Tony Gwynn on Swarm of Bees at Padres Game: “They Look Delicious”
July 3, 2009 – 11:33 am by Corey
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Gov. Jesse “The Body” Ventura’s Workout Video
July 2, 2009 – 9:34 am by Corey
Check out former Governor Jesse “The Body” Ventura in the movie The Running Man (starring Arnold Schwarzenegger). Anyway, as Captain Freedom, here is a commercial for his workout video. The end is my favorite as I think its funny that there’ would be a workout video in which he simply flexes, points and laughs.
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Happy Canada Day! America’s 50 Favorite Canadians!
July 1, 2009 – 12:16 am by CoreyToday is Canada Day and we love America’s hat. Canada Day is Canada’s national day, a federal holiday celebrating the July 1, 1867 enactment of the British North America Act of 1867, which united Canada as a single country of four provinces.Canada is cool and has delivered some of the finest entertainers, 
athletes, scientists and inventors. Because of the common thread that the United States has with its northern brethren, we sometimes forget or are surprised in the States that the people who have touched the pop culture radar from the north. This is why we’ve compiled our list of America’s 50 Favorite Canadians. For the purposes of this list we will leave out hockey players, pro wrestlers and Olympic athletes. We all know the best hockey players are Canadian - Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Gordie Howe, Martin Brodeur, Bobby Orr and Rocket Richard are probably the 6 best and all Canadian. Plus my personal favorite Canadian is outspoken hockey commentator Don Cherry - who might be the most famous Canadian in Canada - 
but that’s debatable.
Below is Buzz Pirate’s list of America’s 50 Favorite Canadians.
50. Scott Abbott and Chris Haney (inventors of game “Trivial Pursuit”)
49. Matthew Perry (Chandler of T.V. show “Friends”, douche)
48. Shannon Tweed (playboy playmate, softcore porn actress, Gene Simmons wife)
47. Hayden Christensen (limited ability actor; Anakin Skywalker/ Darth Vadar in the later “Star Wars” movies)
46. Michael Buble (pop/jazz singer - makes the ladies swoon)
45. Lorne Greene (star of television show “Bonanza” and original Battlestar Galactica)
44. The Guess Who (band and ironic writers of song “American Woman”)
43. Paul Haggis (Academy Award-winning director of “Crash”)
42. Margot Kidder (actress; Lois Lane of “Superman” movies)
41. k.d. lang (rock/country singer, not so hot, songwriter)
40. David Cronenberg (weird movie director; Cannes Jury Prize winner, 1996)
39. Peter Jennings (former ABC television news host)
38. James Cameron (director of movie “The Titanic”, self-proclaimed King of the World, douche)
37. Avril Lavigne (pop singer, songwriter and “Punk” - you can tell she’s punk because she sticks her tongue out and stuff) (Honorable mention - Nelly Furtado - singer and songwriter)
36. Sarah McLachlan (singer/songwriter)
35. Barenaked Ladies (rock group; writers of song “If I Had a Million Dollars)
34. Raymond Burr (actor; star of “Perry Mason” television show - which had an awesome theme song)
33. Rich Little (voice impressionist - John Carson impression)
32. Rick Moranis (comedic actor; co-star of movie “Ghost Busters”, star of Honey I Shrunk series)
31. Leonard Cohen (poet, singer, and songwriter)
30. Alan Thicke (TV actor, host, Mr. Seaver)
29. Rachel McAdams (movie actor, hottie, The Notebook Star (not that we saw that) Regina of “Mean Girls”)
28. Joni Mitchell (folk singer and songwriter)
27. Howie Mandel (comedic actor; host of “Deal or No Deal”)
26. Anne Murray (pop singer, inspiration for the “and that bitch Anne Murray too” line in South Park Movie song “Blame Canda”)
25. Paul Anka (singer and songwriter; writer of song “My Way”, father-in-law of Jason Bateman)
24. Jason Priestly (television actor on “90210″)
23. Raffi (children’s music performer, adult annoyer)
22. Paul Shaffer (band leader on David Letterman’s “Late Night” television show)
21. Norman Jewison (movie director; winner of 1999 Special Academy Award)
20. Rush (progressive rock / heavy metal group)
19. Shania Twain (hottie, country singer and songwriter)
18. Neil Young (ass-kicker, singer, musician, and songwriter)
17. John Candy (comedic actor)
16. Alanis Morissette (ass-kicker, rock singer and songwriter)
15. Keanu Reeves (movie actor, dude) Honorable mention : (Carrie-Anne Moss - actress; Trinity in “The Matrix” movies)
14. Martin Short (comedian, tv/movie actor)
