commercial is making sure that the driver’s license exam is only offered in English. Bonus points for his dramatic looking down and then back up at the camera at the end of the commercial. Negative points for insulting the intelligence of everyone in Alabama.
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Our WordPress Blog was Hacked!
May 7, 2010 – 5:00 pm by JeffThe Buzz Pirates would like to extend our sincerest apologies to any of our readers who visited the site today (May 7, 2010) and received those awful popup messages warning you that your computer was infected and asking you to install malicious software. Our blog runs on the WordPress platform and apparently it was hacked to include that malicious code.
Our site has been disinfected and is now back up and running. We apologize for any inconvenience.
As a general reminder while you are surfing the web….NEVER click on the OK button when you get a dialog asking you to run an .EXE file unless you are absolutely sure what it is. Your safest bet is to just hit ESC and close the browser window right away.
For those of you out there that run your own WordPress blog, a stay tuned for a link to the awesome script we used to clean our site.
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Tax Day Freebies 2010!
April 15, 2010 – 1:15 pm by CoreyTax Day has become a time of year to score free stuff, especially food… check it out!
Free Stuff
Cinnabon: On April 15, from 6 pm to 8 pm at participating stores, get two free cupcake bites.
Maggie Moo’s: On April 15, from 3 pm to 7 pm at participating locations, receive a free sample of Maggie Mia’s Ice Cream Pizza.
Mr. Jim’s Pizza: Become a fan of Mr. Jim’s Pizza on Facebook to get a coupon good for a free pizza on April 15.
Starbucks: On April 15 at participating Starbucks locations, receive a free coffee when you bring your own reusable travel mug.
Taco del Mar: Complete this form online and receive a voucher for a free taco on April 15.
Discounts
Baja Fresh: Become a Facebook fan of Baja Fresh Mexican Grill to gain access to a coupon for a $1.99 Veggie, Baja, Mexicano, or Ultimo Burrito. This coupon is valid from 11 am to 8 pm on April 15 at participating Baja Fresh locations.
BLT Restaurants: On April 15, all BLT Restaurants nation-wide will take 50% off all alcoholic beverages (and select bottles of wine).
Boston Market: From April 15 through April 18 at participating locations, buy one individual plate and get the second for free. (Not valid with meals priced at $5, $5.99, or $2.99.)
Energy Kitchen: On April 15, from 12 pm to 2 pm at participating locations, buy a $2 drink and get a free Bison Cheesesteak Wrap, California Wrap, or Buffalo Chicken Burger.
Go Roma: On April 15 at participating locations, Go Roma will waive taxes on all purchases.
Kimpton Hotels & Restaurants: Throughout the month of April, all Kimpton hotels and participating restaurants throughout the U.S. will waive hotel and restaurant taxes when travelers book the “Sweet Tax Relief” package. (Packages start at $139. A bonus candy bar and late checkout are also included.)
McCormick & Schmick’s: On April 15 at participating locations, McCormick & Schmick’s will offer $10.40 discounted dinner and drink specials at the bar. Plus, customers will receive a $10.40 voucher good for their next visit. On April 16, professional tax preparers (business card required) will receive a free dessert (with purchase of an entreé) and a $10.40 voucher good for their next visit.
One if by Land Two if by Sea: From April 11 through April 15, get 30% off your entire dinner (drinks included) when you mention “Family & Friends discount” at this New York City restaurant.
P.F. Chang’s: On April 15 at participating locations, receive 15% off any food purchase.
Sotto Sopra: On April 15, from 5 pm to 10 pm, Sotto Sopra offers its Baltimore customers $1 pasta night specials. Customers are required to make a donation to the Kennedy Krieger Institute. Dinner reservations are required.
Subway: On April 15 at participating NC locations only, buy one foot-long sandwich at regular price and get a second one for free.
Whole Foods: Select locations will offer tax-free shopping throughout the day on April 15. (Check your local store’s page to see if it’s participating.)
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Tanith Belbin Compulsory Dance Leads to Voluntary Masturbation
February 22, 2010 – 12:57 am by CoreyAlbuquerque, NM – With the remote out of reach, and ice dancing on NBC’s Vancouver Olympic coverage, Thomas LuDann initial
reaction was one of empathy. But malaise turned to interest, as LuDann first saw the American ice dancer Tanith Belbin. With the TV room to himself, Tanith Belbin’s compulsory dance program led to voluntary masturbation of LuDann’s phallus. Compulsory dances, the part of ice dancing in which all the couples perform the same standardized steps and holds to music of a specified tempo has recently led to self pleasure among men with rhythm stroke manipulation fetishes and lack of easy internet accessibility.