13. Donald and Kiefer Sutherland (father & son acting stars)
12. Celine Dion (ballad singer; such huge hits as “Where Does My Heart Beat Now”)
11. Alex Trebek (host of television show “Jeopardy”) (Honorable mention Monty Hall - host of television show “Let’s Make a Deal)
10. Bryan Adams (musician and songwriter; Grammy award winner; writer of international hit “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You” from The Karate Kid II)
9. James Naismith (inventor of basketball, 1892) - (honorable mention - Steve Nash NBA basketball star and 
two-time MVP)
8. Leslie Nielsen (comedic movie actor - Airplane… Naked Gun… and plenty of other spoof movies. Leslie Nielsen is also in talks for his biggest role possibly ever as A-Team leader Hannibal)
7. Michael J. Fox (television and movie actor, all round good guy, star of “Family Ties” and “Back to the Future”)
6. Bachman-Turner Overdrive (BTO) (rock group; writers of songs “You Ain’t Seen Nuthin’ Yet” and “Takin’ Care of Business” - I’m sure they’re plenty of haters, what with Rush and Neil Young ranking lower - but they sing Takin’ Care of Business - you try to deny their rock ability)
5. Frederick Banting and Charles Best (discoverers of diabetes drug insulin, 1921)
4. Jim Carrey (actor; star of such movies as “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” - we hope he pulls out another truly funny role at some point)
3. SNL team Lorne Michaels (creator and producer of “Saturday Night Live”), Mike Myers (comedic actor; writer and star of “Wayne’s World” and “Austin Powers”), Phil Hartman, Dan Aykroyd (movie actor; Elwood of 
“The Blues Brothers”)
2. William Shatner (actor, Denny Crane on Boston Legal, Captain Kirk of “Star Trek”) - (honorable mention James Doohan - Scottie on Star Trek) - The Shat is the Shit… he could easily have been number 1 but…
1. Pamela Anderson (actress on “Baywatch” - still keeping the flame alive as noted pinup girl, playboy playmate, star of V.I.P., world’s most famous rock star groupie, animal-lover) - how could she not be first…she’s still got it. Borat had good taste.
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The 13 Best Quotes by the Joker in The Dark Night - Heath Ledger Lives On
June 30, 2009 – 2:48 pm by CoreyWith many so-so sequels and prequels hitting theaters this summer, its a good time to remember the mother of all superhero/action sequels The Dark Knight. Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker will live on forever as one of the greatest characters in cinema history. Below is a collection of the 13 best quotes (or in some cases memorable dialogue) by The Joker in The Dark Knight. I doubt we are missing much, but feel free to offer your two cents on the ranking.
13. I believe whatever doesn’t kill you, simply makes you…stranger.
12. All right. So, listen. Why don’t you give me a call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here’s my card.
11. Joker: Oh, you. You just couldn’t let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible, aren’t you? Huh? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because you’re just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
10 . Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can’t savor all the… little emotions. In… you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
9. Batman: Then why do you want to kill me?
Joker: I don’t want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You… you… complete me.
Batman: You’re garbage who kills for money.
Joker: Don’t talk like one of them. You’re not! Even if you’d like to be. To them, you’re just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don’t, they’ll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it’s a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They’re only as good as the world allows them to be. I’ll show you. When the chips are down, these… these civilized people, they’ll eat each other. See, I’m not a monster. I’m just ahead of the curve.
8. This city deserves a better class of criminal. And I’m gonna give it to them.
7. Joker: If you’re good at something, never do it for free.
6. Batman: Let her go!
Joker: [holding Rachel out of a window] Very poor choice of words…
5. Joker: [to Gambol's thugs, being held helpless by his own] Now, our operation is small, but there’s a lot of potential for “aggressive” expansion. So, which one of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh, there’s only one spot open right now, so we’re gonna have…Tryouts. Make it fast.
4. How about a magic trick? I’m gonna make this pencil disappear. Ta-daa! It’s… it’s gone.
3. Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t 
know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just… do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon’s got plans. You know, they’re schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I’m not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So, when I say… Ah, come here.
When I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know that I’m telling the truth. It’s the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans, and look where that got you. I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know… You know what I’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it’s all “part of the plan.” But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!
Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It’s fair!
2. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight’s entertainment! Well, you look nervous. Is it
the scars? You want to know how I got ‘em? Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks… Look at me! One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can’t take it. I just want to see her smile again, hm? I just want her to know that I don’t care about the scars. So… I stick a razor in my mouth and do this…to myself. And you know what? She can’t stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I’m always smiling! A little fight in you. I like that. Batman: Then you’re going to love me.
1. [holding a knife inside Gambol's mouth] Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was… a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn’t like that. Not-one-bit. So - me watching - he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it! Turns to me, and he says, “why so serious, son?” Comes at me with the knife… “Why so serious?” He sticks the blade in my mouth… “Let’s put a smile on that face!” And…Why so serious?
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Funny Vomiting Girl on a Plane
June 30, 2009 – 12:14 am by CoreyOk. I promise that we will not turn into some site that just posts disgusting videos. I promise. But, we cannot help ourselves with what has got to be one of the most equally funny and disgusting things I’ve ever seen. Check out this girl puking into a barf bag on a small plane. Turbulence has never been so gross. I hope you appreciate how perfectly horrible this is… its a perfect 10.
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Which is the Best Mustache for You?
June 29, 2009 – 9:21 pm by CoreyThinking of growing a mustache? There’s more to it then you think. The first step is picking a mustache style. We turn to The American Mustache Institute which has distinguished itself as the leading authority on mustaches. They have categorized the mustache into 13 different types. Which one is the best for you.
Chevron - A thick and wide mustache, usually worn long to cover the top border of the upper lip. Musta
ched hunk Tom Selleck rocks this style in full Magnum P.I. mode.
Dali - A narrow mustache with long points bent or curved steeply upward. Named for artist Salvador Dali.
Toothbrush - A thick mustache, shaved to be about an inch wide in the center. Hitler ruined this mustache…forever hurting Charlie Chaplin’s legacy.
English - A narrow divided mustache that begins at the middle of the upper lip, with long whiskers pulled to either side of the center. The areas beyond the corners of the mouth are typically shaved.
Fu Manchu - A mustache that begins on the upper lip and whose whiskers are grown very long to extend down each side of the mouth down to the to jaw. The areas just past the corners of the mouth are shaven, thus differentiating this style from the “horseshoe.” A mainstay of karate movie masters and bad guys. Fu Manchu was a series of novels about an evil genius, and has appeared in virtually every form of media.
Handlebar - A handlebar mustache can be worn large or small (”petit handlebar”); it is characterized by the fact that it is bushy and must be worn long enough to curl the ends upward, which is usually achieved with styling wax. Hall of Fame pitcher Rollie Fingers famously rocked the handlebar.
Horseshoe - A full mustache with vertical extensions grown on the corners of the lips and down the sides of the mouth to the jawline, resembling an upside-down horseshoe. The whiskers grown along the sides of the mouth in the horseshoe are sometimes referred to as “pipes.” Not to be confused with the “fu manchu” which is grown long from the upper lip only– the sides remain shaven in the fu manchu. “Broadway” Joe Namath and Goose Gossage are just 2 of the mo
st famous Horseshoe Mustache fans.
Imperial - A large mustache growing from both the upper lip and cheeks, whiskers from the cheeks are styled pointing upward.
Lampshade - A mustache similar to the “painter’s brush,” but with corners angled slightly, resembling the shape of a lampshade.
Painter’s Brush - A thick mustache covering the width of the mouth, usually worn short, with slightly rounde
d corners.
Pencil - A thin, narrow, closely clipped mustache that outlines the upper lip. Pencil style mustaches can be trimmed in different manners (see below). Also sometimes called a “mouthbrow.” Flamboyant director John Waters is a famous fan of the pencil mustache.
Pyramidal - A general name for mustaches shaped narrow on top and wide on the bottom, like a pyramid. Pyramidal mustaches can be shaped in a variety of ways, as shown below.