Although LuDann does not know much about Moldavian culture, Belbin’s Moldavian themed compulsory dance inspired mandatory self-gratification and ejaculation. The only negative part of the experience was the four minute length of the routine, LuDann’s acknowledgment of the existence Belben’s partner Benjamin Agosto and of course the compulsory clean up before roommate Kyle Getzaf gets home.
“The patriotism, meshed with the mandatory nature of this particular section of the ice dance program can, inspire or even command the male to rub his penis to an excited state. This can attributed to any one of a number of things, such as lack of intimacy, self-confidence issues, or the tightness of Belbin’s outfit combined with her lush blonde hair… blue eyes…athletic frame…and ah, hmmm… excuse me, I have an another appointment appointment… can you come back 
in 15 minutes?”
Belbin is simply the latest in a long line female athletes whose obligatory sport performances have led to protracted sessions of solo erotic pleasures for LuDann. These include Anna Kournikova’s rule mandated pro-set baseline service leading to lubricated self-service; Natalie Gublis skins play, leading to actual personal skin play; and Danica Patrick’s airflow inspired restrictor plates effect on her car’s draft and her ability to put the hammer down leading to LuDann beating off so feverishly one would expect that that he was poisoned and that his own cum was the only antidote.
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Christina Hendricks – Celebrity Profile
February 16, 2010 – 3:46 pm by CoreyWhat is the word coming to? Some New York Times fashion critic said that “big girls should not wear big dresses” 
referring to Christina Hendricks. Specifically he was referring to the picture to the immediate right, what she wore to the Golden Globes. Whatever. That guy’s boyfriend may disapprove, but we here at Buzz Pirates support any sort of boob-a-licious outfit on this sexy siren. Christina is best known for her role as Joan Holloway on Mad Men and her important role as Saffron in the unappreciated sci-fi classic TV show Firefly. But mostly we thing she’s a total bombshell and we should support those …er… her ample assets in any outfit. We love the
Personal Life -Hendricks wed fellow actor Geoffrey Arend on October 11, 2009
Selected Filmography – TV appearances
* Undressed, Rhiannon
* Angel, Bar-maid
* Beggars and Choosers, Kelly Kramer
* Thieves, Sunday
* ER, Joyce Westlake
* The Court, Betsy Tyler
* Presidio Med, Claire
* Firefly, Saffron
* Miss Match, Sarah
* Tru Calling, Alyssa
* Kevin Hill, Nicolette Raye
* Cold Case, Esther “Legs” Davis 1945
* Jake in Progress, Tanya – dental clerk
* Without a Trace, Rachel Gibson
* Las Vegas, Connie
* Mad Men, Joan Holloway
* Life, Olivia
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Mir v. Lesnar 3 – UFC Photo Fight
February 11, 2010 – 11:46 am by CoreyAnd what you’ve all been waiting for Brock Lesnar v. Frank Mir in UFC Photo Fight 3!
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Most Memorable Quotes from Avatar
February 8, 2010 – 10:12 pm by CoreySelfridge: This is why we’re here; because this little gray rock sells for twenty million a kilo. 
Neytiri: You should not be here.
Dr. Grace Augustine: Just relax and let your mind go blank. That shouldn’t be too hard for you.
Jake Sully: Everything is backwards now, like out there is the true world, and in here is the dream.
Col. Quaritch: You haven’t got lost in the woods, have you? You still remember what team you’re playing for?
Neytiri: You are Omaticaya now. You may make your bow from the wood of Hometree. And you may choose a woman. We have many fine women. Ninat is the best singer.
Jake Sully: I don’t want Ninat.
Neytiri: Peyral is a good hunter.
Jake Sully: Yes, she is a good hunter. But I’ve already chosen. But this woman must also choose me.
Neytiri: [smiles] She already has.
[They kiss]
Selfridge: [In the tech room, Selfridge putts a golf ball into a mug and laughs] You see that? 
Worker: Yes sir!
Selfridge: No you didn’t, you were looking at the monitor. I love this putter, Ronnie! I love this putter!