Walrus - A large, bushy, droopy mustache that hangs down over the lips, often entirely covering the mouth. Wilford Brimley is a famous fan.
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Farrah Faw….HOLY SHIT MICHAEL JACKSON DIED!
June 26, 2009 – 12:30 am by Corey
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The Hangover Movie Quotes - Funniest Lines
June 24, 2009 – 4:23 pm by CoreyWe knew that The Hangover was going to be a comic masterpiece. The best quotes from The Hangover are hard to put in order. The movie was more then a few funny lines like a Will Ferrell movie, it was nonstop insane funny from start to finish. That said, the movie was filled with awesome quotes and funny lines. We already talked about Heather Graham and Zach Galifiankis leading up to the movie’s release. Here’s a collection of some of the best quotes, feel free to correct my mistakes or add your own favorite quotes.
Stu: “She is wearing my grandmother’s Holocaust ring.”
Alan: “I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.”
“We’re not going to leave a baby in the room. There’s a fucking tiger in the bathroom.”
“Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.”
“Rainman took over a casino and he was a retard”
Sid (Jeffrey Tambor): “Remember what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit’ll come back with you.”
Male Officer: Handsome your next (Talking about Phil) (Alan walks forward)
Male Officer: Not you fat Jesus
“Doug is probably dead, face down in a ditch and getting butt fucked by a meth addict”
“Whose baby is that?”
“Check its collar or something.”
Stu: “Am I missing a tooth?
“In the face! IN THE FACE!”
“Tracy (Sasha Barrese): “We’re getting married in five hours.”
Phil: “Yeah … that’s not gonna happen.”
Alan (to hotel clerk): Is this hotel beeper friendly? I’m not getting a signal. Where is your bank of pay phones?”
Dr. Valsh (Matt Walsh): “It’s on the corner of ‘get a map’ and ‘fuckoff.’”
Alan: “Next week’s no good for me. The Jonas Brothers are in town.”
“Paging Dr. Faggot!”
Alan: I’m sure you get this a lot, but is this really Ceasar’s Palace?
Hotel Clerk: What do you mean?
Alan: Did Ceasar really live here?
Hotel Clerk: No
Alan: Didn’t think so
Stu: “Why can’t we remember a goddamn thing from last night?”
Phil: “Because we obviously had a great fucking time.”
Stu: “Everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he’s kind of a sweetheart.”
Alan: “I think he’s mean.”
Alan: “I shouldn’t be here. I’m not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school. Or a Chuck E. Cheese.”
Alan: “Hey! There were skittles in there!”
(After Mr. Chow jumps out of the trunk, attacks them and runs away)
Stu: “Who was that?!”
Phil: “Why was he so Mean?!”
And of course…. Doug’s Song:
What do tigers dream of
When they take a little tiger snooze?
Do they dream of mauling zebras
Or Halle Berry in her cat women suit.
Well don’t you worry your pretty stripped head
Were going to get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed.
And then were going to find our best friend Doug,
And then were going to give him a best friend hug.
Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Dougy, Dougy, Doug, Doug.
But if he’s been murder by crystal meth tweekers,
Well then were shit out of luck.
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Steven Segal in Hard to Kill - Greatest Line Ever
June 23, 2009 – 9:53 am by CoreyIn Hard to Kill, Steven Segal’s family is killed, and he winds up surviving, albeit in a coma… hence the title of the movie. In this scene, he figures out the Senator is the bad guy responsible for his troubles by remembering his campaign slogan, which he uses during a bad guy meeting: “You can take that to the bank!” Enjoy.
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Artie Lange on Joe Buck Live
June 19, 2009 – 11:07 am by CoreyIf you haven’t heard it by now, The Howard Stern Show’s Artie Lange had a legendary appearance on Joe Buck Live. Buck’s new show is on HBO and Artie took full advantage. He comes off a little too strong at times, to say the least, but the entire segment is one of the funniest things you’ve ever seen on a talk show. SNL’s Jason Sudeikis and Paul Rudd were also on the show, but those two just tried to stay out of the way. Michael Irvin was in the audience and jumps in at. It was uncomfortable, cringe worthy and absolutely hilarious. Enjoy (the sound doesn’t exactly match the picture). Artie Lange will never have a stand up special on HBO after this appearance.
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