Dr. Grace Augustine: Parker. You know, I used to think it was benign neglect, but now I see that you are intentionally screwing me.
Selfridge: Grace, you know, I enjoy our little talks.
[He putts the ball again, it's about to go in the mug but Grace kicks the mug away]
Dr. Grace Augustine: [Deadpan] Oops.
Jake Sully: There’s no such thing as an ex-marine. You may be out, but you never lose the attitude.
Col. Quaritch: We have an indigenous population of humanoids called the Na’vi.
Dr. Max Patel: Grace, this is Jake Sully. 
Jake Sully: Madame.
Dr. Grace Augustine: Yeah, yeah, I know who you are and I don’t need you. I need your brother. You know, the PHD who trained for 3 years for this mission.
Jake Sully: He’s dead. I know it’s a big inconvenience for everyone.
Dr. Grace Augustine: How much lab training have you had?
Jake Sully: I dissected a frog once.
Col. Quaritch: This low gravity makes you soft. You get soft and Pandora will shit you out dead with zero warning.
Col. Quaritch: Look, Sully, I want you to learn this savages from the inside, I want you to gain their trust. I need to know how to force their cooperation or hammer them hard if they won’t.
[Grace is showing pictures of the Na'vi to Jake so he remembers them]
Dr. Grace Augustine: Okay, let’s run through them again.
Jake Sully: [Sees a picture] Mo’at. The Dragon lady.
[Sees next picture]
Jake Sully: Eytukan.
Dr. Grace Augustine: [Says the name correctly] Eytukan. He’s the clan leader. But she’s the spiritual leader. Like a chaman.
Jake Sully: Got it. 
[Sees next picture]
Jake Sully: Tsu’tey
Dr. Grace Augustine: [Says the name correctly] Tsu’tey.
Jake Sully: Tsu’tey.
Dr. Grace Augustine: He’ll be the next clan leader.
Jake Sully: [Sees next picture] Neytiri.
Dr. Grace Augustine: She’ll be the next “Tsahik”. They’ll become a mated pair.
Jake Sully: So who’s this Eywa?
Norm Spellman: Who’s Eywa? Only their deity! Their goddess, maker of all living things. Everything they know! You’d know this if you’ve had any training whatsoever.
Jake Sully: [Shows him Neytiri's picture] Who’s got a date with the chief’s daughter?
Norm Spellman: Oh, come on!
Dr. Grace Augustine: I’m going to Selfridge.
Dr. Max Patel: No, Grace.
Dr. Grace Augustine: I’m going to kick his corporate butt. He has no business sticking his nose in my department.
Col. Quaritch: You are not in Kansas anymore, you are on Pandora, ladies and gentlemen, respect that fact every second of every day.
Dr. Grace Augustine: They’re pissing on us and not even giving us the courtesy of calling it rain. 
[last lines]
Jake Sully: Well, uh, I guess this is my last video log. Whatever happens tonight, either way, I’m not going to be coming back to this place. Well, I guess I better go. I don’t wanna be late for my own party. It’s my birthday, after all. This is Jake Sully signing off.
Trudy Chacon: [fires on Quaritch's Hellicopter] Your’e not the only one with a gun, Bitch!
Jake Sully: They’re not going to give up their home. They’re not going to make a deal. Pff for what? A light beer and blue jeans? There’s nothing that we have that they want. Everything they sent me out here to do is a waste of time. They’re never going to leave hometree.
Jake Sully: With your permission, I will speak now. You would honor me by translating.
Jake Sully: Look, they sent me here to learn your ways. So that one day I could bring this message and that you would believe it. 
Jake Sully: Look, at first it was just orders. And then, everything changed. Okay, I fell in love. I fell in love with the, with the forest, with the Omaticaya people, with you. With you.
Dr. Grace Augustine: Don’t play with that. You’ll go blind.
Neytiri: You have a strong heart. No fear… but stupid! Ignorant like a child!
Col. Quaritch: Thanks Jake, I’m gettin all emotional, ‘might just give you a big wet kiss!
Moat: It is hard to fill a cup that is already full.
Jake Sully: My cup is empty. Trust me. Just ask Dr. Augustine. I’m no scientist.
Moat: Then what are you?
Jake Sully: I was a marine. A warrior… of the uh… Jarhead Clan.
Neytiri: I’m with you now, Jake. We are mated for life.
Jake Sully: What the hell are you doing, Jake?
Dr. Grace Augustine: Stay with the ship. One idiot with a gun is enough.
Col. Quaritch: Hey Sully… how does it feel to betray your own race? You think you’re one of them? Time to wake up!
Norm Spellman: Oh… my… God…
Trudy Chacon: [laughs] You should see your faces.
Tsu’tey: YOU! 
[pushes Jake, Neytiri exclaims]
Tsu’tey: You mating with this woman?
Dr. Grace Augustine: Oh, shit!
Trudy Chacon: Screw this. I didn’t sign up for this shit!
Dr. Grace Augustine: [Emerging from her avatar pod] Where’s my goddamn cigarette? What’s wrong with this picture!
Jake Sully: The sky people have sent us a message… that they can take whatever they want… and no one can stop them… well we will send them a message… You ride out as fast as the wind can carry you… you tell the other clans to come… You tell them Toruk Mak Tao calls to them… and you fly now with me… my brothers, sisters… And we will show the sky people that they cannot take whatever they want… Because this… this is our land.
Trudy Chacon: I was hoping for some kind of tactical plan that didn’t involve martyrdom.
Selfridge: Isn’t that the whole point of your little puppet show? You walk like them, you talk like them. We build them a school, teach them English, but after how many years the relations with the indigenous are only getting worse.
Dr. Grace Augustine: Yeah, well that tends to happen when you use machine guns on them.
Neytiri: Your ikran must choose you in return. 
Jake Sully: How will I know if he chooses me?
Neytiri: He will try to kill you.
Jake Sully: Outstanding.
[repeated line]
Neytiri: I See you.
Col. Quaritch: I take care of my own son. You get me what I need, I make sure that when you rotate home you get your legs back, your real legs.
Jake Sully: That sounds real good sir.
Col. Quaritch: I want this mission high and tight. I want to be home for dinner.
Col. Quaritch: Out beyond that fence every living thing that crawls, flies or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubees.
Col. Quaritch: I can do it with minimal casualties to the indigenous. We’ll clear them out with gas first. It’ll be humane. More or less.
Trudy Chacon: We’re going up against gunships with bows and arrows.
Jake Sully: Well, I guess we better stop him.
Selfridge: Look you’re supposed to be winning the hearts and minds of the natives. Isn’t that the whole point of your little puppet show? If you walk like them, you talk like them they’ll trust you. We build them a school, teach them English. But after – how many years – the relations with the indigenous are only getting worse.
Dr. Grace Augustine: Yeah, well that tends to happen when you use machine guns on them.
Selfridge: Right. Come with me. You see this? This is why we’re here. Because this little gray rock sells for $20 million a kilo. This is what pays for the whole party, and it’s what pays for your science. Those savages are thr
eatening our whole operation. We’re on the brink of war and you’re supposed to be finding me a diplomatic solution. So use what you’ve got, and get me some results
Jake Sully: What are they?
Neytiri: Seed to the Secret tree. Very pure spirits.
Jake Sully: Aha…
Dr. Grace Augustine: What are you gonna do, Ranger Rick? Huh, you gonna shoot me?
Col. Quaritch: I could do that.
Col. Quaritch: If there is a hell you might want to go there for some R&R after a tour on Pandora
Col. Quaritch: As head of security, it’s my job to keep you alive. I will not succeed – not with all of you.
Jake Sully: Sometimes your whole life boils down to one insane move
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The Top 3 Super Bowl Commercials – Betty White, Doritos Kid and Super Bowl Shuffle 2.0
February 8, 2010 – 3:47 am by CoreySnickers: “You’re playing like Betty White out there” – “That’s not what your girlfriend said” was the funniest line I’ve heard in a commercial in quite some time. Don’t front on Abe Vigoda either.
Doritos: “These are the rules,” the kid says. “Keep your hands off my mama, and keep your hands off my Doritos.”
Boost Mobile: The Bears Super Bowl Shuffle 2.0 with Jim McMahon and Coach Mike Ditka was funny and out there.
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Coming Soon…UFC Photo Fight Mayhem 3: Lesnar v. Mir 3
January 31, 2010 – 5:57 pm by CoreyWe all know what happened in the first two fights between Frank Mir and Brock Lesnar in real life. But coming soon… these two plastic warriors won’t give up… they’ll throw down in UFC Photo Fight Mayhem 3…
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